35. CT
35
ct
My dad took it upon himself to invite Dani’s folks for dinner. So, when I was just finishing up the nightly chores—Logan and Stetson were off tonight—and I heard a loud voice calling all the way from the house, I knew they’d arrived.
I wasn’t sure what time Dani would get here, but she was working a closing shift at the bakery, which closed at six, so it wouldn’t be long before she arrived.
I step out of the barn, closing it on the sounds of hay being munched and horses chuffing. It was a good day that started with Dani helping muck stalls, mostly us tag-teaming each one so we could talk and be close to one another, and would end with a dinner that I had a feeling would be very nostalgic.
Sandra and Earl used to come to our house all the time for dinner, along with Sandra’s sister, Didi, and her four sons and granddaughter. It was always a full house. I could still remember the sound of my mom and Sandra gossiping and laughing in the kitchen.
Mom’s death would have hit Sandra hard. I pause my steps to the house. I feel guilty for never thinking that way before.
When Mom passed, I was only thinking of me and Dad. Graham was gone, save for the funeral, and I was pissed he wasn’t here to help me pick up the pieces in the aftermath. Now that I can think rationally, I know that he would have been here if he could have, but back then, rational wasn’t the way I handled anything.
Then there were the friends and family who lost Mom. She and Sandra were best friends. When Dani and I started dating at the beginning of high school, they’d been giddy with excitement.
When we’d kept dating through her college career and after she got her license for equine therapy, they were sure that marriage was where we were headed.
I had been too.
But that was when Mom got sick, and Dani was giving up her place in a program where she needed to be to get fully certified for her own program up here. I felt like I had to push her away.
Maybe, if I hadn’t had my head in my ass and been full of grief, I would have just talked it out with her, told her what was going on in my head. Told her that I was drowning in this grief, that it had a literal choke hold over me, and I couldn’t think straight.
I shake my head and keep my feet moving. There was nothing I could do about it now except set the record straight.
I was in love with Dani, and I planned on having that future we’d always talked about.
I just had to convince her that she could open her own program and thrive. That together, we could be what we always dreamed of and more.
Climbing the steps of the large wraparound porch, I hear laughter from Dad and Earl spilling out of the screen door and into the quiet evening. It brings a smile to my face to hear it, especially when Sandra’s voice chimes in, and I can hear her giving them a hard time.
As I’m walking in, I hear gravel behind me and turn, hoping I’m about to see Dani’s truck, but my shoulders drop a little when I see Graham coming in with his crew.
Of course, as soon as I see Alex, my spirits lighten, and she runs up the steps to give me a hug before bolting around me to go see Pops.
Graham and Quinn make their way to the door, and I hug Quinn before shaking Graham’s hand .
“Everyone here already?” he asks, carrying a dish in his hands.
“Not yet. Dani is closing tonight,” I reply, grabbing a bag out of Quinn’s hands to take in for her.
“Thanks, CT.” She smiles gratefully before making her way into the kitchen.
Immediately, Dani’s parents converge on Graham, talking about how good it is to see him again since they reconnected briefly at the festival. Sandra latches on to Quinn, and Quinn smiles, graciously speaking with her. Dad hands me a beer after handing one out to the rest of the guys in the kitchen, and Graham and I dive in to help with cooking.
When it’s time to eat, we move the food to the table and settle everyone around it. It’s pure chaos, and the sound of family joining at the table again makes my Grinch heart double in size.
When I hear the gravel churn on the driveway, I leave the table to find Dani.
I smile at the sight of her hopping out of her truck, a tired but happy smile on her own face.
“Hey, honey,” I tell her, hooking a finger in the belt loop on her jeans and pulling her to me. I kiss her for the first time in hours, and everything in me sighs in relief .
I may have just seen her this morning, and maybe I’m the clingy one, but it feels fucking good to have her in my arms again.
She returns the kiss in kind before we make our way into the house, the loudness of the group reaches the foyer, and she turns and lifts a brow. “How crazy has my mother been so far?”
I shrug and grab her bag, setting it on the floor by the door. “Not any crazier than usual.”
She groans with a playful eye roll. “This should be interesting.”
We make our way into the dining room and greetings float up to Dani. My dad stands, and Dani walks over to him, giving him a hug. He kisses her on the head, and my emotions damn near get the best of me. Watching that old connection between my parent and the woman I love is more overwhelming than I expected.
She says hello to her parents, then walks back toward me, where I’m holding out her chair. “Graham, long time no see,” she teases since she saw him yesterday for another session. She was certain that he wouldn’t need much more before he felt confident enough to take on riding on his own. “Quinn, your hand looks extra sparkly.” Quinn grins and waves her hand around the table playfully. “Alex, you’ve got pencil marks on your hand. Working on something new?”
Alex lights up at the question, launching into talks about her art teacher at school and how she voluntarily took summer school art classes to practice her techniques.
Last year, we all drove down to Denver to see Warren’s art exhibit, and Alex had been completely enraptured by his work. He drew with mostly pencils and charcoal, making his portraits look like photographs.
She still talked about that time.
Seeing Dani immediately pick up on something that was important to her was filling my chest with warmth.
We settle in and say grace before passing around food and talking like no time has passed, like the new addition of Quinn and Alex at the table was just the way it was always meant to be.
We act like one big, happy family.
When I look up at my dad and see the pride on his face, his eyes darting from one person to the next, I can tell that he’s feeling the same way as I am.
Once everyone is digging in, Sandra speaks up, “ So, you two.” Dani glances over at her mom, and I try to conceal the smile on my face. The beard helps, but I’m sure anyone can tell I’m smiling in anticipation of the question that’s coming. “When am I gonna get some grandbabies?”
Dani groans while the rest of the table chuckles. “Mom, come on.”
“What?” She holds her hands up innocently—well, as innocently as Sandra can, though we all know she’s full of it. “I’m just curious.”
Dani glances at me and rolls her eyes. “We’ve just started dating again. I wouldn’t hold your breath.”
I sit back, ready to join her mom in the teasing. “I don’t know. We could make an exception.”
She narrows her eyes at me, her left hand holding a fork that stabs a carrot on her plate without looking. I shift in my seat. “Oh, really?”
“Sure,” I jest, looking back at Sandra. “You’ll babysit, right?”
“Any time, any place.”
The family laughs at Sandra and me joking, and I play it off. Truthfully, it wouldn’t be the first time I pictured Dani and me having babies, getting married, building that house we’ve always wanted. Not necessarily in that order, but so long as all of it happens, I don’t really care what order it happened in. After we’d been careless a couple months ago, I had been holding my breath to find out if our romp had resulted in a baby.
I can’t deny the ping of disappointment I’d had when Dani told me we weren’t pregnant. It would happen when the timing was right.
After dinner, Dani’s folks offer to clean up, and I sneak Dani outside for a walk. I’ve wanted to get her alone since the teasing at dinner.
Her expression had dimmed some after we’d stopped, and I want to know why.
“You okay?” I nudge her shoulder as we walk, reaching over to interlace our fingers together. Having constant contact with her has seemed to be my new necessity.
“I’m okay.” She smiles at me, but it’s small, doesn’t reach her eyes the way it normally would. We walk out to the open space where the festival was held. Not a trace of it was left behind, thanks to the cleaning crew that had arrived the day after. Another one of the services that Quinn had paid for that was more than worth the money it took.
“You seem quiet,” I comment, keeping our strides lazy and relaxed .
“I’m just thinking.” She stops our steps and turns to me. Her eyes search mine. There’s fear and worry in them I desperately want to ease. “Are you…”
I try to let her take her time, but my patience doesn’t last long. “Am I what?”
Dani sighs and says, “Are you sure you want this? With me? I mean?—”
I open my mouth to cut her off, but she rushes on.
“I’m in love with you.” The words are rushed and excited, but there’s also anxiety to them. Her eyes search mine, and I see genuine fear there. I open my mouth again, only for her to keep going. “I’m madly in love with you.” I grin, just a little. “And I know that what we’ve had in the past contributes to that, that I was in love with you years ago. But I’m also in love with you now, with this new version of you. I can see us having a future, but I can also see you pushing me away, and that absolutely terrifies the shit out of me.”
I absorb her words, letting them wash over me. “Dani.” I take the hand I’m not holding and squeeze them both tightly in my own. “I don’t know how to say this without sounding like I’m answering a question, but I love you too. I’ve never fucking stopped loving you.” I frown, shaking my head. “Even when I was being a dumbass, even when I let grief overwhelm me, I was never not loving you.”
Dani smiles, but her eyes well with tears, so I continue quickly.
“I want all of it.” I lean down so we’re closer, my eyes absorbing hers. I allow myself to admit what I’ve held back in fear of her feeling pushed back into what we once had. “When I was teasing with your mom inside, I wasn’t just teasing. If we had a baby right now, I would be over the fucking moon. I would scream from the mountaintops that the most gorgeous, kind, understanding woman in the world loved me and was the mother of my child. I’d drop to my knees right now and ask you to spend forever if I had the ring on me,” I admit, making her eyes round with shock.
“If you had the ring on you? You have a ring?”
I pinch my eyes shut. “You didn’t hear that.”
“Cade.” She steps into me. What I hope are relieved tears stream down her face, and I wind my arms around her shoulders. “All I needed to know was that you love me too. The rest can come when it comes.”
I look down at her, nudging my hat up so that I can kiss her properly. “It will, honey. Don’t you worry about that. I’ll make an honest woman out of you yet. ”
She laughs, and I breathe in the happy sound before she pinches my side, making me jump. But then she pulls me back and kisses me and the worry and stress melts around us, letting in room for the hope of the future to surround us.