Once Upon A Pack (Royalverse #1)

Chapter 45

forty-five

When I blink and find my omega sprawled in front of me, my insides heave and twist.

Fuck .

Ivy is in a heap . Pale limbs littered with bruises and teeth marks. Thighs smeared with cum and slick.

Holy fuck, I’m a monster.

Her muscles tremble, even in sleep. At least, I hope she’s asleep and not passed out, or?—

“Ivy,” I husk, my voice shredded. I shake her limp form, huddling into her back. Bending to bury my face into her shoulder and scent her.

She smells… good? Happy, actually. And really turned on…

When my cock twitches involuntarily, her slippery walls flutter around it.

I’m still inside her?

Because it wasn’t enough for me to rut her into next year ?!

Wincing, I slide from her body and haul my sorry ass out of the bed. Forcing myself to breathe, shoving both hands through my sweaty hair until I’m calm enough to hobble to her bathroom.

The soles of my feet definitely have a few cuts. I absorb the sting, wanting to feel it. Knowing I probably deserve way worse.

God knows what I did to her while I was out of my mind like that. I could’ve—she might’ve ? —

Washcloth , my Alpha grunts. My omega needs attention .

If I could reach in a strangle this bastard, I swear…

With a sigh, I flip the light switch in the bathroom on, pausing to look around. This suite used to feel so dead .

I came to look at it more often than I’d admit, but it never felt like more than a pretty shell. Now, with Ivy’s baubles strewn over the cream marble countertop, her muddy boots from yesterday’s afternoon walk with Bast sitting beside the tub…

I swallow a lump and start the faucet. As water splashes into the gold basin, memories come rushing back to me. The way I woke up this morning and instantly felt the rut creeping under my skin. How I tried to stay away, keep her from bearing the brunt of my need.

She found me anyway. And ran …

Goddamn it, I chased her down. Forced her to present. Rammed into her ? —

Fucking FUCK.

My limbs fill with lead as I run a white cloth under the hot water, thinking of all the hundreds of times I’ve hurt Ivy.

Snapping at her. Scaring her. Humiliating her with errands and other women, and now our first time together was this rough, terrifying madness ?—

With robotic movements, I scrub dried blood and sweat from my hands, feet, and face. Ruining another pristine thing with my bullshit.

There’s slick smeared on my skin, too, but I can’t bring myself to wash it off yet. Instead, I bring a fresh rag out to the bedroom, carefully cleansing my scent from Ivy’s pale skin, counting the bruises I left behind in my desperation.

Thank fuck she didn’t get any cuts when she came into my room. It could have happened so easily. All that broken glass and splintered wood ? —

“I’m so fucking sorry,” I whisper, pressure building in my throat with every half-breath. “Ivy, baby, I’m so sorry .”

Her face pinches, full, bitten lips frowning. She flops her hand out, feeling around blindly…

Until she finds mine.

There are more thorns on this flower than petals.

She takes my tattooed hand in hers and pulls it right to her face, nuzzling a sleepy scent-mark into my palm. Pleasurable tingles skate up my arm and fizzle through my chest. My thumb automatically rubs at her cheekbone. Utter contentment slackens her features.

Fuuuuck.

The moisture welling in my eyes has me gritting my teeth. I swallow hard, looking around for something— anything —I can do for her.

A silver-handled hairbrush sits innocently on her nightstand. I snatch it up.

Leaving my hand under her cheek, I move to the head of the bed and gather her body between my legs. She snuggles against my left thigh, humming softly. It might make me smile, if I weren’t on the edge of a breakdown.

I’ve ruined it. My plan to hold myself back, make myself wait until she had completely forgiven me. It didn’t work.

Now she’s seen… everything. How rough I am. Worse than I normally would’ve been.

Misery swarms my soul as I force down the lump in my throat. With careful fingers, I start to smooth the brush through her cool blonde hair, gently working out the tangles I created.

“I wasn’t going to do it like this,” I grumble to the silent room. “I had a whole plan. A surprise gift for you. It’s ready and everything. Just waiting for us to be ready…”

Ivy hums, cuddling closer. I sigh, petting her hair back again. “It isn’t nearly enough for you, little dove. But I’m starting to think nothing ever will be. Every day, I wake up and think I’ll do better. Be better.”

It helps, actually. Having her to look forward to. Knowing the sort of man she deserves. It’s made me more attentive to our work and our pack.

She doesn’t know it yet, but Ivy’s entire project for that children’s hospital is fully funded. Fifty-two million dollars. It’s taken dozens of meetings—not to mention all those threats I made.

Turns out all the wealthy, titled assholes I’ve been watching from the shadows will pay big money to keep their secrets under wraps. And, you know, a write-off’s a write-off.

“I think I have been, actually,” I tell her. “Better. What did you call it? Using my evil for good? I’m trying , baby. I swear. And I keep thinking I’ll come home and tell you all about it. But somehow, every night, when I get back here and see your face… it’s not enough.”

Another breath sloughs out of me, and I slump forward. “Why is it so much easier to talk to you when you’re asleep? This is bullshit .”

Her lips twitch. Just the smallest bit—but the bare hint of a smile sends my stomach sinking and soaring.

Has she been awake this whole time ?

I see the answer before she opens her big blue eyes. They blink up at me, bleary but full of so much softness, my throat starts to fill all over again.

The shy version of her smile graces her mouth. “You’re you .” She reaches for my hand again, tucking it under her chin again. “I missed you .”

Christ. Is she trying to make me blubber like a little bitch?

The wad in my throat stings my eyes. “Didn’t like my alter-ego?” I ask, my tone as bleak as the humorless smile I give her.

She makes a noncommittal sound. “Pretty sure I liked him a bit too much, given how sore I am now.”

The glimmer of hope I felt at the beginning of her sentence abruptly burns to ash. Sore. Because of me .

I would end the life of anyone who hurt her.

But it was me . I did this.

Swallowing hard, I cup her face in my palm. “I’m so sorry . I never would have—If I had?—”

I did everything I could to keep myself locked away and preserve her safety. My brows crease as I realize she somehow got past my guard. I assume her Omega must have sensed my rut, somehow, but?—

“How did you get in?”

Ivy’s cheeks pink adorably. “I sort of… barked at Duncan.”

Well, damn. I must be even more twisted than I thought, because the idea of this sweet, soft little omega barking to get to me sends a bolt of arousal down to my spent dick.

It twitches beside her cheek, and she casts it a dry look. As if asking, Seriously?

I tug at her hair gently, recapturing her attention. “You barked to get to me?”

Ivy nods, biting her lower lip. Pride and gratitude wash over the chagrin shifting in my middle, warmth melting off its edges.

I’d bark to get her to her, too. Hell, if it were the only way to give her what she needed, I’d burn the whole world to a smoking heap.

Our gazes lock. Understanding sifts through her blue irises. The moment reminds me of one we shared out on the curb in Lyledon, her first night here. The feeling that perhaps we have more in common than I thought.

“But when I got in there,” she goes on, “it seemed like you were trying to resist coming with me?”

Her question is implied, written all over her wistful expression. I cup my hand around her cheek and stroke at the hollow beneath her blush.

“Your scent,” I murmur, heart twisting. “Ruts are rare for me, with the blockers we take, but when I have them, I usually black out. The second I scented you—and how afraid you were—my Alpha almost… backed down a bit? He didn’t want to scare your Omega. But then you ran , and—” I shake my head, dropping into a rough rasp. “I had to chase you.”

Ivy sighs before she moves, sitting up between my bent legs. “Is it wrong that I’m sort of glad?” she murmurs. “I would have been heartbroken if you’d truly hurt yourself.”

Bast is right. She is an angel. And no one could deserve her less than I do.

Emotion swarms my chest, seizing control of my body. I snap her into my lap, one hand reaching over to grip her chin between my thumb and forefinger, staring hard into her eyes. “ I would have been completely broken if I’d hurt you .”

She blinks, her face earnest and so damn beautiful. “Then maybe… no more holding back?”

The heartfelt plea in her eyes undoes me. Even if that didn’t seal my fate, her request is too sound for me to deny. She’s right—the longer I hold out, the worse my need for her will be when my Alpha snaps the reins away again.

We need her, whether we deserve her or not.

I hang my head, swallowing past a dry lump. “No more,” I agree.

Salty sadness touches her scent at the same moment a luscious sweetness perfumes the air. The mix has my chest vibrating on a deep purr. Ivy leans her head against my pec, shyly looking up at me. “You shouldn’t do anything you don’t want to, Dair.”

Shit . The guys warned me she would start to feel rejected. Why are they always right ?

I fold Ivy into my arms. “It isn’t that at all, baby. Trust me, I fucking live for the thought of having you. I just want to make sure it’s the best thing for you, too. Because that’s what matters.”

A steely glint glazes her gaze, offering a glimpse of the girl who fought her way to me. For me. “ You matter, Dair.”

Those three simple words hit me like a bullet to the heart. Pain explodes where the pounding organ twists, squirming away from that…

Impossibility .

What I want hasn’t mattered to anyone , including me, for a long time. My life has been about all the things I didn’t want—and how to stick it to the people who pushed them on me anyway.

Even joining this pack was a means of escaping my title and my dad’s bullshit. A path to screwing him over. Then, I spent years taking a perverse sort of pleasure in making Asher and Bast’s lives harder, rebelling against everything our positions demanded because I hated that I’d been “forced” into choosing between this life and my old one.

Backed into this corner because what I wanted for my life and who I wanted to be didn’t matter. Not as much as titles and money and power.

Not to Ivy, though .

The truth of that is written all over her lovely face. Beaming at me. Offering… a choice.

Do I want her? This? Us?

The answer beats in the shredded husk of my heart, pounding into all my pulse points.

Yes. Yes. Yes .

I take her mouth without warning or apology, plunging my tongue against hers and swallowing the whimper she offers in return. Sugared perfume swirls around us. My canines ache, and I groan, eating at her faster and harder.

The way she softens, accepting all my sharpness, heals something deep inside me. By the time I pull back, she’s breathless. And I’m more certain than I’ve ever been.

“No more holding back,” I repeat, staring into her eyes so she can see the promise etched in mine.

Ivy’s answering smile steals the air right out of my lungs. She glows with joy, throwing her arms around my neck and hugging me. I take advantage, gathering her into my torso and scooting to the edge of the mattress.

“Where are we going?” she giggles.

I slap her ass lightly. “Hush. I’m surprising you.”

Her laughter rises up the stairs as I start the climb to her nest. Our nest.

I know they all think I pass out in the hallway, but I’ve been sleeping up here for weeks —waiting for them to leave in the mornings before I sneak up the marble steps and crash in sheets that smell like Ivy. It’s helped, but I felt guilty every time. Like I didn’t belong there.

I’m starting to realize I’ve had that feeling since the day I decided to join this pack. Festering at the back of my mind—the uncanny sensation that I’m an impostor. A fake prince who was only there to use the title as a refuge from his own.

Now, I’m not so sure it was ever that simple.

If Ivy is my mate… and she’s also Asher’s… and Bast’s…

That means we were always meant to be a pack. And, in all likelihood, we would have wound up getting our shit together one day, regardless of my scheming.

I still feel like a piece of shit for using Asher, but the realization helps with the rest of it. I can apologize for being an opportunist dick a whole lot easier than I could for ruining his “real pack.”

Because, well?—

I guess I’m it.

We really are a pack now. Me and Bast and Asher. We all belong together, because we all belong with her .

Stepping into the nest feels different this time. More like I’m exactly where I should be. The shades are drawn, blocking out the sunset spilling into Ivy’s— our —suite.

It still smells like our omega and our pack alpha, their scents embedded in the sheets from the day and night they spent up here. I brace for jealousy or annoyance, but instead, that deep, consuming pride rears up again.

How fucking perfect is our girl?

God. I love her.

That undeniable fact swirls through my thoughts as I kneel in the center of the mattress, carefully lowering us onto her mountain of silver satin cushions. Laughing blue eyes gaze up at me as I stretch alongside her, propping myself on an elbow and reaching behind us to fumble for the remote I left hidden under all the pillows.

Ivy snuggles closer to my purr, and I drop my forehead to hers, nuzzling a scent-mark there. “You ready?”

She nods, shortbread sweetness brightening with excitement that has me hiding a grin against her crown. I press a button on the small remote, illuminating the constellations I installed above us.

It took hours to get that shit right. I spent two afternoons sitting up here with a map of the stars laid out in front of me, carefully adhering pinprick LEDs in the correct patterns. Now, our girl has an exact replica of the night sky in her nest.

Ivy gazes up at the lights in awe. A choked cry catches in her throat. “Dair! It’s beautiful! How—why did you?—”

I silence her stammers with a soft kiss, settling into a more comfortable position and turning back up to the constellations spread above us.

“This way, you always have a star handy. I figured my girl deserves as many wishes as she can make.”