One Last Chance (Venusverse #1)

4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Rowland

I jerk awake the moment I hear the entrance door downstairs open. Seconds later, Mac’s boisterous chatter flows right into my bedroom. Time to get up.

Rolling around the bed, I check the time. 10 AM? I haven’t slept this long or well in ages. Mother’s voice is another one I hear, so I spread out on my back and use the few more minutes she’ll manage to keep Mac contained downstairs to close my eyes for a bit longer.

I see his face. I think I even dreamed about him.

As I look down, I wish mom would have brought the kids in a little later, so that I had the time to take care of myself. For the first time in a while, the urge grows at the back of my mind. These days, I only get like this when I’m in rut.

Glancing at my phone, I wonder if I should’ve texted him after getting back. I figured sending a message right after he ran off like that might have been too much. But I should’ve made sure he got home safely, at least.

Was I coming on too strong? Was he really just tired from work, or simply too polite to say out loud he wasn’t comfortable with me? No . The way he kissed me… That wasn't a pity, get it over with kiss. He would’ve told me the truth.

“I’m coming, Daddy! Get ready!” Mac shrieks, followed by his loud steps rapidly advancing up the stairs. I sigh deeply and sit. The thought itself of him walking up on me like that is enough to persuade my lower member to clock out, and by the time the bedroom door swings open, I am in full dad mode—ready with a smile and wide-open arms.

“There’s my little man!” I shout and catch Mac as he launches at me. We both fall back laughing. “Did you have fun at Grandma’s?” I ask while I wrestle him off me and pin him down, ruffling up his hair. He screams and giggles at the same time, nearly choking up.

I missed my little bean. Even if it was just a day.

“It was okay,” he says. Pushing me away, he stands up and starts jumping on the bed. She gave him sugar for breakfast again, didn’t she? Ugh… “Look, look!” He stops and starts fishing something out of his pants pocket. “Ha!”

He nearly punches me, putting the little plastic baggie with a tiny tooth in it in front of my face. Proudly, he pulls his lip up to reveal a new missing spot between his teeth.

“Wow! Look at that, another one,” I say in excitement. “You’re going to have big boy teeth in no time. When did it happen?” Before he answers, I get off the bed and put some pants on. Mac continues running around with the bag over his head like it’s some trophy.

“This morning. I nearly choked on it. I could’ve died!”

“I’m glad you’re okay, buddy,” I say with a smirk, faking concern. “Must’ve been scary. But you are fine now, ‘cuz you’re big and strong, aren’t you?” On the way to the stairs, I pull him up and let him sit on my shoulders.

With each passing day, I worry he’s outgrowing it, and I am getting too old, but I refuse to acknowledge that my little boy is growing up, so I hold on to our little tradition for as long as possible. Taking him to school for the first time not that long ago was a hard enough blow.

Once we’re downstairs, I notice Mina sitting at the kitchen island, head down over her portable console and ears protected from the nagging of adults with her headphones, as always.

“Hey, sweetpea,” I say as I pass her and poke her shoulder. She snaps her head up for a split moment and frowns, immediately recoiling back into her bubble with a groan.

Sighing, I meet eyes with Mom, who’s putting away some groceries. We both know this is the best greeting I can get from her these days.

“Were you still in bed?” Mother asks with a surprised face.

Gently, I place Mac off my shoulders and onto the island, letting him jump down. “Yes? Don’t you always tell me to take it easy and relax? To work fewer weekends?” She playfully rolls her eyes at me in response and turns back to the fridge. “Thanks for the shop, by the way. You didn’t have to. I could’ve ordered it.”

“It’s fine. We were out. It was on the way.”

“We stopped at Grandpa’s!” Mac shouts from the couch, already fidgeting with the TV remote to turn on his crazy cartoons.

I raise my brows. “ Oh . You should’ve told me you wanted to visit Dad. I would’ve gone with you. I haven’t been to see him in a while,” I admit. Guilt crawls across my chest.

“It is not like your father will go anywhere, Rowe. He’ll be there next time you come around, it’s fine,” Mom quips in that weirdly uppity tone I know is her trying to compensate for how much it still hurts her to talk about it. She acts all at peace with his death, but I know her better. He was her partner. Her true love. I step closer and want to caress her back, but she shuts the fridge and turns while clapping her hands together. “So, how was that date?” she prods me with that uncomfortably excited tone that freaks me out. “How did it go, chop chop, tell me everything!”

I wish I knew. I thought it went well, but…maybe it didn’t. Maybe I’m too rusty.

“It was alright, I think,” I mumble under my breath. Putting on the coffeemaker, I run my hand through my hair. “He was great, yeah.”

“ Alright… ?” Mom says, prolonging each syllable.

I’m not awake enough to get prodded like this right in the morning, so I glare at her tiredly. “We got along well. He’s smart and good-looking. But it was awkward. As awkward as a forced blind date set up by two mothers with too much time on their hands would be,” I clarify bitingly.

Mom groans and softly slaps me over the arm. “So ungrateful! You’ll learn to appreciate me once I’m gone, you know?” she murmurs to herself.

“I do appreciate you,” I say in a softer tone, and slither into a hug. She resists at first, but eventually embraces me. “We all do, don’t we?” I raise my voice, wishing for a response. Mac gives an enthusiastic, affirmative 'Yaaa!' from the living room, while Mina only grants us a few moments of her temperamental glare.

With a disgruntled grimace, Mom pushes me away, trying to hide a smile. “So, can your poor mother not even hope for a continuation…or are you really done?”

I’m not happy about her ruthless emotional warfare, but I can’t lie. “I am done. That was our agreement, but…I’m thinking of texting him back. Unfortunately for you, I can’t control how he responds, so don’t get your hopes up, please.”

Too late. Her blue eyes bulge at me in excitement, and she nearly bounces on the spot. “What would you like for breakfast? I’m already here, so let me make something for you,” she nearly sings her words.

Shaking my head, I hang it down in defeat. This woman… “Whatever you want, Mom.” As I lean against the island, I am nearly floored by shock as I meet Mina’s eyes. She doesn’t look away, though her expression is more like one of a witch trying to curse me, rather than a daughter finally acknowledging her dad. “Hey. What’s up? Are you doing okay?”

I try not to let my desperation show through my voice. I already learned that showing Mina how much I miss her affection won’t do me any good—it only makes her somehow more distant and moody. Like Mother said, all I can do is wait for her to get out of this horrible phase.

“Grandma and Mina had a fight when we went to see Grandpa,” Mac says out of nowhere, barely audible over the loud cartoons.

“Shut up, you stupid snitch!” Mina snaps at him, but he only raises his arm with the middle finger up without even turning away from the TV.

“Hey! Do not snap at your brother like that,” I scold her, grabbing the console she attempts to turn her attention back to. Mina groans and tries to pull it back, but I quickly slide the headphones off her head and unplug them from the console, pushing it to my side of the island where she can’t reach it. “This isn’t acceptable, do you understand?”

She keeps quiet, pouting. To make sure our eyes don’t meet, she turns to the side on the stool and stubbornly stares ahead.

I glance at Mom with a desperate sigh. “What happened?” She’s already preparing something to eat and continues to do so in silence, even though she must feel my eyes boring into the back of her head. “Mac?” I yell out. If none of them will tell me what happened, I have to turn to the only honest person in this damn house.

“Rowland, please, just—”

“Mina was saying mean things about Grandpa. So Grandma gave her a big slap, and then they were talking about Mama and shouting and—”

Before I can even react to the whiplash of his chaotic retelling, Mother snaps. “Enough!” She drops the knife onto the cutting board and clenches the edge of the counter like she needs it to hold herself in place. Mac goes quiet, sinking into the couch and putting the volume of the TV up.

“You slapped Mina?” I push those words through my teeth, showing more anger than I would've liked. Knowing Mother won’t look at me, I turn my attention to Mina, who purses her lips. Her pink cheeks flush and her eyes glisten. “What the hell happ—”

“I’m going to my room,” she blurts sharply, voice trembling, and jumps off the stool. The headphones fall onto the ground as she accidentally drags them down with her—the sound of it mixes with the pounding of my heart inside my head. Mouth open, I watch Mina run upstairs and blankly stare into space for a few moments after, trying to collect myself.

A tidal wave of desperate frustration rocks my body, so I tighten my fists into a ball and press my lips together, drawing in a deep breath. “What…happened?”

“What should I say?” Mom’s words are short and sharp. “You keep wanting me to respect that…the person you called a wife. Even with all the horrible, vile things she puts in her own daughter’s head about you. About your father. I-I won’t tolerate it.” Her voice keeps pulsing with rage, so much so that it sends shivers down my back.

Dear god…not this again.

Exhaling, I roll my head back and tiredly rest against the island. Goddammit, Hope.

“She should not even have visits with those kids. She shouldn’t be—”

“Mom…” She finally turns to me and sees my warning glance in Mac’s direction. He’s pretending to be completely engrossed in the TV, but I know he’s listening to everything we say. “Please, not in front of him,” I whisper tensely. Hope is still their mother, whether I like it or not.

Like there’s so much emotion she just cannot let it go, Mother steps toward me, so only I can hear her. “What are you going to do when one of those kids turns out to be a venus?” she pushes those words through her teeth, firmly looking me in the eye.

“They had their exams…”

“Oh, come on,” she snorts. “You’re an alpha—there is no way not at least one of these kids is something besides a beta. Shawn might be in the clear, but what if the little one presents? Do you really think she won’t cast him aside like he is some monster, just like she believes the rest of you are?”

I clench my teeth until they feel close to cracking from the pressure. I want to look away, to close my ears to the painful truth, though I know she’s right. Still, a part of me refuses to believe Hope would stop loving her own child if they turned out to be alpha or omega, no matter her bigoted, extremist views. Surely, not even that bastard ‘beta rights activist’ husband of hers could convince her to be that heartless.

“Are you really that content with your daughter hating you?” My heart aches hearing the agony seeping through my mother's voice. “Look how she poisoned her mind already. She’ll do the same with the little one and—”

“I can’t stop them from seeing their mom,” I firmly interrupt her, but the words don’t flow from me as easily as I would’ve liked, and they hurt, like my mouth is filled with broken glass. “Hope wasn’t always like this. She’ll see through her mistakes at some point, and so will Mina. She’s just a tween, struggling with…with the separation, with school and her friends and…” The pain is a little too much, so I draw in a trembling breath and close my eyes, trying to compose myself.

Mother touches my hand and squeezes it, but her warm touch only makes me want to lose it and fold like I am a kid again.

I can’t. I know I can’t. I have to be an adult. I have to keep myself above the water. Right now, the waves are still high, crashing into me mercilessly, but I know that one day, they will settle. Mina will let her love for me through the brainwashing bull Hope has been feeding her, and Hope will realize her bastard of a husband is a bigger monster than he claims people like me are. It will all be okay, at some point. That is what Dad would say.

“It breaks my heart seeing you so hurt and alone,” Mom whispers, and I pull her into a tight hug before the stupid tears can come out. “That is why I’ve been trying to find someone for you. It doesn’t matter who they are, just… Being so alone is a terrible thing.”

“I know,” I murmur into her hair. She’s trembling. “I miss him too.”

The rest of the day passes by in a quiet blur. Mother stays for lunch—we order a pizza. I leave a plate in front of Mina’s door, and by the time Mother leaves, it’s back where I left it empty. I sit with Mac after watching movies, and then we go to the park for a while. The sun is out, and it’s warm.

It makes me miss the times when things were alright.

I nod off on the couch after dinner, and so does Mac. After waking up past midnight, I take him to his room and tuck him into bed. He murmurs a sweet little ‘daddy’ as he makes himself comfortable, making me smile. Light is still coming from under Mina’s bedroom door, but I leave her alone. There's been enough fighting for one day.

Dreading the possible emails I missed by not checking up on work all day, I try not to even look at the office door and head right into the bedroom. For some reason, the room is quieter and colder than usual. Quiet in a…unsettling way. Like a tomb.

I check my phone—there are zero messages from Riley, which is good. That means nothing is falling apart at the company for once.

No messages from him , either…

Resting the phone on my chest, I stare at the ceiling. Mother’s words echo in my mind. The raw worry and desperation in them intensify. I imagine she came home into her own tomb, ornate with thousands of little reminders of Dad to haunt her.

What haunts me is only the silence. Absence.

I close my eyes, trying to talk my heart out of reaching for the phone again. Rationally, I know it would be selfish to drag another person into this mess. How could I? How could I ask anyone to deal with this? Why would anyone want to?

But…I can’t say Mother wasn’t right. I desperately miss having a warm body next to me in bed. Waking up to someone’s embrace. Having a kindred soul to confide in. To hold. To touch.

My eyes sting once I open them again. The text on my screen is blurred until I blink a few times, and the words come together. I have his number—Mother gave it to me before the date in case something came up at work or I was late.

I don’t even know if he has mine.

Hey…this is Rowland, from the blind date. I hope you got home alright last night.

The more I write, the more I don’t care. I allow myself to be honest, without worrying, just like I was at that dinner. I didn’t have to worry about presenting my better self, or being the person others need me to be. A father, a leader, a good alpha, or a good man.

I wanted to say, again, that I enjoyed the date. We could meet again, I’d like that, or you could simply ignore my texts. Either way, I hope you find what you’re looking for.

I didn’t even tell him about the kids. I intentionally omitted it from the conversation, in fact. That makes me feel horrible, like the world’s shittiest father, but it was nice not being that for a night.

Would he be put off? Probably. He wouldn’t be the first.

If he doesn’t have kids at this age yet, he might just not want them at all. It certainly isn’t easy, and not everyone’s calling. I get that. And with how difficult Mina is these days? I don’t even know how she would react if I tried to date seriously again.

Sighing, I place the phone next to me and stare at the ceiling some more. No point in waiting for a response.

He’s probably asleep. And I should be, too.