One Last Chance (Venusverse #1)

7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Rowland

Dayton’s words, filled with betrayal, ring in my ears like an aftershock. I stand next to the couch, drawing in sharp breaths, trying to soothe the shake in my hands. This is not how things were supposed to go. I let out a desperate sigh and rub my face.

The moment my thoughts finally clear, a completely new emotion takes over me. It burns at the bottom of my stomach, the heat quickly rising. Goddamnit, Mina.

I take a sharp step out and march toward the stairs.

“Rowe, I’m so sorry,” mother blurts, hand pressed against her chest, but I don’t care. She isn’t the target of my anger. “S-she wouldn’t stop about— She just booked it out of the car the moment—”

“It’s fine. Go wait in the car with Mac,” I say firmly, without even looking at her.

By the time I get on the first floor and head to Mina’s door, I realize I have to rein in my frustration. I can’t see red when I talk to her, so that I don’t say something I’d regret. Instead, I force myself to take a few breaths once I stand in front of her bedroom, counting down to five. When I reach for the handle, it is locked— of course .

“Open the door, right now,” I order, clearly leaving no room for compromise.

“I don’t feel well,” I hear her annoyed voice, barely audible.

Calm down. Don’t lose your cool. “I said to open that door, Mina,” I use an even firmer tone. Moments later, I hear a muffled sigh, and then steps. She opens it finally and pokes at me through the gap with her usual ‘irked by my mere existence’ expression. I gently push the door to open and walk into the room. Already puffing her cheeks like a toddler, she goes back to her bed where she’s been sitting with her phone. She rests against the wall, crossing her arms over her chest.

“What,” she snaps.

“What do you mean, ‘what’?” I almost growl, having to clench my teeth to push back against the pressure building up inside me again. “Do you think I’m stupid?”

Mina’s gaze lands on me, and somehow, she manages to perfectly convey the feeling of rolling her eyes without actually doing so.

“Answer me!” I press, raising my voice. Some other emotion finally comes through. She frowns and shakes her head lightly. “I know you heard me talking about the date to your grandmother this morning. About me needing space for myself.”

“That’s not true,” she says, averting her gaze, but doesn’t even put enough effort into her lie. Or maybe she just doesn’t care. I can’t even remember the last time she was that sweet little girl I used to know. Last time she reacted with anything but disgust, agitation or indifference, and I am so damn over it.

“Did she put you up to it?” I ask, grinding my teeth again. I hate resorting to this. To this stupid, toxic, horrible way of dragging her in the middle of our issues, but my gut tells me this is where the problem lies, as always. Mina opens her mouth, no doubt ready to deny it confidently, but I jump in before she can. “I know she stopped at your school to take you out for lunch break, Mina. The teacher called me. Believe it or not, I am still your primary caregiver—your parent,” I snap, pointing at my chest.

Her smug snort makes my hand twitch. I keep imagining grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her until she comes to her senses, but unfortunately, life is far more complicated than that.

Something inside her eyes shifts. They almost darken, making me pull back with my lips pressed together.

“You didn’t tell him about us,” she says, pronouncing each word clearly, soaking every single one with as much poison as she can. The attack works just as she intended. My chest tightens, and my heart tugs as I straighten my back, staring at her. “Of course you’d keep us a secret.” The disdain in her voice, even if I know she’s purposefully trying to hurt me, makes my stomach upturn.

“Stop it, Mina,” I say, voice low. Like I don’t feel guilty enough about it already. Like I don’t feel like the worst human being ever for keeping them from Dayton—for his sake, and theirs. “You are too young to understand the complexities of this. People don’t just… I wasn’t keeping you a secret, I was just—”

“Why wouldn’t you?” she continues, relentless, her tone cold to the bone. “Couldn’t have him knowing about us boring, ordinary, stupid betas. You don’t even lo—”

Oh, that’s it.

“Enough!” I shout. Finally, she seems taken aback enough to close her mouth long enough for me to take control again. “This attitude of yours is completely unacceptable, do you hear me? I did not raise you to be this uncouth and cruel, and I will not tolerate it. Furthermore, you’re entirely too young for me to have to justify my relationships to you.”

Unwilling to get berated by a tween any longer, I make a wide step to her bed. Mina pushes away from me in fear— like I have ever laid my hand on her! —but I reach for her phone instead.

“You’ll get this and your console back after you’ve had a good, long look at yourself and your behavior. Now get back down and go with your grandmother.” My tone is resolute enough to finally get her to listen. Letting out a low growl, Mina gets off the bed and marches out of her room like a pack of angry elephants.

I stand there for a few moments, trying to keep some semblance of control—to talk myself out of what I’m about to do—but I can’t.

This is going too far. I’m so fucking tired of it.

Mother stands at the bottom of the stairs when I return, still visibly riddled with concern. The momentum of the storm raging inside me is still going, so I swiftly reach for my car keys, coat, and walk out of the door without giving myself any chance to lose steam and reconsider. I’m done with being the reasonable, calm one; always the one to take punches without a word back.

She follows me. “Rowland, what—”

“Take the kids to yours, I will pick them up later,” I say, dashing to her car parked by the road to speak to Mac. Everything in me softens the moment I see him, like it’s not even possible for me to display the sort of inhospitable energy in his presence. I knock on the window on his side and the moment he sees me, his face lights up.

He quickly—and clumsily—rolls the window down. “Daddy!” he rejoices.

Doing my best, I put on a gentle smile and reach in to ruffle his hair. “Hey, little bean… I’ve got to take care of something important for work right now, but I’ll pick you up from grandma’s as soon as I’m done, okay? Have dinner and get washed there. Or you can stay overnight, if you want?”

“No, I wanna go home! Can we watch the Snow Prince?” he asks excitedly. Again?

I suppress the part of my brain that threatens to self-destruct if I hear even the melody of the intro to it one more time and nod. “It’ll probably be too late by then, but we’ll watch it first thing in the morning, okay? Promise,” I say, giving him my pinkie. While he locks his with mine and grins, bouncing in the seat, I glance behind him.

Mina’s entire body is pressed against the door on her side, and she’s drawn her legs up against her chest as if she’d rather die than even risk meeting eyes with me.

“Alright. I’ll see you later,” I whisper and draw back.

Mother stands at the end of the driveway, waiting for me to pass by her. “Rowe, where are you going?”

“Madisonville,” I reply drily. She’s not the one I’m angry at, but right now, I can’t deal with her. To my surprise, she lets me get in my car without pushing any further. She knows what that means, and that I’ve run out of patience. In fact, she’s probably happy, thinking I should’ve done this years ago. Maybe I should have.

?

My rage is all well and good by the time I arrive in Madisonville. I expected myself to cool off and change my mind, but not this time. I keep seeing Mina’s face, filled with hatred. Her words echo in my head, wounding me over and over again.

As I pass through the east side of the town, there are fewer cars and lights. My stomach twists around itself and my heart pounds in my ears the closer I get. Once I park my car outside the trailer, I get out and march to the door without missing a beat. Most of the lights around are off, though I hear voices somewhere across the trailer park and a few of the windows dance with colors from TVs.

I bang on the door a few times and step away, waiting. As I try to relax my clenched jaw, I remind myself how, every single day for the past four years, I’ve been slowly losing more and more chances of spending time with my daughter. And I know exactly who to blame.

With a creak, the cheap, banged up wooden door opens. Hope pokes her head out, wearing a robe and squinting at me. “Ro— What the hell are you doing here?” The speed at which she switches from mild tepid to hostile is truly something.

“Did you put Mina up to ruin any attempt at a fulfilling human relationship I try to have, or is she just coached and corrupted enough by you that it was all her?” I vomit all of my anger out —every thought I’ve been biting down to keep to myself, every truth I’ve been trying to push aside to be the bigger person.

“What the fuck are you going on about?” Hope gives me the nastiest look, and after glancing behind her, steps outside, closing the door. “It’s almost ten o’clock. What the hell do you think you’re—”

“You’ve got some nerve,” I go on, baring her teeth at her, already at my limit of keeping civilized. “Just because I don’t confront you on it every time I know it happens—because I know well enough it’d lead fucking nowhere—doesn’t mean I don’t see what you’re doing! All this demeaning, hateful crap Mina parrots about betas and how people like me hate them. How I hate her because of what second gender she is. That is from your mouth!” My voice trembles. Like so many times before, I’m assaulted by the memories of the other Hope. Of the person I loved, and that loved me. One who didn’t care about all this drivel. Who didn’t have so much hate in her heart. But maybe I never knew her. Maybe she never even existed.

“This is exactly why the judge ruled in my favor; because you can’t stop yourself from poisoning our own children against me with nothing but this ignorant, bigoted bullshit your good-for-nothing husband keeps feeding you!” I get louder than I’d be proud to admit, and a part of me hates sinking this low, but it makes me feel good, and today was supposed to be that for me. I was supposed to have a good time with Dayton, and this is the closest I can get to joy or satisfaction right now.

Unfortunately, Hope is too nasty to even entertain the possibility of me being right and too far down to ever reconsider her views. “You’re the one coming here to scream at me in the middle of the night like a psycho! And don’t you fucking talk to me about the ruling ever again, when you know well enough it was only because—” I can’t even listen to her.

Zoning Hope out, I roll my head back and walk in circles, hands pressed against my face while I take deep, controlled breaths. I’ve heard it a million times already. I won full custody because I’m an alpha, because of my position, because whatever conspiracy she or her husband cooked up that day. Not because I was the only one wanting what was best for the kids or not lowering myself to personal attacks. To shouting in court and in front of lawyers, to physical threats.

Somewhere in the distance, I hear crickets. It would have been peaceful, if only… “—a good parent, huh?! Maybe don’t drag cheap fucking omegas home to screw if you don’t want your children to be exposed to that shit and get hurt!”

Dizzying anger surges through me. I’ve never wanted to strangle anymore more in my life. No, focus. Don’t let her personal attacks distract you from what’s important.

“So she did tell you! Did she text you before your spontaneous visit at school or after?” Pausing with my hands resting over my hips, I shake my head at her. Unbelievable . “You never cease to amaze me, Hope. I can’t comprehend how you’re able to stoop to the level of poisoning that little girl’s mind when you know all too well how hard the separation itself has been for all of them! It’s like you don’t give a shit about her actual wellbeing at all! This is why I can’t even leave Mac alone with you in this putrid environment, and why I won’t until you get your head screwed on straight!”

“Oh fuck off, Rowland! What the hell do you know about love?” she snaps back, pointing a finger at me. Clearly, I have some gaps in my knowledge, especially when looking at her, but at least I have a heart. “He’s my kid, they all are!”

I snort. “I am their parent too, remember? The one actually taking care of them.”

“ I am only doing what’s best for them. Telling Mina how the world really is, and how people like you function, instead of sugarcoating the ugly truth! You wouldn’t—”

With my mouth half open and ready to refute, I freeze when someone opens the door behind Hope. And lo and behold, it’s the conspiracy-forums-dwelling, unemployed douche of her husband, Jordan. Wearing a torn up, greasy looking top and sweats, he opens it wide and stands in front of her like he’s protecting her from some monster. He tightens a baseball bat in his hands, tapping it into his palm while he shoots me his best threatening glare.

“The hell do you think you’re doin’ here?”

He’s free to take his chances, but I’m starting to sober up from the white-hot anger, realizing we’re not only making a scene, but how this could affect the kids. Violence is not the example I want to give to them. That’s not me. I can’t let her make me this person who I hate again.

“Having a parenting discussion with my ex-wife,” I answer similarly tensely, but lower my shoulders and step back.

“Well, no one fucking wants you here, so how ‘bout you get the hell away before I make you leave for trespassing?”

As charming as usual, Jordan.

Hope lifts her chin, looking down on me all smug. Suddenly, I’m tired— exhausted —of this fucking nightmare. I can’t deal with it anymore, and it certainly isn’t worth it being here over spending time at home with my kids. “I took away her phone, so don’t expect a text back,” I utter and turn to go to my car.

“Whatever,” I hear her say behind me. Jordan snorts, probably thinking he won some sort of dick-measuring contest, but I don’t care.

Once I close the car door behind me and put my seatbelt on, my hands tremble with an entirely different emotion than before. I feel powerless. As always, the regrets and guilt come to me. ‘I must have done something wrong. Maybe I was the horrible, toxic alpha unable to cater to my wife’s needs like she claims.’ I know there’s no point in entertaining these thoughts, but they weigh on me anyway, pressing down on my chest.

I decide to leave Mina with Mother that night and only take a sleeping Mac home. After I carry his limp, snoring body upstairs in my arms, I savor it as one of the last few moments I will probably be able to do that.

I lay down with him, brushing his hair and humming until we both fall asleep.

?

The next morning, I decide I won’t let Hope ruin my weekend and keep me down. All the shit that happened the day before—the ruined date with Dayton, the horrible things Mina said to me, the fight—I push it aside. I remind myself I can’t change it, and most likely won’t be able to get through either of them right now, so I focus on what I can control.

After the compulsory watch of the Snow Prince, I pack up lunch and take Mac on a surprise trip. On the way there, while the chaotic sounds of Mac’s GamePad behind me blast in my ears, I glance at my phone. Should I have texted him apologizing? Explaining?

No —this is something I have to speak to him about in person. Once my head is clear.

“Oh my god!” Mac’s scream nearly gives me a heart attack. I swerve the car ever so slightly, glancing up at him in the rearview mirror. “Shawn! Shawn, Shawn, Shawn, are we seeing Shawn, Dad?!” He bounces in his seat with excitement, grinning.

Trying to breathe through my heart nearly stopping, I let out a chuckle. We’re just entering the campus parking lot, but I’m surprised Mac recognizes it—we’ve only visited twice since Shawn started college. “Yes, we are,” I say. It’s been too long. And sometimes the calls just aren’t enough.

We make our way through the campus. Mac with a spring to his step. I, not so much. All my lovely memories of youthful, na?ve love have been tainted. They come especially bitter after last night. All I can do is hope Shawn is going to enjoy himself as much as I did back then, and ends up more fortunate.

The hallways of the dorm building are bursting with people. Just as we reach Shawn’s room, the door open, and his roommate slips out, nearly walking into us.

“Oh!” he blurts, looking up at me. What was his name… Jacob? He’s a short, blond guy with a fuller figure. An omega. When we helped Shawn move in, we chatted for a bit, and he seemed like a great kid. “Mr. Hall!” His surprised face quickly changes to a sweet and polite expression.

“Hey, Jacob. Is Shawn in?” I ask, well aware he was heading somewhere.

His smirk tells me all I need to know. Keeping the door slightly open, he steps away. “Yep, but he’s still asleep.”

Mac and I share a gleeful, devilish look. “Thanks,” I say, nodding at Jacob.

Bending down to give a shushing gesture, I let Mac in first and carefully close the door behind us. The drawn curtains block most of the light from entering the room. It doesn’t smell as bad as one would expect from two young men, and it’s also quite tidy. I’m pleasantly surprised, but that won’t save him.

All giddy, Mac stands by Shawn’s bed—he sleeps on his back, mouth open, snoring. Lifting my index finger up, I squeeze the edge of the curtain, getting ready. Mac nearly foams at the mouth with excitement.

“Go!” I yell, and the moment the word leaves my mouth, Mac bounces on Shawn like a starved tiger, screaming. With a wide smile on my lips for the first time today, I draw the curtains open, adding to the terror of jolted-awake, groaning Shawn.

“ Surpriiiseee !” Mac keeps shrieking, jumping all over Shawn who just tries to get his bearing and open his eyes.

I stand over them, chuckling to myself while I rest my arms over my chest. “Morning, dear son.”

“God, stop! Enough screaming!” He moans, rubbing his eyes. After wrestling the giggling Mac off, Shawn finally focuses his gaze on me. “What the fuck?” he growls, voice gruff. Rolling his head to the side, he lets out a deep sigh.

“Dad, Shawn said a nasty word!” Mac doesn’t waste a second, but the moment he looks at me, Shawn reaches out and drags him toward himself, getting Mac in a headlock while he rubs the top of his head.

Smiling, I sit down on the edge of the bed. “I’m sure what we did just now is punishment enough, so I'll let it slide this time.” Laughing, Mac finally manages to get free and jumps down. We let Shawn wake up for a few more seconds, until he finally sits up, still rubbing his face.

“What time is it?” he asks, reaching for his phone.

“Almost twelve.”

“Oh? Shit,” he murmurs, pushing his short hair back.

“What is this?” I hear Mac from my left, where he’s observing some sort of engineering contraption on a shelf next to the table.

“Hey, leave that! That’s Jake’s school work, alright?” Shawn warns him, but his voice gets more relaxed and playful as he’s becoming fully conscious. Mac rolls his eyes and moves on to exploring the rest of the room.

“You look like you had fun last night,” I note in a low tone, so Mac doesn’t hear.

A look of guilt flashes briefly over Shawn’s face, but he quickly hides it with a smirk. “What do you mean?” he asks.

“I know a hangover when I see one,” I say, poking at his forehead, to Shawn’s disdain. Sighing, I stand. “Just don’t do any drugs and keep up with school, please.” I remember being in college like it was yesterday. The freedom, the excitement, all the experimenting… I wouldn’t want to take that away from him, especially knowing Shawn has a good head on his shoulders.

He stretches. “My grades are all good. Don’t worry.”

“You’ve been here for like three months. It would be a little concerning if they weren’t,” I note, earning a chuckle from him. As I glance over my shoulder, I see Mac dangerously captivated by going through the plethora of books in one of the bookcases. “Come on, get dressed. Let’s have lunch together before Mac finds something he’s not supposed to.”

Looking at Shawn’s content expression finally warms up my aching heart. I pray Mina will return to her old self soon. If not…at least I still have two children willing to spend time with their old dad.

We end up eating at a nice restaurant just outside the campus. Afterwards, we go to a nearby park, where Mac is more than happy to get some of his energy out by running around kicking leaves and chasing pigeons, while Shawn and I sit on a nearby bench watching, coffees in hand. The warm sun on my face, the birds chirping all around us, and the peace of the whole moment makes me take a deep breath, savoring it fully.

“Where’s Mina, anyway?” Shawn asks in a carefree manner, bursting the bubble of comfort. The moment he glances at me and notices the inevitable shift in my mood, his shoulders tense up.

“She’s with Grandma,” I say, lowering my eyes.

Shawn sighs. “Damn, what’d she do this time?”

“As per usual,” I mutter.

“You really should stop letting her see Mom,” he starts his usual spiel. I get it. I remember being eighteen and thinking I was finally an adult who understood everything.

“Shawn, it’s not as simple,” I say, letting some of my frustration into my voice. “I can’t just prevent her from seeing her own mother.”

He gets visibly more annoyed. “So what? You’re just going to let her whisper hateful shit into Mina’s ear? Dad, I don’t think you really know the absolute crap Mom says when—”

“You sound like your grandmother,” I say with a tired sigh. Shawn presses his lips into a straight line and just stares at me for a moment. I feel horrible for dragging him into it—he’s still my kid. I shouldn’t be using him to deal with my problems. But…it brings me comfort. It feels good knowing the little newborn I held so many years ago has grown up into a well-rounded, smart young man, and that perhaps I had some part in that.

“You have to move on from Mom at some point. She sure did with that fucktard.” Snorting, I flash Shawn a smirk. “What? Not gonna tell me off for swearing now?” He grins.

After last night, I’m definitely not in the mood to defend that fucktard in any way.

“I just want you to be happy. It’s not fair that Mom’s living her best life in her ignorance and you’re married only to your work. I can tell you’re not one hundred percent. I don’t want you to overwork yourself like Grandpa did.”

I pensively follow Mac with my eyes in the distance as he stalks some poor birds. I’ve been trying to be a good father these past five years. I’ve done my best. But has it been enough? I’ve been distracting myself with work, with doing the best I can for the kids, but perhaps it’s why Mina is drifting further and further away from me. Perhaps they can sense that I’m not the best I could be.

One doesn’t need another person to live a fulfilling, happy life, but I have spent so much of mine next to someone I held dear that I’ve simply grown too used to this warm presence to be able to count on. It feels like I’m broken now that Hope ripped that away from me. I’m a grown man. I should’ve moved on—but I can’t.

“I've been trying,” I say, hanging my head down. I stare at my hands held together between my knees.

“To move on? Well, what’s the problem?”

Your little sister’s scheming. My own vices.

“Dating isn’t as easy when you’re my age and with kids,” I admit with a faint smile. For a second, I wonder if being this open is a good idea, but deep down, I know Shawn is old and smart enough to get it. In principle, at least.

“Have you tried dating apps?”

The expression I give him makes Shawn burst out laughing. “Oh please, spare me,” I mutter, rolling my eyes and leaning back.

“My god, Father ,” he says, voice overflowing with that teasing, ridiculous tone like every time he calls me that, “you’re only old because you keep saying it! Stop going on weird-ass blind dates with whoever Gran finds for you and put yourself out there like a normal person. You wouldn’t believe how many of these girls I go to class with swoon over older guys.”

The thought fills me with pure terror. “Shawn!” I scold him playfully. Perhaps he isn’t as mature as to understand the sheer problematic nature of a man like me going after girls nearly half his age. “The dates are not the problem,” I say in a lower voice, noticing that Mac’s vigor in the distance seems to be dissipating. He’ll run back to us soon, wanting a snack and a drink. “Some people your grandmother sets me up with are not even half bad,” I mutter to myself. My mind drifts to Dayton once again, and my heart fills with that heavy, sticky sense of regret.

Shawn stays quiet for a while. I feel his gaze on me but don’t look.

“Well, maybe you just gotta try harder if you’re really interested in someone,” he says in an airy tone that makes me raise my brows in surprise. “You’re always so business-y and reasonable. Stepping aside for people just to make everyone happy, giving up on deals when you’ve calculated the loss will leave things well enough to tolerate or whatever… Sometimes you gotta do the stupid thing, Dad.”

Something inside resonates with those carefree words, thrown out by a young man with not much experience. Maybe he’s right that my way of thinking at work is influencing other aspects of my life. I do weigh every decision in relation to how it will benefit everyone—the firm, or the family—and if the negatives are not too great, not devastating enough to tank me, I let things go. I had to learn that to be successful, but…love is different, isn’t it?

Maybe I should do the foolish, hopeful thing.

“Daaaaad!” I jerk my head up at Mac’s startling shout. He plummets toward us like a falling star, panting. “I’m thirsty. Can I have a snack?”

Shawn and I share a smile.

“There’s a cupcake place not far away. We love going then when we’re st—” He almost chokes up at his words and widens his eyes. “Th-the food is great, so come on!” Jumping up, he taps Mac’s shoulders and pushes him in front of himself to go. I shift on the bench, waiting for Shawn’s guilty gaze to find me with a curious grimace. I can’t find it in myself to be mad at him, so I let out a quiet chuckle and stand.

My father would have given me endless grief about it, but I know there are worse things for Shawn to be doing than getting stoned in college. As long as he’s enjoying his life and managing school, I consider that a success.

“Come on, Daddy!” Mac shouts at me when I slow down my step behind them, hands in my pants pockets.

“Coming,” I shout at him. Taking in a deep inhale of the fresh air, I take out my phone and look at it.

Doing the stupid thing without overthinking it…

I could try that.