15. Sy
15
SY
Don’t be crazy.
It was a reminder I needed more often than not, especially when Jen looked at me like she just did. She’d looked me right in my eye when I’d asked her who at Henrietta's she wanted to flirt with.
She was stunning, her brown hair cascading down her shoulders in perfect curls.
Swallowing my nerves, I brought myself to the issue at hand. “Show me who.”
But Jenna bit her lip, avoiding my eyes now.
“What?”
She pursed her lips together and shrugged as she leaned into my ear. “Would it be terrible if I just wanted to hang out with you?”
The corners of my mouth lifted into a smile. “Of course not. I’d love to hang out with you.”
“You’re not disappointed? I know we were supposed to be wild and crazy but…” She didn’t need to finish the sentence. The unspoken truth was that we were both trying desperately to find every moment we could to be together, the impending doom of Jen’s departure weighing on us both.
But we were here to have fun, there was no point bringing it up.
Instead, I offered an alternative. “You just got out of something, you can take as much time as you need.”
Her face dropped slightly, but she caught herself and smiled again. “Do you wanna dance with me?”
“Yes!”
I wasn’t sure what the face was about. Normally, Jen loved an excuse like that to avoid being honest about her feelings. But something was up.
Making a note of it for myself, I eyed a way into the crowd.
From my side, I felt Jenna’s warm palm slip into mine, lacing her fingers with mine as she walked toward the dance floor. Whatever it was about, Jenna didn’t want to talk about it anymore, instead wanting to start dancing just two shots deep.
We make our way out to the center of the bar, bodies pressing into each other from every angle.
Once we found our spot, Jenna started to sway to the music. The DJ threw on a new Bad Bunny song, the beat flowing through my feet as my hips tried to keep pace.
Notoriously a bad dancer, I would only come out to flirt or be with Jen.
Jenna watched me closely, throwing her head back with laughter as I struggled to find the rhythm that seemed to come so naturally to her. She reached down to her side and grabbed my hips using her grip to guide me along to the song.
There was no point trying to talk over the music. Instead, Jenna looked at me and nodded before turning around and facing the front of the room. She pressed her ass back, using it to keep me in line.
My throat tightened as I felt her, a jolt of electricity shooting down to my center.
It’s nothing. You just haven’t gotten laid in a while. It’s the tequila talking.
The reminder wasn’t enough for my body to stop reacting as sweat started to build on my forehead.
As the song changed, my hips attempted to switch rhythms but Jenna reached her hands behind her, gripping my waist and keeping me in step. Her grip pressed our bodies closer as I started to grind into her.
My hands moved down to her hips, letting her swaying move my shoulders along with our hips.
A laugh rose to my chest as we moved closer. She was unbelievable, her ass round and plump against me and her back tensing under the shirt I’d seen a hundred times.
Lifting a hand, she brushed her hand over one shoulder, exposing her neck to me.
I couldn’t be sure she remembered how dangerous that was for me. I’d told her on a stoned night-in that I was a sucker for a soft neck at some point in college but it would have been a long time for her to remember a detail like that, one she never needed.
Unable to stay farther away, allured by the skin and the smell of her sweat, I let my head drop toward her.
I rested it against her shoulder, my lips just inches from the glistening skin that caught the color-changing lights of the dance floor.
When the song shifted again, Jenna flipped around to face me. A smile covered her face, her cheeks round with enjoyment. She nodded to me as she got closer. This time, she threw her arms over my neck and locked her fingers together behind my head.
She kept pace, swaying her hips and slipping her leg between mine.
Following her cue, I slipped mine right up under her center.
As she danced, she dropped her hips lower before lifting them. My mind raced, trying to hold off the image of her riding me like that. But the more she did it and the further her head rolled back, the less I could be sure she wasn't having the same thought.
I could’ve stayed like that all night. Despite the crowded floor, it felt like it was just us. All of the bodies around us just pushed closer to each other as the DJ effortlessly moved from song to song.
We only stopped to get drinks, shooting back shots every time we stepped off the floor. Hours passed like minutes as we stayed close to each other.
It wasn’t until the lights started to turn on that we realized how late it was and began our long stumble home.
Too late for any of the buses to be running, we took the one operating train downtown as far as it would take us.
That still left us with them fifteen-minute walk to our apartment.
We swayed as we walked, the drinks from the bar nowhere near wearing off. I hadn't meant to get so fucked-up. But the more Jenna danced, the more I needed to drink to get out of my head.
We hadn't gotten that close to breaking our promise since early college. Besides, I knew it was risky to start anything with Jenna leaving so soon.
That hadn't stopped me from wondering how it would feel to press my lips into hers.
Just as I stepped off the curb and onto the asphalt crosswalk, my new shoes began to wear blisters on my heel.
“You okay?” Jenna giggled as she looked over at me, genuine concern behind her alcohol-fueled laughs.
I nodded. “Yeah, I just didn't think we would be doing so much walking.”
This was supposed to be a short night. We’d go out, find some people to flirt with and maybe to leave with, then we’d regroup in the morning. But now we’d opened a whole new can of worms.
The tension in the air was palpable. But both of us knew better than to try and address it in our current states. Nothing we could say now would mean anything, likely muddled versions of whatever truth was to be found.
Instead, we walked the last few blocks in silence.
When we arrived at the front door, Jenna pulled her keys from her purse.
I shrugged with a laugh. “You should really give the freelancer life some thought. You could join me on all my outings, even on weeknights.”
As soon as the words left my lips I knew it wasn't the most enticing offer, especially after the strange night we had just had. But part of me knew I'd never be brave enough to say something like it sober.
It was vague, largely innocuous, and also far more vocal about my desire for Jenna to stay in New York with me than I had been. The last thing I wanted was for my best friend to feel like I was applying pressure in any way.
More likely than not, we’d wake up tomorrow wishing we hadn't gotten so close to the line. But neither of us would want to hurt the other's feelings.
So instead, we would pretend the tequila made us crazy and the memory hazy, and neither of us really knew what had happened.
All I could hope was that Jenna didn’t think I was a creep, that she didn’t think I’d pushed the line on purpose with some hidden motive over the years.
The door slammed behind me, sending a shiver down my spine as we began the long trek upstairs.
I had to pay close attention to my feet, intentionally lifting them high enough to vault the next step, still weary of the liquor in my body.
Maybe there was a comfort in knowing that Jenna wouldn't hold the indiscretion against me, but a part of me wished she would.
At the top of the stairs, Jenna already had the apartment key in her hand, quickly unlocking the front door and sweeping inside.
I followed closely behind her, shutting the door and engaging the deadbolt. But when I turned around Jenna was already halfway to her bedroom door. My forehead wrinkled with confusion. Usually, we shared a pint of ice cream and turned on the TV before heading to bed.
She didn't even bother to look over her shoulder as she called over her shoulder, “Good night.”She closed her door behind herself.
And just like that one of the most confusing nights of my life was over and I had no idea what would happen when the sun rose the next morning.