Chapter 10
I’m not surprised when Krista and Brittany don’t show up to dinner.
Despite working through our conversation over and over during sound check, I still haven’t come up with a suitable apology. Fuck, I acted like a massive asshat. It was so bad, even Reid didn’t have a smart-ass comment for me after the girls left.
We’re eating at a public restaurant tonight, though we reserved a private room with a view of the Strip. Every second I sit here, I’m reminded of last night. Of how Brittany came apart with her hands curled into the window while the neon shifted outside.
Good job fucking that up.
I really do owe her an apology.
A big one.
But I’m due backstage in two hours, and I don’t have a clue where to find her. This would have been the best opportunity. Beg for forgiveness before I chicken out. But she’s not here.
“Where are Krista and Britt?” I ask Mom as she and Dad step into the room. Wyatt, Reid, and Hudson opted to go somewhere else for dinner.
Cowards.
Mom studies me, her expression shrewd. It’s one I became way too familiar with as a teenager. It’s the one that says I fucked up, and she’s waiting for me to admit it.
Fuck.
I’d like to imagine I’ve learned a thing or two since I was sixteen. But the look says otherwise.
“According to Krista, they have other plans.” She says the words slowly, as if daring me to contradict them.
“Oh?”
Her eyes narrow further, and I fight the urge to confess.
Krista wouldn’t have told Mom everything. Right?
I’m saved from further inquiry when the server enters the small room and Mom and Dad take seats across from me. Once we have menus in hand and have given our drink orders, we’re alone again.
I’m debating between steak and pasta when Mom speaks again.
“Tell me about you and Brittany.”
Heart stuttering, I snap my gaze up to meet hers. “What?”
“You and Brittany,” Mom repeats, blinking slowly.
I take a long, slow sip of water to clear the lump from my throat. “What about us?”
“You were holding hands yesterday. And you left dinner together.”
My chest constricts at the memory and at the thought that my sister has dished all the dirty details. “Krista didn’t tell you?”
“Krista outgrew the need to tattle on you fifteen years ago, Ryder. How about you tell us what’s going on?”
Dad sets his menu down and trains his focus on me too, and I swear the temperature in the room rises ten degrees.
I’m still searching for the words to explain my relationship with Brittany when the server comes back with our drinks. Why is this so hard to articulate? There’s no way I want to use words like fuck buddy. Or baby mama.
My reprieve is short-lived. The server darts out of the room again, and once more, I’m facing two unflinching stares—one shrewd and the other curious.
“Well?”
“We…um…I like her.” I shrug.
“Try it again without mumbling,” Mom says.
Stomach knotting, I force myself to sit a little straighter. “I like her. We’re sort of together.”
Fuck, I hope what I’m saying is true. That we’ll be together once I apologize and beg for another chance.
“Sort of?” Mom’s face twists as if she’s bitten into a lemon. “Either you are or you aren’t. There’s no ‘sort of’ about it.”
“I live here. She lives in Colorado. We haven’t really defined anything.”
She presses her lips together and raises a brow. “How long has this been going on?”
This feels like missing high school curfew all over again.
Running a finger down my water glass, I give her the truth. “Off and on for a few years.”
“And why isn’t Brittany here now?” The question comes out so smoothly and quickly, it’s like she’s had it cued up and ready to go.
Heat creeps into my earlobes, and the urge to squirm under her gaze is undeniable. I’m a full-grown adult, but when she turns that scrutiny on me, it’s hard not to feel like a kid again.
“I fu—” I stop. Cursing will only give Mom another reason to chastise me. “I screwed up.”
Mom shares a look with Dad before letting out a sigh. “Talk to him. I’ll be right back.” With that, she stands and leaves.
When the door thuds shut behind her, Dad clears his throat. “So what happened?”
Blowing out a breath, I rest my elbows on the table and drop my head into my hands.
“The guys were giving me a hard time about being with Brittany. Settling down when we’re starting this residency.”
“Are you settling down?”
“I…I’m not sure,” I finally admit, forcing myself to make eye contact with him.
He nods like he expected my answer. “But you like her?”
“Yeah. I have feelings for her.”
“Ones the guys don’t understand?”
“Exactly.” My heart aches at the memory of trying to get them to understand. “They were giving me grief about it, and in response, I shared something with them that I shouldn’t have. I wasn’t thinking, but I was determined to make them understand. Only it came across like that one thing was my reason for being with her.” I eye him warily, hoping like hell he doesn’t dig.
He waves a hand dismissively. “I’m not going to ask. If it’s not something you should have shared with them, I don’t expect you to share it with me either. If your mother were here, though, I’m not sure she could stop herself from digging.”
“Good to know.” I do want to share the news with my parents. I want them to be excited about the baby, just like I am. But I need Brittany to be on board with that.
“Then what happened?”
I blink at him, surprised by the question.
He chuckles. “I haven’t heard anything yet that would explain why she got upset.”
“Not even if she overheard what I said to the guys?” I ask.
He sucks in a breath and winces.
I snort, even as dread and anger unfurl inside me. Fuck, how could I have been so stupid? “Yeah. She did. Then when she called me on it, I acted exactly like she’s always told me I do. Like an arrogant rock star.”
Dad nods solemnly. “That would explain it.”
I stand from my chair so fast it rocks in place before settling. “I know I screwed up. I knew it as soon as the words were out of my mouth. But I couldn’t stop them. I couldn’t take them back.”
“Remember when your mother and I taught you that lesson?”
I rough a hand down my face. “Yeah. With the toothpaste.”
“No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t get it back into the tube.”
“So what do I do now?” I ask, desperate for suggestions, because I’m at a total loss.
“I think you already know what you have to do, son.”
“Apologize,” I say.
He nods.
“Back when your mother and I started dating, I was the first of my friend group to get serious about a girl. We weren’t rock stars or anything like that, but my having a girlfriend put a crimp in our plans more than once.”
“So what happened?”
He takes a sip of water and regards me. “It was hard not to let what they said get to me, and I almost did, but just the thought of losing your mom was all the motivation I needed. I told them that I couldn’t imagine not having her in my life. That she made me feel like the best version of myself, and I didn’t want to give her up. That I still wanted to be their friend, but they’d have to respect my decision and respect her.”
It’s hard to picture Dad that way. He and Mom were high school sweethearts, so I try to put the image from their yearbooks into that situation.
“What happened?”
“They grumbled a lot, but in the end, we stayed friends. You know that.”
I do. Dad has done annual camping trips with his friends since before I was born.
“Really?”
“Yeah. And as each one of them met the women they would eventually marry, they understood what I’d told them.” He settles back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest. “I’m not saying that Brittany is that person for you. But if she is, isn’t she worth it?”
“She is,” I tell him, dropping back into my seat.
Now I have to figure out how to show her that.