17. Tori
TORI
T he drive back to Oakridge was quiet, but it wasn’t the kind of comfortable silence I had started to enjoy with Cole.
Instead, it was tense, fraught with the weight of everything unsaid. Last night had been… something.
Waking up in his arms had felt safe, almost too safe, like I could finally let my guard down. But that was the problem, wasn’t it?
Safety wasn’t a guarantee in my life anymore, not with Marcus looming in the background like a shadow I couldn’t shake.
Cole’s hand was on the wheel, his gaze focused on the road ahead, but I could tell something was on his mind.
His jaw was set, his knuckles white against the leather steering wheel.
I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but I also wasn’t ready for another heavy conversation. Not yet.
When we pulled into my apartment complex, my stomach twisted.
It wasn’t just the unease of coming back to reality after a night of peace—it was something more. Something felt off.
And then I saw him.
Aden stood near my door, a toolbelt slung low on his hips and a ladder propped against the wall.
He was drilling something into the frame, and when he spotted the car, he waved casually, like he belonged here.
“What the hell is this?” I asked, whipping around to face Cole.
He sighed but didn’t look at me. Instead, he parked the car and killed the engine.
“It’s a security system. Aden’s installing it,” Cole explained.
“You mean you are installing it,” I snapped, unbuckling my seatbelt and shoving the door open.
I stormed toward my apartment, my heart pounding with a mix of anger and something I couldn’t quite name—betrayal, maybe.
“Tori,” Cole called after me, his voice firm but calm. That only made me angrier.
I reached Aden just as he finished securing what looked like a camera above my door.
“What is this?” I demanded, gesturing at the equipment.
Aden glanced at Cole, clearly uncomfortable. “Uh, maybe I should?—”
“Go,” I cut in. “Leave.”
He looked at Cole again, who nodded.
“I’ll finish up later,” Aden said before grabbing his tools and walking off, leaving me and Cole alone in the hallway.
I turned to Cole, my arms crossed. “You had no right to do this.”
“I had every right,” he countered, his tone cool and measured. “Marcus is escalating, Tori—approaching you at the boutique, then leaving roses at your door. What’s next?”
I flinched, my anger momentarily giving way to a flicker of fear. But I quickly pushed it aside.
“You promised to finally be honest with me during the drive to the lake house, remember? I told you I didn’t want a bodyguard, and I definitely didn’t ask for a security system.”
“This isn’t about what you want,” he said, his voice rising just enough to make me take a step back.
He took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair before continuing, softer this time. “This is about what you need.”
“What I need,” I repeated, laughing bitterly. “You think you know what’s best for me?”
“I think you’re underestimating how dangerous Marcus can be,” he shot back. “And I’m not willing to sit back and do nothing while he makes your life hell.”
“You think I don’t know how dangerous he is?” My voice cracked, and I hated the way it made me feel—weak, exposed. “I lived with him, Cole. I survived him. You don’t think I can handle myself?”
His eyes softened, and for a moment, I thought he might back down. But then he said, “I don’t think you should have to handle this alone.”
I shook my head, my chest tightening. “That’s not your call to make.”
He stepped closer, his presence overwhelming but not unwelcome.
“It is when I care about you, Tori. Don’t you get that? I’m not trying to control you—I’m trying to protect you,” Cole said.
“Protect me from what? From Marcus? Or from myself?”
The words were out before I could stop them, and the look on his face made me instantly regret them.
“This isn’t about control,” he said quietly, his voice trembling with emotion. “This is about me not losing you.”
I froze, his words hanging heavy in the air between us. “What?”
He took another step closer, his hands reaching out but stopping just short of touching me.
“Do you have any idea what it felt like to know he was here, that he could have been watching you? I’ve been through a lot in my life, Tori, but the thought of something happening to you…” He trailed off, his jaw tightening as he fought to keep his composure. “I can’t let that happen.”
The vulnerability in his voice cut through my anger, but it didn’t erase it.
“You can’t just make decisions for me, Cole. That’s not how this works,” I reminded him.
He nodded slowly, his gaze dropping to the floor.
“I know. And I’m sorry if it feels like I overstepped. But I’d rather you be pissed at me and safe than…” He didn’t finish the sentence, but he didn’t need to.
I looked away, my emotions swirling into a chaotic mess.
Part of me wanted to scream at him, to push him away for daring to think he knew what was best for me.
But another part of me—the part that was tired, scared, and utterly exhausted—wanted to collapse into his arms and let him take care of everything.
“I don’t know if I can do this,” I whispered, my voice barely audible.
He stepped closer, his hands finally resting on my arms, grounding me. “Do what?”
“This.” I gestured between us, my throat tightening. “You. Me. Us. I don’t know if I can carry all this baggage into a relationship.”
His grip on my arms tightened just slightly, his warmth seeping into me.
“You don’t have to carry it alone, Tori. That’s the whole point,” Cole said.
I swallowed hard, the weight of his words pressing down on me.
“I need some air,” I said, stepping back.
He let me go, his hands falling to his sides.
“Take all the time you need,” he said, his voice steady but tinged with sadness.
I nodded, turning and walking away, my mind racing. I didn’t know if I was running from him or from myself.
I paced the small confines of my apartment, my hands trembling as I replayed the argument with Cole in my head.
His words, his tone—cool and measured, but beneath it, a raw protectiveness that terrified me.
It wasn’t the same as Marcus’s control. I knew that.
Deep down, I knew Cole’s actions came from a place of care, not dominance. But it didn’t matter. Not right now.
My chest felt tight, suffocating, and the walls of the apartment seemed to close in around me.
I perched on the edge of my couch, staring at the blank wall in front of me.
Could I really do this? Could I genuinely let someone in after everything I’d been through?
Marcus had been the master of manipulation, chipping away at my independence bit by bit until I wasn’t even sure who I was anymore.
And now, here I was, questioning if I had the strength to hold my ground with Cole—or if I even wanted to.
Cole wasn’t Marcus.
I repeated the mantra in my head, over and over, but my heart didn’t seem to believe it.
Marcus’s shadow loomed large, a ghost I couldn’t quite exorcise.
And as much as I hated to admit it, Cole’s protective gestures—hiring Aden, installing the security system without my consent—brought back old wounds I thought had healed.
I let out a shaky breath and grabbed my phone, staring at the message thread with Cole. We had plans tonight.
A dinner he’d been talking about all week, something he’d clearly put thought into.
But after everything that had happened today, I couldn’t face him.
I couldn’t deal with his steady gaze, his quiet intensity, or the way he looked at me like I was the most important person in his world.
Not when I felt like I was about to fall apart.
My thumbs hovered over the screen before I finally typed out a message.
Tori: I think I need some time tonight to myself. Sorry about canceling last minute. I’ll talk to you later.
I hit send before I could overthink it, my stomach twisting with guilt as the message disappeared into cyberspace.
Cole would be disappointed—I knew that. And maybe even hurt. But I needed space to sort through this mess in my head.
The phone buzzed almost immediately, his reply lighting up the screen.
Cole: I understand. Take the time you need. Just… let me know if you’re okay, Tori.
Tears burned my eyes, but I blinked them back.
He wasn’t pressuring me, wasn’t demanding answers or insisting on talking things through.
He was giving me exactly what I’d asked for—space. But instead of relief, all I felt was an ache in my chest.
The hours dragged as the evening crept in.
I tried distracting myself—cleaning, organizing my closet, even attempting to read a book. But nothing worked.
My thoughts kept circling back to Cole, to the look on his face when I walked away earlier.
He had been frustrated, yes, but there had been something else there too. Vulnerability.
For all his confidence and self-assuredness, Cole Valen wasn’t infallible.
And the more I thought about it, the more I realized he was probably wrestling with his own demons just as much as I was.
Marcus’s voice echoed in my mind, unbidden.
You’re impossible to love, Tori. Too high-maintenance. Too fragile. No one will ever put up with you the way I do.
I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the memory away.
But it clung to me like a second skin, a reminder of every insecurity Marcus had planted and nurtured over the years.
And now, those same insecurities whispered that maybe Cole would realize I wasn’t worth the effort.
That I’d push him away too many times, and he’d give up on me.
Was I ready for this? To let someone in, knowing I might ruin everything?
The sun had long since set by the time I finally stepped out onto my balcony.
The cool night air brushed against my skin, and I hugged my arms around myself, staring out at the quiet street below.
My phone sat on the table beside me, its screen dark and unassuming.
A part of me wanted to call him, to tell him I was sorry for canceling, that I wanted him here.
But another part of me—the louder part—said I needed to figure this out on my own.
Cole had been patient. More patient than I probably deserved.
But how long would that patience last? And what would happen if he decided I was too much?
The thought sent a pang through my chest, and I inhaled sharply, gripping the balcony railing for support.
I was overthinking everything—I knew that. But knowing didn’t make it any easier to stop.
Meanwhile, Cole’s message replayed in my mind, over and over: Just… let me know if you’re okay, Tori.
The worry in those words, the quiet plea—it was so different from Marcus, who never would have cared about my wellbeing unless it somehow affected his own.
Cole cared. He genuinely cared.
And that scared me more than anything, because it meant I had something to lose.
I sat down on the balcony chair, pulling my knees up to my chest.
I thought about the way Cole had looked at me earlier, his eyes searching mine for something—reassurance, maybe? Understanding?
And I wondered if I’d given him any of that. Or if I’d only pushed him further away.
Hours passed, and I still hadn’t moved. The night grew colder, and I wrapped a blanket around myself, staring out at the stars.
My mind was a tangled mess of doubts and fears, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to untangle it.
I thought about Marcus, about the control he’d had over me for so long.
About how I’d fought to reclaim my independence, only to feel like I was losing it again now.
But this was different—wasn’t it? Cole wasn’t trying to control me. He was trying to protect me. And yet, it still felt like too much.
I reached for my phone, my fingers hovering over the screen as I debated whether to text him again.
I didn’t know what I’d say, but I felt an overwhelming urge to connect with him, even if just for a moment.
But in the end, I set the phone down, my heart heavy with indecision.
The night stretched on, and sleep remained elusive.
My thoughts churned, a relentless storm of what-ifs and maybes.
And somewhere in the middle of it all, I realized something: I didn’t want to push him away.
But I didn’t know how to let him in, either.