Chapter Four Adam
T hree days had passed since my cookout with James and Rowan. I hadn’t really left the house since. They’d given me so much to think about that I wasn’t really feeling like being social. Besides, I was starting to feel a little bit of buyer’s remorse with the sudden upheaval of my entire life.
At first, I thought I missed my apartment. But the cabin was way better and a hell of a lot quieter. Waking up every day to the sounds of nature and the best view in all the world easily outstripped anything my apartment could offer. Plus, I didn’t have to go down three flights of stairs to do laundry.
Then I thought it might be because I missed my friends and family. Truth be told, I didn’t see my family much. My mother was a nag of the highest order, and my father was distant to say the very least considering he’d fucked off after I came out. Turned out I apparently inherited that trait from him, which I was not proud of. And as for my friends, well I don’t think I really missed them , I just missed the company they provided me. I was realizing very quickly that I didn’t particularly like being alone. Without a job to worry about and no social calendar to distract me, I was finding it very hard to escape from the spiraling thoughts inside my head.
After my talk with the boys, I was thoroughly convinced I was a terrible person. They’d done everything they could to convince me otherwise, but I didn’t believe it. I’d somehow managed to drive a hundred different guys away in the past ten years. There was no way there wasn’t at least one that I should’ve been compatible with. But I’d been so cold and mean to them that they all packed up and left.
Realizing that I truly was the problem all along hit me like a ton of bricks. I’d been holding out hope that my ex was just exaggerating or that he was making things up completely. I’d hoped that Rowan and James would spend all night reassuring me that I was the best person they knew and that someone perfect was waiting for me just around the bed. That I was a catch worth having.
Turns out that wasn’t quite the case. Lucky me.
But sitting around the cabin all day feeling bad for myself was starting to get old. I’d already done so much moping that it was starting to lose its charm. Not to mention I’d already eaten my way through an entire tub of ice cream and eaten fried takeout food every single night. I felt like shit from abusing my body like that and I knew I needed to get out of the house.
“Time to sweat some of this depression out, I guess,” I muttered as I headed toward the door.
Exercise wasn’t really my joy in life. Rowan had tried several times to get me to be part of his business, stating that I was in excellent shape. Granted, he’d seen me a year ago when I was still feeling okay. But this past year had quite a lot of clubbing, which meant a lot of drinking and shitty food afterward. The physique I once took so much pride in was starting to wane. Considering I was approaching my mid-thirties, that needed to change. My metabolism wasn’t gonna get any better.
My habits on the other hand, they could improve.
“Hey Google,” I said, glancing down at my phone as I pulled my shoes on. “How far should sad people run to make them happy?”
“ According to search results from the FDA, Seasonal Affective Disorder affects approximately five percent of the adult population in the United States ,” the feminine robot replied.
“Some fucking help you are,” I mumbled, pulling myself to my feet. “That was not even remotely relevant.”
A quick manual search didn’t help either. Out of the top ten results, I got ten different answers. All of them ranging from a simple ten-minute jog to a bare minimum of five miles according to a jacked dude that looked like he ate steroids for every meal.
The internet, once again, was completely unhelpful.
Surveying a map of the immediate area on my phone, I saw that Hardwood Beach was only a couple of miles away. At the very least I could take myself on a walk to the beach. And, if I was feeling frisky, I could jog a bit of the way as well. There was a pretty low chance of me feeling like I wanted to run, but sometimes I surprised even myself.
Grabbing my keys and my sunglasses, I headed out, locking the door behind me. The smoothest way to Hardwood Beach would be along the main road. I could walk along the sand, but owners had a tendency to be very bitchy about people walking on their beach. Walking on the road, however, would spare me having to put up with some irate Karen and there was a hiking trail where I could duck into the woods for half the journey as well. That sounded like the better option.
Slipping in my earbuds, I started down the driveway and turned onto the main road. I kept well onto the shoulder as I walked. There wasn’t much traffic, but what did go by was going full speed. The last thing I wanted to do was start my new life in the hospital or with my leg launched into space by a rogue pickup. However, I only saw about three cars before I found the trailhead and headed into the woods. Apparently tourist season wasn’t quite in full swing just yet.
I figured I was about halfway to the beach when a sound beyond my earbuds caught my attention. Stopping dead in my tracks I pulled them out and strained my ears trying to find the source of the sound. It was a gentle rustling in the dry leaves covering the forest floor. And the longer I listened the more it sounded like it was getting closer. It also sounds like it was getting bigger .
Panic started to set in as I turned in a tight circle looking for the noise. I felt like it was right on top of me, and my mind wandered to the possibility of a predator. It wasn't unheard of to see bears in this part of the state and being so close to the State Forest area made it even more possible that one could wander in. Believe it or not the last thing I wanted to do was tangle with a black bear on my first day out.
When I suddenly heard a twig snap behind me, I spun around and held my arms out in some vain attempt to keep my attacker at bay. However, as my gaze came to rest on a small golden figure, I realized how silly I was being.
It was a dog.
“Jesus H Christ,” I muttered, putting my hands on my knees as I let the tension out of my body. “You scared the shit out of me!”
The dog, completely oblivious, just trotted over and sat down in front of me. She seemed completely at ease and not concerned in the least that she'd almost given me a heart attack. Instead, she just cocked her head to the side and panted, staring at me with all the intelligence of a half-drowned goldfish.
“What?” I asked, knowing she wouldn't answer. “Do you need something?”
Nothing of course. Just panting. Judging by her long golden hair, she was probably roasting out here in the heat.
“Go home,” I said, shooing her away. “Git.”
She didn't budge.
“Great. The one idiot dog found me first. Of course.” I saw she had a collar with a metal tag shaped like a bone dangling from it. “Are you nice?” I asked her warily.
She took a step forward and sat down again before nudging her nose into my outstretched hand. Clearly, she was eager for some attention.
“Okay, okay.” I gave her a few pets, enjoying the sensation despite myself. I wasn't really an animal person. “Let's hope this has an address on it.”
She stood still as I flipped the tag over to get a better look. Sure enough, there was an address on it. I had to punch it into my phone to figure out where it was, but when I did, I realized it was less than a mile away. In fact, it was just past Hardwood Beach. On the other side was a name.
“Bessie?” I snickered, looking up at her. “I’m so sorry they named you that.”
I let the collar go and got back to my feet, trying to decide what to do. A small part of me wanted to just move on and go about my day. I wasn’t really in the mood to talk to people right now. In fact, I was actively trying to avoid making connections with anyone. However, even though I wasn’t an animal person, I couldn’t just leave this poor stupid-looking dog out in the middle of the woods. Poor thing probably didn’t have two whole brain cells to rub together.
“Well,” I said, looking down at her with my hands on my hips. “I’m sure your owners are in a tizzy that you’re missing. Dog people are fucking crazy.” I reached down, grabbing the bar attached to the back of her harness. “Come on. Let’s go.”
Without hesitation, Bessie started to lead the way. It was as if she were taking me back to her home and not the other way around. I followed willingly, glancing down at my phone now and then to make sure we were headed in the right direction.
Less than ten minutes brought us to Hardwood Beach, my original destination. But then we continued along the treeline until another path broke through the foliage. There Bessie forced me to take a right and begin following a long boardwalk through the woods. There were willow and cattails waving in the breeze as we crossed over a mostly dried up swamp. I’d never been there before, but I figured it was the kind of place that stayed muddy and wet all year but filled up with water the moment it rained. Clearly it was home to billions of bugs though because the mosquitos were as thick as molasses.
At the other end of the boardwalk the path let out into a grassy park at the edge of a condo development. I’d driven past the sign several times out on the main road. However, it was a gated community, and I’d never had a reason to visit.
“Home,” I said to Bessie, giving her harness a jingle.
She seemed to recognize the command and pulled me ahead. Another glance at my phone told me she was heading in the right direction. It wasn’t until we came around the corner of a building that I saw a man standing near his front door with his hands cupped around his mouth.
“Bessie!” he called, his voice clear and strong. “Bessie!”
She pulled against her harness, but I didn’t let her go. The last thing I wanted her to do was run off. The man continued to call for her as we approached. I thought he’d see us coming, but it wasn’t until we were right up on him that he finally turned our way.
“Bessie?”
“I’ve got her,” I said, stepping up to the door.
He didn’t look at me as I brought her up. She took a seat practically on the man’s foot and he gave her a few quick ruffles.
“You dummy!” he said, holding her head between his hands. “Where did you go? It’s not like you to run off!” He waggled a finger at her, grinning. “No treats for you missy. You’re grounded.”
Finally, he stood up, holding onto her harness bar. Still, he didn’t meet my gaze. But as I looked him over, I realized there was something familiar about him. I just couldn’t place it. He was well tanned with dark brown hair and green eyes. Scruff on his cheeks gave him a bearish look, but his form was lithe and muscled. Under his tank top I could see the dark splash of chest hair. I caught myself wondering what it looked like as it trailed further down.
I shook my head. I was on a break from dudes and fantasizing didn’t make that easier.
“Thanks for finding, Bessie,” he said. “This is the third time she’s run off. I don’t know what’s gotten into her. I’d lock the door, but she knows how to open it.” He smiled, still looking somewhere over my left shoulder. “I don’t recognize you. Do you live around here?”
I nodded, jabbing a thumb over my shoulder. “Yeah. Just up the road. I was walking to the beach when I found her.”
Suddenly his eyes narrowed. “Wait a minute. I think I do recognize you,” he said in an accusatory tone, placing a hand on his hip. “You called me a dickhead a few days ago at the beach when you ran into me.”
“Excuse me,” I replied as my anger flared, knowing exactly the moment he was talking about. “You ran into me . You should watch where you’re going.”
Then it dawned on me who the guy was and what I’d just said.
He waved his hand in front of his face. “It’s a bit easier for you to watch out than it is for me.”
His green eyes didn’t see my reaction. I hadn’t recognized him without the sunglasses.
“Shit…” I muttered, feeling more embarrassed than I had in a long time. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize at the time… and I forgot you were…”
I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
“Blind?” he said, filling in the blank for me. “You can say it. It’s not like it’s a bad word or something.”
“I… I just feel like a dick…”
“You were a dick,” he corrected. “But I’ll accept your apology anyway because you brought my dog back.” He narrowed his eyes again. “Unless you stole her.”
I held my hands up. “No! Why would I do that? I don’t even like dogs!”
His posture stiffened. “Who doesn’t like dogs? That’s like saying you hate sunshine or food or being happy.”
Apparently, everything I said was going to be wrong. I figured it was time to cut off this conversation before I made even more of an ass of myself.
“I’ve never had animals,” I replied. “So, I don’t know how to act around them.”
“Probably like a normal person.”
“Right.” I paused. “Well, I’m glad I could bring her back. But I should get going.”
“Yeah.” He still seemed annoyed by me, but that was probably the best I could hope for. “Thanks again.”
I started to walk away, but I stopped after two steps and turned around.
“Uh… why did you name her Bessie? Isn’t that a cow name?”
The man lifted an eyebrow in my direction. “I figured it was obvious,” he said. “She’s black and white so she looks like a cow. Duh.”
I glanced down at the dog who was obviously a Golden Retriever.
“Oh. O-Okay.”
I didn’t know what else to say, so I just walked away. The last thing I wanted to do was shatter this blind man’s world by telling him his dog wasn’t the right color.
Oh well. I was probably never gonna see him again, anyway. Why shatter the illusion?
I headed back for the path to the beach, the entire interaction still buzzing in my brain. Something about that guy rubbed me the right way even though he’d chastised me for being an ass. And damn was he good looking. If I wasn’t on a boy break, I might’ve tried to pick him up. But I just sighed and kept walking, a wave of self-pity washing over me.
No boys for me.