Chapter Ten Adam
I stood outside Mateo’s apartment for the second time that week feeling far more nervous than I should have been. It wasn’t like I hadn’t been out on a date before. I’d been on hundreds of them! But something about Mateo made my stomach twist itself into knots. I was so anxious I could barely function.
“Get a grip,” I muttered to myself. “This isn’t even real.”
True, Mateo and I had decided to keep our relationship squarely in the practice zone. We both knew it wasn’t going anywhere serious. I needed to learn how to be more open and he deserved better than some broken asshole like me. Besides, it wasn’t like he was actually interested. I’d seen that glint in a man’s eyes before. When he told me I was going to play the part of bottom, I knew exactly what he was looking forward to. The best I could ever hope for was friends.
I just wished someone would tell those fucking butterflies in my stomach that because they were driving me crazy. Going on a fake date shouldn’t have been so nerve-wracking. What did I have to worry about?
Exactly fucking nothing.
And yet, I worried anyway.
I hitched the backpack up on my shoulders, my back already sweating from the beating heat of the sun. Mateo and I had decided to start simple. We were going on a walk to the beach and taking some food with us. That way we could just talk and get to know one another a bit more. I had about a million questions I wanted to ask him, mostly revolving around his blindness. But I was determined to avoid that subject. Something about it just seemed rude and honestly, none of my business.
And yet, I wanted to avoid talking about myself as well. I figured it would be safe to talk about the dog, the weather, and my health. Other than that, topics had to remain light. Just because I needed to practice being open didn’t mean I needed to go from zero to one hundred on the first date. We could wait until at least the third or fourth to start trauma dumping. It might take me even longer.
Figuring I would draw the suspicion of the neighbors if I stood on Mateo’s front porch any longer, I took a deep breath. Lifting my hand, I knocked on the door.
A single bark sounded inside followed by Mateo’s voice.
“Coming!”
I took a step back, taking a moment to double check my breath and my pits to make sure I didn’t stink to high heaven. I was already sweating, and my idiotic ass had decided to eat garlic with lunch. After brushing my teeth three times I couldn’t smell any hint of it, but Mateo’s senses were much stronger than mine. I just hoped it was enough.
Finally, the door handled turned and the whole thing swung open.
My jaw dropped at the sight of Mateo and for once I was glad he couldn’t see me. He was wearing a tank top made from an old t-shirt. It was the kind where pretty much the entire thing had been cut away except for the hem around the neck and the waist. I could see most of his muscular chest, the dark hair splashed across it. My eyes followed the sculpted outline of his body down to his waist. He was hairy all the way down and it made my mouth water. Not to mention the tan, the perky nipples, and the swim trunks that left very little to the imagination in the dick department.
“Hey Asshole,” he grinned, breathing deeply through his nose. “You really like that cologne, don’t you?”
“Is it too strong?” I paused, the urge to over share washing over me. “I was worried I smelled like garlic from lunch… so I might’ve gone a little overboard.”
“It smells wonderful,” Mateo smiled, not missing a beat. “And my lunch had raw onions in it, so we’re in the same boat, anyway. Don’t worry about it.”
“O-Okay,” I nodded, my cheeks blushing deep red.
“Come on in.”
Mateo stepped to the side, and I had to squeeze past him. Our chests brushed against one another, and I felt the very tip of my dick nudge his thigh as I passed. The moment it happened I felt like I might die of embarrassment.
He didn’t seem to notice.
“You must have brought your backpack,” he said, tapping his ear. “I pulled out some drinks and snacks for us. They’re on the counter if you want to throw them in there. I just need to get Bessie’s shoes on.”
“No problem,” I said a little too quickly, happy to have a moment to gather myself back up.
I went to the kitchen, taking some time to pack everything into my bag. Taking a few deep breaths, I tried to will my heart to stop racing. For some reason, being in close proximity to Mateo got me more worked up than I had been in a long time. Usually, even if I thought a guy was hot beyond all measure, I could still keep control of myself. But something about this entire situation had my anxiety on high alert, which was bleeding over into just plain excitement.
Of course, it didn’t help that he was extremely attractive. But I was the bottom in this relationship and I had no idea how to play that part. Maybe that’s why I was so worked up. I was in completely unfamiliar territory. Yeah, that was probably it.
And the fact that my dick had touched his leg. That didn’t help. Now I just wanted my dick to touch more of him and honestly, I was enough of a slut to let it happen. But I didn’t want to feel like I was taking advantage of him or wasting this opportunity to work on fixing myself.
No. Learning to date properly was the goal here. No cock.
Fuck.
“Doing okay in there?” Mateo called from the hallway.
Christ. I’d been standing there for who the hell knows how long and I hadn’t even packed half our shit yet.
“Yeah!” I called back, dropping my bag off the counter and sweeping everything into it unceremoniously. “Just trying to make sure it’s packed well!”
I heard him snicker. “Uh-huh.”
His tone told me he didn’t believe me.
Throwing the bag over my shoulders, I jogged back down the hallway and saw him standing there with his hand on Bessie’s harness bar.
“Ready to go?” he asked.
I nodded. Then, realizing he couldn’t see that because I was a big fucking idiot, I spoke. “Yeah.”
“Alright,” he said, giving me a wink. “I’ll lead the way because I’m pretty sure I have a better sense of direction than you.”
My lips pressed into a thin line as I stared at him with an unamused expression.
“I can hear that,” he laughed, not looking back at me. “Don’t give me that look.”
For fuck’s sake! This goddamn guy could even hear my facial expressions! I was going to have to be more careful around him than I did with sighted people. He could read me like a damn book.
“Come on,” he said, ushering me out the door.
As soon as I was clear of it, I felt a sharp smack to the left cheek of my ass.
“Good boy,” Mateo said, turning back to pull the door closed.
I was speechless. My hand went down to my ass, rubbing the sting out of it. With nothing but a thin sheet of fabric between me and his hand, it had kind of hurt. Not in a way that made me upset, but in a way that turned me on even more. My face burned with embarrassment as I glanced around to make sure nobody had seen us.
“What was that for?” I hissed.
“Good measure,” Mateo replied nonchalantly.
“What the hell does that even mean?” When he didn’t reply I went to the next part. “And don’t call me a good boy . I’m not a dog and I’m not into Dom stuff.”
Mateo stopped, smirking in my direction. “Did I go too far? Is there something you want to tell me?”
“I… no,” I replied, suddenly feeling self-conscious.
“Adam,” he pressed. “You’re not being honest and open with me.”
I sighed, letting my shoulders droop. “I… I guess I just wasn’t expecting it. I didn’t think we were at that point yet. This is all still so new.”
“Would you like me to stop doing that?”
“Y-Yeah.” Then I quickly added, “For now. At least until we know each other better and have moved onto something like that.”
Mateo smiled, reaching out and patting me on the arm. “Good job,” he said, beaming as he headed down the walkway. “You passed your first honesty test. I wasn’t sure if you’d stand up for yourself or just let it slide.”
He… He’d been testing me?
“I promise not to touch you again without your permission,” he said, gesturing for me to follow. “And don’t be afraid to talk about anything. Nothing is off limits between us, okay?”
“A-Alright.”
I followed, my eyes boring into the back of Mateo’s skull. This guy was fucking tricky. I had to keep my eye on him.
◆◆◆
There were picnic tables near the beach, but still under the shade of the trees thankfully. It was another scorching hot day and even with the breeze from the lake, I was still sweating. More than once, we’d broken off to wade through the shallows. Mateo took Bessie with him, and I usually ran out there by myself. I’d just arrived back from a quick dip in the lake to cool me off.
“Sure is a nice day,” I said, putting one wet buttcheek on the corner of the picnic table as I toweled my face and hair off. “I’m starting to understand why my uncle built a cabin here. It’s so peaceful.”
“Peaceful?” Mateo scoffed. “It’s loud as hell here.”
“It’s not that bad!”
“Tourist season is my least favorite time. They’re all so noisy and their kids… ugh . I don’t understand the need to scream all the time.”
“Good thing you don’t live in the city,” I smirked as I took a seat next to him on the tabletop. “You would’ve hated it there. It’s noisy all the time. Day or night.”
“I like my condo and all the old people. Everyone is dead silent between sunset and sunrise. Most of them go to bed at six after their four o’clock supper.”
I couldn’t help chuckling at that.
“And they’re all really nice to me,” he continued. “Old people are okay with going slow and letting me take my time to do things for myself.” He let out a sigh. “People my age… well… they just move at a faster pace.”
“You’re not slow ,” I retorted. “You led the way here without missing a step!”
“That’s because I have this place memorized. But going into town or being somewhere without Bessie takes a lot of effort and time. And a lot of people don’t want to be patient. They mean well when they take me by the arm and try to help me along, but every time they do I end up taking a door to the face or falling off a curb.”
I couldn’t help a chuckle. “I’m not laughing at you,” I grinned. “I swear.”
“Uh-huh,” he smiled, jabbing me in the leg with his forefinger.
“Do you go out much?” I asked, batting him away. “With friends I mean?”
“No.” He took on a faraway look as he gazed out toward the waves and the wind rustled his curly brown hair. “They’ve all moved on. Don’t get me wrong, I still get emails and a text now and then, but they’re off having grand adventures and living life in the fast lane. And me… well, I’m here with my dog and teaching my classes. Life here is slow and savory.” He laughed at his own words. “That’s probably why I can’t get a boyfriend either. If the blind thing doesn’t put them off, me acting like I’m a seventy-five-year-old retiree definitely will.”
I stared at him for a long moment, letting his words sink in. There was a lot he didn’t say that came across loud and clear. He was lonely and he felt abandoned by the rest of the world. And, if I wasn’t mistaken, he was a bit angry about it.
“But I shouldn’t complain,” he continued. “I’m lucky to be alive in the first palace. And I have an amazing life. I have a job that I love, parents that were well-off enough to practically give me a condo of my own, and I have the best dog in the entire world. What more could a guy want?”
“I’m sorry if this is a personal question,” I asked, my interest piqued too much to ignore any longer. “But why are you lucky to be alive? Does it have to do with how you… how you lost your sight?”
He nodded, still smiling. “Yeah,” he sighed. “I lost my vision in a car accident when I was thirteen.”
“Oh… I didn’t know that was possible.”
“I didn’t either.”
“What happened?”
“Drunk driver,” he replied matter-of-factly. “T-boned us at an intersection doing sixty. Both my parents and I were in the car. My mom and I were sitting on the passenger side, but he hit the backside of the car.” He pointed at himself. “He hit me basically.”
My hand went to my lips. “Oh my god…”
“Yeah. I woke up in the hospital three days later to total darkness. When I panicked and nearly ripped all my stitched out, the doctors had to sedate me. After a while they were able to explain that I’d sustained quite a head injury and that I had basically been whiplashed within an inch of my life.” He let out a slow sigh. “They also told me my vision would most likely return.”
My heart stopped for a moment, knowing the outcome already.
“But it never did.” He lifted his arms over his head, stretching and faking a smile in a vain attempt to cover up the trauma he’d just expressed. “I got upset, I did stupid stuff, and the school put me in alternative learning, so I didn’t see my friends anymore. Eventually I graduated, came to terms with the fact that my vision was never going to come back, and started online university. I found a lot of solace in good books and got my master’s degree in English. After that it was almost too easy to get a job as a professor.” He smiled in my direction. “They said I had a unique perspective that would be beneficial to students.”
“Wow…” I murmured, still staring at him in awe. “You went through all of that and you’re still okay.” I shook my head, feeling ashamed of myself. “And here I am having a crisis because I’m bad at dating. Talk about stupid.”
A hand came to rest on my thigh.
“It’s not stupid, Adam,” he insisted. “Everyone has their own mountain to climb. Just because it’s different doesn’t mean it’s any less difficult.”
I lifted an eyebrow. “Are you always this sweet and understanding?”
He gave my thigh a squeeze, increasing my heart rate as he did so.
“Probably not,” he laughed. “But I have my moments.”