Our Deceptive Heat (When it Raines Omegaverse #3)

35. Ryn

Chapter thirty-five

Ryn

I’ll save my damn self- Ryn Raines

The alpha smiles and leans forward, patting my hand in a gesture that is both harmless and far too forward. I pull my hand away and try to ignore the way he holds my gaze. His name is Miles, and he’s pushing too hard.

Everything about him is wrong. I don’t like his scent of orange and treacle; and I really don’t like the way he’s touching me. I lean back in the uncomfortable chair, pick up my fruity drink, and fiddle with the overly large straw just so I have something to do with my hands.

This is paradise, a perfect island of green forests to discover secret wonders in, surrounded by the bluest of oceans and the whitest sands. The hotel I’m staying in is beautiful. I just can’t feel the beauty. Everything is dull, and the threat of my father feels just out of sight.

In two days, Kelly is going to the next competition. The alpha he’d introduced me to yesterday had smiled at me and politely asked if we could be friends. Kelly had been furious until I’d agreed.

But this is the twelfth date. I’ve been trying to find a pack to take me on. I can’t keep pushing my heats back. The last time, I sat alone in a room for a week with a dildo and cried as I tried to get my body to accept the silicone instead of the real thing.

I’m running out of time. Either I will be found by my father or a pack will take me. All those precious choices I fought for will vanish .

“Did you hear Fate’s Choice, that famous band, is here?”

I jerk back to reality with an audible tear. “I’m sorry. Can you repeat that?”

I don’t realise I’ve reached out and have hold of the alpha’s shorts until he looks down at my hand. I let go, and he frowns.

“Fate’s Choice is here vacationing.”

“Are you sure?”

“Hard to miss them.” He pulls out his phone and shows me a picture of Tyr walking on the beach. Envy is standing at the cliff tops. Mako is sitting at a table not far from here. I lift my eyes and search, but he’s not there. The photo must be old, but how old?

The same burning anger resurfaces. It’s been a bitterly cold weight that’s been keeping me company so long it feels like an old friend.

“Thanks,” I mutter, standing up. “I have to go, I’m sorry, Alpha…” I trail off, unable to recall his name. “I have to go.”

“But wait-”

I don’t, though, I just twirl away and rush through the crowd.

My panic has me rushing with no aim, no purpose. It’s not until I find myself up on the cliffs, watching the waves crash against the rocks, that I calm and start thinking about this logically.

I can stay away from them.

I can hide or I can run.

Hours pass, and I still haven’t come to a decision on what to do.

“You’re not planning on jumping, are you?”

I force a laugh, but it dies off quickly. “No. Not going to jump. Just thinking about escape, but there’s nowhere to go.”

Kelly moves to stand beside me. “When did Ryn Raines learn to hide?”

“Don’t you know, Kelly? I’ve always been hiding from something,” I say bitterly.

“Do you want me to chase them off the island?”

I hesitate. It’s tempting to let Kelly do my dirty work, but if he does, it is just a guarantee that I am, in fact, actually here. “No.”

“You might want to consider hearing them out.”

I whirl on him. “No, I don’t. I needed that out. I needed to escape, and they could have given me that. Instead, I have to hide and pretend I’m not who I am, and I can’t do what I love. How are you even asking me this again? I told you I’m not going to forgive them.”

“Okay. I don’t care if you forgive them or not, I’m just saying, you might want to cool your heels and just hear it so you have all the information-”

“Who’s side are you on?” I snarl. “Be on my side. Just once. ”

“All right. I am on your side. We hate them. We’re hiding from them. Now what? You just going to do this pity party parlor trick thing forever?”

I narrow my eyes at him. “Raider is nicer than you.”

Kelly puts a hand on his chest. “Ahh, the pain, the pain. I’m dead.”

“Shut up.”

“Point of fact is, I’m not running or hiding from anyone out here. I’m refusing to do what they insist I do, and that’s different.”

“If that’s true, why don’t you have bonds with Gael and Ezy?”

Kelly bops my nose. “None of your business.”

I turn back to the ocean. “It hurts to look at them. It hurts to think about them.”

Kelly waits patiently with his hands in his pockets.

“I can’t forgive them.”

“Fine. don’t. Let’s go back and have dinner. Ezy wants you to play again.”

I turn and follow my cousin back down to the hotel.

I don’t see them.

I tell myself I’m happy about that.

For three weeks, I avoid them. Kelly goes off to his surfing competitions and returns. I sit and read books and live a quiet life.

But when someone walks into a room, I expect it’s going to be them. When I walk around a corner, I expect to find them. Every person who speaks, for a moment, I think it’s them.

My nerves are shot.

I find myself standing at my window, staring at the starry night sky far too often. Unable to sleep because the memories keep playing over and over. You’d think it would be the horrible memories that would keep me up. But it’s not, it’s the ones that used to make me smile. They are now a dull ache that won’t stop.

Kelly banned me from drinking after I spent a week drowning my sorrows.

So, now it’s just me and my thoughts and this damn paranoia.

This fear.

Because I’ll give in.

Because they might not love me.

Because I don’t want to hear that everything is over, and they’ve moved on.

I wrap my arms around myself and walk down to the shore .

It’s become a habit to walk the moon-drenched beaches, listening to the quiet swell and waves lapping at the shore.

The beach isn’t huge, but it’s long enough that it takes me an hour and a half to amble both ways.

I’m not paying attention.

I should have been, but tiredness and familiarity have me unprepared.

“Hello, Ryn.”

I stop dead, my heart exploding into a gallop, my throat seizing. My knees tremble, and I’m torn between running to him and running from him.

I straighten my spine. “Tyr.”

In the moonlight, he looks unreal. Like something from the depths of my imagination. Some fantasy where he comes and begs my forgiveness and makes all the wrongs go away.

I stalk past him. He reaches out and tries to grab my arm, but I jerk out of his grip and glare at him.

“We have nothing to say to each other, so keep your damn hands to yourself.”

“Ryn.”

I shake my head. “Just leave me the hell alone.”

“Just hear me out!”

I walk faster, and when he jogs after me; I veer towards the shadowed shape standing on the path in front of us.

“Ezy?”

He turns and spots me, then Tyr.

The normally calm and chill alpha transforms into someone extremely dangerous as he steps between us.

“You want to stop that now,” he growls.

Tyr tries to shove past him, but Ezy is quick and bumps his big chest into Tyr’s slightly smaller frame.

“No, man, she doesn’t want to talk to you, and alphas don’t get to intimidate omegas on my watch.”

“I’m not-”

“She said no, and you’re still pushing. Isn’t that the definition of intimidation?”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I just wanted to talk to her.”

“Dude. Get a clue. She doesn’t want to speak to you. Leave. Now.”

Tyr holds for a couple more seconds, and then his shoulders drop, and he turns away and walks into the dark.

I stand in the shadows and watch him go.

I swear it breaks my heart .

I force myself to remember what they did, and I turn back to the hotel.

“Thanks, Ezy.”

“You’re welcome, Ryn. Go get some sleep. You look like shit.”

I scoff. “Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

Still, I look over my shoulder, watching as the fantasy walks away. He never did that in my dreams.

The next day, I find Digs in the hotel lobby. He spots me, but I duck down the staff-only hallway and escape.

Mako finds me two days after that, sitting down at my table while I’m having my lunch. I almost choke on my chip.

He just stares at me, his dark eyes scanning my face.

I push up from the table, but he reaches out and catches my hand. I stop, looking down at where we’re touching.

“I missed you,” he whispers softly.

I snatch my hand free. “I don’t care.”

“Ryn, you have to listen.”

I whirl and shove him hard. He tumbles back over his chair and stares up at me from the ground. His eyes are wide and shocked.

I want to apologise and check to see if he’s okay, but I force myself to move away.

“You and your pack just need to leave me the hell alone. I gave you your song. My contract has ended. We have no need to associate with each other.”

I’m so damn proud of the way my voice doesn’t waver. Of getting these words out after the hours and hours of rehearsing them.

“I love you-”

“You don’t, though, Mako!” I shout at him, furious. “Because you would never hurt anyone the way you hurt me if you loved them.”

“Just let us explain.”

I shake my head. “We’re done. It’s over. Go home.”

I turn and leave, ignoring his calls. As soon as I’m safe, I lean against the nearest wall and let my trembling legs drop me to the ground.

I pull my legs in, wrap my arms around myself, and cry.

Because everything I said was true, but it was the most painful thing I’ve ever said.

And, tomorrow, I have another date.