Epilogue
Dear Josephine,
My dove, I am endlessly proud of who you have grown into. Before anything else, I want you to know that I love you and always will. Nothing will change that, even if I am not around.
Love, I have found, does not just vanish. Even if it is overtaken by hate, love still exists. And even in death, when you lose someone, the love you have for them does not leave you.
I’m just ashes in your life now, but I hope to be remembered as something that brings you light and joy. Because it’s what you deserve. Please be happy. Things have changed irrevocably, but you will learn to navigate the changes. It will take time, but I promise you, things will get better.
Still, please let yourself feel everything. Allow the rage and the sadness and the pain. And when you start to see the light again, let yourself feel that too.
Here you can find my last words to you, and I write only the most important things for you to remember. Even when I am not with you, I am with you.
Always.
Elise
***
Josi lowered the letter and glared at the two headstones before her. She felt stupid, leaving flowers on top of empty graves every year, but she did it anyway, knowing the gesture meant more to Sterling than it would have meant to any lingering ghosts.
“It never makes me feel any better,” Josi mumbled as she tucked the letter into her coat pocket. It had grown worn over the past few years, with some of the ink smudged from her tears and the wrinkles starting to give way to full rips.
Sterling gave her a gentle look, his hands in his pockets.
He had left a few roses scattered across Layla’s grave while a neat bouquet rested atop Elise’s.
Josi knew why he did it; the roses spread out looked like a dancer’s paradise after a successful performance.
Layla’s dancing was the only thing he truly knew about her.
It was admittedly a creatively kind gesture, but Josi found that most things no longer impressed her these days. Not much made her feel anymore.
“You have read it probably upward of a thousand times now,” Sterling said gently.
There was no real point Josi could argue with him there, but she tried anyway.
“I don’t think words postmortem mean as much as the people who write them think they will,” she muttered.
“And every time I read what she left me, I find new ways to believe I made a mistake in helping blow up the island laboratory.”
“Will you be a cynic for the rest of your life? Eighty years, a hundred years, a thousand years—it all sounds so exhausting,” Sterling said. “She told you to do it because you didn’t know she would be there and thus wouldn’t hesitate. You saved Harlem that night. That’s it.”
Josi narrowed her eyes at him. It wasn’t true. Josi had killed her sister that night. It would never matter that Elise had told her to do it. She opened her mouth to respond, but a warm weight settled over her feet. Josi looked down, her heart lifting when she saw Hendricks blinking up at her.
Sterling continued as she picked the cat up, his voice low and intentional. “It’s a tale for the ages. One might say it’s beautiful. A human dying for a reaper. A reaper dying for a human. It’s such a story that no one could have even imagined mere months prior to it.”
Josi huffed out a hot breath that stirred Hendricks’s fur. “I like to believe they ran off and are now in hiding. Their bodies were never recovered. Karine lived and went into hiding.”
“And she’ll die there now that she’s mortal. Layla and Elise were incinerated. There was nothing to recover. Do you really think Elise would just leave you?” Sterling demanded.
Something sharp hit her chest, and she struggled to breathe.
Josi swallowed a lump in her throat, trying to exhale the resurrected feelings.
“I don’t know. I don’t know much of anything anymore.
” She squinted under the flickering sunlight coming in from the cloudy horizon.
“I’m just tired of feeling nothing. I’d rather hurt than feel a void.
” She sniffed. “It’s been nine years, and I still find myself asking every day for a sign that this was meant to be.
I’m older than her now, but I still feel years younger, with no lineage or history to prove my legacy. ”
Sterling pulled her into his chest. Hendricks purred between them, and for the first time all day, a flicker of warm contentment spread through Josi.
“Though all you remember is the pain, never forget that you were in fact loved in return,” Sterling whispered.
“You’ve done so much for New York.” He nodded to a younger reaper seated on a bench by two human women nearby.
“This integration would not have been possible without Elise and Layla’s sacrifices forcing people to see that such strife is useless.
I would not have become a lawyer without you and me having to learn the law to keep you out of trouble—by the way, Celie is still awaiting your response about starting a new lair upstate.
She insists it will be good for you. Get your mind off your more illegal hobbies and hunting Karine down.
I cannot defend you forever, Josi, you know that. ”
The world is constantly evolving, and we struggle to keep up with it. Josi remembered Dr. Gray’s words in a recent press release about her newest reaperhood cure trials. But nevertheless, we try anyway.
Josi sniffled and pressed her face into his chest, hiding her tears. “I’m leaving Harlem for Europe. I need…I don’t know…a nice change of scenery.”
“The constant threat of another World War hanging around certainly does not sound like a particularly pleasant change of scenery, but if it’s what you want, I will support you,” Sterling said.
“With all the work we did, there will likely be no bioweapons in this war. No human will publicly advocate for reapers to be used again; I’ve made sure of it.”
Sterling wiped at his brow. “You really should have thought of the name of your law more. It’s a bit juvenile.”
“I’m nineteen. And I was asked by Arendale to name the bill when I was twelve,” Josi said flatly, sighing. “I wonder what Elise thinks of it. If I find her in France, I’ll ask her. Among other things.”
“Always the dreamer, aren’t you?” Sterling rubbed Hendricks’s head and smiled when he purred, nuzzling against his hand.
Josi shook her head and hugged the cat tighter to her chest. “We have nothing without our dreams. If mine keep my sister alive just a little while longer, then I will continue to dream.”
It was a lie. Josi tried not to do it often; she knew Elise and her mother had hated lying.
But the truth was she had done a lot of terrible things when she was younger, and her dreams were not dreams as much as they were nightmares.
Most days, Josi felt too small for her emotions and choked on her own bitterness about the way things had shaped up.
“Layla didn’t deserve this fate. She had everything taken from her—she deserved a happy ending.
Elise was so much better than me. It should have been me and not her. ”
But Sterling was already shaking his head before she could even finish her thought.
“Do not feel bad for taking up the space she left for you. Honor it. Whether it’s with your dreams or your fury, just honor it.
Honor her. You are her legacy now. There is more work to be done. I hope you know that.”
Josi pursed her lips. Her fangs prodded the inside of her mouth, drawing blood. She sighed and looked over the cemetery, finding the glittering sea beyond. “It’s better than nothing.”
***
Long after Sterling had departed to return to his family, Josi left the cemetery and stood by the water.
She wanted to stare into the sun—feel every nerve burn out until she felt nothing at all.
But a slow blinking in the horizon kept her gaze locked on the edge of the water.
If she allowed her thoughts to slow and settled only on the flickering lights, a message came to her mind, one word at a time with each illumination.
Whether an image conjured by her imagination or the venomous threads forever wrapped around her system, Josi chose to believe the spectacle.
In the end, no matter the risk of ruination, she chose to hope.