Chapter 48
Snowdrops were emerging in the garden, darkness was no longer cutting the afternoons brutally short, and everywhere had the smell of new beginnings. New beginnings. Fiona rolled the phrase around her mind. New beginnings. For the first time in her adult life she had no idea where the coming months would take her, what she would achieve by the end of the year, or whether she would even be the same person by then. Something inside her still wanted to grab the reins, impose a structure on the coming weeks, days, hours, and to control those around her. But the last three months had taught her there were great benefits to be had by going with the flow and following the lead of others
Fiona’s eyes drifted back from the lounge window to the rows and columns on her laptop screen. Most of the steps on the ‘Naming Ceremony’ spreadsheet had been completed. Invitations had gone out and been returned. The function room at the Birnside Hotel had been secured. Several of Meeko’s classes had been reinstated following vocal protests and a sit-in at the hotel reception by his long-standing class attendees. This had increased his profile and he’d got a staff discount on the room hire as his contribution to the party. Rose had arranged outside caterers to provide a savoury finger buffet and there would be two glasses of sparkling wine for each of the forty guests. She was adamant there would be plenty of toasts because, although baby Natalie would be centre stage, the occasion wasn’t just to celebrate the beginning of life for her first granddaughter. It was to mark new beginnings across the lives of so many of the guests and to thank them for their support of Adele and Natalie over the last few months.
Rose hadn’t been allowed to push the boat out on her own; everyone wanted to help and be a part of things. Dorothea had been baking cakes for the last week and sticking them in her freezer and those of her neighbours, to ensure they were all at the peak of freshness on the day. Adele and Natalie had been regular visitors to the old lady’s flat as Adele learned the ancient art of scone making — finally she’d found perfection and the last four batches would be served with jam and cream after the sandwiches and sausage rolls but before the cakes. “I’ve also done some more of those healthy flapjacks,” she’d told Fiona. “We’ll hide them behind everything else — just for you. And Mum’s asked the caterers to do some salad options alongside all the sandwiches and stuff — you’ve done so much for me that I don’t want you to be forced to eat things you’d prefer not to.”
Words had failed Fiona and she’d felt tears pricking her eyes. She’d hugged her daughter-by-proxy and swallowed the lump in her throat. She didn’t regret one minute of her relationship with Joe or all the upheaval of Christmas and New Year. Those events had catapulted her out of her comfort zone into an unknown galaxy. And navigating that difficult time had brought her this whole new family and freed her from the addiction of controlling her life into specific, sterile compartments.
She closed the laptop and opened her wardrobe. The beige suit she’d planned to wear hung in front of her beneath its transparent dry cleaner’s wrapper. Both the skirt and jacket were fitted and the best effect came from having the jacket buttoned almost to the top. Previously the suit had clothed Fiona in confidence as she’d stalked around christenings and weddings; an outsider peeking in at scenes of togetherness. She’d always felt like an observer rather than part of the celebrations. But now things were different. She wasn’t going to be centre stage at the naming ceremony, but she did feel that she belonged and that her life was now flowing naturally rather than being carefully choreographed and channelled. Buttoned-up jackets weren’t part of her life anymore. At the back of her wardrobe was an unworn cream dress. She’d bought it in a sale, on a whim, straight after her first-ever yoga class with Meeko. Fiona never bought things on a whim but the class had made her feel lithe, flowing and young. The dress had stayed in her wardrobe because, until now, social occasions had always made her crave a feeling of control. Cap sleeves, a full knee-length skirt and a collarbone-revealing neckline whispered ‘relaxed and flowing’ not ‘I must be in control’. She put the dress on and positioned the amber pendant in full view. She twirled and the skirt spun outwards ‘a la Marilyn Monroe’. This was a party she was going to enjoy.
The ceremony went like a dream. Afterwards there was the food and getting to know the other guests. Adele and Rose introduced her and Meeko as ‘close family friends’ — the relationship with Joe was never mentioned. Joe himself kept his distance but Fiona spotted him on at least a couple of occasions catching hold of his ex-wife’s hands and whispering in her ear; she rewarded him with a broad smile. Fiona smiled too; all’s well that ends well — and she now knew from experience that temporarily losing something could make it better than before.
“He’s grown a foot taller since that diamond went on your finger.” Dorothea was at Fiona’s shoulder, pointing at Meeko, who was fiddling with the microphone attached to the sound system. He’d volunteered to act as MC for the speeches.
“One, two. One, two.”
“A couple of months ago he’d never have willingly made announcements,” the old lady continued.
Fiona looked over at her fiancé with pride. Then she turned back to her mother and took the old lady’s hand. “I think I might have changed too, Mum.”
Dorothea beamed. “You have blossomed, my love. It’s like someone reached inside you and turned the sunshine on.”
Fiona’s heart swelled. “I could say the same about you. That smile is rarely off your face and you tackle everything with such gusto, from yoga to organising coffee mornings, or simply cuddling Natalie.”
“Fiona, we’ve had unrealistic expectations of each other in the past. And might do in the future. But now we know how it feels to be actual friends — and I know we’ll hold on to that in the future.”
They hugged each other until Meeko’s first announcement interrupted them.
“Ladies and gentlemen, please find a seat, Adele and her supporters would like to say a few words.”
There was a rise in volume as everyone shuffled around. Fiona guided her mother to a chair and sat down beside her. She looked over at Meeko who was gently shepherding people and then beckoning Adele, Rose and Joe over to him. It felt so special that this gentle, caring man had seen something attractive within her, even though she often faced the world with longer prickles than a porcupine. Joe spoke first. He talked about his pride in his daughter and new granddaughter and how he loved seeing the family likeness cascade down the generations. Rose spoke about the joy of being a grandmother, which she’d never understood until she met baby Natalie for the first time and thought her heart might burst with all the love she felt. Adele took the microphone, her voice shaky with nerves, and she kept glancing sideways at Meeko, as though he were invisibly feeding her confidence and reassurance. She talked about the deep debt of gratitude she owed to the people who had been on this difficult, yet joyous, journey to motherhood with her.
“Circumstances weren’t in my favour and I was forced into a corner not of my choosing. At first, I resented the woman who eventually became my saviour.” Adele looked up from her sheet of A4 paper and glanced at Fiona. “She gave me a roof over my head, she masterminded my baby shower and . . .” Gaining confidence at the microphone, Adele paused and let her eyes scan the audience for dramatic effect. “And she delivered my baby and made sure we got to hospital on the busiest night of the year and stayed there with me until my dad could arrive.” Another pause. Even though her name hadn’t yet been mentioned, heads were turning towards Fiona and she could feel her cheeks burning. “Over two thousand years ago there was no room at the inn. But just a couple of months ago, there was ample room in Fiona’s heart for a pregnant young woman.” Adele turned to one side, where her brother was manhandling a huge bouquet of flowers out of a bucket of water. “Fiona, please will you come forward?”
Fiona was rooted to her seat by embarrassment and emotion. If she moved, she would cry. As part of her career, she’d given presentations to large audiences and been completely unfazed. Now she was terrified to stand up in a room of friendly faces. She didn’t deserve these accolades.
“Go on!” She felt a nudge from her mother and, turning, saw the old lady’s face was a picture of pride and love. “You deserve this, plus all the thanks and praise in the world.” Suddenly Fiona recognised that her mother’s previous criticisms hadn’t come from a dark place to hurt her only child. On the contrary, they’d come from a place of love and hope, a place that wanted Fiona to live the happiest and most rewarding life that she could. She grabbed her mother, kissed her on the cheek again and hugged her tight. “You daft ha’peth! Go on — they’re waiting. The flowers are dripping down Adele’s lovely new dress.” Fiona looked up towards the front of the room. She noticed that Rose and Joe had stepped into the background and were now holding hands — she was happy for them. Both Meeko and Adele were beckoning her forward. Fiona stood up.
“Nobody can replace the love of an actual mother,” Adele said, looking over to her parents. “But some people come within a hair’s breadth of doing that, turning their own life upside down in the process. Fiona — I can never thank you enough for what you have done for Natalie and I.” Fiona received the dripping bouquet, not caring about water stains on her new dress. Adele kissed her on both cheeks. “I hope both you and Dorothea will continue in our lives as grandma- and great-grandma-by-proxy to Natalie.” Then she handed the microphone to Fiona.
Fiona willed the tears and the tightness in her chest to dissipate so she didn’t embarrass herself or anyone else. Then she took a breath as another inspirational truth hit her. “The benefits of showing kindness are rarely one-sided. I didn’t offer Adele a place under my roof because I thought I would gain from it. But gain from it I have — many times over. Adele, Natalie and all the events surrounding them taught me that life is like a river — if you try to control it by building a dam in one place, the torrent will insist on finding a way through in another.” Fiona glanced across at Meeko, who was grinning widely at her. “And Adele has given back generously. Thanks to her, my fiancé ,” Fiona paused, still enjoying the novelty of that word, “has a thriving post-natal yoga class, plus not one but two Hatha yoga classes at the same venue. If you’re interested, catch him afterwards for his business card — also designed by Adele.” There was a ripple of laughter and then applause as Fiona went back to her seat. Meeko introduced the DJ and then seats were being moved to the edges of the room in order to create a dance floor.
“I never thought we’d have a baby to coo over,” Dorothea said. “Adele’s taking me shopping next week so she can choose a couple of patterns and some wool for me to knit up for Natalie. There’s only a couple of coldish months to go so I’ll have to get cracking.” Her mother sounded energised by the prospect of a project with a deadline. “I think I’ll offer to do a cotton, short-sleeved top for the summer for Adele, too. And I forgot to tell you, now that Meeko’s chair yoga sessions are in full swing, Mrs Fairchild has put me in charge of organising volunteers for the tea rota, checking the biscuit stock and making sure that only those attending the class get the refreshments. You can never be too busy, can you?”
“No, Mum.” Fiona smiled. There’d been no more of the distraught, lonely and panicky telephone calls that Dorothea had been making at the end of the previous year. Fiona no longer worried that her mother was on the cusp of dementia — all the old lady had needed was a purpose in life and someone to love. Now she had both.
Then Joe was tapping Fiona on the shoulder. Dorothea frowned. Fiona went tense — she didn’t want a scene. Everything they had to say to each other had already been said. The relationship was finished. “Can I have a word?” She shrugged and followed him. “I’m sorry I used you,” he said. “I thought I loved you. I thought we had something better than my old relationship with Rose.”
Fiona gave a small smile; she hadn’t been expecting him to speak to her at all, and especially not to apologise for something that wasn’t exclusively his fault. “It takes two to tango. I thought I loved you too. But if I truly had, I wouldn’t have been happy to see you only once a week. No apology necessary.” She offered him her hand and they shook. Another layer of a difficult past had been shed and she was a step nearer a brighter future.
Dorothea was swaying gently to the music on the edge of the dance floor with a couple of Adele’s friends. Meeko joined Fiona. “OK?” he asked. She nodded. He took her left hand and squeezed it. She looked down and felt warmed by the sight of her hand in his and the tiny gem stone on her fourth finger. He’d promised her something bigger just as soon as his new endeavours started turning a profit, but Fiona didn’t want anything bigger — both the ring and Meeko were absolutely perfect as they were.
THE END