11. Asher
11
ASHER
I needed to pull my head out of my ass. I was missing conversations left and right. Wyatt was talking to me and I was spacing out, not hearing a word he said. I messed up three orders and didn’t order the parts like he asked. He had to remind me twice, and by the third time, he snatched the paper out of my hands and said he’d do it himself.
I stepped outside and zipped up my coat. I needed a minute to get my head on straight. At this rate, I was gonna get fired, and I couldn’t afford that. Not because I needed the money, but because it was what stabilized me and kept me sane.
The door jerked open and Wyatt stepped. I knew instantly what was coming.
“Wyatt, I’m really sorry about everything. I just?—”
“I don’t want to hear it. Go home.”
Fuck, he was firing me.
“I just need a minute. I swear, I’ll be fine.”
“Asher, I’m not firing you. Clearly, something’s going on. Take the rest of the day and get your head on straight. It’s fine.” He grasped my shoulder and smiled at me. “Come back tomorrow, okay?”
I nodded, still shocked he wasn’t canning my ass. “Thanks. I appreciate it.”
“Hey, we all have bad days.”
Again, I nodded, unable to tell him how much it meant to me that he had such faith in me. I hadn’t had that in a long fucking time. Not since…well, not since I worked at OPS. And I’d walked away from them.
I gathered up my shit and headed out, but I couldn’t go home. Not yet. There was nothing for me there. I needed to clear my head, and I had no clue how to do that right now. Chase’s phone call had really fucked with my head. For the longest time, I just drove around. I didn’t even pay attention to where I was until the sun started to go down and the gas tank was approaching empty.
By then, I realized it was too late to pick up Holly from work. I hadn’t even thought about her. Hell, I couldn’t even remember if I had thought about a single thing all day. I spaced out most of what had happened while I was driving around.
The drive back to my house was long, and by the time I arrived, I still didn’t want to go in there and be all alone. I had a choice to make. I could let that dream and my own self-loathing ruin what could be the best thing of my new life or I could attempt to be a human being and talk to Holly. I wasn’t sure what would come out, if anything. Hell, she might not even want to see me. After all, I did forget her hot cocoa this morning.
But it was worth a shot.
She was worth a shot.
But I couldn’t show up empty-handed. I grabbed some fried chicken on the way over, along with every side I could think of. I didn’t know what she liked and I wasn’t about to miss out on something and face her wrath. Besides, from what I knew about her, she wasn’t that picky and would most likely be happy with anything I brought. That didn’t mean I couldn’t aim to please.
As I pulled up to her house and saw her lights on, panic tore through me. This was what I wanted, but suddenly, the thought of going inside and facing her was almost too much. What was I going to do? Walk in there with chicken and explain that I had a bad dream? Was I twelve?
“Pull your shit together,” I muttered to myself.
I grabbed the large bag of food and slammed the door to my truck. I would not blow the best thing that had happened to me in years. I marched up to her door and pounded my fist against the wood—maybe a little too harshly. I wasn’t angry at her. I was pissed as hell at myself, though.
The door swung open and the smile on her face slowly vanished. Fucking hell, I really screwed up.
“Asher, hey.”
“I have food.”
Her eyes dropped to the bag. “I can see that.”
“It’s for you. For us. If you’ll let me in.” Great, now I was the one fucking rambling. “I’m sorry about earlier today. I know I fucked up. I forgot the hot cocoa, and that was a big mistake. And then I know I didn’t pay attention to you. The thing is—well…the thing is…”
She quirked an eyebrow at me, her lips twitching in amusement.
“You’re laughing at me.”
“I sort of am.”
“Why?”
“Did you think I would be upset that you were having a bad day?”
I shifted from one foot to the other, unsure of what to say. “Um…is this a trick question?”
“Like if you said yes, I would say…”
She waited for me to respond and I leaned in, waiting for her to give me the answer.
“Asher, I’m not trying to trick you.”
“Oh.” I looked down at the bag and then back to her. “So…do you want some chicken?”
“I could eat.”
She opened the door wider and let me in, taking the bag from me. “So, what made you think of chicken?” she asked as she made her way into the kitchen.
I kicked off my boots and hung up my coat, still waiting for her to lose it on me. There had to be more to it. Maybe she would pounce when we were eating, when I was already sitting at the table and I couldn’t get away.
“Uh…I didn’t want fast food.”
“Isn’t fried chicken fast food?”
I headed into the kitchen, grabbing the plates from her as she took them from the cabinet. She was looking at me expectantly, but I was lost.
“What?”
“I said, isn’t chicken fast food?”
Crap, I needed to pull it together. “I guess.”
She thrust her hip to the side, resting her hand on it as she smiled at me. “Why are you so nervous? You’re never nervous. That’s my job.”
“I’m not nervous,” I clarified.
“You’re acting weird.”
Okay, I was acting weird. “Listen…”
“Oh, boy. Here we go,” she chuckled.
“What?”
“We’re about to have the talk, right?”
Man, I was all over the place tonight. I had no idea what she was talking about. Maybe it was just because my head was so screwed up, but now she looked like she was about to beat me over the head, and I didn’t even know why. I really sucked at this whole groveling thing and I hadn’t even started yet. All I’d done was bring the chicken.
I scratched my jaw, wondering how I should answer that. “Is this another trick question?”
She burst into a short laugh that let me know I was in trouble.
“Okay, that definitely wasn’t a good laugh.”
“I can’t believe this. You brought chicken over as some kind of…of…why did you bring it over?” she asked, throwing her hands in the air as she spun around angrily.
My eyes widened as I took a step back. I really had no idea where to go from here. “I just wanted to share a meal with you and…”
“And what? Seriously, Asher, if you’re going to do it, you don’t need to bring a bucket of chicken along to make it easier.”
Well, she had me there. I guess food really didn’t make an apology any easier. Was I that obvious? “Look?—”
“There’s that word again!”
I frowned in confusion. I was pretty sure last time I had said listen. But I was pretty sure if I said that, it would only anger her further, so I kept my mouth shut.
“I’m sorry, okay. I never meant for any of this to happen.”
“Then you shouldn’t have been so damn charming,” she huffed, spinning away from me.
“Wait, what are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about you coming over here with your bucket of breakup chicken. Although, I’m not sure you can even break up with me. Are we even together?”
Surprise rippled through me, but I wasn’t sure which caught me more off guard—the fact that she thought I was breaking things off with her or the burst of happiness that shot through me when she said we were together.
And then I couldn’t help the cocky grin that spread across my lips. She was so damn cute when she was angry. How the hell could she think I was breaking up with her? But the bigger question was how anyone hadn’t snatched her up yet.
“You’re pouting,” I pointed out, stalking over to her. I pulled her bottom lip from between her teeth with my thumb, then let my hand trail from her shoulder down her arm. “I wasn’t breaking up with you. I came here to apologize to you. And apparently, I did a really terrible job if you thought I was going to end things.”
“You…” Her eyes did this adorable flutter thing as she thought it over. “But, you said listen , and then you paused like you were trying to find the right words.”
“Yeah, because I’m a guy and I suck at apologizing.”
“Why would you need to apologize?”
“Would it be enough if I told you that I had a lot of shit on my mind last night and it screwed with my head today?”
“That depends. Did it have anything to do with me?”
“No.” That wasn’t completely a lie.
“Then that’s all I need to know.”
I eyed her skeptically. I expected her to dig into my life and try to pry every detail out of me. “Really?”
“Asher, if you want to tell me, I’ll listen. And if you don’t, that’s fine, too.”
“So…this really isn’t a trick. I’m not going to sit down, and then ten minutes later, you’re going to pepper me with questions?”
She rolled her eyes at me and dragged me to her table, shoving me into a chair. “Eat your chicken. It’s getting cold.”
“Fine, but if you steal all the mashed potatoes, we’re gonna have issues.”
She grabbed the container of potatoes and took a heaping scoop and plopped them on her plate with a smirk. “Oh yeah? Whatcha gonna do about it?”
I grabbed the gravy and poured it all over my chicken, licking my fingers in victory. She narrowed her eyes at me, her eye twitching as she tried not to show how much I’d gotten to her.
“That’s fine. I like my potatoes without gravy anyway.” She took a big bite and hummed in delight. “Delicious.”
I bit into my gravy-covered chicken and did the same. “Yep, nice and juicy.”
I was just licking the massive amount of gravy from the corner of my lip when a large dollop of mashed potato was flung at me and smashed into my face. Holly snorted, then started laughing as she hid behind her hand.
“Having fun?” I asked, not at all bothered by the potato covering my face.
“I think you look good like that. Maybe you need some more.”
“Go ahead,” I chuckled. “But you’d better be prepared to come over here and lick every scrap of food off me when you’re done, baby.”
Her breath caught in her throat at my words, and just to prove my point, I swiped a bit of potato off my face and stuck out my finger for her to lick. Her face flushed red as embarrassment hit.
Absolutely adorable.
I licked my finger clean and chuckled at her. “You’re so cute when you blush.”
“I didn’t blush. It’s hot in here.”
“It’s definitely getting hot in here,” I agreed.
She turned a shade darker and picked up her fork to eat, but after several frustrating seconds of not being able to pick up her potatoes, she threw her fork down in frustration and stomped away from the table, muttering about stupid, sexy men.
I needed to leave, but I was so damn comfortable on the couch with her. Since our mashed potato fight when things started to move a little too far into a territory our relationship wasn’t ready for, we cleaned up and settled on the couch for a movie. I thought that was a safe bet.
Then she sat down beside me and I laid my arm across the back of the couch. A simple move, yet so very bad. She snuggled in, pressing her body right up against mine. Her breast was crushed against my ribs and her hand settled on my abs. It took everything in me not to beg her to let it drift lower. I hardly paid attention to half the movie, just trying to keep my cock from getting any ideas.
Eventually, I relaxed enough to sink into a comfortable position where I wasn’t about to maul her every five seconds. And that’s when it got really bad because all I wanted was to stay like that for the rest of the night, with her in my arms and a feeling of peace settling in my chest. If I went home, all that waited for me was more darkness. And the possibilities of more dreams.
But I wasn’t about to take advantage of the situation or Holly because I was too chicken shit to face what might happen. Not to mention, if I stayed here, I’d take things way further than I wanted to with Holly. Yes, I wanted to take her to bed, but I didn’t want to rush things. For once in my life, I wanted something real with a woman. I wanted to take things slow and not jump into bed just because it felt right.
That’s the way I’d always done it and that hadn’t gotten me very far.
“I should head out,” I whispered.
She yawned, her breath warming my skin through my shirt as she snuggled just a little closer to me. “Yeah. I should get to sleep.”
Neither of us moved. I rolled my head and was about to press a kiss to her forehead at the same time that she turned to kiss me. Our lips met in a soft kiss. As I pulled away from her and saw the longing in her eyes, I knew I was fucked if I didn’t get out of here now. I wanted her so fucking much.
“I should?—”
Her lips crashed into mine as she sat up, taking control. I fell back as she straddled my hips and gripped my hair as her tongue thrust into my mouth. I tried to be good. Fuck, I really fucking tried, but this woman…
My hands slid over her back, down to her perfect ass that I had been dreaming about since the moment I saw her. I groaned as she rocked against me, making it damn near impossible to think of anything other than how much I wanted to tear off her pants and thrust my cock deep inside her.
“Asher,” she moaned, tearing her lips from mine as she let her head roll back as she rocked her body against mine.
“Fuck, Holly,” I groaned. It was too fucking much. I hoisted her off me and tossed her down on the couch, settling between her legs. There wasn’t an inch of her I didn’t want to kiss, didn’t want to explore with my tongue. My fingers quickly got to work unzipping her sweatshirt, tearing it open. Then my hand was on her breast, feeling the weight of her through her shirt. And it still wasn’t enough.
I fused my mouth to hers as I wrapped my arms around her, sitting up with her as I pulled her shirt over her head. It was a mess of tangled limbs, but I made it work. And then I was back to kissing her, taking everything I could from her as my hands felt her soft skin for the first time.
When I finally tore my lips from hers, I gently pushed her down onto the couch and stared at her spread out for me. My fingers trailed from her collarbone over the swell of her breasts down to her navel. She shivered from my touch, her eyes flaring as I dipped my fingers below the waistband of her jeans.
What would it be like to finally have her naked underneath me? To feel her pussy clenching around my cock? I bent over and pressed an open-mouthed kiss to her belly, sliding my tongue around her navel. God, she tasted fucking amazing.
“Asher,” she whispered, her legs jerking as I pressed down against her.
“You need something, baby?”
“God, you know I do,” she moaned.
My tongue kissed every inch of her, driving her wild until she was writhing beneath me, desperate for me to give her what she needed. And I wanted to so badly. I trailed my tongue over her bra, swirling it around her nipple as I eye-fucked her. The gentle bite I planned turned into something more than a nip when she grabbed my hair and cried out, tugging hard.
“Oh, God!” she cried out, squeezing me to her. I sealed my lips over hers, thrusting my cock against her center, wishing I was inside her right now, fucking her hard. Her harsh pants in my ear made it even fucking harder to walk away right now.
“Baby,” I panted. “Fuck, I have to go.” I kissed her hard and pushed away from her.
“What?” she cried out, wrapping her hands around my neck, trying to keep me with her.
I pulled her off me and stood, sighing heavily as I pushed my cock down, desperately needing the cold air right now to fix my problem. Holy shit, I needed to get out of here.
I practically ran for the door, slipping on my boots as quickly as possible.
“Where are you going?”
I chuckled, turning to face her as she adjusted herself, looking completely fuckable. “Home.”
“But…we were just?—”
“I know what we were just about to do, and trust me, it’s not time.”
Her jaw dropped and she grabbed her shirt, pulling it over her head. “Uh…who says when it’s time?”
I strode back over to her and kissed her again, this time like I was about to fuck her right on the floor, but I pulled back in time. “Trust me on this. It’s not time.”
“You know, you have a lot of rules.”
“Not rules. I just don’t want to fuck this up.”
“Maybe you’re fucking it up by waiting too long.”
“Is that a thing?” I asked.
“Well…women get accused of it all the time,” she huffed.
I nodded, trying my best not to laugh at how sexually frustrated she was. “I see. So, you want to turn the tables on me.”
“Something like that,” she said, narrowing her eyes at me.
I kissed her softly, brushing my thumb along her jaw. “I promise you this, next time there will be a much happier ending.”
“I’m holding you to that.”
I kissed her one last time, then grabbed my coat and headed out before I changed my mind and broke all the promises I made to myself about doing things differently this time.