Pack Plus Three (Pucking Pregnant Book 1)

33. Nate

My stomach turned uncomfortably as I knocked lightly on the door of the nest. Somehow, I had managed to be such a colossal asshole that I had no idea how I was going to redeem myself.

There was a sour taste in my mouth. How had Jeremy been doing a job he hated so much for so long, and I hadn”t even noticed? I was a shit pack mate. Both Devon and I had noticed that he had become somewhat withdrawn after starting the contract, but we had chalked it up to the stress of the new job. The understanding that it was because he actually despised that job made my stomach feel like lead.

I needed to make things right with my pack. And to do that, I needed to make things right with Daisy. Jeremy loved her, and it wasn’t hard to understand why. She was sweet and caring, yet so strong.

She reminded me of Jilly at times.

That was part of the reason I avoided Daisy. Every day since I had lost Jilly had been a struggle. Some days, the pain was only a light gnawing sensation, and I could go about my day and pretend nothing was wrong. Other days, my entire body cried out in pain from not having my bonded omega near me. The medication helped some, but the symptoms never fully faded.

“Daisy?” I called out her name as I opened the door to the nest.

“What do you want?” she growled, even though her voice held all the anger of a newborn kitten. Standing at the edge of her nest, her face red and puffy from tears, she rearranged pillows almost obsessively.

The sight of her stung. I had done that.

Somehow, unbeknownst to me, I had become very talented at hurting the people I cared about. When had I strayed so far from who I used to be?

The day Jilly had decided to use public transport in the rain and lost her life, that was when.

But I couldn’t live like that anymore.

“What are you doing here, Nathaniel?” She repeated her earlier question, not bothering to look at me.

“I came to apologize,” I admitted. She had used my full name, so she was clearly pissed.

“Not interested,” she snarled, throwing a pillow clear across the nest with impressive strength. “Why do you even want to apologize?” she asked, turning to face me, her expression full of disdain. “You made it quite clear that you really don’t like me.”

“I freaked out. It was totally irrational, and I was a complete donkey’s ass, and if you let me, I’ll happily explain my fucked-up thought process.”

She cocked an eyebrow. “Why do you want to explain to someone you think is selfish?”

“Because I don’t believe that,” I assured her. Hovering in the doorway, I wanted to go up to her, to talk face-to-face, but I knew better than to enter the territory of a pissed, pregnant omega without her permission.

Despite its lack of use, I was rather attached to my cock, and I didn’t want a feral omega ripping it off in a fit of anger.

“You sounded very convinced a few hours ago,” she huffed, moving across the room to the large corner couch on the far side of the room, sitting down and gesturing for me to do the same, the irate look never leaving her face.

With permission—or the closest thing to permission I was likely to get—I shuffled into the room, taking a seat opposite her.

Deep, almost black bags sat under her eyes. Again, her suffering was my doing, and I was going to have to work my ass off to prove to her I wasn’t a monumental dickhead all the time.

“Jilly died when the bus she was riding on crashed in the middle of a storm. It drove off a bridge and into a river.”

Daisy stilled, looking up, making eye contact with me for the first time since I had knocked on her door. “Talk,” she instructed.

“Jilly wasn’t super close to us growing up, but we knew her. As adults, we were all friends, and she and I would occasionally...”

“Fuck,” Daisy supplied. Why did that word sound so filthy coming out of her mouth?

“Yes, uh, fuck,” I agreed. “Well, several years ago, she started having issues with her suppressants. I was at her place, helping her move some boxes, when she had a heat hit. A nasty one. She told me she had never felt pain like that before.”

Daisy grimaced. “Suppressants are nasty things.”

“There had been no time to organize a pack to see her through the heat, or even go to the doctor and get some sedatives to dull the worst of it. Naturally, I couldn’t leave her like that, so we decided before the heat really kicked in that we would see it out together.”

Heats usually required several alphas, but sometimes, an alpha took on a heat solo and it worked, but it was usually a gargantuan and exhausting task.

“That’s a tough situation, but it’s good she had a friend around,” Daisy said. “Not all omegas are so lucky.”

Was she speaking from experience? If that was the case, I needed names.

“I knew seeing an omega through her heat would be difficult, but Jilly was a friend. What happened next was both of our faults. In a fit of heat, she bit me, and my hindbrain took over and I bit back. That was it. We were officially bonded. The heat broke maybe an hour later, probably because we had bonded, and we did discuss it briefly while we were on the comedown. We decided we were going to make the best of it.”

Daisy nodded. “But something went wrong?”

“While Jilly took a bath and relaxed, I decided to run to the office for a few minutes. I had taken several days of unexpected leave because of the heat, so I needed to make sure there was nothing urgent that needed my attention. Jilly seemed fine. All she wanted to do was nap and eat. At least, that”s what I thought. I had been at the office maybe ten minutes when the most excruciating pain you could ever imagine tore through my body.”

Tears welled up in my eyes at the memory of that pain.

“The police told me she died on impact, but I know for a fact that it was a lie. Maybe they said it to make me feel better, but we were bonded, so I could feel what she was feeling. She was alive when the bus went over that railing. She drowned slowly and painfully, and I felt every ounce of her pain.”

My hands shook as I tried to regain my composure, but that felt like an impossible task.

“My word . . . Nate,” Daisy whispered as she looked at me sympathetically.

“Then severing sickness kicked in. I experienced seizures, migraines, and at one point, my heart almost failed. We had been bonded less than six hours when she died. I was at the office when I collapsed, so they were able to get me medical attention fairly quickly, but there was only so much they could do.” My voice cracked. “She had gone out because she wanted to get some groceries. She had texted me, and I hadn’t fucking seen it. I should have been there. I should have been with her. I could have driven her. Now I have to suffer for the rest of my life because I failed as an alpha.”

Daisy shifted in her seat, her hand resting lightly on her bump. “You have to know that it”s not your fault. Is there anything they can do to ease the symptoms long term?”

I nodded. “The pain of her death is going to stay with me for the rest of my life. As for the symptoms, I have a prescription. The pills help some, and I’m supposed to be getting an injection once every two weeks, but the medication is expensive. Jeremy...” I broke off with a sob, my hand running through my hair, pulling at the roots like the pain would distract me. “He admitted that my medication is the reason he plays hockey. My decisions that day with Jilly ruined all of us, and...I don”t know what to do. I haven”t fully slept for a single night since she died, thanks to the pain—my hindbrain just knows that something is very wrong. When I realized you”d gone out to get candy on the bus in the rain, all I could think about was what would happen to Jeremy if he had to go through what I’m going through. I reacted in anger, and I never should have talked to you like that, Daisy. I just... I have so much resentment in me. Even though it wasn’t Jilly’s fault, I harbour so much fucking anger over how her actions led to her death.”

“You were a dick,” she agreed. “But it’s also understandable that you would harbor some resentment after everything you’ve been through.”

“I think I was more than a dick. I don”t want you to think I hate you. Hell, I like you, probably a bit too much. I love that Jeremy is so happy. I don”t expect you to forgive me, but I want you to know that I will do whatever it takes to make up for acting like such an idiot.”

“Nate.” Daisy frowned. “I understand why. As much as I want to hate you for the way you acted, given the situation, I think it”s more than understandable that you would freak out. But we’re family now. Whether you want to be part of our relationship or not, you’re a part of this pack. We need to talk to each other, to communicate. That’s the only way we can avoid situations like this. I get that what happened to you is difficult to talk about. I don’t want to drag up old memories, but I also don’t want to cause pain. Had I known that taking a bus in the rain was a big thing to you, I would have just waited and texted Jeremy. I won’t do it again, I promise. I didn’t mean to upset or scare you. Actually, I’d probably have texted you instead of Jeremy because you were closer to home, and I really wanted those gummy bears.” She laughed lightly.

“I am sorry. I”ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you.”

And I meant that. I refused to let my own struggles damage my pack any further. It was probably going to take a while to get everyone to believe that, but there wasn’t any way for me to turn back time.

“You are 100% going to be on snack duty. I would just offer to steal your car and go get snacks, but given that I’m the size of a blimp, I can”t really drive. I wasn’t the best of drivers before I was this big, so I don’t want to attempt it now.”

“Of course, I”ll happily go get snacks anytime you want,” I said eagerly. Daisy”s face broke out in a smile as she nodded happily at that prospect. “Doesn”t Jeremy see to all your snack needs already?” I smiled, cocking my head.

“He does,” she said, grinning conspiratorially at me. “But I feel bad constantly asking him for snacks, ”cause he”s a busy man, and he has done nothing to upset me. You, on the other hand, haven’t been asked. So, I feel no guilt asking you to go and get me tacos at three a.m.”

I couldn”t help it. I burst out laughing. “Funny thing, you mentioned three a.m. tacos because I distinctly remember a night when Devon and I went out for tacos at like four a.m. when I was studying for the bar.”

“See!” Daisy exclaimed excitedly, “You’re already—agh!” She broke off with a cry, leaning forward, clutching her stomach. Her eyes screwed up as a look of pain crossed her features.

“Daisy?” I asked, leaning forward and holding an arm out to steady her. “What is it?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know. It just hurts,” she whimpered. “I think, maybe, it’s a contraction?”

Fuck. It wasn”t her time yet. She still had weeks left to go, didn”t she? My stomach churned as it occurred to me that extreme stress would probably put her into labor early. And I, being the absolute butthole I had been recently, had stressed her out quite severely.

“Okay. I”m calling Jeremy, and we”re taking you straight to the doctor,” I said, not leaving it up to discussion. Standing up, I gently swept her into my arms, sweet apple pie filling my nose.