Chapter 30
Pain rained down on me,creating wounds not visible to the naked eye. How could everything go wrong when things were finally looking good for me? I was stupid to think that I could finally be happy.
Why didn’t I tell Giancarlo what was happening?I could tell him now. I could have told him two weeks ago or even a month ago. I was stronger by then. But I didn’t.
Fuck.
I glanced back at the only place that had felt like home. At first, I went to pack my clothes, but it was everything Giancarlo had bought me. It felt wrong to take it with me. Maybe I was holding out hope that Gin would drag me back home. Stupid fucking hope; it was worst than being punched in the stomach.
Gin.
A part of me wanted to run back in there and scream at him to listen to what I was saying. But I’d seen the look on his face. No amount of words would get through his thick skull. I turned away from the house and walked. I had nowhere to go and no one I could ask for help.
Most of my money had been used for tuition for the next semester. I’d finally be starting college. I’d pulled the rest of my money from my account to hand to my father. I wouldn’t take Gin’s money. He could shove it up his ass. I wasn’t with him for it. If Gin didn’t have a dime to his name, I’d still be at his side.
That’s never going to happen now.
The streets of New York blended the further I walked. As if the world felt my pain, the sky darkened, and thunder rumbled in the sky.
I looked up and saw the glowing light of Melony’s clinic. She had to be in there, but my body wouldn’t move forward. I slunk over to the alley next to her shop and slid down the brick wall.
“Ash?” Melony’s soft voice reached my ears, pulling me out of my head.
I lifted my head. Tears wouldn’t come, no matter how much it hurt. With Giancarlo, they flowed so easily. Maybe it was because I felt so safe with him. Out here, alone, they’d ceased to exist.
“Are you okay?”
No. I rubbed at my chest, the pain intensifying with every passing second. The corners of my mouth attempted to lift into a fake smile. I’d always been taught to smile to ensure no one knew I was in pain, but right now, I couldn’t even do that.
“Ash, it’s raining—”
“I didn’t know where to go. I’m sorry.”
Melony looked around, but there was no one but me. “Why don’t you come inside? I’ll call Gin.”
I shook my head; he didn’t want me. I pushed up on the wall. “No, please.”
“Okay, it’s coming down out here. Come inside. We can talk where it’s dry and warm.”
Melony dragged me inside. The lights were too bright. I covered my eyes and groaned the further we went. If there were people around, I couldn’t tell. Everything around me was blurry as I moved forward like a lifeless husk.
“Here, sit down,” Melony said, pointing to a chair.
My clothes clung to me uncomfortably like a second skin. I wanted to scratch it all off, tear my clothes off my body and then my flesh. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel like I was falling down a bottomless pit of despair.
Melony draped a towel over my shoulders and gave me another one. “I have some scrubs that might be able to fit you.”
I nodded and took the offered clothes. She left me, and instantly, I was blanketed in silence. When was the last time the quiet had bothered me so badly? Weeks? Months? Fuck.
Giancarlo bought me these clothes. Everything I had was because of him. Clothes, shoes, happiness. It was all Giancarlo, and now it was being stripped away from me. They were never meant to be mine in the first place.
I stripped out of the sopping wet clothes. With each layer that came off, the ache grew in my chest until it covered me from head to toe. Breathing was nearly impossible. I held my ribcage as I tried to suck in air.
“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Melony asked as she walked back in.
“No, I’m okay.” I hurriedly slipped the scrubs on and picked up the clothes. “Do you have a bag?”
She handed one over, her hazel eyes studying my every move. “Ash, are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yes.”
“What about Giancarlo?”
My chest lit up in flames at the mention of his name. The devastation and betrayal on his face made me frown. The way he refused to listen to me and his dismissal of my feelings for him only amplified that hurt. All of it came crashing into me, making me unsteady on my feet.
“Sit down.” Melony chewed her lip. “I won’t call Gin, but maybe I should call Benito.”
He didn’t need to be alone. I nodded. “You should tell him to go check on Giancarlo.” Gin had people who loved him besides me. People he trusted. He needed them. I nodded, and Melony grabbed her phone.
“What happened?” Melony asked.
“I messed up… You were right. Some people are meant for this life… I’m not one of them.” I thought I could do it. I’d accepted everything about Giancarlo. Even if he was to kill someone in front of me, I was certain I’d stand at his side. However, he didn’t want me there anymore.
“I’m sure it can be fixed.”
I shook my head. “No, it can’t.”
I’ll never feel happiness again.
Melony held the phone up to her ear, her lips tight as she stared at me. “Benito. I know it’s late.” She was silent for a minute before she spoke again. “You need to go check on Gin.” Our eyes met for a second before she turned around. “I don’t know what happened.”
Hearing his name made the ache in my chest intensify. I bent over, sucking in as much air as I could. I thought I was doing the right thing. I’d finally mustered up the strength to stand up to Roger, only for it to all implode on me.
I covered my ears as my mind took over. I could practically hear him laughing, telling me I should have stayed quiet. Nothing bad happens to me when I listen. I knew it wasn’t the truth, but fuck if it didn’t feel that way.
“Ash. Hey, Ash!”
I lifted my head, my vision blurring. Even now, I was using Giancarlo. The only reason I knew Melony was because of him. I slipped out of the chair and moved around her. “Sorry.” My fingers tangled in my wet hair. I yanked them free and welcomed the pain outside of the one tearing me up inside.
“Where are you going?”
I forced a smile as a tear slipped free. “Thank you for letting me dry off a little. I better go.”
“Wait.”
I turned on my heels and ran out of the clinic as if my life depended on it. The rain pelted down on my head, plastering my hair to my face. Rocks and dirt cut into the soles of my feet as I ran. Where I was going, I had no clue. My heartbreak was the only thing propelling me forward. I made turn after turn, lost and blind.
All I could think about was Giancarlo and everything I could have done differently. If only I’d been stronger, I would have told Gin about my dad. That first lie had come naturally, and after that, there was no stopping the snowball as it rolled down the mountain. The lies grew until it was impossible to control. I thought standing up to my dad would finally stop it all from ruining my life, but I’d been naive.
I still held my phone. I wasn’t sure why. I’d left everything else Gin gave me behind.
My finger hovered over Giancarlo’s name. I hit the contact and listened to endless ringing. I knew he wouldn’t pick up but thinking that and having it happen were two different things. My heart felt as if it was being ripped in half. I tilted my head back and closed my eyes as more rain fell on me.
“You’ve reached Giancarlo. I’m out getting my dick sucked by your mom. Leave a message.”
Laughter that sounded closer to a cry left me. He was so insane. How hadn’t I heard his voicemail until today? He always answers my calls no matter what. I swallowed around the ball in my throat.
“Gin, I…” I what? He knew I loved him, and he didn’t care or want it. He made it clear how he saw me now. “I...” Fuck, why did I call if I couldn’t get anything out? I squatted and wrapped my arm around my legs. “You’ll probably delete this without listening.” A car blared by, splashing dirty water from the street over my already soaking body. I sputtered and stood up. “Shit.”
I wiped my face with my hand. “I do love you, Gin… I hope one day you will see that.” Maybe I was a selfish piece of shit, but I didn’t want him to be happy with someone else. I wanted him. I wanted us. I hung up the phone, unable to come up with anything else to say.
I turned another corner. The rain wasn’t letting up any time soon. I did my best to avoid broken glass or nails on the ground. If my feet were being torn to shreds, I had no clue. Everything was so numb. A chill washed over me. I stopped in my tracks, my head whipping from side to side. Someone was nearby, watching me. I couldn’t make out much in the heavy rain.
“Who’s there?” I didn’t expect an answer, and I didn’t receive one.
I picked up my steps until I was practically running. I looked over my shoulder, trying to make out if anyone was chasing me. I crossed the street, attempting to get away from the feeling. A horn blared as a car nearly hit me. I jumped, tripping over my own feet. “Sorry, sorry.”
“Get out of the fucking road!”
I made it over to the other side, but the eerie feeling didn’t let up. I squinted and wiped the rain off my face the best I could. I still couldn’t make anything out. Three blurry figures moved around, but I couldn’t be certain if they were regular people running from the rain or the guys my dad had following me. I told him to stop, but it was doubtful he would listen.
“Fuck off.” Anger boiled under my flesh as I glared their way. “I gave him all I had left. My life is ruined because of him. He isn’t getting shit else from me, so you can fuck off!”
They kept heading toward me, undeterred by my words. My instincts screamed run. I twisted around and slammed into a hard chest. Stumbling back, I held my face.
“Got you.”
I struggled as arms bound around me. “Let me go.”
“Shut him up,” one of the guys said.
I jerked my head back; the loud crunch of cartilage and bone was unmistakable.
“Fuck.”
Air whooshed by me as I dropped to the ground. My shoulder screamed in pain as I landed on it. I had no chance to recover as a boot rammed into my back repeatedly. A cry broke free as another foot joined and slammed into my ribs.
I instinctively curled up and gritted my teeth. I could take this. I slipped into the back of my mind as blows rained down on me. Some things in life never changed. I was born a punching bag, and I’d die as one.
“Leave him alive.”
I blinked, fighting with the rain and the spots in my vision. A man walked toward us and squatted down. I knew him from somewhere.
“He’s a fine-looking piece of ass.” He let out a heavy sigh as he dropped my face. “Take him to the site. Giancarlo has some fucking nerve.”
“What do you want us to do with him?”
The man lit up a cigarette, the light of the fire illuminating his face. He was the same man from Giancarlo’s office. Abraham or Able, something of the sort.
I grunted. “Leave him… alone.” Talking hurt like a bitch. My throat was raw, like I’d swallowed razor blades. To drive home the feeling all I could taste was my blood.
“For a whore you sure have a lot to say.” He snapped his fingers, and I was dragged up. “Don’t worry. Your boyfriend is going to get exactly what he deserves.”
“Able, who is this?” another man asked. He had dark brown hair combed over a thin spot in the middle of his head and a round midsection. His clothes screamed money, and his soft round face made him look like he’d never struggled for much in his life.
“Weston, I told you to stay in the car.”
“Who is this poor man?” He asked, trying to glint through the rain.
“This is Giancarlo’s boy toy.”
Weston’s face morphed from one of concern to disgust as recognition dawned on his features. “You’re with that filthy mongrel.”
“Exactly. Let me handle this. Go back to the car.”
Weston stared at me. For a split second, I thought he’d demand I be let go. “Make him pay. That piece of shit fucked my wife.”
Damn it. Gin fucked his wife?
“Oh yeah,” Able said. He blew smoke in my face. “Why don’t you fuck him to get your payback?”
Weston’s face pinched in disgust. “He has a dick. I’m not a faggot.”
Able pointed a cigarette at him. “Watch it.”
“Sorry, to each their own, but I’m not sticking my dick in another man.”
Able shrugged. “Suit yourself. It’s better than pussy if you ask me.”
Weston stared at me, and panic clawed at the back of my throat. I didn’t want anyone to touch me but Giancarlo.
“Maybe I can do it if some porn is playing.”
“And after you, my men can have a go. We’ll ruin him like Giancarlo has ruined everything of ours,” Able said with a smile plastered on his face.
“Yeah.”
“No!” I lunged forward, not sure what I was going to do. All I knew was I wanted to beat the crap out of him.
Weston jumped back, resting a hand on his stomach. Able laughed, his black hair falling in front of his eyes. I knew he was like the men my father hung around the moment I met him. It was, in his eyes, a kind of evil that shouldn’t exist in this world.
“You’re going to be fun. I can tell,” Able said. His hand whipped across my face, and a fresh gush of blood coated my tongue. The spots came back with a vengeance, nearly taking my vision. He grabbed a fistful of my hair and forced me to look at his face. “You’re going to learn really quick that I don’t like being told no. Better start saying yes, sir, real soon.”
Never.
“Oh, I like that fight. Make sure it’s still there when it’s my turn with your ass.”
No.I jerked back and regretted the moment I moved. Bile burned up my throat and over my tongue. My nose was on fire as puke tried to escape out that way.
“Ah, fuck.” One of the guys holding me shouted as vomit spilled from my lips.
Darkness closed in on me, stripping any strength I had left in my body. I sagged in their hold.
“You can have your fun later. We need to get him out of here,” Weston or maybe Able said. Everyone was starting to sound alike. The stupid spots were stealing more and more of my vision.
“Are you sure this will work? Why would he care about a whore?”
I wanted to scream that he didn’t, that we broke up. That wasn’t exactly true either, though; we hadn’t been together in the first place. We had a deal. Now, I had nothing tying me to Giancarlo. My tongue lay uselessly in my mouth, unable to move and form words.
“Men like Giancarlo are easy to destroy. Hurt what he cares about, and he will crumble like a stack of cards.”
Gin would never crumble. I wouldn’t let them do anything to him. I could handle anything, even facing my worst nightmare. Memories of the basement at my father’s house and the screams came crashing through my head. It was finally my turn.
Gin, I’m sorry.