Paralyzed

Chapter 1

J erking awake and gasping for breath, Nathan irritably swiped at the sweat pouring down his face, ignoring how his hand trembled. When would these nightmares stop haunting him? It had already been six years, but they only seemed to get more intense with the passing of time instead of fading. Glancing at the clock, he saw there were only thirty minutes until the alarm went off, and he got up instead of going back to sleep. The sheets stuck to his skin as he stumbled out of bed toward the bathroom, and they fell haphazardly across the floor behind him. Dark strands of hair tickled his cheek, and he brushed at them in frustration. They’d come free from the small band he used to tie his shoulder-length black hair back from his face.

His nightmares were always the same. Every detail of that night six years ago haunted him. The memory of his mother’s face as she’d mouthed “I love you” just before the explosion disturbed him more than anything. If only things had been different. If his legs hadn’t shattered in several places. Or if he hadn’t been so angry at his parents and demanded that they leave the party. His best friend Troy would tell him to stop playing “What Ifs” because there was no way to change what happened, and Nathan was lucky to be alive. But he couldn’t stop wondering if he should have died that night, too.

At only twenty-two years old, Nathan had seen more than his fair share of horrors. Every day, he struggled to not let everything envelop him and drag him back down into the dark abyss he’d been in following the deaths of his parents.

The pipes rattled in the walls as he twisted the handle for the hot water. Steam filled the small room in minutes. Nathan stared at himself in the mirror, studying his reflection. Dark circles were prominent beneath the green eyes gazing back at him. His mother had always said he’d inherited his grandmother’s catlike eyes. Those same eyes were darker still with the memories never far from his mind. Raven’s wing black hair, ragged from lack of proper trimming, hung around his slim face. His aunts were constantly nagging him because of how thin he was. He barely ate, and when he did, he hardly ever finished the food on his plate. His ribs stuck out against his skin, further proof of how little he consumed. A light dusting of freckles across his nose was the only color, and they showed clearly against his pale skin. He wasn’t unattractive, but a little more weight on his five-foot-ten frame would help. A white scar trailed along his temple, about six inches long, but only two inches were visible; the other four disappeared underneath his hairline.

The mirror fogged over from the steam, slowly hiding his reflection. Once the mirror had turned opaque and he could no longer see himself, Nathan looked away and stepped into the tub, closing the curtain behind him. The hot water stung his skin, but he welcomed the momentary pain. It turned his skin a bright pink as he shampooed and washed for the day. His actions were routine and without thought while he showered, as he remained wrapped up in thoughts of his past and the nightmare he relived every time he slept.

His mother, the gentlest woman he’d ever known aside from the aunts who’d raised him after his parents died, had always smelled of peppermint and vanilla. It had been one of her favorite lotions. Whenever he caught the scent on someone else, it always brought sharp pangs of pain and loss straight to his chest. Memories of her hugging him and kissing his cheek when he’d been a child or of the last night before the accident, when she’d taken his arm to walk to the car, would overwhelm him, almost sending him to his knees in agonizing guilt.

Every day, he looked in the mirror and saw his father. Even if he’d wanted to, he could never forget the person his father had been. They both had the same blue-black hair, firm chin, and lightly flared nose. Nathan had only seen his father truly upset once—the night of the accident. Laughter was uncommon for Nathan these days. He could barely recall the last time he’d felt happy enough to let himself go. Guilt that he was still alive while his parents were dead kept him from being able to enjoy much of his life.

He finished his shower, turned off the water, and grabbed a towel to dry himself with. It didn’t take him long to dress in his usual jeans and T-shirt, and he stuffed his feet into a pair of scuffed sneakers before leaving his bedroom to head into the kitchen for his morning coffee. The sun was just peering over the horizon as he filled his mug.

His apartment, though small, was perfect for a single person—one bedroom with a miniscule bathroom. Sparsely furnished, a simple couch rested against the wall of the tiny living room area directly across from a 27-inch television that his aunts had given him last year for Christmas. The dining area had a folding card table and two chairs. His bedroom contained a queen-sized bed he’d bought from a thrift store and a beat-up dresser to hold his clothes. The only personal effects he had lying around were his guitar and several pictures of his parents, aunts, and Troy. Anyone looking at it would think it a barren apartment, but to him, it was all his.

His aunts constantly begged him to let them pay for somewhere nicer, but he refused. Living in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, wasn’t exactly cheap, especially being so close to the beach, but he had to make his own way. Aunt Becky and Aunt Jessica had done more than he could have asked for in the last six years. He loved them with all his heart and wouldn’t trade having them as his aunts for anything in the world. He just didn’t think it was fair to rely on them so much. Especially after all the hell he’d put them through since his parents’ deaths.

The one thing he couldn’t live without though was coffee, his personal breakfast of champions, with lots and lots of sugar. Most would have asked if he wanted coffee with his sugar, that’s how much he put in it. He had a major sweet tooth. Anything vanilla was his favorite. He felt pretty sure he’d inherited that from his mother. Vanilla ice cream with rainbow-colored sprinkles had always been his first choice at dessert time.

Rinsing out his mug once he’d finished his coffee, Nathan debated on having another cup, but with his hands still trembling slightly after the dream, he decided against it. He set the mug on the drying rack and then grabbed his backpack from the floor by the front closet. The door to his apartment stuck, and he had to tug hard sometimes to get it open. The landlord had been swearing up and down for weeks that he’d get it fixed. Nathan had finally tired of asking and just let it go. Closing the door behind him with a bang, he locked it and headed downstairs to find Troy sitting on the bottom step, crooning to a song he listened to on his iPhone. Troy smiled when he saw Nathan coming down the steps.

Troy Davis. No one could ask for a better friend. Troy had gone through hell helping him survive the last six years—the weeks spent in the hospital after the accident, six months in rehab, and then the year Nathan had spent in the institution because his aunts and the doctors had believed he’d snapped under the trauma of his parents’ deaths. Troy had also helped him make up the work he’d missed from school so he could graduate on time. He would never forget how Troy had been there for him or how much he owed him for it.

Friends since middle school, he’d never really considered Troy anything else, despite how drop-dead gorgeous he was. Black hair with ocean blue eyes, a firm chin with an amazingly sexy cleft, toned physique, and being six foot two made for a sexy package. But Troy was like a brother to Nathan, and he couldn’t imagine anything more developing between them—he knew Troy chased skirts like a dog chased cars.

Nathan had known he was gay since he’d turned thirteen, when he’d started noticing other boys instead of girls. At first, he hadn’t realized, but his mother had. She’d helped him come to terms with it. Unlike some parents, who would have swept his sexuality under the carpet or even possibly disowned him, his mom and dad had accepted his sexuality as though he’d told them there were clouds in the sky. He supposed it was because of his aunts. Aunt Becky, Mom’s sister, had lived with her life partner, Jessica, for almost his entire life.

“Hey, Nate! How’s it hanging?” Troy asked as he stood, slipping his earbuds out and sliding them and his phone into his pocket. He adjusted his jeans, pulling them up slightly.

Nathan shrugged. “It’s going. You think Professor Johns will try to humiliate us again?”

Troy growled. “That man seriously needs to get laid. He’s such a bastard.”

Nathan huffed a quick laugh, which died almost instantly. Johns really was an ass. “Did you finish his assignment?”

“Yeah. I’d love to tell him to stick it, though,” Troy muttered as he walked around the front of his car to clamber into the driver’s side.

Nathan climbed into Troy’s beat up Chevy Malibu and leaned back, putting one foot on the dashboard. “You think you could give me a lift to the store after classes?”

“Sure. I have to go that way, anyway. Nikki’s working today.” Troy grinned cockily.

Nathan rolled his eyes. Troy’s recent interest, Nikki, was a beautiful brunette who worked in a coffee shop near the music store. Troy had been trying to get her to go out with him for a couple of months now. She always refused. Nathan had a feeling she’d either been in an abusive relationship or maybe even still was because he could see a glimmer of fear in her eyes whenever a guy paid too much attention to her. He’d tried more than once to get Troy to give up on her, but he’d just laughed at Nathan’s suggestion and brushed it off.

Six days a week, Nathan managed a store called True Music, where they sold vinyl records, new and used CDs, sheet music, musical instruments, and anything else music related his boss thought would sell. Nathan loved music—listening to it, singing it, and playing it.

On Saturday nights he played guitar at a local dive near the college. Students would come into the small café to drink coffee, listen to live music, and talk. It wasn’t a lot of money, but he could do what he loved. Some would question why he wasn’t going to school to study music, but he knew he had to finish his degree in business. He owed it to his aunts. They’d supported him entirely for three years without a thought of how it strained their own financial situation, cramped their romantic life, or what they could have done if he hadn’t been there.

“So, I’ll meet you at your car at three?” Nathan asked as Troy pulled into a space in front of Webster University.

Troy nodded, and Nathan climbed out of the car, limping toward the far side of campus. Despite months of rehab, the multiple pins in his legs, and the surgeries done to “fix” him, he still walked with a limp. He figured it was just another reminder of how selfish he’d been. He usually ignored the looks people sent his way, knowing they were sympathetic or curious, neither of which he wanted to deal with.

The morning passed by quickly for Nathan. He met up with Troy for lunch, eating almost a full sandwich and part of an apple. Later in the afternoon, Nathan slid into his usual seat in Professor Johns’ class, pulling out his notebook, a pen, and the assignment the professor had given out a couple weeks ago. The assignment was simple: come up with a business plan and detail it out to where within five years a profit of over two hundred thousand was being made annually. It had been straightforward stuff for him.

Troy slipped into the seat next to him, greeting him casually and taking out his own homework. When the professor cleared his throat, Nathan looked up and finally noticed the man standing near the huge dry-erase board on the wall close to the window. His dream had still been weighing on him, and that’s probably why he hadn’t noticed him when he’d first walked into the classroom. Nathan clenched his jaw, trying to ignore his presence. Troy noticed immediately. “What’s wrong?” he whispered, not daring to call the professor’s attention.

“It’s one of them,” Nathan replied bitterly, his hand tightening around his pen. If it had been a pencil, it would have snapped in two. As it was, the case cracked under the pressure. The man was around Nathan’s height, with dark blond hair and a body like Troy’s but leaner in muscle. Nathan couldn’t see his eyes since he was gazing out of the window.

A breath hissed from Troy. His eyes darted around, but he wouldn’t be able to see him. “Are you sure?”

Nathan grimaced. “Of course. Standing by the window. No way Professor Johns would ignore a student standing there.”

Troy’s gaze flitted in the direction Nathan mentioned, trying in vain to see the man. “Just ignore him,” he instructed softly.

Nathan snorted. He always tried to ignore them, but it was hard when they were right in his face and he knew what they were.

Professor Johns noticed them whispering to each other and stopped talking. “Mr. Bryant, Mr. Davis, is there something you would like to share with us? If it’s enough to keep you whispering between yourselves while I am speaking, it must be quite stimulating.”

“No, sir,” Troy said. “We were just discussing how much fun we had putting together the business plan you assigned to us. It seems Nathan’s plan is better than mine.”

Nathan glared at Troy. Great. Now Professor Johns would zero in on him. “Oh, is that right?” The professor stepped forward, an eyebrow raised in skepticism. “Well, why don’t you show me your plan, Mr. Bryant? I’d love to see what has Mr. Davis so fascinated.”

Letting out a growl under his breath at Troy, Nathan stood and limped down the steps to hand the report to the professor. He turned to slink back to his seat, but Professor Johns stopped him. “Oh, I think you should stay here, Mr. Bryant. That way, you can show me exactly where you made a better business plan than your friend.”

The man standing by the window moved closer to them, peering over the professor’s shoulder. Nathan couldn’t help but notice the dark brown eyes set above a slightly irregular nose. The slight musky scent of death wafted to Nathan’s nostrils. He could tell whoever the ghost was, they couldn’t have been deceased more than a few years.

Professor Johns started looking over Nathan’s assignment, smirking as he continued through to the end. “Just as I expected. Inferior work. You haven’t even considered the possibility that your target clientele might hesitate to use your products, as you are a newly established business. There is no way you’d be able to bring in those types of profits in the first six months.”

A snort left the stranger behind the professor. “You are so full of shit, Johns. His plan is brilliant. He’d be making money hand over fist within months.”

Nathan couldn’t help it. He gave a small laugh, drawing the attention of both the professor and the man behind him. “You find something funny?” Professor Johns demanded at the same time the blond male asked, “You can hear me?”

Nathan’s slight smile faded as he realized if he wasn’t careful, he’d give his secret away. “No, sir. I just think that with proper advertising and the right sales representatives, it’s not as far-fetched as you imagine.”

Professor Johns took great offense to Nathan’s response. “I have been teaching this class for well over twenty years,” he blustered, face red. “You think you know better than I? Your paper is like reading that of a high school student. Shabby, poorly planned, and F material.”

Shocked, Nathan exclaimed, “You can’t seriously be giving me an F! I spent two weeks working on it!”

“That is so not cool,” the blond murmured, shaking his head at the professor.

“Shut up,” Nathan snarled, then drew back as he realized he’d just acknowledged he could hear the man. Of course, Professor Johns didn’t know Nathan wasn’t talking to him, and he exploded.

“Excuse me? Did you just tell me to shut up, Mr. Bryant?” Professor Johns demanded.

Nathan kept his mouth closed. What could he say? How could he explain he hadn’t been talking to the teacher, but to a person no one else could see? Sighing, he hung his head and waited.

“Please leave my lecture hall this instant. You are not to return to my class for a week. Do you hear me, Mr. Bryant?”

Scowling, Nathan nodded, stomped over to gather his things, and then slammed out of the room. Troy had given him an apologetic look he completely ignored. The rat had sent him into an ambush by bringing him to the professor’s attention. Damn it! Stupid ghost! He knew the spirit followed him out of the class, but he kept walking, pretending he didn’t see him.

“I know you can hear me,” the man said caustically, still trailing after him.

Nathan knew the stranger wouldn’t leave him alone, so he stopped, staring out the window into the courtyard in the center of the college. “Go away,” he bit out between clenched teeth, his fingers digging into the handle of his book bag.

“Not going to happen. I need your help.” The blond moved to stand in Nathan’s peripheral vision.

“No. I can’t. Please, just go away.” He turned toward the stranger.

Shock slipped over the man’s face. “You can see me, too!”

Nathan glared at him before stalking through him. He would just pretend the guy didn’t exist. It was the only thing he could do. He couldn’t help him because he had his own baggage to carry.

To his dismay, the blond continued to follow him. “My name is Alan. I really need your help. There’s something I—”

Whirling around, Nathan shouted, “I don’t care! Stay away from me.”

Several students nearby turned to look at him. Surprise and fear all crossed their faces when they saw no one standing with him. Nathan closed his eyes, breathed deep, and smiled at them when he reopened his eyes before turning and hurrying away.

It wasn’t fair. Why did this happen to him? Wasn’t it enough that he’d lost his parents in the accident? His heart had stopped on the way to the hospital and during the surgery to stop the internal bleeding. When Nathan had regained consciousness, he’d first thought the people he was seeing were just other patients who’d wandered into his hospital room. It wasn’t until the nurse had caught him talking to someone she couldn’t see that he’d realized that when he’d come back from death, he’d come back wrong. Something had changed and he could see spirits—ghosts, as most would call them.

Nathan had insisted he could see and talk to them and had been transferred to the mental ward after his rehab. The doctors and nurses hadn’t believed him. Even his aunts had thought it was the stress and trauma of the accident. It had taken time for him to come to terms with it himself. The months he’d spent in the mental ward had been the most terrifying months of his life. The things he’d seen, the ghosts that had lingered there, had left a huge scar across his soul. Those were things no one should ever see. It was horrifying. Finally, he’d learned to pretend they weren’t there. He’d agreed with the doctors and told them what they’d wanted to hear. A full year later, they had finally released him.

Troy was the only one who’d believed him and hadn’t thought he’d lost his mind. He’d been the one who’d suggested Nathan agree with the doctors. Act like nothing is there , he’d said. Nathan hadn’t wanted to because they were there. He wasn’t seeing things like they thought he was, but the longer he stayed in the hospital, the more he’d grown certain if he remained much longer, he would have a nervous breakdown. So, the lies and deception had begun.

Over the years, he’d learned to figure out when it was a spirit. They moved a certain way, acted a certain way, and there was always so much emotion around them. Their emotions were like a tangible living being to Nathan. Sometimes anger would hit him with a blast of heat across his skin when they were near. Or happiness brushed over him, a gentle breeze blowing through his hair, kissing his skin. Other times, despair and sadness would weigh him down under what appeared to be a thousand pounds suddenly resting on his chest. The sadness hit him hardest. It had taken months for him to train himself not to burst into tears the instant he felt the emotion. It ate through him, destroying him.

Anxiety struck Nathan as it rolled off the man. “Please, help me. I need you to see someone.”

“No,” Nathan muttered. Instead of heading for the library to wait for Troy, he detoured and was practically running by the time he reached the front of the building. He needed to get away from there. Now.

Thankfully, the spirit disappeared when Nathan exited, but he knew until he did what the blond ghost wanted, he’d be back. A shudder raced through Nathan as he stepped onto the bus, dropping change into the meter and then walking to the back to sit. He stared straight ahead, ignoring the woman who sat nearby, a dazed expression on her face.

Eventually, he’d understood that an item related to a spirit’s death or a thing they had an emotional connection to was what tied the ghosts to the physical plane. Dried blood matted the woman’s hair, and it stained one side of the dress she wore. She looked at Nathan. Her lips trembled as she cried. “Where’s my baby?” she whispered repeatedly.

Nathan steeled himself against the onslaught of emotions flooding the small confines of the bus. He clenched his teeth so tightly his head hurt. “I can’t find my baby.”

He wanted to lift his hands to his ears, to cover them and block her out. He almost ripped his bag while opening it and frantically yanked out his outdated MP3 player. Stuffing the earbuds in his ears, he clicked on the first song he came to, and as the music started, he closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see her. He raised the hoodie he wore up enough to cover his nose, the stench of death and decay gagging him. The stronger the smells, the longer they’d been deceased. If he’d been standing, the weight of her grief would have brought him to his knees. Please stop, he begged her silently. It wasn’t until he stepped off the bus that he could breathe normally again. Once he got far enough away, he could no longer feel her energy.