Chapter 7
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHELSEA
F our Years Ago
Tony was right when he said my needs would get the best of me, but I still refuse to move us out of the “friends with benefits” category. I know it isn’t fair to him, but every time I consider the possibility of us being a real couple, I remember that he could have so much more with someone closer to his age.
That doesn’t stop me from ending up in his bed every few months…or the irrational jealousy I feel at the thought of another woman taking my place. When I think of all the beautiful young college girls that frequent TG’s, my heart sinks, knowing that eventually he’s going to realize he’s wasting his time with me.
If I felt like a cougar when we met, it’s even worse now that I’m in my forties and he’s still in his twenties…for a few more months anyway. I can’t believe he still wants me , I think as I lean toward the mirror, noticing the crow’s feet starting to show at the corners of my eyes as I swipe on my mascara.
The truth is, I’m hopelessly in love with Tony, but I’m terrified of admitting it only to lose him. So, I find any excuse I can come up with to stop our beginning out of my fear of the end.
I’ve used the excuse that we’re in two different places in life, but we’re not. We’re both successful business owners. I’ve used the excuse that I’ll be holding him back from starting a family, but I’m not. He’s assured me that he has no interest in children if they’re not also mine. I’ve used the excuse that I have a child of my own to raise, but—as of today—that’s no longer true. Tracey is eighteen and will be graduating high school in a few months.
My daughter’s yelp of excitement brings me out of my thoughts, and I make my way downstairs to see that her birthday surprise has arrived. Joey spins her around before setting her on her feet to offer me a hug.
I knew Tracey would be upset if her best friend wasn’t here to celebrate such a milestone birthday with her. So, after talking with the Campbells, I purchased the round-trip ticket and emailed it to Joey last week.
“Thank you, Momma!” Tracey throws her arms around me.
“You’re welcome. Let’s get going if you’re still insisting we eat at that Happy Hour place. I want to beat the rowdy crowd.” I pretend I don’t remember the name of TG’s Happy Hour even though I spend half of my days staring at the sign, remembering the first time I saw it…and its owner.
“Are you sure I can’t bring you a Margarita?” Tony grins as I shake my head before sipping my sweet tea. “I’m glad Tracey talked you into coming. I didn’t think I’d ever see you in here during business hours.”
“This is where Tracey wanted to celebrate her birthday.” I shrug. “She’s been chomping at the bit to come here ever since Jenny started moonlighting as your waitress.”
“Are you still mad about me stealing your employee?” He laughs.
“You didn’t steal me.” Jenny hip checks Tony as she steps up beside him. “I work more hours at Chelsea’s than I do here. I just couldn’t pass up the tips if I wanted to move out of my parents’ house.” She turns to him with a mock glare. “Speaking of which, I’m not sharing my tip with you just because you can’t stay behind the bar where you’re usually hiding, old man.”
A pang of jealousy hits me as I watch their banter. At almost twenty-one, Jenny is closer to Tony’s age than me. No one would bat an eye at the two of them together, unlike the way they would look at the two of us .
“I’m actually ready for the check, Jenny. I’m going to head out and let Tracey and Joey enjoy their night.”
“What’s wrong?” Tony asks once Jenny trots off.
“I was just noticing how close you and Jenny are getting, and I know it’s only a matter of time before you end up with someone like her.” I sigh. “I guess I’m just not happy about losing my best friend.”
Tony
Here we go again. I’ve done everything shy of begging Chelsea to marry me these past few years to show her that I’m all in. She’s the one constantly using our age difference as an excuse not to move forward.
“Jenny is like the annoying little sister I never wanted.” I bark out a laugh. “You know damn well you’re not getting rid of me, Hellsy. ”
It’s taking everything in me not to pull her from her seat and kiss her right here in the middle of my bar to show her just how serious I am about us. But that would just make her run away again. So, I tell her that her meal is on the house and take a step back.
She stands with a smile, erasing the distance I had put between us. “Are you still coming to help me set up for the Christmas parade, tomorrow?”
“I’ll be there with bells on.” I wink and take another step back, still fighting the urge to reach for her.
Her hand twitches like she wants to reach for me too, but she clenches it at her side before walking past me toward the door.
As promised, I keep an eye on Chelsea’s daughter until she leave with the last of the customers at closing time. Tracey has a carefree spirit that I know she inherited from her mother since I’ve seen glimpses of it from time to time. But Chelsea has let herself get weighed down with responsibility since the death of her husband. Like she’s trying to atone for his mistake.
I was hoping that maybe she would let herself move on now that Tracey is eighteen but—from what I saw tonight—that’s not going to happen. At some point, I have to decide if what we have is enough for me. I’m never going to want anyone else the way I want Chelsea, but maybe my heart wouldn’t ache for her so much if we were just friends without the benefits.
After closing time, I open my apartment door to see Chelsea asleep on my couch with my cat curled up next to her and all of my earlier doubts vanish. She may not be willing to take our relationship public, but she’s mine just the same.