Chapter 1
CHAPTER ONE
T he sounds of heavy gunfire startled him awake. He groaned, the pain in his body made it hurt to move let alone breathe. He felt disoriented, unsure of where he was and what was happening. The sound of a bullet pinging too close to his skull quickly jarred the fog from his mind. All at once, his instincts screamed at him to get to safety. The Humvee he’d been in had driven over an IED him and his––
Derek tried to pull himself from the nightmare he couldn’t stop reliving. He focused on his breathing and the pavement in front of him. The cold December air did nothing to cool his overheated skin. His shirt clung to his sweat soaked skin and his entire left side ached from his late-night jog. He lost track of time long before he left his house. The need to escape burned inside of him and had his feet moving before he thought to care about anything other than his freedom.
He had to keep moving––needed to exhaust his body so his mind had a chance to rest. He knew the second he stopped he’d be sucked right back into the memory that changed his entire life.
Derek ducked his head, flinching as if he was still overseas dodging bullets instead of the low hanging branches that he passed on his run. The trees should have served as a reminder that he was home, safe and free but his damaged mind morphed those branches to bullets and the pavement to the streets overseas.
Derek pumped his legs faster, hoping it would take him further away from the nightmare that dogged his heels. His face was wet, but he couldn’t tell if that was sweat or from the tears he hadn’t stopped crying since he’d come home, alone.
He pushed himself further even when his body was begging for him to rest, but he wouldn’t stop. If he stopped, he thought of them, his brothers, the ones who hadn’t made it home like he did.
Danny.
His face flashed in Derek’s mind and he could have sworn he heard Danny’s hearty laughter chasing behind him. He’d been the one bright spot being overseas and Derek’s hardest loss.
Derek found Danny ducked under the second Humvee that had been driving with his. Danny was clutching his side and blood dripped from his mouth. Derek wanted to call for him but didn’t want to shout to give away their location.
“Don’t go there,” he grunted, desperate not to relive Danny’s last moments.
No matter how much therapy he went to or how many women he fucked, he couldn’t get his mind to stop the video replay of that day. He tried everything, even burying himself in the bottom of a liquor bottle, but nothing ever stopped what came next.
Danny’s gaze shot up and their eyes connected, making both men smile. Danny had the same smile his twin sister had. The sister Derek loved more than the air in his body and the one he promised to keep Danny safe.
Danny lifted his fist with his pinky and thumb out toward Derek and nodded his head. A silent sign he was okay and Derek felt himself relax. He closed his eyes as relief washed over him. They were both alive and they would get out of here.
Derek opened his eyes, trying to figure out the best course of action when it happened. One minute Danny was smiling at him and the next––
Derek tripped over his own feet. His body came crashing down on the pavement. His hands and knees braced his fall, but not without it making his left side ignite in a pain he hadn’t felt since he’d been rescued from that hell hole.
He rolled onto his side before slowly sitting up. A wave of nausea hit him. He brought his knees into his chest, wrapping his arms around his shins and letting his head fall between them. His entire body shook from pain–both physical and emotional.
It had been years since that day, and losing Danny hurt just as much now as it did then. Derek had been in the marines since he was eighteen. He’d seen death and felt the loss of his brothers and sisters daily but none stuck with him like Danny’s had. It was the only one he couldn’t shake feeling personally responsible for.
“I’m sorry,” Derek whispered into the nothingness that was now his life.
He heard a low rumble of thunder but made no move to get up. What was getting caught in a little rain when his life had been nothing but a violent storm since he was discharged from the marines?
Derek felt the first kiss of a raindrop on his forearm and still made no move to get up. He knew he should get going, sitting in this position too long would cause his body to lock up and he’d be in pain for days but still he sat there, unmoving. He felt hopeless, wondering when the darkness was going to put him out of his misery.
He’d been tempted before, to stop his own heartbeat but he could never go through with it. He always wondered what he was holding onto that was keeping him here.
He had nothing left, he made sure of that.
A whimper caught his attention and he slowly lifted his head; not sure if the sound had come from him or someone else. His gaze collided with a pair of sad brown eyes that matched his own misery, except those eyes were attached to a raggedy Pitbull with a piece of its ear missing. Its fur looked like the color of smoke and had fresh cuts and scars all over its body, making Derek believe they had fought in the same war.
Derek shifted slowly so he wouldn’t spook the pup. He reached for the dog with his palm facing up, hoping it wouldn’t see him as a threat and bite him or run off. The dog sniffed his palm and nudged his hand. He hoped that meant it was okay for him to pet it. He slid his palm up the side of the pup’s face, scratching behind its ear.
The two stayed like that, staring at each other and Derek found himself relaxing. His nightmare seemed like a distant memory. He wondered where this dog had come from, if it was even real or had his mind finally had enough of the misery and conjured up something to put him at ease.
Derek looked up, finally taking in his surroundings. When he went on his run, his body had been on autopilot, needing to get as far away from his nightmare as possible. He went wherever his body took him, ignoring street signs and landmarks that let him know where he was. But now that he wasn’t so worried about out running his mind, he realized he was on the south side of Easton Haven.
This area had once been brewing with so much life, with a super mall and food courts that had filled his memories of a simpler time. Now, all that was left was a half burned building and an abandon lot. It wasn’t unusual for people to dump unwanted things here. Any time he picked up a paper or caught the news there was always a story about dead bodies, used drugs and unwanted pets being found in this area.
The sound of thunder cracked in the night sky, making him and the pup jump. Derek cursed when he felt a fat raindrop hit his forehead––he really needed to get out of here.
He stopped petting the dog, placing his hands on the concrete. “I’m going to get up now, don’t run okay?” He felt silly asking the dog to stay put but knew what sounds his battered body was about to make. He wasn’t young anymore and with the injuries he sustained during his last tour, his body hadn’t been the same since.
Derek moved slowly. What once was an easy feat for him seemed damn near impossible now. He knew his body was going to lock up from sitting on the concrete for so long and now he was paying for his decision to wallow in his misery.
He stumbled back onto his hands and knees, a string of curses left his mouth. He let his head hang heavy as the rain started to pick up, coating his already sweat drenched skin. He shivered. The cold air finally penetrating his fog had his teeth chattering.
“Going for a run at night in the middle of December wasn’t my best decision.” He grumbled, trying once again to get up but stumbled.
He hated this feeling that came with the reality of his situation.
He was broken.
His mind had barely been all there, but after losing Danny something inside of him snapped. His inability to move as he once did made him feel like a failure. He never felt more useless and alone than he did on nights like this when the pain and the memories overrode whatever good was left inside of him.
Derek felt a slight nudge on his arm, followed by a whimper. He lifted his head and came nose to nose with the pup that he somehow had forgotten was there in his struggle to stand. It licked his face, catching him on the lips. He let out a huff of laughter that turned into a cough. He couldn’t remember the last time he laughed.
The dog barked, stopping him from playing that same sad record. He couldn’t sit here in the freezing pouring rain feeling sorry for himself. Not only would he most likely catch a cold, but he wanted to find this dog a safe and warm space to sleep tonight.
What heartless person left this sweet puppy out in the cold?
He struggled to get to his feet. His body protested the entire time, but once he was steady, he looked down at the pup who wagged its tail at him. “Alright, let’s get you inside. Can you walk?” Derek patted his thigh and the dog stood on all four legs, tail still wagging. It barked once and walked a little ahead of him.
“Alright, buddy.” Derek inwardly cursed when he realized how long of a walk he had ahead of him and the rain was getting heavier. He left his phone at home even though it wouldn’t do him good. He had four numbers programmed in that damn thing. His therapist, his parents who were in Florida, the super to the building he lived in and his ex-girlfriend, Sasha. She was the only one he instinctively knew if he reached out to her, she would come running, no questions asked. But he’d taken up too much of her time already, made her promises he couldn’t keep and the last thing he wanted to do was wake her up at whatever time it was to drive out in the rain to come get him.
Derek looked down at the pup. “Sorry, buddy, it’s a long walk, but I have a whole chicken and warm bed with your name on it. We just got to get there.”
The dog barked again, its tail wagging excitedly. Derek smiled at the pup’s enthusiasm and slowly made the long trek back to his home with his new companion silently giving him the strength he needed.