Pawliday Love

5. The King of Chaos

CHAPTER FIVE

THE KING OF CHAOS

HIS ILLUSTRIOUS HIGHNESS, KING GREMLIN BARTHOLOMEW DUNN THE EXTRAORDINARY, LORD OF DESTRUCTION

I , Remmy the Magnificent, sat atop the armrest of the couch, surveying my domain. The living room was… well, better . Not perfect, because expecting perfection from Sebastian was like expecting me to stop being chaotic—impossible. Still, it was a noticeable improvement.

The tree sparkled with lights and the ornaments were hung in mostly the right places. It still leaned slightly, its lopsided branches begging for my attention. But I was working now. I hopped down and gave it a light tap with my paw, testing its sturdiness. It wobbled but didn’t fall.

Good enough.

The wrapped presents lay underneath in a messy but passable display. Good enough. The smell of burned cookies still lingered. Good enough. And the decorations, though definitely not in the right spots, were up. Good enough.

“I outdid myself,” I said to myself. Then I looked back at the couch where Sebastian was passed out. I had to give the guy credit. With my instruction, of course, he’d done alright.

He was sprawled across the couch in a heap, tinsel draped over one shoulder like a sad, glittery sash. A bow sat crookedly on his shirt, and an ornament dangled from his sleeve. He looked ridiculous. But that was okay. He still had time to make himself presentable for Mom.

I walked over to him, stretching up so that we were eye to eye. I nudged his face. He didn’t budge. I gave a loud, “Meow!” Still nothing.

Fine. Stay looking like that.

But then another plan formed in my head.

“I am a genius!” I exclaimed. After one last poke against his side, I padded off toward the bedroom, my tail held high.

With a calculated leap, I slapped the bedroom door handle with my paw. Once I landed, I nudged it open with my nose and sauntered in. Jumping gracefully on the bed, I navigated over Mom’s limbs.

She was still asleep, curled under a blanket with her hair sticking out in every direction. She looked peaceful, and for a moment, I hesitated. But this was important.

I paused near her shoulder, studying her for a moment, then let out a perfectly timed, loud chirp and ducked down. Nothing. I tried once more. This time, she stirred, but didn’t wake. I moved closer, my whiskers brushing her cheek as I gave the softest nudge with my nose and pulled away. She swatted around her head, but still stayed asleep.

Fine. Time to escalate.

Raising my paw slowly, I lined it up with her nose and struck, giving a loud, “Meow!” As well.

“What the hell?!” Mom screeched. But I was already in the hallway. She’d never suspect it was me , her darling angel. I paused for a moment, listening. She grumbled, but I could hear her padding into the human’s litter box. I waited just a little longer until I heard her making her way to the door.

As fast as I could, I made my way back to the living room. I climbed onto the couch, then settled in my spot on the back of the couch, carefully curling myself into the ideal position.

From the hall, I heard the sound of Mom’s soft footsteps.

Showtime .

I closed my eyes, purring as I prepared for the inevitable “aw” to come from Mom. When she walked in, she’d see Sebastian, the tree, the decorations, and me, perfectly poised like the Christmas miracle I am.

You’re welcome, humans. You’re welcome.