Pay the Price: A Dark New Adult Romance

46. Wolf

It was a good day, even without a detour to the meadow where I’d taken Daisy’s virginity. I gave her my best puppy-dog eyes when we passed the creek that led to the spot, but I fell in love with her a little bit more when she laughed and said, “Don’t be a baby.”

We spent a couple of hours cooling off in the water, passing the beers back and forth from the makeshift coolers the Blades had fabricated out of slings in a few spare tubes. They were surprisingly effective at keeping the beers cold, the cans submerged in the water while we drifted downstream.

By the time we were picked up by a couple of the Blades shuttling tubers from the end of the river run back to the compound, the sun had sunk low enough in the sky that the temperature started dropping.

Daisy disappeared with a few of the women to change in the room of one of the female Blades while Otis and I went with Jace to his old room to do the same.

I felt loose and relaxed, the way you do after a day of sun and water, when you finally get dry clothes on. It was nice to be here with Daisy, to feel like she was really one of us. Otis and I weren’t officially members of the Blades family, but we’d been around long enough to feel comfortable, even though I sensed that it wasn’t quite home for Jace anymore.

“I’m going to check on Thrasher and that grill,” Otis said. “It’s temperamental. I don’t trust him to get it lit.”

He left the room and I pulled on my jeans, then sat on Jace’s bed to put on my boots.

He was quiet, the way he was when he had something on his mind, which wasn’t always easy to tell apart from the kind of quiet he got when he was pissed.

But I knew it was about Daisy. I’d felt him brooding about her ever since the Velvet Rope, when he’d watched Otis and I play with her.

“The only one keeping you out of the fun is you,” I said. Daisy wasn’t just about fun — no one knew that better than me — but it was better to open with something simple.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Jace ran a hand through his hair while he looked in the mirror and tried to act casual, but he knew exactly what I was talking about.

“You know.”

He met my gaze in the mirror. “Are you trying to therapize me?”

“Just saying. You’re pissed because the rest of us are playing when it”s obvious she wants you too.”

“What makes you think I want her?”

I sighed. “Look, I know you’re trying to play it cool here, but at least try to make it believable.”

When it came to Daisy, Jace was at his most self-destructive, denying himself the thing — the person — he wanted most of all, then pretending he didn’t want it when someone tried to give it to him.

Exhibit A: all the times Daisy had come close to fucking him, only for him to walk away. Then he was a resentful asshole toward her, like it was her fault he wasn’t getting any.

He turned around and leaned on his dresser. “It’s a shit show and you know it. You and Otis are having fun now, but you’re not going to have fun when she breaks your fucking hearts.”

I tried not to show that the punch had landed. Nothing challenged my mission to be present with things — even the fucked-up shit — like Daisy Hammond. Because I didn’t just want now with Daisy.

I wanted forever.

And I was smart enough to know how improbable an outcome that was.

“Is that why you’re not playing? You’re afraid she’s going to leave?”

“I know she will.” He shook his head, like there was more he wanted to say but he’d thought better of it.

But he didn’t have to say it. He was my brother in all but name. I knew what he’d been about to say, what he was afraid to say for fear of making it more true.

“But that’s not all, is it?” He didn’t bite, so I kept going, because the only way to resolve this shit was to get it out in the open. “You’re thinking about Charles Hammond, and you shouldn’t be thinking about him, because Charles Hammond is the biggest piece of shit of all.”

“I don’t give a fuck about Charles Hammond.” He was trying to sound like a tough guy, but somehow I was transported back to when we were kids, when Jace would talk shit and take a beating from some older kid, then keep talking shit even though it meant more of a beating, all with his fucking chin in the air, claiming it didn’t hurt when we could all see he was battered and bloody.

“Maybe not him, but his words are stuck in your fucking head. All those times he called us losers when he knew we were listening, all those times he ordered Blake to stay away from us. And then, because Blake was a fucking psychopath, we had to prove Charles Hammond right, give the whole town a reason to shake their heads and say they’d always known we were trouble.” I paused, trying to think of the best way to get Jace to pull his head out of his ass. “But none of that was ever true, and if you ever need proof, all you have to do is look at what his golden boy was doing.”

Jace shook his head and pushed off the dresser to pace the room. “You and Otis, you’re delusional.”

I laughed to mask the hurt I felt. “You saying we’re losers and just don’t know it?”

“I’m saying Daisy is better off without us. You want Daisy to stay here in Blackwell Falls, shacking up with three ex-cons when she could have an amazing life? When she could see the world and meet someone straight, someone with a good job and no baggage?”

Okay, now I was just pissed, but I fought to keep my temper under control, because Daisy had not liked it when we’d brawled at the Blades’ compound during Summer Shit. If it happened tonight, she might never set foot on the property again.

“You saying someone else, someone straight with a good job and no baggage, could ever love Daisy like we do?”

I held my breath, mostly because I’d never copped to loving Daisy, not out loud, and I had no idea how Jace was going to feel about that little confession.

“Love isn’t everything,” he said.

I shook my head. “You’re wrong.”

“We’ll drag her down,” Jace said. “Deep down, you know that. You just don’t want to admit it because you’re not thinking straight. Otis too. You’re both in so deep you couldn’t find your way out with a fucking spotlight.” He shrugged. “I’m sure that’s hard to hear, but I’m just telling it like it is.”

“You know what I think? Since we’re telling it like it is?”

He made a bring it motion with his arms. “Hit me.”

“I think you say it’s about Daisy, about wanting the best for her, but deep down you’re just afraid she’s going to wake up one day, look at us, and see everything her dad warned her about. And if you see all of that in Daisy’s eyes, it’ll prove it was true all along.”

He glared at me, the nerve in his eye twitching, and I braced myself for impact.

“You’re a fucking asshole,” he said.

“Back at you.”

“I should kick your ass.”

“You can try,” I said.

We stared each other down, the sound of music thumping from outside, the Blades and their party guests ready to get wild now that the sun was down.

“You done?” he finally said.

“For now.”

“Good.” He stomped toward the door. “I need a fucking beer.”