55. Daisy
Isat in the back booth at Chasen’s, trying to focus on the menu I already had memorized just for something to do while I waited for Cassie. I’d wanted someplace private, and since the Mill was crazy on Saturday nights, Chasen’s — with its wood-paneled walls, barely there music, and high-backed booths — seemed like my best bet.
I’d skipped my Saturday workout even though I knew I’d hear about it from Locke the next time I went; he had a computer-like ability to keep track of members’ gym schedules and always knew if someone had missed a day.
I didn’t mind. I’d gotten to know some of the other members in a casual mind-if-I-work-in kind of way, and I felt stronger every week. It wasn’t like I’d turned into some kind of spy-thriller badass, but there was something about lifting weights (mine were way smaller than the ones lifted by the big gym bros) and using my body in new ways that made me feel more confident.
Still, I’d been thinking about personal safety a lot since Jace and I had almost been run off the road on the bike, and I definitely needed to expand my repertoire, maybe learn how to handle a gun or even use a knife like Wolf. Neither of those things would have helped us during the chase, but after being kidnapped and held prisoner and then being nearly pushed over a cliff on a motorcycle, I’d become pretty aware of the fact that there were lots of ways someone could fuck with me if they really wanted to.
I wanted to stand a chance of protecting myself if the Beasts weren’t around, however unlikely that seemed given the fact that Wolf was, at that very moment, parked outside after giving me a ride to Chasen’s.
After the car chase on the mountain, none of them were willing to leave me unprotected, and they were back to following me around in shifts, this time with my reluctant permission.
I could be stubborn, but I wasn’t stupid.
I looked up as the door to Chasen’s opened, then waved as Cassie started toward the back of the restaurant. Chasen’s was filling up with the summer lunch crowd, but I felt insulated from the other patrons thanks to my location at the back and the high backs of the booths.
“Hey,” Cassie said, sliding into the seat across from me.
I smiled. “Hey! It’s so weird to see you somewhere other than the coffee shop.”
I stopped in before work for coffee almost every day, which meant I saw Cassie at least two days a week, but the coffee shop was usually busy, and I was always in a hurry to get to work. It had been a while since we’d actually spent time together.
“I know.” Her copper hair shone from a fresh blowout and her makeup was on point. She looked like a different person from the girl who wore a Cassie’s Cuppa apron with no makeup and her hair in a messy bun. “It’s been forever.”
I made a face because I knew I’d been a bad friend since I’d moved in with the Beasts. It wasn’t just the fucking, which admittedly occupied way more of my mental energy than it should have. My whole life had changed, revelation after revelation hitting me like a long series of giant waves. I’d barely had time to catch my breath before the next one hit. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s been… a lot.”
The server, a silver-haired girl I recognized from high school named Brooke, came to take our order (we knew Chasen’s menu like the backs of our hands and always got our usuals even though we sometimes looked at the menu like we were actually going to get something different) and we spent the rest of the meal catching up.
Cassie told me she’d been crunching numbers to see if she could afford to hire a third person at the coffee shop, then filled me in on Sarai, who was dating a new guy — secretly, since he wasn’t Indian and her parents wouldn’t approve.
I told her about Cantwell, glossing over my problems with Gray by telling her he’d gotten handsy at a work event (why did we do that? why did we downplay it, even to friends, when guys tried to assault us?) and that I’d seen him flirting with Ruth. Then I told her about finding Ruth in bed with a Blade.
I’d been hesitant to do it — I didn’t want to violate Ruth’s privacy or set the gossip mill running — but I hadn’t told anyone, not even the Beasts, and without my mom around I really needed someone to talk to about Ruth. Plus I knew I could count on Cassie not to gossip about my little sister.
I waited until we’d both ordered after-dinner coffee (which Cassie pronounced mediocre and overpriced) to bring up my reason for asking Cassie to dinner.
“So, I have a favor to ask you.”
“Anything,” she said, taking a sip of the coffee and grimacing. “You know that.”
“It has to stay quiet. You know how Blackwell is.”
She rolled her eyes. “Trust me, I know. That hot guy from Blackwell Auto gave me a ride home when they needed to keep my car overnight and by morning everyone had us married with three kids and a mortgage.”
I laughed. “Sounds about right.”
“So? What is it? What’s going on?”
I drew in a breath. “I need you to ask Bram about something.”
She furrowed her brow. “Bram?”
I didn’t blame her for being confused. Bram was like a specter in Blackwell Falls: everyone knew he ran things but no one wanted to talk about him.
I had vague memories of him from when I was a kid hanging out at Cassie’s house (he was a lot older, but even then, he’d moved through the rooms like a shadow, barely speaking), but I’d only seen him in passing as an adult. Locals said his name the way you talked about the boogeyman: under their breath, afraid they’d conjure him out of thin air.
I nodded. “I know it’s a big ask, but he’s been around Blackwell longer than we have. Plus, he has connections everywhere, and… well, I need someone with connections.”
“You’re kind of freaking me out here,” Cassie said.
“Sorry. It’s not a big deal. It’s probably nothing. But… can you ask Bram if he knows anything about my mom hanging out with the Blades? And if he doesn’t, if he can ask around and find out?”
Cassie blinked. “Your mom and the Blades?”
“I know it sounds wild, but I was at this Fourth of July thing at the compound, and one of the guys mentioned my mom. He said she’d been around all the time before I was born, that she’d been tight with Mac.”
Cassie’s eyes widened. “With Mac?”
I was kind of relieved to know I wasn’t the only one who did the repeating-words thing when they were confused. “That’s what he said.”
“Wow…” She took a drink of her coffee. “I did not have that on my bingo card. Now I know why you didn’t want to invite Sarai to dinner.”
I’d felt bad about excluding Sarai — I owed her a million catch-up lunches and at least one night out — but I wanted to keep this on the down low until I knew what, if anything, it was.
“Yeah, I’ll make it up to her for sure. It’s just that the guy seemed sure, and… I don’t know…” I was trying to put into words the way my life had started to feel, like it had looked like a perfectly knitted sweater that had disintegrated into a million loose threads the second I tried to put it on.
“What is going on, Daze?” There was real concern in Cassie’s blue-green eyes.
I shook my head. “I don’t actually know. There’s a lot, like… a lot a lot, and I have this weird feeling it’s all connected, but I can’t make sense of it yet.”
“And this will help?” Cassie asked. “Finding out more about your mom and the Blades?”
“Maybe. I mean, I don’t actually know, but right now I just feel like I have to pull at everything, you know?” If the sweater wasn’t going to hold, there was no point trying to wear it. Better to pull it apart now and try to piece it back together right.
Cassie nodded. “Then I’ll ask Bram. If he doesn’t know, I’m betting he can find out. Only he’s in the city for the next few days. Can it wait until then?”
“It’s waited twenty years,” I said. “A few more days isn’t going to change anything.”