35. victoria
THIRTY-FIVE
victoria
W hen I see Leo sitting in the arena seats watching me, he gives me a smile that tells me everything I need to know. That he loves watching me skate, and that something is wrong, even though he tries to hide it behind that smile. As soon as practice is over, I unlace my skates, toss them into my bag, and race up to where Leo is waiting.
He doesn’t seem in a hurry to go anywhere. “What are you doing here? Why aren’t you with Tina?”
“Tina’s asleep. And I wanted to watch you skate.”
“You’ve seen me skate dozens of times,” I say, teasing him. “You were even my skating partner.”
“Your temporary one,” he adds. “And let’s face it, your worst one. But you...” His voice trails off.
“Me what?” I say, sinking onto his lap despite the arena’s small, hard chairs.
“You’re incredible,” he finishes. “I couldn’t bring out that part of you on the ice. The gracefulness, those jumps and lifts. It’s breathtaking.”
“But you bring out so much more off the ice.” I rest my head against his chest, sinking into his warmth. “Honestly, I’m not sure I can leave this behind. I want to stay with you. And I can help with Tina.”
I tilt my head up to look at him and notice something behind his eyes. “Vic, you need to go with Peter to Seattle.”
My smile falls. “I don’t want to go with Peter if you’re struggling to keep up here. It’s not just about my career. This is about both of us.”
Leo rubs a hand across his face. “Who said I’m struggling? I asked your dad for a leave of absence, and he’s considering it before he turns it over to Rafael Marco.”
I frown. “Considering it? Why didn’t he just approve it?”
He shakes his head. “Who knows? But you can’t stay because of this .”
“So what are you going to do if it doesn’t get approved?”
Leo shrugs. “Figure it out, like I always have.”
I stand, crossing my arms. “Wait, so you’re willing to risk your career, but I’m not supposed to risk mine ? How is that fair, Leo? I thought we were in this together.”
“We are,” he says with a sigh. “But after seeing you out there, I’d be furious if you let this opportunity go. This isn’t like hockey, Victoria. It took you months to find a partner, and Peter is leaving this week and needs a decision. You need to go with him... regardless of whether I have my life sorted out.” Behind his words is a fire, one that matches my own.
I take a step closer, uncrossing my arms. “Listen, I get why you think this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. But do you know what matters more? Us .”
He rises and takes my hands, his eyes pleading. “Vic, I’m not saying our relationship doesn’t matter—I’m saying I won’t be the thing that holds you back. Remember that goal of winning Nationals you’ve spent your whole life working toward? You finally have it within your grasp.” His voice grows softer. “And when the time is right, I’ll find my way to you.”
The old me wouldn’t have hesitated at the idea of moving thousands of miles away, wouldn’t have thought twice about starting over in a new city. But I’m not that girl anymore. That’s the thing about love—it makes you question everything you thought you wanted, forces you to ask, What dream do you want to spend your life building?
“But what if it’s never right?” I ask, my voice breaking.
“We found each other this time,” he says. “And we’ll find our way back again.” Then he steps forward and gives me a kiss so tender, a wave of heat rushes through my body. This is the kind of kiss you give to someone when you’re leaving, when you don’t know how things will turn out—the kind with questions and no answers.
I pull back, not wanting to let go. “Leo, I’m not choosing my career over you.”
“Then I’m doing it for you.” He hesitates, his gaze dropping for a moment before meeting mine again. “I think it’s best... if we say goodbye now.”
I shake my head. I’m not leaving him here to deal with this mess alone. “What if I refuse to go?” I say stubbornly.
He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”
“So you just want me to leave?” I argue.
He drags his eyes to mine as he says the words slowly, “I only want the best for you, Vic.” Then he steps back, his eyes soft and sad. “You’ll thank me later. When you’ve got that medal around your neck.” And then, without another word, he turns and walks away.
I watch him leave, the ache in my chest ballooning. I want to chase after him, to tell him I don’t care about medals or titles if it means not being here for him. But my feet stay glued to the ground. Because deep down, I know he’s right. I can’t skate with Peter and stay here with him. It’s one or the other, and he’s made the decision for me.
I drive back to my apartment at Bellgate, my heart in pieces. By the time I park, my chest feels hollow, like I’ve left a piece of myself behind. My fingers trail the hem of Leo’s jersey, a piece of him to take with me to Seattle. He didn’t ask for it back, maybe because he already knew my answer. I’m never giving up this jersey.
Delilah’s table lamp glows in her apartment window, welcoming me home. I wonder if she’s baking brownies or talking to Big Bertha while watching Wheel of Fortune . My heart squeezes at the thought of leaving her.
It’s only for a year, I tell myself. Not forever. I’ll be back.
Then I send Peter a message letting him know my answer: I’m booking a flight to Seattle.
I pass Delilah’s door on my way to my apartment. Even though I hate the worn carpet in the halls and the dingy light over my door that flickers weirdly, I’m going to miss my first apartment, the only one I could afford on a skater’s salary. Nothing in this place should make me want to stay, and let’s face it, it’s not the crack-house feel that kept me here. It was the people in this town—Leo, Jaz, Sloan, Delilah, and the whole hockey team.
My neighbor’s door cracks open, one eye peering out. “What’s wrong, honey?”
I already told her about this opportunity with Peter, but I didn’t want to make her worry for nothing. After all, I’m not going to give up my apartment just yet.
I turn to face her, giving her what I hope passes for a brave smile. “I’m leaving for Seattle to skate with Peter. I’ve finally decided to go!”
“Oh,” she says, her brow folding into worried lines. “That’s good, I guess. When will you leave?”
“As soon as I can get a flight out. But I’ll be back. I’m keeping my apartment for now. It’s not forever, just a year at most.”
She worries her lip, like that answer doesn’t satisfy her. In a year so much could change. Look at my own life.
“What about that handsome hockey player? He was so perfect for you.”
A smile curls on the edges of my lips, thinking of Leo. “He is.” So perfect it almost hurts . “I’ll see him when I can.” Which won’t be much, if I’m honest. I’ll hardly have time to sleep, let alone travel here to see my friends.
“How about we bake brownies together before I leave?” I suggest, suddenly feeling nostalgic for one last bite of Delilah’s fudgy treats.
“I’d like that,” she says, opening her door wider, inviting me in.
It might be my last chance to spend time with her. As soon as I enter, Big Bertha calls me a meathead, and I call him a fat chicken. Gosh, I’m going to miss this, even this overweight bird.
“Can we make extras?” I ask. “For Leo? I have a feeling he’s going to need some brownies after I’m gone.”
She gives me a knowing smile. “Sure, honey. I just hope you know what you’re doing, leaving him behind.”
I hope I do, too.
Later that night, after the brownies are cooling on the counter and my bags are packed, I send my dad a message.
Victoria
I’m leaving for Seattle ASAP, and there’s only one thing I ask. Put in a good word for Leo so he gets the time off he needs. If not for him, then for me.