Chapter 26
“CHRISTINE, CAN I ASK YOU something?” Erik asked shyly. She’d been staying with him for two weeks. Apart from the hug they shared that first evening, Erik did everything he could to respect her space. The last time she’d stayed with him, they’d fallen together and flamed out spectacularly in just a few weeks. He didn’t want to risk repeating past mistakes.
What resulted was tentative but no less lovely. They sang together again, avoiding tense romantic songs to lighten the mood. This meant a healthy dose of early Beatles and the soundtrack to The Graduate . A few of the sillier Disney songs also made an appearance.
They watched movies, making their way through classics they had never seen and a handful they recommended to each other. She suggested The Princess Bride , which he loved. He recommended Reservoir Dogs , which made her nauseated. They had takeout from different restaurants and occasionally cooked. Reza and Sarah came by with Julia for brunch and football, joined by Garret and Wendy, who jumped on the Seahawks bandwagon when the Eagles lost in the wildcard round of the playoffs.
Through it all, Christine continued to improve. Her energy level was depleted in those early days, but she was practically back to normal now, and Erik knew she was ready to go home. He would’ve loved to come up with any number of excuses to keep her here, under his protection, but that was what got them into a mess in the first place. If he was going to do this, he would do it right.
“Yes, Erik?” She looked at him with a placid smile. The strain of sleepless nights was gone from her eyes. She’d never looked more beautiful to him.
“Tomorrow, you’re going back to your apartment. I was wondering if I could take you out tonight?”
“Take me out? Like on a date?” She smiled impishly as if doubting his meaning.
“Yes. I would like to take you out—on a date.” He swallowed harshly. Her eyes darted back and forth, her jaw dropping open before her lips quirked up in a smile.
“I would like that very much.” She emphasized the word very . “What did you have in mind?”
Erik had brainstormed ideas all week. A part of him wanted to go all out. He had the money. He could get a private room at a Michelin-starred restaurant. He could take her to the theater and get box seats. But the more he thought about what this would mean for both of them, the more he realized less was more.
“I was thinking of dinner and a movie. There are showings of Oscar-nominated films at the Lincoln Center Theater. Would you want to see one of those?”
“That’s a great idea.” She kissed him on the cheek and went to get ready.
Christine was floored by Erik’s continued courage. She’d feared what would happen between them these last two weeks. She was obviously still in love with him. How could she not love someone who treated her with such tender care? She’d trained herself for so long not to rely on others. That was why Erik’s behavior over the holidays had made her so angry. She’d given in to optimism for once in her life, and the resulting heartbreak made her highly reticent to do so again.
He’d changed, but it had happened so quickly—how did she know that he wouldn’t change back? Further study was needed. For now, they lived in friendship. Erik entertained her when she was bored but gave her space when she needed to focus on her studies. He took time for his support group sessions and shared what he had discussed and his own worries.
At night, she would dream of him—often, the dreams had a decidedly erotic bent. She was only human, after all. But she refused to fall into bed with him again. However, he made it harder and harder to stick to that plan with his patience and kindness. When she woke up in the middle of the night, her body wanting his touch, she had to repeat a mantra of self-preservation and patience. Time will tell.
When he asked her out, she wasn’t surprised about the asking as much as she was surprised about his approach. He’d asked her out during her last evening at his house. If she’d said ‘no,’ they wouldn’t have to interact much afterward. He suggested something mundane. A movie and dinner. Her choice. Finally, he wanted to take her out of the apartment. He was putting himself out there in a show of bravery he hadn’t been capable of previously. She didn’t know if he planned to wear his mask or not, but it didn’t matter. He was facing the world a step at a time, and she wanted to be there to face it with him.
Dinner and a movie were casual outings, and it was still January, so Christine opted for jeans and a red sweater with knee-high black boots. She pulled her hair into a high ponytail and applied pink lip gloss. At 6:30 p.m. on the dot, Erik knocked on the door to her room in a pantomime of a proper gentleman caller .
“Christine—are you ready?” he called.
“Yes, coming.” She opened the door and laughed. His outfit was an inadvertent copy of hers, from the dark red sweater to the faded jeans, although he wore black sneakers. His mask was flesh-toned, a new acquisition as far as she knew.
“You look beautiful.” His voice had taken on that deep timbre that always sent chills up her spine. It was going to be hard to keep her hands off him tonight.
“Thank you.” She smiled, feeling uncharacteristically bashful in his presence. In saying yes to a date with him, she’d put everything back on the table. Her body wanted it back on the table, even if her heart wasn’t convinced yet.
“Shall we go?”
“Yes—are we walking, or is Garret driving us?”
“I gave him the week off. He’s been working so hard lately. I thought he might enjoy some time with Wendy visiting their kids. They live in Arizona.”
“That’s nice of you.”
Erik nodded. “I was thinking we could walk. It’s forty-five degrees, which isn’t bad for this time of year. If you get cold, let me know, and I can get us an Uber.”
They set out of the apartment together.
“Aren’t you going to be uncomfortable in your mask for so long?” she asked as they walked.
“I should be okay. Dr. Carmichael, I told you about her, created this one out of the same biologically inert materials she used for my prosthetic nose, so it’s much easier to wear for longer periods. As you can see, it’s also nude, which makes it less noticeable.”
“How are the treatments going so far?” He had shown her the prosthesis the week before. She agreed with him— it just didn’t look like him. There was an incongruity that made that perfect nose worse than the scar tissue.
“It’s only been one session so far. Andrew, the medical tattoo artist, said it could take three or four sessions until I see a noticeable difference. He’s taking photos to keep track of progress, which I’m not a fan of.”
“Must feel a little bit like being picked apart.”
“That it does. But Andrew says it’ll help me see how far we’ve come. It will also help him see where his designs need greater detail.”
“How do you feel about it?”
“Nervous, excited…but mostly, I’m trying to not let it be the basis for my future happiness.” He looked at her. “What about you? When we first met, your dreams were career-related. Have you decided where you want to work when school is done?”
Christine looked at the even-lined pavement beneath her feet.
“I think back to my obsessions in September—what had been my dreams and goals for the better part of a decade. I’m having a hard time reconciling who I was and what I wanted then with who I am now. I don’t know what I want anymore.”
“I heard a rumor…” He waited until she was looking at him. “That you were considering moving abroad. Is that still something you may want to do?”
“Always keeping an eye on me?” She hit him with her shoulder. “I’d be lying if I said I don’t want to see the world. I’ve always been in New York, and it’s a great place to live, but…I’ve also dreamed of seeing Paris and Sydney—all over.”
“Have you applied anywhere?”
“Recruiting efforts start next week. Cynthia picked her drugging attack at a convenient time for me. Barely a hair out of place. I sent Philip Cantor my résumé. We’ve been in touch. But I don’t know where else I’m going to apply. I’ll know more when I go in next week. I’ve always known what I wanted. It feels so strange being at loose ends.”
Erik sighed. She was impressed he was keeping his control freak nature at bay.
“Maybe the right opportunity will find you when you go to the recruitment events. Even if it doesn’t—well—you’ve always been at your best when you see the connections in the mundane. Maybe you can make the opportunity you want happen for you.”
She thought about that a bit. “All right, enough seriousness for tonight. I was given the blessing by Dr. Yoon for a single glass of wine, and you are treating me to the most expensive one that…where are we eating?”
“Uh—Five Napkin Burger?”
Christine laughed. “Okay, the most expensive wine that Five Napkin Burger has to offer.” She gave him a mock-serious look. “And I want the large popcorn with extra butter.”
They ended up seeing Wicked . Neither had seen the musical, but both were familiar enough with the soundtrack to make it enjoyable. Erik got her the large popcorn, which they shared, and some M&Ms. The seats were giant reclinable chairs that allowed the center arm to be lifted. After a glass of wine—a twenty-dollar glass of some random French sauvignon blanc, Christine was sufficiently mellow enough to lower her guard and raise the armrest. She curled against Erik, her head on his shoulder. Her thoughts drifted to the elevator ride that lasted four hours. He must’ve been remembering the same because, after a few moments, he took one of her hands in both of his.
At first, he just held her hand, seeming to cherish its weight in his own. Slowly, he turned it over and rubbed the center with his thumb. The caress started as soothing and became something more. The tips of his fingers caressed her knuckles and the sensitive skin of her wrist, making her pulse jump. She was getting aroused by this slight touch, and he was definitely doing it on purpose.
She looked up at him—to tell him to stop? To beg him to continue? She didn’t know. The minute she turned her head, he looked at her with desperate hope in his eyes. Was that same hope reflected in hers? He brought the inside of her wrist to his mouth and pressed a slight kiss there.
“Can I kiss you?” he whispered.
“Please…” she practically begged.
His kiss was soft, a mere brush of open mouths against each other. It lasted no more than five seconds, five beats of her heart. After a moment, he pulled back and held her to his body, never stopping touching her hands.
It took every ounce of Erik’s willpower to keep to one kiss. He had to for so many reasons. Paparazzi were still a genuine concern, and they both had much to lose. He didn’t want to fall victim to passion before they truly understood each other.
“It’s gotten a bit colder—would you prefer to take an Uber or walk back?”
She looked up, a bit distracted. Her hair had gotten a bit messy from the reclining theater seats. Christine was flushed, her eyes dilated. He knew from her expression, from their many nights together, that she was as aroused as he.
Well, fuck.
This was going to be hard. No pun intended.
“Let’s get an Uber.”
They retreated to their respective corners of the car when it arrived. It felt remarkably long, as did that elevator ride to his apartment. He clenched his fists so as not to take her mindlessly. They both wanted it. He knew that. But wanting momentarily and long-term were different things. He had promised himself to wait for her the right way this time.
He walked her to her bedroom door, a proper date, a proper good night.
“Thank you, Erik. I had a really nice time tonight.”
“Thank you for joining me.” His eyes focused on her lips. She was leaning against her bedroom door, her breasts sticking out. Her sweater wasn’t low-cut, but it had a flattering V-neck shape. It would be so easy to slip a hand inside.
“Did you…” She licked her lips, and he was done for. “Did you want to kiss me good night?”
He responded by kissing her with all the artistry he was capable of. He massaged the skin at the base of her skull, opening her mouth and teasing her with kisses that made her pant with desire. Her breasts pressed against his chest. He placed tiny open-mouthed kisses on her jaw and neck, focusing on the area of her pulse point that he knew drove her wild. After many moments, he lifted his mouth to her ear.
“I’ll never stop loving you, but if I don’t stop kissing you” —he took a deep breath—“if I don’t stop kissing you, we’ll move much faster than is good for us.”
“You’re right.” She sighed but made no move to step away from him. On the contrary, she held his hands to her waist, guiding him to take control of the rhythm that would bring them satisfaction.
“I don’t want to lose you again.” He pressed against her, his body begging for movement, for release.
“So don’t lose me.” She looked him in the eyes. “I never stopped loving you.”
“God help me.” He opened the door to her room and maneuvered them inside, a fact made more impressive since he kissed her the entire time. When they lay on the bed next to each other, he forced himself to slow down.
“What are you thinking about?” she whispered with a smile.
“Tomorrow, you’re going back home. I want to take this slow with you—I want to date you properly. I want to go on walks with you in the daylight. I want to go to the grocery store and buy ridiculously overpriced cheeses with you.” He laughed. “If tonight is the only night we give in to this passion for a while, I would dearly like it to last for more than five minutes.”
“You make it sound like you’re thinking of the Queen of England.”
Erik tilted his head to the side, and Christine giggled.
“I love you so much, Christine.”
“I love you, too.”
He smiled down at her cheekiness and began undressing her like a long-awaited Christmas present. Her shirt was gone, and then her bra. She removed her jeans while he saw to his own clothing. Had anything ever felt as good as her flesh meeting his own? Had anything ever tasted so erotic as the slightly salty flavor of her skin as his tongue traced the underside of her breasts while his fingers searched her silken folds?
Her sighs encouraged him as he explored further. It wasn’t new topography, but it was sorely missed. One day, he swore, they’d be able to do this every night. His tongue explored her body so softly it was ruthless, sliding everywhere but where she was driving him. Her wetness covered his face as he licked from the warmth of her channels to the sensitive skin that surrounded her clit.
He slid one finger inside her, curving it up slowly and hitting the intimate place that made her cry out. He did it repeatedly until she sobbed and begged him to free her from this torture. Only then did his tongue seek out the bundle of nerves that would send her flying. He didn’t release her immediately. No, he brought her to the verge no less than three times, until his own need became too much and he drove her over the edge. As she came, he entered her, and the warmth of her surrounding him, squeezing him in her pleasure, had him joining her in that place of ecstasy they had both needed so badly.
Slick with sweat and her juices, he fell atop her while they both caught their breath and laughed softly. He pulled out and wrapped himself around her body. He never ceased touching her, sweeping his fingers down her thighs and over her arms, soothing her. Eventually, she fell asleep in his arms. Twice more in the night, they made love, taking their fill of each other.
In the morning, he made her an abysmal attempt at breakfast before she ordered the two of them chocolate chip pancakes and bacon from the local diner. She dozed in his arms on the couch while he binge-watched episodes of Ted Lasso. They kept their pajamas on throughout as if they could delay the start of the day through sheer willpower. Finally, when the sun dipped low on the horizon, Christine left for her apartment.
It would have been easy to feel melancholy at her departure, but Erik cheered himself upwith the knowledge that they had a dinner date scheduled for two days out, a movie date for two days after that, and theater tickets purchased for Valentine’s Day four weeks later.
And many plans scheduled in between.