Phoenix: Ride With Me Series

4. Phoenix

It’s beentwenty-four hours since I walked into the ER to find my daughter covered in bruises and afraid for her life.

Twenty-four hours since I found out some asshole shot her mother dead in front of her.

Twenty-four hours of no sleep and gut roiling anger swamping me.

Twenty-four hours of sitting beside her bed so when she fell asleep and woke up silently screaming, I could console her.

Twenty-four hours of plotting a motherfucker’s slow and very painful death.

A knock on the door had my head coming up. Pops walked in, a duffel bag on one shoulder, a brown paper bag in one hand, and a cup caddy in the other. The smell of food had my stomach growling.

“How’s she?”

“They gave her something to help her sleep at about 1:00am. She’s been in and out, but no more waking up screaming. Thank fuck for those drugs. I can’t do this, Pops. It’s literally tearing me in two.”

“Hey, I can’t imagine how this feels. I never had this to worry about, but I get worrying about your kid. No matter how old y’all get, we worry.” He set the duffel by the chair. “Go shower, wash the stress off. I’ll sit with her.”

“How’s Casey?” I asked, a little worried about him being here. He’d taken her and baby Paisley home yesterday afternoon, once the doctors were happy with their readings.

“She’s fine. I left her in bed with Penny and Paisley. Scooter is there, and Shelby is a phone call away. I think some of the girls might be coming by in shifts to help out as well.”

“You should be with them.”

“You need me now. I won’t put one kid over the other, no matter how big and ugly you are.”

I chuckled. “Seriously, you have a newborn. Your wife?—”

“Told me to come check on our boy. She understands that you need me too. She’s not alone; she has help.”

I scrubbed my hands over my face. It was so hard to just sit here, not knowing everything that happened. But not wanting to ask Maddie more questions that would just upset her more. From what I gathered, she didn’t know much to start with.

She hadn’t known how many women were in that place with her. From the way the story unfolded, Maddie had only been there a couple—three days.

The others had been there for a few weeks.

What time Maddie had spent there…

I scrubbed my palm across the back of my neck, counted backwards from ten to calm the sudden surge of raw anger that swamped my system.

There was no fresher hell than to have your thirteen-year-old daughter tell you men undressed her to take pictures of her.

I swore to the heavens, I would find them. They would pay for what they’ve done to not only my baby girl, but the others as well.

Maddie could easily have been the dead they’d found in that place yesterday. That thought—I couldn’t handle that thought. I may not have been the best father to her, but I loved her so much it hurt. I couldn’t lose her. Ever.

“Hey, kid, listen. No matter what happens from here, Maddie needs your head in the game. Go wash the stress off. Now. Go. I’ve got her.”

“Thanks, Pops.” I grabbed the duffel and headed to the bathroom.

When I came back out, clean, feeling at least refreshed, Pops was talking with a bleary-eyed Maddie. Her fingers were struggling to make some of the signs she needed.

“Hey, you okay?” I asked as I signed.

She held out her hand and waffled it side to side. So-so. That was a fair feeling. I could relate.

“Did Gramps tell you all about baby Paisley? And Penny?”

She nodded, her lips tugging up into a smile.

“Yes, I want to meet them. Can I call Casey grandma? Is that okay?”

Pops beat me to the punch on that one. “Yes, she would love that.”

“You have an uncle Scooter too.”Pops and I chuckled at the bewildered look on her face. For the first time in hours, she looked more like her old self.

“Scooter?”She spelled each letter out, her brows pinching in concentration. “That mobile cart old people drive around in?”

I let out a bark of laughter. “It’s his nickname. Like when we call you Mads.”

“Oh, okay, I get it.”

“His name is Samuel. You can call him Uncle Sam, Sammy, whatever you would like.”Pops smiled. “He’s been my best friend since we were kids.”

“That’s a long time.”

“Yes, thank you for the reminder. Now finish eating.”

He gave me a look, and I followed his instructions too. The smell of warm biscuits and coffee had the whole room smelling good.

There was a knock on the door about the time I shoved half a biscuit in my mouth. Maddie was too busy taking a bite of her own biscuit to see Pops and me looking back at the door. Dani Lynn came in with another woman. I’d seen her before outside of the Sheriff’s office. Both were wearing soft smiles.

“Morning. How’s everyone?”

“Good. It’s been a long night. I don’t think she will ever sleep through the night again,” I said, shrugging.

“She will. I can assure you, it’s going to take work on her part. But it gets better when you have people who love you at your side.”

She would know.

“I’m almost hitting the decade mark since my abduction, and there are still days that the memories hold me hostage, and they truly suck. Some that are just hard, and the rest, because I have my family and friends to turn to, they’re okay. Some are freaking great.”

“It’s not the same though,” I remarked gently. “You were an adult. She’s just a kid.”

She held up her hand. “Yes, my situation was different, but in some ways, it was the same. I had to watch my kidnapper kill someone for trying to help me. I still carry that guilt. She will too. But she can get over the hump and be okay on the other side.”

“That she can. My grandbaby is a tough girl.”

Maddie was looking between me and her gramps to the two women.

“Maddie, this is our friend Dani Lynn.”

“Hey, Maddie. It’s nice to meet you. This is my friend Doctor Emily. If it’s okay with you, she’d like to talk to you.”

“You’re from the center?” I asked her.

She nodded. “I am. I work with adults and children at the center daily. My job is to help them process their grief and feelings. Especially the children as they don’t always understand the big feelings they are having.” Dani Lynn translated for Maddie as Dr. Crandall spoke.

“Doctor Emily is the one who helped me after I was…” she paused and looked up at me. I knew what she wanted. She wanted to tell Maddie about her experience. I looked to where Pops stood, and he nodded. So I nodded. It would be good for her to know she wasn’t alone in this. We all knew ASL, but she spoke as she signed.

“After I was kidnapped. Someone I knew hurt me. I had a lot of big feelings. I didn’t know what to do with them, and I was an adult. I know how it is to be in a situation that is bad. If we can help, we’d like to. Is that okay with you? You make this choice. It’s not up to me, your dad, or your grandpa. You make this choice. We will be here for you either way.”

“You give the people that the center helps that same choice?”Pops asked her.

“Yes, I will never force anyone to get help if they aren’t ready. Ask Andrew, if you try to force it on someone, it can go sideways. I don’t want anyone to be like I was as a teen. I have to live with scars that still haunt me.”

“Am I going crazy? Is that why there is a doctor here?”

“No, sweet girl, you are far from crazy. Doctor Crandall is a therapist. Her job is to teach you how to handle the feelings you are feeling. We want you to be healthy, and that takes work after an experience like this.”

“You talk to her? She has kind eyes.”

Dani Lynn smiled and elbowed Doctor Crandall as she said what was signed. “Yes, Emily helps me stay true to myself. She is my doctor, but also a friend I know I can rely on.”

“Please, you can call me Emily. And thank you. I am here to help. I don’t judge. I won’t tell you what to do. I’m just here to lend an ear and to be a sounding board.”

“What is a sounding board?”Maddie scrunched up her brows.

Pops signed. “A listening ear. Someone you can talk to about anything. She’s impartial to anyone else.”

“Oh. But can I talk to my dad? Gramps? Is that okay?”

“Baby, you can talk to anyone you want,” Dani Lynn said.

“If you would like to talk to your family, that’s fine. You don’t have to talk to me. It’s your choice, as Dani Lynn said.”

“If it makes this easier, I would be glad to talk to you,” Pops started. “But I’ll be honest with you Mads, it would be very hard for me to keep my mind in the right place. Someone hurt you. Gramps isn’t handling the anger I feel right now. I want to hurt people. Doctor Emily may have feelings about it, but she isn’t family. She doesn’t have a tie to you like we do. She can be more honest and open about what you’re dealing with.”

“You want to hurt them because they hurt me?” At his nod, she looked at me. I nodded.

“Dad isn’t in control of his anger either. I can’t be. Someone hurt you. They hurt your mother.”My fists balled so tightly my knuckles cracked.

“Won’t you get in trouble? Please don’t get in trouble. I don’t want to lose you too. He took Mom…” She took a deep breath. “She wasn’t the best mom, she kind of sucked. She was the only mom I had though. Please, Dad. I don’t want to lose you too. Gramps, don’t get in trouble for me.”

Pops moved to her bedside and sat. Her tears did me in. I turned and walked out the door. I needed to get my shit together because right now, there was no way in hell I was promising to not go after the people who hurt her. I’d proudly wear an orange jumpsuit with a smile on after I ripped their fucking hearts out.

I paced the hallway, thankful no one followed me out here. They got it. I’d do anything for that little girl. Anything. Damn the consequences.

I was lost in my own little world of anger and vengeance when a familiar voice caught my ear. Turning, I scanned the area around the nurses station. There was a beautiful blond-and-black-haired woman speaking to a nurse. She held a small bouquet of flowers in one hand and a stuffed animal in the other.

I made my way around to where she stood.

“Oh, Mr. Cavanagh, this young lady was just asking about your daughter’s room.” The older nurse met my gaze. Everyone on this floor knew what had happened. Maddie wasn’t the only one on this floor who had been hurt by those assholes. The nurses had been great about not letting anyone know where they were.

I smiled as best as I could. “She’s more than welcome to come see her. She’s the one who found them. She’s the reason they are safe.”

“Oh, well here, dear. You’ll need this.” She handed her a badge that said ‘Visitor’ on it.

“Thank you. Mr. Cavanagh?—”

“Please call me Phoenix; Mr. Cavanagh is my Pops.” I motioned for her to come with me. “I didn’t get a chance to fully thank you last night. I owe you?—”

“Absolutely nothing. God, I never expected what happened yesterday. But I promise you, no matter why I was there, I’d do the same thing again. Look, I have younger siblings. If that had been any of them—I’d want someone to step in and help them.”

“She’s going to relive this every day.” I sighed.

“She will. But you know what; she can also overcome it.” She put the stuffed animal under an arm and reached out to tap the tattoo on my right forearm. “The same as when you relive your bad days overseas.”

I looked at the tattoo. I’d had it done when I’d come back from war in 2012. The Ka-Bar knife surrounded by the leaves of the Army emblem had a dog tag wrapped around the knife handle. The dog tag read ‘Enduring Freedom 2011-2012.’ That was a year I would never be able to forget. I got what she was saying. It was then that I met her gaze. She held out her right forearm. She had a traditional dog tag tattoo. The chain held two tags, like we wore. One read, ‘All Gave Some’ and the other read ‘Some Gave All.’

I met her gaze, and she gave me a sad smile.

“We may not have fought in the same war, but we have both been through the same kind of shit.” She frowned. “We’ve given our all for our country. That little girl and so many others deserve the same fight from all of us.”

“And she’ll get it with every breath I take.”