Phoenix’s Fire (The Ruins Of Men #2)

Chapter 72

Seventy-Two

Ayla

M y head pounded in time with my heart, each beat stabbing right between my eyes. I groaned and pressed my head deeper into the pillows, but the bright light streaming through the windows was almost as relentless. I didn't remember getting back to the house. Thinking about it, I didn't remember a lot. Flinging the blankets off, I found myself in a soft black shirt that was much too big. I was pretty sure Rymar had been wearing it last night.

I did remember being in the pool and being very close to him. The memories came in flashes, just little bits that teased me with the gaps in between, but what was there made my cheeks hot. I'd been pressed against him? That couldn't be right. His tail against my legs? My heart beating hard and my skin tingling? Him helping me from the water, both of us completely naked?

I couldn't be making that up. My mind shouldn't know the gaps to fill in the lines of him that should've stayed beneath his pants. Large, upright, intimidating lines. Smooth, silky scales. The sensuous feel of his tail under water.

What had I done?

Dreading the answer, I changed into my lavender dress, combed my hair, and dawdled as long as I could while trying to think of a reason I should stay in bed all day. Unfortunately, Holly had other ideas. She barked once, loudly, then moved to the door, making it clear she needed to go outside.

"Okay, girl," I told her, aware my head throbbed in time with my words. "I have to go first, then we'll play."

Unlocking the door, I let her rush out, sighing heavily when she raced down the stairs. There was no way I could keep up with her today. My stomach was rolling. My mouth felt like I'd swallowed cotton. My eyes were gritty, and then there was the headache that refused to let up.

Even worse was the way my body felt as I made my way - slowly - down the stairs. But just as I reached the bottom and turned toward the bathroom, that door opened. I paused as Rymar stepped out, wearing nothing more than a pair of soft pants. The sight of his chest made me suck in a breath as my face began to grow hotter.

I'd done that. He'd let me. For a moment, I thought about turning and bolting back up the stairs, but he just smiled at me and moved to walk around me. Shame was quickly taking over, and I had no idea how I was supposed to handle what I'd done last night!

"Morning," he mumbled, looking like he wasn't about to stop.

So I grabbed his arm, making him face me. "What did you do to me?"

He chuckled softly. "Headache?"

"Among other things." My words came out like an accusation.

His eyes narrowed. "Which other things? And we should go swimming more often - but without so much wine next time."

"Did you kiss me?" I demanded.

He stepped back, crossing his arms over his chest. "Define that."

"Your mouth on mine."

His jaw clenched. "Yes, I believe that happened."

"You can't just kiss a woman!"

Rymar looked away, pulling in a breath like he was angry. "The one half-decent thing about last night was thinking you trusted me, but here you are, acting like I manipulated you into something. I would like you to know that I just wanted to talk. You, Ayla, are the one who kissed me . So learn how to own your shit, because my head is pounding, and I am not in the mood to have someone else make me feel like a piece of shit."

"But it's not proper!" I snapped.

His neck tensed first, twisting his head slightly, then he stood a little straighter. That was all the warning I got before he stormed towards me. I backed away, hitting the wall. His hands grabbed my wrists, guiding them down my sides, and he leaned in until his mouth was inches from my face.

"Did you want me to do it again?"

"No," I breathed, but my heart was racing and my chin lifted on its own. My eyes slid back to his mouth as broken memories of his taste teased my mind.

Rymar immediately released me and stepped back, the vehemence of a moment before gone as quickly as it had appeared. What he didn't do was move aside so I could escape. He gave me enough space so I wasn't trapped, but it was clear I couldn't just run away from this.

"Then I won't," he said, but he stayed there, just a little too close to be polite. "That is how consent works, Ayla. 'No' is a word that stops any man in this house. It's what gives you power to control your own body and what happens to it. There's only one problem." He leaned slightly towards my ear. "You're lying."

"I'm not." But only because I was scared of what would happen if he tried to kiss me again.

His tail lashed once before he backed up a step. "Last night, you made it clear you like kissing." Then he lifted his hands, showing he wasn't chiding me. "There's nothing wrong with wanting it, Ayla, but I can only believe your words. The same for Zasen and Kanik. We will not force ourselves on you." He tipped his head to meet my eyes. "I liked it, but I don't need it, and I swore I'd never hurt you. It's not what friends do."

"But I shouldn't have done that," I whimpered.

Rymar shook his head, offering me a soft smile. "You should, and it's okay to be embarrassed." He ducked his head to scrub at his face. "I am. I had a very bad night, and I just wanted to make it go away. Drinking sounded like a great idea at the time, but I didn't think that through, and I'm sorry."

"But what does this mean?" I asked.

The stair creaked, making me realize we weren't alone. I looked up just as Rymar twisted. About a third of the way down, I could see Kanik's legs. He'd stopped, aware things were a little tense down here.

"You're fine," Rymar told him.

"You're not," Zasen called from the living room.

"Yeah..." Kanik said. "I think I'm going to go let Holly out. I hear her dancing in the kitchen." He wagged his finger between us. "You two finish that talk."

And now I was dying. Clearly everyone had just heard all of this. As Kanik headed toward the kitchen, I saw him make a gesture to Zasen. It looked like he was silently asking him to stay where he was. That made me want to go back to my room where no one could see me, and my face was now burning with shame.

"You're fine," Rymar said, reaching out to clasp my arm. "Ayla, you are a grown woman who is allowed to do stupid things without repercussions. We're friends. That's it. Just a couple of friends who drank far too much wine and made stupid decisions together."

"I'm sorry I messed up," I mumbled.

He rubbed my arm gently. "You did. You made me feel like shit a second ago. Saying that being my friend isn't proper? Or that trusting me isn't? I'm not even sure why you're trying to throw that out this time, but it sucks, Ayla. It's cruel and it hurts."

I gasped, lifting my face with my mouth open in shock. "I didn't mean to!"

"But you still did it," he said. "Now, I get it. You don't know how to deal with being embarrassed, and it used to be dangerous to make a mistake, right? But next time, try saying what you really mean, even if it's jumbled up and stupid?"

I paused, those words tickling a memory I couldn't quite reach. "I don't know how."

He shrugged. "It's okay to not know things. That's why we try them out. Sometimes we mess up, but a good friend will tell us that without resenting it, right?"

"And you're a good friend?" I asked, needing him to confirm it.

Rymar nodded slowly. "I am. And you're a good friend to me. The way you made sure I was okay last night?" He let go of my arm and shifted his hand to cup my cheek. "That was sweet." Then he turned my face a bit, looking me over. "Is your head throbbing as bad as mine?"

"Yeah."

"This is called a hangover," he explained. "And so you know, the next time you get drunk, I think you can do it on your own, because I do not like this part."

"It's the Devil’s tool."

His eyes jumped to meet mine. "I don't believe in your Devil. Or your God." Then he shrugged. "I have to take responsibility for my own mistakes."

"I don't know how. I think that's why I automatically go back to pushing you men away. It's what I was taught since I was a girl."

He nodded, accepting that. "Okay, I can see that, but this works better. You know, talking? And if it's embarrassing, you can talk to someone alone."

"Like in my room?" I asked.

"Or mine," he said. "Theirs? See, that's what I was trying to show you last night. You're safe alone with us. You get to make the call on what happens, and I don't care if that's proper, or expected, or even rude as fuck. Between me and you? No stupid rules, just friends. Okay?"

"Okay," I agreed, finally breathing a sigh of relief. "So I didn't mess up too badly?"

"Not at all," he promised. "But I had fun last night." He paused, pressing his lips together. "But it only happened because I said yes. Just like you said no earlier and nothing happened."

I nodded. "Okay?"

"Consent," he said. "That's what it's called, Ayla. It's how you know you can trust us, because if you say no, that means everything stops. Talking, touching, or anything else." Then he let go of me and stepped back. "And just because you said no doesn't mean you can't change your mind later. The same is true for saying yes. If you try something and hate it, you can stop." He ducked his head a bit. "Does that make sense?"

I jiggled my head quickly. "You're talking about... You know."

"Mhm," he agreed. "And that goes both ways. You can't just kiss someone without them being okay with it."

"Like the guy last night," I said. "I saw how you tensed up. Zasen tried to explain it, but it makes it easier when I can see what he means."

"Yeah," Rymar said. "I did because I didn't want to kiss him anymore. I changed my mind."

"Okay." I pulled in a breath, then pushed it out. "Rymar? Thank you. For being patient with me, I mean. I'm still a little embarrassed."

"Me too," he said. "I'm just trying very hard to pretend I'm not. Oh, and a hot bath will make you feel a lot better. The water is already heating. If you get that running, I'll bring you a glass of water and something for your head, okay?"

"Hey," I said when he turned to leave. "I'm sorry that guy was stupid. You're very nice, Rymar, and maybe other people don't think that's a good thing, but to me, it's the most important one. "

He ducked his head. "Yeah. Thanks. Go start your bath." But as he walked away, his tail was twitching at the very tip.

So I slipped into the bathroom and closed the door, but my mind immediately jumped back to the blurry memories I still had. Alone, I dared to reach up and touch my lips where his mouth had been. Kissing definitely did not hurt, but the part afterwards wasn't as easy as I'd expected.

He'd still be kind to me. He was still my friend. I hadn't messed anything up last night, so all of this was okay. As I headed to the tub to turn on the water, I decided I'd definitely learned one thing from all of this.

These men were good ones. Very good ones. Somehow, all three of them made me so happy, and I felt like I was ready to burst with it. I'd kissed a man. A man had kissed me. They'd all called me pretty, and we were all still friends.

But Saveah had said we didn't have to be "just" friends.