Chapter 6
CHAPTER SIX
brIAR
A t least the man hadn’t peed himself as he passed out.
Overall, this wasn’t the most ideal way to see Gabriel after all these months, but honestly, it could have been worse.
I closed the rental car door behind me and did my best not to waddle toward Gabriel. My center of gravity wasn’t what it once was, and frankly, I was still getting used to this whole pregnancy thing.
My back hurt, my ankles hurt, and somehow, I had heartburn that only occurred when I didn’t eat. It made no sense. And after driving down from Austin to try to fix some semblance of my life, I did not want to be in that car any longer.
And while my sister Teagan had driven most of the way because she wouldn’t allow me to do it myself, it was still a long drive.
And even as all of that slid through my head in a millisecond, I was still worried that Gabriel had hurt himself. I stared at the man currently sprawled in the mud and shook my head. My hand went to the swell of my belly, the baby kicking at my palm, and I swallowed hard.
This was my reality. One I had tried to ignore even as I guided myself through it. And now, I was slapping Gabriel’s reality in his face.
And I hadn’t even told him exactly why I was here.
With my other hand on the small of my back, I tried to squat down to touch Gabriel’s pulse, just making sure he was alive, as his eyes snapped open, and I froze, my balance a little off.
Knowing I was about to go down, I put both hands out, trying to catch my fall, and then Gabriel was there, hands on my hips.
“Briar? Are you okay? Shit. Did I hurt you?”
I just stared into those light eyes of his and swallowed hard. That was always the problem when it came to Gabriel Wilder.
I had always looked into those eyes and stood frozen. Not quite enraptured.
He had always been my brother’s best friend. Completely off limits. At first, it had been because I thought Mal would murder me for even daring to look at his friend. Then it had turned into me not wanting to ruin the friendship of two of the most important men in my life. One of my brothers, and the man who let Mal’s talent and dreams soar.
It didn’t matter that I knew I was a lost cause when it came to Gabriel. I always had been. Yet I’d ignored my feelings because I loved Mal and his friendship with the man in front of me. The man touching me.
That familiar ache, which started out as a sharp pain before ebbing to a pulsating squeeze of my heart shocked my system once again, and I latched onto it. That pain, that worry, that unending grief was something I could at least feel rather than the terror and panic of what was coming next.
Teagan could work on her to-do list, could focus on what needed to happen to keep us whole, while I just tried to see through to the next day.
“Briar? Did I hurt you?”
Well, that was a loaded question. “I’m fine,” I lied. “Are you okay? Did you hit your head when you fell?”
He shook his head, then looked as if he thought better of it as he winced. “Shit.”
“Yeah.”
I looked down at his hands that were still on my hips and realized that my belly was really close to his face.
Talk about true reality.
He let go of me quickly, and I was grateful that I didn’t teeter over. Instead, I let out a loud sigh as I stood up and stretched my back.
“Briar. You’re pregnant. How the hell…? Is it…? I have no idea what to say right now.”
I had done a lot of thinking over the past seven and a half months. Even through the fog of grief and panic, I had tried to think about what this moment would be. Preferably, it would’ve been at least seven months ago, but no, it hadn’t been. We’d both needed space to think and heal—only I hadn’t realized the consequences of that night until we’d walked away from each other.
I never would’ve truly thought he would proclaimed his love to me and promise to take care of this baby, but maybe something other than looking like he wanted to vomit.
It wasn’t like I loved Gabriel Wilder. He was just a friend. A friend that I had had one night of fun with, before we had ruined everything. And I knew I was lying to myself, but it was easier to do so when the truth of what our futures held lay between us.
I ignored the clawing agony and stared at the man who had changed my life in more ways than one.
“Yep. Pregnant. Tired. Grumpy. And completely lost. And yes, the baby is yours. I tried to call before, but you never answered.” I swallowed hard, trying to push down the frustration and anger that came with that thought. “You never let me in, Gabriel.”
Flashes of the last time I had seen him shot through my mind, and I wanted to push them away. I wanted to ignore them.
But instead they were in vivid and technicolor view in my mind.
Gabriel standing there, eyes vacant as we stood over my brother’s grave. That one last desperate look toward each other, even though he hadn’t seen me looking. I had felt his gaze on me as my sister and brothers had dragged me away. But I hadn’t spoken to him since the hospital. Since we had both broken down at hearing the worst news one could ever hear.
And part of me had wanted to keep it that way. Because when I saw Gabriel, I saw Mal’s face when he walked away, disgust and disappointment twining with each other.
“How…I mean, I know how. But holy hell, Briar. You’re really pregnant.”
I stared at him and wondered exactly why I was here. I had tried to tell Gabriel so many times over the past few months. It wasn’t as if I wanted to keep this a secret. I had been panicking inside the entire time. After all, it wasn’t as if I had known I was pregnant until the nausea wouldn’t go away, and my body started to change. I’d had an IUD, so I never got periods. It wasn’t as if I could miss one.
The IUD had clearly failed, the same with the condom. Statistics were never on my side. Then again, somehow I had survived a bus crash, and my brother hadn’t. What statistics existed for that circumstance?
Gabriel had ignored my calls, my letters, and my emails. He should have gotten a letter from my reps, letting him know that he was about to be a father—at least in genetics.
But he had ignored the world, and now I wasn’t going to let him ignore this.
I was going against Teagan’s wishes by even being here. My elder sister didn’t think Gabriel even deserved to know what was going on, considering he had repeatedly pushed me away. And while part of me agreed with that, the other part of me knew he needed to know. Or maybe it was because I was dying inside, hollowed out with nothing left other than this promise of the future that made absolutely no sense.
He needed to know because I was faced with my own existence.
And I had no earthly idea how to face the future without Mal. Without Gabe . I couldn’t do this alone. I knew that. And I needed Gabriel to understand. Understand what? I didn’t know. And that scared me.
“Now that you know, I’m going to go put my feet up. Everything hurts and I hate being pregnant. I’m not good at it and I’m usually good at what I do.” I was rambling now, but I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say. “You deserved to know about this baby. Not only because the press is going to find out somehow, and it’s going to be a shitstorm. But because this baby deserves to know their father. I’m not asking you for anything. I never would have, Gabriel. You know that. We’ve always been friends—at least I thought so. But you pushed me away and our worlds ended. Only now I have to face the future. So take a moment to think. Because we don’t have many moments left before our worlds change. Again.”
He blinked at me, his mouth opening and closing like a guppy, but I turned away and got back into my car. I had left Teagan back in the room, even though I knew she had wanted to storm out here.
She was just so angry . And while I wanted to be too, I had to skip that part of grief. Each of my family members were facing the loss of Mal in their own ways and none if it was good. Though was there really a good way to get through the loss of our brother? I didn’t think so.
I pulled back into the main parking lot, and heaved myself out of the vehicle as a golf cart came around the side of the building and parked near me.
I blinked at the two women who stared at me with pale faces when they looked down at my stomach. Then I remembered who they were. I had never met them, but I knew their photos.
Because Gabriel had been family. And therefore he had shown us his family.
Gabriel Wilder’s sisters-in-law got out of the golf cart and stared at me, slack jawed. I put my hand protectively over my belly, wondering exactly what the baby and I were going to do next. There were only so many weeks left and I didn’t have answers.
“Briar…” one of them began as she came forward, the other woman staring at me as if she saw a ghost.
I wasn’t sure quite how pale I was just then, so it could be the truth.
“Aurora, right?” I asked, surprised at how calm my voice sounded.
“Yes. And this is Ava. We were so sorry to hear about your brother.” She cleared her throat even as pain slapped me in the face. She held up her hand before I could say some platitude and walk away. “I’m sorry,” she continued. “I hated it when anybody came up to me out of the blue and mentioned my late husband. As if I wasn’t wallowing in my own grief. But I am sorry.”
“You’re here visiting Gabriel?” Ava asked after a moment.
I cleared my throat. “I am.”
“And you’re pregnant,” Ava said pointedly, staring at my belly.
“I am,” I said again, before tears began to slide down my face. “And I really, really don’t know what I’m going to do. But it’s nice to meet you.”
I wanted to run away, but instead Ava and Aurora came forward, arms outstretched. I hadn’t even realized I was swaying to the side until their hands were keeping me steady.
“Let’s go get you inside and sit down. We’ll put your feet up and get you some water,” Ava said. “When I was pregnant with Faith, I swear I always got dizzy spells. It sucked because your center of gravity is different, you know? Did you come here with someone? Are you staying here? Don’t worry, Briar. You aren’t alone.”
Somehow, they were leading me into the back entrance, which had to be an employee part of the place, and then I was sitting on a plush couch, my feet up on a stool, and water in my hand. They also put a veggie tray and some form of a dessert tray in front of me, and I wasn’t even sure how they moved so quickly.
I sucked in a sob and tried to calm down. These women were being so nice to me, and it felt as though I were watching everything happen rather than living it. “I’m really okay. I have a room on the other side of the inn.”
“So you’re staying here?” Ava asked.
I could tell they were being so careful about what they were asking, and I didn’t blame them. It felt as though we all were walking on eggshells. “Yes. I figured it was time to explain to Gabriel that maybe he should answer his phone. Or open a piece of mail,” I said, and heard the bite in my tone.
The two women looked at each other, before Aurora closed her eyes and mumbled something, while Ava just shook her head and cursed.
“Oh. So Faith is going to have a cousin,” Ava blurted, and then pressed her lips together.
I swallowed hard, and tried to think of what to say, before I burst out laughing, and shook my head. The other two women looked at each other before giving me a confused look.
“I swear I haven’t lost my mind. But you saying that is probably the best reaction that I’ve had in the past few months since I found out I was pregnant. My brothers were ready to fly down here and beat the shit out of Gabriel or send me to a commune or convent, even though we’re not Catholic,” I added.
Ava’s lips twitched while Aurora just stared at me wide-eyed.
“Well, that wouldn’t have been great about the whole beating up thing,” Ava finally said.
I continued to laugh, tears gently rolling down my cheeks. “My sister is upstairs, and I’m afraid that if she knows exactly where Gabriel is, she’ll geld him. And then she’d go to jail and then I wouldn’t have my sister when I’m raising this baby. It would be a whole thing.”
“That would be a whole thing,” Ava said slowly, and again, Aurora didn’t say anything.
I let out a slow breath, coming back to my point. “So you saying something about this baby having family? That’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said about this pregnancy.”
“Oh Briar,” Aurora whispered, and then I was in her arms, tears continuing to slide down my cheeks, as Ava moved forward to hold my hand. “I’m so sorry that we didn’t know.”
I leaned into Aurora as she spoke, annoyed that I was crying so easily. I had never been a crier before this, but apparently pregnancy made me one.
“Okay, we’re going to figure this out. Let’s just get you hydrated and fed, and then tucked into bed. And then later, we’ll take this one step at a time.”
Aurora’s voice was so soothing, and I had known before she had mentioned her late husband that she was a widow. That she had gone through grief, and presumably had found her way through it. Even though I knew grief never ended, she had found love again. This time with Gabriel’s brother.
“Don’t worry, you’re not alone,” Ava said, and for some reason, with these two women who were strangers, and yet somehow connected to me in a way I hadn’t expected, I wanted to believe them.
It’s just that it hadn’t exactly been how I had wanted the day to end, though in reality, I hadn’t had a plan.
Yet as it was proven to me repeatedly over the past few months, plans never worked, and here I was, living proof of that.