Chapter 29 Roads Untravelled
Amity
A warm, tingling sensation from the sun’s beaming yellow rays rejuvenates me every minute my pliable body melts into the cabana. For the first time in weeks, I feel a sense of relaxation and freedom as my brain switches off from the heaviness I’ve felt since I’ve been home.
I almost feel weightless, like all my problems have vanished. Truthfully, that’s what I’ve felt for so many years as I shoved my trauma and problems deep inside. Ignoring my issues doesn’t automatically mean they go away. It means I ran away. It also means I haven’t been fully living. Since being back, I’ve had to wade through some of the most difficult conversations I’ve ever had and embrace my emotions, almost all of them tied to Lincoln.
I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t exactly what I needed to sort my head out. The sea breeze air is intoxicating, as are the coconut margaritas and the white, powdery beaches that stretch across the shoreline, the perfect gateway to the still, azure water.
I’m rendered to a puddle as strong, firm hands contour the lines of my back with vanilla and pomegranate oil. I smell good enough to lick, which isn’t helping my raging hormones. It seems like Lincoln has unlocked my slut mode, because all I want to do is come when I think of how he fucked me in the alley.
‘Stop the moaning sex sounds,’ Jagger chuckles beside me.
All four of us are getting massages in our cabana that looks out towards the still ocean.
‘Shut up.’ My groans really do sound like moans.
‘You sound like you’re about to have an orgasm.’
‘You would know.’ Rome high-fives Jagger.
‘Fuck the both of you.’ I’m turned away from them both, so I can’t see if they see my gesture, but my arm extends out and I flip them both off. Jagger and I would usually have our little rendezvous on trips like this, but since I slept with Lincoln, it just doesn’t feel right.
‘If that’s how you sound, it’s hot.’ Lily is on my other side, giggling.
Hating them all at this moment, I can’t help to adore the heck out of the time we’ve spent here. Not everyone gets to create memories like we do. I’m forever grateful. A piece of me wonders—or maybe even hopes—if this is what lies in Linc and my future, and if he’ll be joining me on future adventures.
‘Relax, Miss Hartford.’ The masseuse can feel the knots of tension in my shoulders at the draining thought. Lily too.
‘What’s up, girly?’
‘Lincoln.’
‘Ahh, we wondered how long it would take for you to bring him up. A few days. Very impressive,’ Rome says, grunting as a muscle in his back is worked on.
‘I don’t know what to do. Someone tell me what to do.’
‘Do you have feelings for him?’ Jagger asks. ‘Because he sure as fuck is in love with you.’
‘How do you know?’
‘He wanted to beat me to a bloody pulp when he found out you rode my dick.’
I gasp as Lily and Rome laugh.
‘Payback’s a bitch,’ Lily smirks.
‘How…why? Why would you tell him that?’ I didn’t lie to Linc. He never asked. Plus, it really was none of his business, but I look hypocritical as fuck for calling him out on all the sluts he’s fucked over the years.
‘Jag…’ I groan. I could never be ashamed of finding solace in my best friend, but it just complicates things further.
‘For what it’s worth, I think he knows he made the biggest mistake of his life. Just like you, he’s not the same kid you grew up with. If you’re still this twisted up over him, maybe there’s still something there worth salvaging?’
How Jagger manages to stay so humble and down to earth, I’ll never know. God seriously created the perfect man.
Lily reaches for my hand to give it a squeeze.
‘I think maybe you should just get everything out in the open.’ Rome is always the voice of reason.
‘I don’t think there’s ever been a lack of love between the two of you.’ Lily says.
‘How can I trust him not to break me again?’
‘He’s bared his soul to you since you’ve been back. He’s stuck up for you to Billie.’ Rome makes two very convincing points.
‘Oh. Oh, and he’s told you he is in love with you and wants you,’ Lily snaps her fingers, interjecting.
Warmth penetrates my skin as I feel smooth stones being strategically placed down my back. The weight of them pin me to the bed, anchoring me to face my true feelings.
‘I think—no, I know—I love him. I think I will always be in love with him.’ As I let the words escape my mouth, I feel a shift in the air around me, like I can suddenly breathe again.
‘So, what are you going to do about it?’ Jagger asks, grunting as his masseuse places the stones on his back.
‘I’m not sure. I know I have to talk to him when I get back. I don’t want to keep going around in circles, and I’m sick of running.’ It’s a murmur of a confession, or a promise.
‘You’ve got this, chicka,’ Lily pumps me up.
As the massage comes to an end, Jag pulls me away, taking me on a long hike. Our little ritual when we go away is always finding hidden gems wherever we are and going skinny dipping. Some of those times, we’ve captured, but the majority of the time, we’ve kept them for ourselves. More often than not, we’d just finished having sex before we took the leap into whatever body of water we found.
The lush greenery seems more vibrant the further we find ourselves in the tropical rainforest. We’re on the hunt for a secret waterfall. Regardless of if we get naked or fuck—which I don’t intend to do either—it will still make a killer content backdrop.
‘Penny for your thoughts, angel?’ We’ve told his bodyguards to take the afternoon off, so I know there is no one around to overhear the secrets we share.
I’ve been quieter than usual, taking in the tranquil sounds around me. The melodious chirps and calls of birds echo through the forest canopy, adding to the gentle rustle of leaves. The forest is alive with a vibrant ecosystem of crickets and cicadas, but it’s the gentle babbling of water cascading over rocks that is centring my thoughts.
‘I don’t know how to let you go. You’ve been my lifeline for so long, and I feel like I’m going to fail without you.’ I’ve been overcome with grief at the thought that Jagger won’t be my safety net like he has been if I get back with Lincoln. It’s not fair on either of them to want to keep them both.
I stop in the middle of the trail and heave over, resting my hands on my knees. A gentle touch sweeps my sweaty back, rubbing soothing circles as I break down in the middle of paradise.
‘Angel. Do you really think I would let that happen? He’s not replacing me in any way. I’ve been your caretaker while both of you found your way back to each other. I’m not going anywhere.’
‘Promise?’
‘If Lincoln loves you like I know he does, he won’t keep you from me.’
‘But isn’t it unreasonable for me to ask him to give up Billie and not give you up?’ I sniffle, feeling myself suffocating again at all these thoughts.
His laughter cuts through panic. ‘Don’t put me in the same category as that hoe. Babes, come on?’
‘I just don’t know how I’ll ever thank you for what you’ve done for me. I owe my life to you.’
‘Sweetheart, you’ve thanked me quite enough,’ he winks salaciously, making my cheeks heat. It’s hard not to get giddy when he says things like that, because how ridiculous is it that the hottest guy on the planet has had sex with me?
Swatting his stomach, I laugh at his inappropriate insinuation.
‘You are too much.’ I work my way through the path again, trying to listen to where the water is falling.
‘We’ve had some fun times, Amity, but it’s time for you to show Lincoln what he’s missing.’ He catches up to me, holding my hand in his.
‘Thank you for…’ I blush at my next words. ‘Teaching me what I like…and need.’
‘Oh, the pleasure is all mine, baby. Now it will be all his, but even better because of the intense feelings you have for each other.’
Hidden deep within the lush rainforest somewhere lies this damn secret waterfall. I can hear the trickle of water getting louder, but I have no idea how far or close we are. As we duck and weave our way through vibrant foliage, I feel we’re close to the secluded oasis. A few steps more and I can see the cascading waters shimmering in the dappled sunlight, tumbling gracefully into a crystal blue pool below. The magical sanctuary is well worth the walk, and I’m glad we dared to venture off the beaten path because the sight before me is enchanting. It’s Blue Lagoon brought to life.
Out of the corner of my eye, I can already see Jagger has started stripping. Holy hell, he’s a vision. The entire female population would kill to be me right now.
‘You stripping?’ I hesitate as he pulls his shirt and shoes off, leaving him in his black shorts. ‘Don’t you think this is crossing the line?’
‘We’re not fucking.’ He shrugs. ‘Besides, it’s nothing either of us haven’t seen before. Come on, babes, it’s our thing.’
I’m in spandex bike shorts and a crop top. There isn’t much left to the imagination, anyway, but somehow divesting these two little pieces of clothing and my minuscule G-string feels wrong. Especially now that I’ve admitted that I’m in love with another man.
Biting my lower lip, I consider the consequences. ‘I just don’t think I should.’ He eyes me intently. At first, he frowns, but then a megawatt smile etches across his lips.
‘Good girl, honey. Proud of you for resisting all this temptation.’ He sweeps his hands up and down his tantalising torso, teasing. ‘I’ll leave my briefs on.’
‘I don’t have a bra, and I’m only wearing a G-string.’ I want nothing less than to walk back with wet clothes sticking to me.
‘So?’ He doesn’t see the dilemma.
I guess going topless isn’t that bad. Everyone does it in Europe. Besides, I wear G-strings for my day job, so again, it’s nothing sexual or out of the ordinary.
‘Fine.’ Relenting, I push my shorts down and get rid of the skin-tight bra. Jagger being Jagger wolf whistles, making my eyes almost roll back into my head.
Teetering towards him, he takes my hand. With one final reassuring look, we take a leap together. Like always, my heart catches in my throat, but this time it’s because I know that whatever genuine connection we have will take a backseat.
It’s not like I’m plummeting to my death, but I let out a high-pitched squeal anyway, before holding my breath and hitting the natural spring with a splash. It’s deep enough that it takes a few seconds for me to swim to the surface. Somewhere below water, our hands disconnect and we lose contact. When I reach the top, I gasp for a lungful of air while Jag flips his hair out of his eyes.
The exhilarating feeling of diving into the unknown with someone you trust more than anything in the world is something else. We both burst into a fit of giggles. Jag reaches for me and pulls me into his arms. Instinctively, my legs wrap around his torso as he keeps us afloat. We both turn towards the majestic waterfall cascading down the cliff. Mist rises at the base as it hits the tranquil pool. This moment is ethereal, and it’s the perfect way to sever our benefits attachment, reminding me that magical moments and magical people are only meant to touch our lives for a short time.
‘You’ll never lose me, Amity. As much as you think I saved you, you saved me. Your unwavering loyalty, trust and realness in such a fake world stopped me from losing myself as well.’ His murmur draws my attention back to his face. It’s only now that I realise he’s been staring at my profile in reverence.
My arms fasten around his neck, pressing my bare chest to his. Pulling him in for a hug like this is usually the start of mind-blowing sex, but today it’s a source of comfort for us. Still, a part of me wants to give him a proper goodbye. To feel his kiss one last time before my heart, body and soul is tied to Linc for life.
‘Can I kiss you goodbye?’ I ask softly, pulling back a touch so I can see the true feelings behind his eyes. Is he okay with this? I hope he doesn’t feel like I’m using him. We’ve never used each other. We’ve always been each other’s companions.
‘If that’s what you want, Amity. I’ll always let you lead this.’ He has always been such a gentleman. I want him to find the most incredible woman. Whenever he had a girlfriend, whatever we have stopped for a while, but each failed relationship always led us back to each other. As a friend, I can honestly say that he has the worst taste in women.
‘I want to kiss you goodbye.’ Affirming my words, I close my eyes and touch my mouth to his. Feeling the warmth of his lips against mine, a tender sensation is tinged with bittersweet emotion. As my tongue explores his, he tastes like lingering notes of coconut water. It’s not a fast kiss, but a slow one that we’re both savouring. The soft sounds of our breaths mingle together. While the waterfall roars in front of us and the myriad of animals create a sweet symphony, I can honestly say it’s all drowned out. This moment is solely about us. My heart doesn’t race like it does when Linc kisses me, confirming that it never belonged to anyone but him.
Jagger pulls back, giving my lips one last peck before he secures me in a bear hug.
‘Find your happiness, baby, and never let it go,’ he whispers.
My eyes mist over his selfless words.
‘I love you, Jag.’
‘Love you, too.’ Kissing the side of my head, he then burrows his head into my neck, nuzzling me. ‘Now swim away, before I break all the promises I’ve made to you, myself and Linc.’ He pumps his rock-hard groin into mine, letting me know my bare breasts and exposed ass are making him horny.
Laughing, I push away and splash him.
The rest of our afternoon is spent leisurely swimming, drying off and taking content for our respective profiles.
Despite my prickly issues with my body, Jagger always knows the right angles to take. He is the definition of an Instagram boyfriend. Sitting on the edge of the rock edge, I pull my knees up to my chin, resting my arms and head on them. From this angle, it looks like I’m naked with the water in the background. Another cheeky one he takes is his hand grasping my ass. Only part of my back can be seen and the scrap of G-string in between my cheeks. Of course, I return the favour, and capture all the girl-porn worthy images of him.
First, he swims underneath the waterfall, finding a small island to stand on. Tilting his head back, I snap a picture of him gliding his hand down just beneath his shorts. Obviously, they are wet and stuck to him like a second skin. He is blessed in the cock department, being both a shower and a grower, so of course his package looks like he has the perfect pecker.It is erotic as fuck, and I know it will make worldwide news when he uploads. Another photo I take of him is up close, of the droplets of water racing down his drool-worthy chest. The female population can thank me later.
When the sun starts fading behind the canopy of trees, we find our winding way back to the resort. As we get farther away from the waterfall, the day’s rays dip lower. It reminds me that we’re closing a chapter in our friendship, which is bittersweet.