Epilogue
EPILOGUE
SLOANE
“ N yx, I’m freaking the fuck out. Tell me this isn’t happening right now,” I groan, sitting on the edge of my couch with my hands rubbing nervously over my face. I feel like there are popping candies in my veins with the amount of nerves coursing through me, and it’s unbelievably terrifying.
“Hey, hey, hey. Baby girl, it’s okay. This is okay. You have PCOS, ya know. Didn’t your doctor say you couldn’t get pregnant again? Or, well, it was super unlikely, right? Maybe it’s just the irregular cycle symptoms again.”
I nod my head, trying to settle my breathing, even though my hands still continue to tremble slightly with the panic coursing through me. “Yeah, she did. Especially after Simon and I miscarried a couple years ago. The two combinations, plus the testosterone blocker, make it super difficult. Simon and I haven’t used protection in years, and we haven’t had any scares. But this just…I dunno, Nyx. Something feels different.” I don’t say it, but it feels way too similar to the early symptoms of my last pregnancy…
Nyx kneels in front of me, forcing my eyes onto hers. Our gazes clash—one anxious, on the verge of an utmost panic attack, and the other patient and caring. And even in the moment of panic, pain, worry, and fear…it’s this moment alone that I know I am utterly in love with the woman before me.
Definitely not the time to voice it, though.
It’s been two months since that night, and somehow, absolutely nothing changed in any negative fashion with our dynamic at all. Instead, it only grew stronger, and we all have become a unit.
Sure, the sex is still as depraved, needy, and raunchy as it was the very first time. It has still yet to slow down, and I’m honestly worried my clit is going to fall off any day now with how much attention I have been receiving over the last two months.
But at the exact same time, I have never been happier.
Simon and I had never been happier.
This is what we needed. Simon and I had worried that things would change, and that maybe this well and truly would have been a one-night game to everyone, and yet…I don’t think anyone in our group was okay with that. So we decided that it would always be us. All five of us, forever.
Exclusive in a way that didn’t make sense to anyone else, but it absolutely makes sense to us.
But a fucking baby? A pregnancy? That has to be a way to ruin a polyamorous, happy bubble. Especially with my luck on how fucking- fantastic pregnancies seemed to go with my body.
The sickening, aching thoughts pound through my skull in a rushing, emotional tandem.
They’re gonna leave.
Simon and I will be alone.
Again .
To fight though this emotionally taxing situation, and hopefully make it out to see the other side again.
We were happy alone before, sure. But could we survive it again, after living in a dream for so long?
Nyx’s hands cover my own, forcing the trembling sensation to still as she shifts even closer to me on the floor. “Come back down to Earth, pretty girl. I need you to talk it out for me. I can see you spiraling without even being in your brain, and we both know that’s not healthy. What’s going through your head right now?”
“You’re all going to leave me and Simon if that test is positive, and then I’m probably going to lose the baby again, and everything in my life is going to fall apart right in front of me.” The words burst out of me in a rushing, panicked sentence, and I’m surprised Nyx could even understand it.
She sighs. “Oh, baby. Why do you think we would leave over that? This could be an amazing thing. We could be a family , you know?”
A hysterical laugh bursts out of me as tears well in my eyes. “Oh yeah. You, who doesn’t like men, are forced with three of them forever. Rhodes, who doesn’t believe in love anymore. Asher, who is young and could absolutely bail and start over. Simon, who would be upset we’re going through this again. It’s not really looking all that peachy over here, Nyx.”
She sighs again, leaning up and gently tucking my hair behind my ears before using her thumbs to wipe away the tears starting to fall down my face. Her silver and black rings rub against my face at the motion, bringing a grounding, yet cooling effect. I take a deep breath at the sensation. “First of all, the boys are growing on me. I may identify as a lesbian, but my heart has room to change, okay? Just because I don’t want their parts on me doesn't mean I haven’t or won’t let them into my hearts. Labels suck, and we’re doing our best to figure it out. Okay?”
I sniffle and wipe my nose as I keep my gaze locked on hers. “Okay.”
“Secondly, we may not have had this talk yet, but all four of us—me, Rhodes, Asher, and absolutely Simon—are madly in love with you. We are obsessed with you. And a baby—a literal, mini you —is not going to change that. Okay?”
My heart nearly splits in half at the affirmation and the tears are really falling now. “Okay.”
She nods her head in a soothing manner before reaching for her phone, glancing down, and throwing it back on the soft rug below us. “Good girl. Everything is okay. We don’t even know if you’re pregnant yet, anyway. There’s still two minutes left on the timer.”
“Yeah,” I sniffle, “maybe it’s all in my head. I don’t know. I’ve just never gone a full sixty days without my cycle.”
“I know. I get that. Have there been any other symptoms?”
“Ermmm…headaches, definitely tender boobs, I’ve been so fucking tired the past three weeks, and certain smells make me need to run away—chicken, specifically.” I make a show of gagging, but it’s sadly not a show. The gagging doesn’t stop. “But I just assumed you people were wearing me out, more than anything.”
She laughs lightly at that, though keeps staring at me, and I stare right back at her. She leans in slowly, brushing her lips against mine in a soft, comforting kiss, before leaning back and continuing to stroke my cheeks with her thumbs. “That could be true, too, honestly. But it’s a good thing we’re having you take the test to make sure. Yeah?”
I nod. “Better safe than sorry.”
She nods back, right as the timer on her phone goes off. A mixture of emotions stir in my stomach from the sound simultaneously.
Queasiness, from the nerves.
Terror, from the potential news about to cover all of us.
And…somehow…even more terror, because amidst all the fear…there are butterflies about the potential of a future baby, when I had lost all hope of that with my little angel.
“Do you want me to look first? Or do you want to?”
I shake my head and force myself to stand. “I’m a big girl. I got this.”
And I do.
It takes less than seven strides to reach the hallway bathroom—the bathroom where literally all of this started with Rhodes’ cryptic reassurances and hints—before I flip over the test and stare at the result in front of me.
The result that only makes the butterflies grow and the sobs wrack my body, for the absolute unknown that I’m about to face.
Hours later, I find myself curled in a ball with Nyx on the couch, watching yet another comfort movie. After I had my panic attack, where she somehow talked me through it once again, we had collapsed in a heap of exhaustion, and neither of us has moved.
A part of me felt bad. She probably has to pee. But I didn’t want to lose her warmth just yet.
My phone buzzes against my jean pocket, and I groan as I grab it. I don’t bother shielding away from Nyx, knowing there’s nothing that could be hidden from either of us at this point…and knowing it’s our boys, from the way her phone simultaneously went off with mine.
Play the Game GC
Simon
On the way up, pretty ladies. How’s my wife feeling?
Rhodes
You just love rubbing ‘my wife’ in our faces, don’t you, asshole?
Asher
You guys know we’re all standing next to each other in the elevator, right?
Simon
Yes, and yes. Fuck off, the both of you. How’s my wife?
Sloane
I’m okay. Ready for cuddles from all four of you right about now, though.
We need to talk, too. Please.
Nyx says that sounded ominous. But like, we need to talk.
Rhodes
Definitely ominous, baby girl.
I sigh as I toss my phone back down and snuggle into Nyx’s chest. She wraps an arm around me, kissing the crown of my forehead, before whispering, “We’re all gonna be okay. Everything is okay.”
I only nod my head.
Mere minutes later, the front door swings open, and all three of our boys stroll in. My eyes immediately catch on Rhodes, who looks more anxious than anyone as his nervous eyes connect with mine, and my heart immediately aches for him.
For a man who always said he didn’t believe in love after his bitch of an ex-wife…he looks like otherwise right before me. And even I don’t know how to fully process that.
Especially not when it’s right at me.
Simon reaches me and leans down, kissing me softly. “How we feeling, pretty girl? You don’t feel hot. That’s a good sign.”
I smile at him, regardless of the nerves in my stomach. The man makes it hard not to. “I’m okay. Just really tired.”
Nyx interrupts us. “Where’s my kiss, bro?”
Simon arches a brow in her direction. “Do you really want my mouth on you?”
She crosses her arms, faux annoyance on her face even as I read the humor in her eyes well. “No. But that doesn’t mean you couldn’t at least attempt it. I feel like chopped liver over here.”
Simon shrugs and leans over, but doesn’t make it anywhere near her face before Nyx’s nails are pinching and snapping at his ear, forcing a pained shriek to fall from his mouth. Simultaneously, everyone bursts into a fit of giggles, and warmth truly begins to seep back into my bones at the comfort we all have with each other.
Simon shakes his head, mutters, “Bitch,” and steps away before sitting in his favorite gaming recliner. Rhodes leans against the side of the chair, arms crossed and muscles bulging, while Asher slings himself on the floor, groaning softly as his body melts into the black rug.
Oh, to be so young again that you choose the floor over the other couch.
All eyes fall on me as Rhodes asks gruffly, “You said we needed to talk?”
I swallow. Immediately, my throat feels dry and panic wants to overtake me again.
Simon speaks next, and a nervous edge coats his voice. “Is this about us? All five of us? Because…if it is, I think we should talk alone, right? Or am I wrong? I don’t know how this works, either.”
My brows scrunch up. “What? No. Of course not. I’m happy with us. Nothing is wrong there.”
Rhodes, Asher, and Simon visibility relax more at the confirmation, and my heart tugs at the realization.
They all assumed I was about to break us up.
They were all terrified over it, too.
Fuck, I really need to work on my communication.
Rhodes speaks again, toeing the carpet with his boot. “So, what’s going on in that he?—”
“I’m pregnant!” I blurt out.
Nyx is the only one who doesn’t react, of course, and instead, rubs my arm comfortingly. She’s probably worried I’m on the verge of another panic attack. Truthfully, I don’t know if I am or not.
“Come again?” Simon asks, as Rhodes stands up straight and Asher sits up. In seconds, Simon has left his chair and is squatting right in front of me, with nothing but love in his gaze.
It soothes me more than anything.
I lock eyes with him, before turning to Rhodes and Asher, who have somehow ended up standing right next to each other in the time Simon moved in front of me. Both look nearly frozen in place, and although the sight makes me worry, it’s Simon’s touch on my small stomach that forces me to keep speaking. “I took a test this morning. Multiple tests after, too. I’m pregnant.”
Simon’s face lights up like a Christmas tree, and tears immediately spring to my eyes.
But it’s both Asher and Rhodes moving, Asher squatting next to Simon, and Rhodes sitting right beside me, that force the tears to fall as a shuddering breath escapes me.
They’re not running.
Asher speaks for the first time. “And…ya know, it’s ours?”
My eyes roll. “Obviously. I just…I don't know exactly who’s, I guess.”
Rhodes reaches down, covering Simon’s hand with his own, and Asher does the same. “Baby, that doesn’t matter. We’re a unit, yeah? That baby is ours no matter what.”
I blush, and stutter through my next set of words. “I mean. It doesn’t have to be. You guys have an out if you want it. It’s not like it can be Nyx’s baby. And if you all don’t want to be dads…you can have the out, right? Even if it hurts me.”
Simon groans. “I’m gonna punish you for that later. Why would you think any of us would want out of this baby? We can be a true family now. Do you know how much this little one will be loved? My God, it’ll be the most spoiled child ever.”
I smile, but freeze at the same time. “We lost the last one. What happens if w?—”
Rhodes interrupts me this time, pressing his hand even firmer on my tummy, forcing butterflies to flutter furiously. “We will deal with any negatives if the negatives come. But this, Sloane? This isn’t a negative, baby. Not to us.”
I can’t help the tears falling now.
Two panic attacks, pretty much, for nothing.
Story of my fucking life.
“So, you’re all in? You wanna have a baby? You wanna start a family?”
“It may not be mine by genetics, obviously, but that child is definitely mine, too,” Nyx says, smiling next to me.
“Of course I’m in, silly,” Simon says, kissing me softly again. “You’re the love of my life. I’m never going anywhere. Ever.”
Rhodes speaks next. “I’ve wanted this for years. I’ve wanted true love and a family for years. I have one now. Don’t give me an out, because I’m not gonna fucking take it. Even if I’m old and brittle.”
Simon shoves at him. “We’re the same age, asshole. Correct yourself.”
All eyes turn to Asher, who’s only staring at my stomach with a starstruck gaze. Simon nudges him slightly, and he turns to me, smiling ear to ear. “What? I already called her Mommy before. I just get to call her that every day now, fuckers.”
And in that moment, with everyone touching me and loving me more than I’ve ever been loved in my entire life…I have the feeling that everything will truly be okay.
Because the game is now the long haul.