Chapter 36 Joanie #2
He took both of my hands in his. His voice filled with pleading. “Talk to me. Please. You need to tell me what to do.”
I swallowed past the knot in my throat. My voice came out a defeated whisper. “You were pretending to like me the whole time.”
“No. God no. Not one single moment of our time together was pretending.” He put his hand over his heart. “You have to believe that. I will do anything to fix this. I don’t care how long it takes. It doesn’t matter. You are the only woman I want. You are my entire bucket list.”
I wanted to scream and tell him what a lie that was, but I shrank under his gaze. I’d always been the person holding the camera, and never dared step into the frame. This was my life, and I had to step into the spotlight, and speak up for myself
“You have to give me something, Joanie. Please.” Vulnerability laced his soft urging. “Just tell me what I need to do.”
“I can’t.” The admission made my guts churn.
“What do you mean?” He rubbed the back of his neck. “You can. Just tell me what you’re thinking. Whatever it is. I can take it. I will do whatever I need to do to put this right.”
I took a breath and steadied myself. I’d told him about what had happened with my ex.
What a fool he’d made of me. I’d heard Gerard laughing about me.
I’d thought Gerard had seen me, but he hadn’t.
He’d seen my father’s daughter. Someone to mock and make fun of.
Couldn’t Kieran understand what he’d done?
He’d made a fool of me again. I didn’t think anything could make me feel worse than Gerard, but Kieran had managed it.
This cut more because I’d genuinely cared about Kieran.
A deep pain speared my heart. I loved him.
“You think I’m an idiot.”
He winced. “I don’t think that. Why would I think that? That was never my intention. I promise. I don’t think that at all. How can I make this better?”
You can’t. Heat pressed behind my eyes. He couldn’t just say words and win me over. Words were easy. The damage was done. This couldn’t be fixed.
“I just want you to leave me alone.”
He raked a hand through his hair. “I get it. You need space. I understand. I can wait. I’ll wait.”
I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t forgive him.
This had been so good in Menorca but now it was broken.
I had enough broken things in my life. It had taken nine months to heal my ruined knee and maybe even that wasn’t long enough.
Maybe it was too far gone. There were no physios to fix a shattered heart.
The realization settled over me like a heavy blanket.
I couldn’t lose myself in that kind of pain. This was over. It had to end now.
“I don’t want you to wait.”
“What do you mean?”
“This isn’t about taking some time out. This is broken. We can’t go back. I should never have trusted you. I don’t want to see you ever again.”
He paled. “You’re pushing me away. We can work on this. It doesn’t need to be the end.” Frustration laced his tone. “Please give me a chance to make things better.”
“There is nothing you can do. I mean it. Don’t talk to me again.”
“Kieran Earnshaw?”
The unfamiliar voice came from behind. I turned to see two police officers. It had to be two of Dad’s guests dressing up for a laugh. Now really wasn’t the time.
Kieran exhaled a glum breath. “Yes?”
The police officer produced a pair of handcuffs. “You’re under arrest for assault. We need you to come with us.”
My heart dropped to my stomach. “What did you do?”
“Nothing. I haven’t done anything.” Kieran gave the police officer a dismissive glance and grabbed my hands again. “I need to sort this out. It’s a misunderstanding. I’ll come for you as soon as I’m done.”
The police office put a hand on Kieran’s arm. “You need to come with us, Mr Earnshaw.”
Kieran’s expression shifted as he struggled to smooth his agitation. His anguished eyes locked with mine. “As soon as they let me go, I’ll come for you. We’ll sort this out. I’m not losing you like this.”
My mind whirled with the times we’d shared—his tender kisses, soft words, and the way he’d made me feel at ease in a way I never had before—but I hardened my heart.
Kieran was bad news. He’d lied to me, humiliated me, and now he was getting dragged away by the police for goodness knows what crime. It didn’t even seem to faze him.
Who was this man? He’d taken me for a fool.
I was a fool. I’d lived this strange, sheltered existence, and I’d never understood how to fit in.
Maybe Dad was right, and he’d had reason to try in his own way to protect me.
I wasn’t like other people, who moved through their lives with ease.
I was on the outskirts all the time, looking in, trying to figure out how to live in this cage of other people’s assumptions about me.
I’d known exactly what kind of man Kieran was.
I should have trusted my gut from the start.
“I don’t want you to come for me. I want you to leave me alone.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“Yes.” I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to soothe this dull ache of foreboding. “I do. Please. Enough. Look at you. We’re too different. It would never have worked. This is the end.”
“You said you’d always come back to me.” Kieran’s head hung low as the police officer cuffed him. His voice filled with despair. When his eyes lifted to mine, they shone with tears. “It looks like we’re both liars.”