January 22, 2025
january 22, 2025
Shelly,
For a moment there, I wondered if I screwed things up by admitting my feelings from all those years ago. I kept trying to recall what I wrote in that last letter and wondered if that would be the end of it. I’m really glad you like writing these, because I do as well. And I’m also relieved that I’m not the only one re-reading them over and over. You’re right, it’s nice to look back on happier times. Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing something wrong in my current life, because it certainly doesn’t feel as enjoyable as being a teenager. Most people I talk to say they hated their high school days, but I can’t relate. I really enjoyed them, and I’m nervous nothing will be as good ever again.
Do not worry, Shelly. I have not fallen in love in the last two weeks. That would probably take a miracle to happen. I honestly don’t think it’d be fair to start up a relationship with anyone right now, or probably for a very long time. I have too much baggage. Too much darkness. You talk about not wanting to share? I would hate to have to share that with another person, to let them in on something that feels ugly and scary and bleak. Yes, I’m better now, and being in therapy has helped a lot with getting through my day-to-day. But I can’t even fathom what it would be like willingly inviting someone into that.
You’re right. Sharing this in a letter does seem easier, for some reason. It’s easier to share what I’m feeling when it’s with a pen and a piece of paper. We’re still digging into my past at therapy, so we haven’t even discussed future relationships yet. You’re the first I’ve admitted this to.
Jake
P.S. I am thrilled to hear that Kevin Costa was a terrible kisser.