Poltergeists & Change of Life (Mystical Midlife in Maine #15)

Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

Y ou know how they say "no plan survives first contact with the enemy"? Well, let me tell you. When your enemy is a psychotic witch with delusions of grandeur and an army of her minions, that saying takes on a whole new level of oh shit. We'd spent the better part of three days trying to locate Lyra's hideout. As we knew from prior experience, magical megalomaniacs don't list their evil lair on Google Maps. Go figure.

"I've got it!" Stella burst into the living room. Unlike usual, her hair was a wild mess, making her look like she’d been pulling at it for hours. Her eyes also gleamed with a manic light that usually preceded either brilliant magical breakthroughs or spectacular explosions. "I've found Lyra's hideout!"

I looked up from where I was sprawled on the couch. My swollen feet were propped up on a pile of books I’d already read through. "Please tell me it's somewhere nice. Like a beach resort. Or a spa. Mama could use a prenatal massage right about now."

Stella's excitement dimmed slightly. "Um, not exactly. It's more like... an abandoned asylum."

"Of course it is. Why have your evil lair in a nice, structurally sound building when you can hole up in a creepy, probably haunted asylum? It's like Villainy one-oh-one," I replied.

Mom shrugged a shoulder. “It’s surprisingly on point for her.”

Aidon stopped pacing the room like a caged lion. "It goes beyond that, Mollie. The walls between realities would be thinner in an asylum. And that would make it easier for Lyra to channel the power of the Heart plus maintain contact with her cohorts in the Underworld."

"Fantastic," I muttered, struggling to heave myself off the couch. It was like trying to get a beached whale back into the ocean, minus the helpful volunteers. There was also a lot more swearing. "We’re going to have to deal with Lyra and her minions while possibly running into the ghosts of patients past. Just peachy."

Nana cackled from her perch atop a stack of spell books. How she got up there, I'll never know. The last time I’d looked over, she was in her recliner. "Oh, lighten up, kiddo. This is going to be another fun family outing. Nothing brings people together like fighting for your lives in a haunted asylum!"

I shot her a glare that would have stopped traffic. "Nana, your idea of 'fun' is the reason we're banned from three states and most of Eastern Europe." She cackled at my exaggeration as she went to pack her bag of tricks. The contents got scarier every time she joined us.

As we prepared for our assault on Lyra's stronghold, I couldn't help but marvel at the absurdity of it all. Our motley gang was locked and loaded for action. I was preggo and sparking magic like a faulty power line. My mountain of a man stood beside me with Underworld energy rolling off him in waves. Stella was probably cooking up some crazy scheme that'd either save our asses or get us all killed. Knowing her, it'd be a bit of both.

And let's not forget Nana. That old battle-axe was grinning like a kid on Christmas morning. We’d created a monster by bringing her on that mission. She was ready to rain down senior citizen chaos. Rounding out our circus? A whole pack of shifters, claws out and itching for a fight. We were all gearing up to storm an abandoned asylum and take on forces beyond mortal comprehension.

The sun was setting when we arrived at the asylum. Yeah, the universe has a sick sense of dramatic timing. Evil was more powerful in the dark. A decrepit monstrosity that looked like it had been designed by an architect with a serious grudge against sanity loomed before us. Broken windows gaped like missing teeth. The walls were covered in a layer of grime thick enough to qualify as its own ecosystem.

"Well," I said as I eyed the asylum with all the enthusiasm of someone about to get a root canal, "I guess this is it. Last chance to back out and pretend we never found this place. Any takers?"

The silence that followed was broken only by Nana's gleeful cackle. Plus, what I strongly suspected was the sound of Melino? sharpening something very pointy and probably illegal in most dimensions. Hephaestus would take offense. His weapons never dulled.

"Right," I sighed. "Onward into the creepy asylum of doom it is. But I swear, if anyone starts humming the theme from Halloween , I'm waddling right back to the car."

Our motley crew moved with all the stealth of a herd of elephants trying to tiptoe. In my defense, it's hard to be sneaky when you're carrying triplets and enough magical firepower to level a small country. The interior of the asylum was, if possible, even creepier than the outside.

Shadows seemed to move of their own accord. And there was a constant whispering just at the edge of hearing. The air was also thick with the stench of decay and something else. It was older and far more sinister.

"You know," I whispered as we crept down a corridor that seemed to go on forever, "this is precisely what I imagined when I pictured my third trimester. Infiltrating lairs of evil is the new nesting."

Stella shot me a look that was equal parts exasperation and fondness. "Less quipping, more sneaking, Pheebs. We want the element of surprise."

"Hey, if I stop quipping, the existential dread might actually set in. And trust me, no one wants to see a heavily pregnant witch have an existential crisis. It won’t be pretty. There's usually ice cream involved. And fried jalapenos."

The feeling of wrongness grew stronger as we delved deeper into the asylum. The shadows became more active and occasionally formed into shapes that disappeared as soon as we looked directly at them. The whispering grew louder. I swear I could make out dark, ancient words that had no business being in a realm of sanity.

We were just about to round a corner when Aidon held up a hand, signaling us to stop. His divine senses were on high alert, and his eyes glowed with an inner light that would have been beautiful if it wasn't so terrifying. "Something's coming," he murmured in a voice that was barely audible.

And then, like someone flipped a switch labeled ‘Batshit Crazy’. All hell broke loose. The air filled with the wails of tortured souls as ghosts materialized around us. Twisted shapes of former asylum patients surrounded us. Their spectral forms flickered with pain and madness. Mixed in were Lyra's Tainted witches whose eyes glowed with unholy power. The flash of a green tail made me look to my left twice. There were also a handful of demons that looked like they'd been yanked straight out of a heavy metal album cover. Aidon could handle the latter.

"Well," I said as my magic surged and the triplets started their in-utero gymnastics routine, "looks like the welcoming committee's here. How thoughtful of Lyra to throw us a party."

What followed was a shit show of epic proportions. Aidon's divine sword carved through the ghostly throng like a heavenly lighthouse beam piercing a fog of lost souls. Each swing left shimmering arcs of his dark radiance. They caused the spirits to howl and evaporate like mist under a scorching dark sun.

Stella was firing off spells like a magical Gatling gun. Each blast sent Tainted witches flying. Nana was cackling like the madwoman she is. I cringed when I saw her lobbing potions that exploded into clouds of neon chaos. It made demons sneeze fire, and witches sprout tentacles.

I was doing my best impression of a pregnant, pissed-off magical tank. Every blast of energy I sent out left scorch marks on reality itself. The triplets were fully on board with this plan. Their power mixed with mine in a way that made me feel like I could bitch-slap the universe if I wanted to. It was dangerous. I wasn’t invincible and I had to keep reminding myself of that.

Aidon dispatched the last of the demons, making it explode in a shower of sulfurous goo. The ghosts retreated after that, and we paused to catch our breath. The corridor looked like someone had set off a bomb in a Halloween store.

"Well," I panted as I leaned against a wall, "that was fun. Nothing like a little ghostbusting to work up an appetite. Though, I could have done without the demon snot."

Aidon shot me a look that was a complex cocktail of emotions. One part ‘Holy hell, is she okay?’, one part ‘I can't believe I mated a walking magical disaster’, and a splash of ‘God help me, I love this crazy woman’. His face was an open book, and right now it was telling a story of exasperated adoration with a generous helping of concern on the side. "Are you alright, love? The babies?"

I nodded, feeling the triplets' power doing the magical equivalent of a victory dance. "We're peachy. Though I think the kids just got their first lesson in supernatural ass-kicking. They're practically high-fiving in there."

A smile spread over his face, and he placed a palm over my stomach. The babies immediately fought for position, each wanting to feel their father. The unadulterated joy on his face made me grateful Persephone foisted this upon us.

We pressed deeper into the funhouse of fuckery. Everything about the asylum made me think that’s what it was, which was why Lyra had chosen it. The further we went, the more reality decided to take a vacation. Corridors twisted like pretzels, doors opened onto solid walls, and more than once, I saw my ass walking ahead of me. Hattie appeared at some point and joined us on the journey. Finally, after what felt like forever but was probably less than an hour (time gets weird when you're navigating Satan's rec room), we reached what had to be Lyra's magical room of evil.

The room that stretched out before us was a cavernous space that laughed in the face of physics. It was like someone had taken the bigger on the inside concept and cranked it up to eleven. My brain struggled to process the impossible dimensions. There was a moment where I had to fight the urge to whip out a tape measure just to prove I wasn't going crazy.

Floating ominously in the center, like the world's most ominous lava lamp, was the Heart of the Abyss. It hovered above a pool of... something. I squinted at it, trying to make sense of the writhing darkness below. Living shadows? Liquid night? Whatever it was, it made my skin crawl. The triplets arched simultaneously. I pictured them hissing like cats while they did it.

A cold realization hit me like a bucket of ice water to the face. I patted my pocket frantically as I searched for something that should have been there. Unfortunately, it very much wasn't. My eyes were wide enough to rival any anime character's as they darted from Stella to Aidon in panic.

"It's not in my pocket anymore," I blurted out. The words hung in the air like a bad smell, making the gravity of our situation sink in.

Nana's face scrunched up into a scowl that could rival a pissed-off teen’s. Her eyes were sharp as ever, despite her age, as they zeroed in on the floating Heart. "She used the attack to reclaim it." Her voice dripped with disgust. "I bet my last bottle of whiskey that handsy witch who got fresh with you earlier picked your pocket."

The implications of Nana's words hit me like a freight train. We'd been played. And played well. Lyra had orchestrated this whole song and dance. We'd waltzed right into her trap like the world's most gullible magical SWAT team.

"Well," I said, trying to inject some humor into the situation despite the knot of dread in my stomach, "I guess this is why they tell you to always keep your valuables in a fanny pack. Though I'm not sure they make ones rated for cosmic artifacts of doom."

Aidon's hand found mine and gave it a reassuring squeeze. His touch grounded me. It also reminded me that we were in this mess together. One thought kept bouncing around my head like an out-of-control pinball: This was going to be one hell of a fight.

The queen of the damned appeared as if our discussion had conjured her. Lyra smiled like a cat that just found a mouse playground. "Ah, Phoebe. So good of you to join us. And you brought friends! How delightful."

I snorted and channeled my inner smartass to mask the fact that I was scared shitless. "Yeah, well, you know me. I never could resist a good party. Though your choice of venue sucks. Was the abandoned circus already booked for evil rituals?"

Lyra's smile never wavered, but her eyes went colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra. "Always with the sarcasm. It's almost cute. But playtime's over, Phoebe. It's time for you to fulfill your destiny."

"Hard pass," I shot back. "My destiny involves a lot less giving my power to evil and a lot more trying to raise three magical gremlins to be semi-functional adults. Though given their gene pool, that might be a stretch."

Lyra made a sound that made nails on a chalkboard seem melodious. "Oh, Phoebe. You still don't get it, do you? Those children were never meant to be yours. They're vessels. Conduits for the Heart's power. And with them, I'll remake reality in my image!"

As she spoke, the shadows around her began to take shape. Ghosts, demons, and Tainted witches materialized and surrounded us faster than you could say, ‘We're screwed’.

I felt a surge of protective fury, both from me and the triplets. The air around me crackled with energy. I can’t explain what happened then. The babies' heartbeats synced up like they were preparing for a magical battle.

"Sorry, Lyra," I said in a voice colder than a polar bear's butt, "but these kids are a package deal with their mama. And this mama? She's not into sharing.”

Aidon swung his sword in an arc. “Neither is their daddy."

With that, all hell broke loose. Again. Spells flew, furniture exploded (seriously, where did that come from?). I found myself in the middle of a magical clusterfuck that made our earlier skirmish look like a pillow fight. Aidon was a divine hurricane. His sword cut through ghosts and demons like they were made of mist.

Stella and Nana were tag-teaming Lyra. Their combined magic created a light show that would've given Vegas an inferiority complex. I was channeling every ounce of power I had into creating a barrier that even Lyra's most potent attacks couldn't penetrate. The triplets were all in on that front. Hattie was a whirlwind as she grabbed spirits and dragged them away.

But even as we fought, I could see Lyra's plan unfolding. With each pulse of the Heart, reality hiccupped and glitched. The walls between worlds were crumbling. I felt something trying to squeeze through. Something ancient, hungry, and crankier than me without my morning coffee. We were running out of time.

I caught Aidon's eye when another wave of ghostly asylum patients surged towards us. He nodded as understanding passed between us without words. It was time to pull out all the stops. "Hey Lyra!" I yelled. My voice cut through the chaos like a shovel through bullshit. "You want to see real power? Let me show you what a Dieudonne can really do!"

I dug deep, channeling every scrap of magic I had. The triplets joined the party. Their power surged through me like a tidal wave of pure chaos. I poured it all into one massive blast of reality-warping energy that would've made Einstein throw up his hands and say, ‘Screw it, I'm out’.

The world held its breath for a second. Then, with a sound like the universe stubbing its toe on the coffee table of existence, the Heart of the Abyss began to crack. My breath caught, and I watched eagerly, willing my power to shatter the thing. Lyra's scream of rage cut through the air, practically making me jump out of my skin. I’m not sure what she did, but my destruction stopped. That smug little artifact of doom sprouted a network of fissures across its surface, but the Heart held together. And then a shockwave of power knocked us all on our asses. I found myself with a face full of asylum floor. Yum.

When the magical dust settled, I pried my eyes open to find the Heart still floating there. Sure, it looked like it had gone ten rounds with a cosmic sledgehammer, but it was intact and feeding Lyra’s power. Her laughter filled the room, making me want to punch her in the throat.

"Oh, Phoebe," she cooed, her voice dripping with fake sympathy. "Did you really think it would be that simple? The Heart may be damaged, but its power... oh, its power is very much alive. In me. In you. And most importantly, in those precious little buns you've got baking in your magical oven."

As she spoke, there was a tugging sensation. Something was trying to use my insides as a cosmic jungle gym. The triplets stirred restlessly, and their power flickered like a strobe light at a rave. The protective bubble they’d perfected expanded around us.

Lyra narrowed her eyes and extended her arms out in front of her body. “They won’t win this time,” she promised as she grabbed hold of something and pulled. Panic made my mind go blank as I pitched forward. The only thought I could muster was, “We were all screwed.”