Chapter Seven
I’m walking past the bathroom on my way out the door when the sound of retching yanks me to a stop.
My fists clench, hating the thought of her being sick. As much as I need to walk away to keep this distance between us, I open the door and lean against the frame.
Birdie is on her knees in front of the toilet, her arm around the rim as she vomits again.
I push off the door and grab a washcloth from the shelf, running it under warm water.
Worry eats at me. Birdie rarely gets sick. I can’t remember the last time it happened. If I didn’t know she had that IUD thing, I’d wonder if she was pregnant.
Just the thought sends pure fear through me. We can’t have a kid. Not now. Not in the middle of this shit with the Steel Slayers. It’ll put an even bigger target on her back and give me another weakness that can be exploited.
I squat beside her, bringing the cloth to her face and wiping away the sweat and vomit there. “What do you need?”
Birdie shoves my arm away from her face and shakily climbs to her feet. “Nothing from you unless you’re ready to talk.” When I don’t say anything, she sighs and walks to the shower stall. “I thought so. Just go, Pope. You’ve gotten good at running lately, so keep going. I’m just a little under the weather.”
The defeat in her tone smashes through my chest and wraps around my heart in vicious, barbed wisps. I can’t recall a time that my Birdie has let anything beat her.
There’s a war waging inside me between the man who is fucking obsessed with her and wants to make everything better and the man who is fucking obsessed with her and needs to do everything he can to protect her.
“If you need me, call,” I say, tossing the washcloth into the dirty clothes hamper.
She snorts, pulling her clothes off and stepping into the shower without replying.
Why would she? That snort pretty much told me to kiss her ass.
Closing my eyes against the pain trying to invade my barely beating heart, I shove my fingers into my hair and pull as hard as I can. Sharp needles pierce my skull, focusing me. My nostrils flutter as I pull air in and out of my lungs sharply.
Once I’m feeling absolutely nothing again, I stride out of the door, shutting it softly behind me. I don’t even get to step away before the broken sound of a sob reaches me through the thick wood. It sends me stumbling into the wall, and I drop to my ass. I bring my knees up and rest my arms on them, dropping my head back against the wall. Water fills my eyes as I listen to my little Birdie release her pain alone.
Droplets slither down my cheeks, dripping into my beard.
Oh, baby. It’s only going to get worse before it gets better.
Once the Steel Slayers are taken care of, I’ll fix this. I’ll hand my soul over to her since she owns the fucking thing anyway. I’ll drop to my goddamn knees before her and plead my case.
Until then, I have to forge ahead on the path I’ve chosen.
Her crying fades gradually and the water shuts off. I lumber to my feet and hurry out the door before she catches me.
I’m climbing on my bike when the heat of her stare prickles against my skin. I lift my eyes to our bedroom window and find Birdie staring down at me with a million questions in her broken eyes. Questions I can’t answer without her fighting me on the plan.
She’ll never understand. I’m going to burn the entire fucking world for her, but I need her breathing while I do it. Only then will I bring her back to me.
Until then, I need to make sure I have everything in place for her to take off when the times comes. I’ve always taught her that if anything was to ever happen, she was to take whatever was in the safe in our home office and use it to get herself clear. Over the last week, I’ve been adding everything of importance that I could think of that she’d need when the time comes, because I know my Birdie, and that safe is going to be the first place she heads to when she comes back here to pack up. I keep cash in there already, but I need to make sure she has enough to take care of herself, so I’ve added more to it. There’s a little over two hundred grand, along with a new knife, pistol, and all the paperwork to the trust that Mad Dog and Piston had set up for her, Valkyrie, and Cyanide.
When Birdie is ready to skip town, she’ll have everything she needs to ensure she’s taken care of until I can get to her and bring her home.
As much as I know I shouldn’t, I’m unable to pull away from her sad eyes without giving her something, so I blow her a kiss and tap two fingers to my heart. Birdie places her hand against the glass before letting the curtain fall closed between us.
I fire up the bike and fly out of the driveway, my pipes leaving an angry roar behind me.
The Steel Slayers have been quiet since I left their man at their gate two days ago, but I don’t expect it to last, which is why I need to bring my plan to the council and put it to a vote. None of them are going to like it. Birdie and Valkyrie are club princesses. They’re loved by our people very much. This won’t go over well with any of them, and it’s liable to cause tension within the club. But once we take out the Steel Slayers and she’s back home, they’ll understand why it needed to be done.
I’m only doing what I need to save her.
I’d sent off a text earlier to the council group chat calling for Church. When I storm through the clubhouse doors full of piss and vinegar, they climb to their feet and follow me into the chapel. They scatter throughout the room, dropping into their seats around the table.
Gavel leans back, his heavily bulging arms folded across his chest. There’s a soullessness in his eyes that would petrify me if I was anyone else. He’s got a bandage across his nose and one of his eyes is black from his latest round in the ring. I caught sight of his hands before he tucked them under his arms, and they were covered in cuts and bruises. Guarantee his torso is also painted gnarly shades of purple, black, and yellow.
“Got a fucking problem, boy?” Gavel growls, his disrespect causing Malice and Cyanide to tense beside me.
“Know you’re hurting. Fuck, anyone would be. But watch your tone. You’re my grandfather, but I still won’t deal with your disrespect. I’m your fucking President, and you’ll address me as such in this fucking room. Am I understood, brother ?” I bark, putting emphasis on the last word.
Something akin to regret flashes in his eyes, but it’s gone before I can be sure.
“Understood, Prez,” he says gruffly.
Tomcat is situated and ready to record the meeting’s minutes, so I get us started. “As you all know, we’ve been dealing with threats from the Steel Slayers. Many of those threats are directed at Birdie, but Valkyrie has also been the target of some of them.”
“They’re going after the club princesses,” Gavel says, his voice gravelly from unuse.
“Do you have any idea why Clink is targeting me, the girls, or the club? According to one of their men who attacked me and Birdie, whatever I have, Clink wants. He won’t stop until he takes everything from me.”
Gavel’s brows furrow as he tries to figure out what Clink’s reasoning could be, but when he shakes his head, I let out a sigh of frustration.
“Fuck. Okay. It was worth a shot. So, that means until we have Clink in our hands, we’re never going to know the full truth.”
“What are we doing about the threats to the girls?” Ducky asks.
“This is the part y’all aren’t going to like. I have a plan in place to protect our girls until we deal with the Steel Slayers, but it’s going to be hard and it’s going to fucking suck.”
I spend the next thirty minutes going over the plan Cyanide and I came up with, and just like him, none of them are happy about it. Manic especially because he knows that when Birdie hurts, Valkyrie hurts, and where Birdie goes, Valkyrie follows. We’re not just losing one club princess when I break Birdie’s heart, we’re losing both. The brother has had a hard-on for Kyrie for as long as I can remember, but he’s never pushed them further than friendship because of their age difference and who she’s related to. Fucking hate that this is going to cause him to lose out on more time with her.
“Why can’t we just go to war with them instead? It’s not like we don’t have the means,” Savior suggests.
“We can and we will, but the Steel Slayers are too fucking big for it to be easy or over quickly. It’s going to get nasty, and a lot of blood will be fucking shed. If I have to keep my focus on Birdie’s safety, then I’m going to be too distracted to do my job as your President properly. I’d rather hurt her now to keep her breathing and make it up to her after the war is over than lay her six feet under. Telling you right now, I will not fucking survive the latter.”
“But will you be able to survive the former?” Gavel asks quietly, his voice heavy with personal experience.
We’re all quiet as we process what this will mean for our club. One of our own is about to be destroyed at our hands, and it’s going to change everything.
Especially me.
I smack the gavel, calling an end to Church, and stay seated as I watch my brothers file out of the room. Malice and Cyanide stay behind, lending me their support as always. Manic would have stayed, but emotions are riding him hard at the possibility of Valkyrie leaving the club—and essentially him—behind to follow her sister.
I understand because those same emotions are trying to break through the wall I have them locked behind.
“This is gonna change you, Pope,” Malice points out.
“It’s going to change us all,” I reply.
I focus on the picture of our entire club up on the wall. As always, Birdie’s snuggled under my arm, beaming at the camera and still refusing to wear her property kutte as I begged of her.
Birdie has a strange aversion to the property claim despite growing up in this world. Or maybe because of it. Who the fuck knows?
I turn to Cyanide. “These are your little sisters.”
There’s a flash of agony in his eyes before they go blank and he shrugs. “Gotta do what we gotta do. We’ll make it up to them.”
I fucking hope so because my life ain’t much without my little Birdie in it.
Taking a deep breath, I climb to my feet. “Diamond.”
“What?” Cyanide asks.
“Diamond will be the best one to use.” I glance at Malice. “Bring her in here.”
There are no words spoken between me and Cyanide as we wait, both of us lost in the thoughts of everything we know the next few days are going to bring.
When Malice walks through the chapel doors with Diamond, I climb to my feet and nod at him to pull the door shut. From the outside, people might assume we’re bringing her in here for a good fucking time with all of us. Appearances can be deceiving, and right now, that’s what we’re aiming for.
Diamond stands in front of me, curiosity written all over her. I step closer, her eyes widening when I leave no distance between us. Tucking my finger under her chin, I hold her face up so she can read the seriousness on mine.
“There’s going to be a time over the next couple of days that I call for you. When I do, I need you to follow me to the playroom without asking questions. When we get in there, you’re going to dance for me and you’re going to strip. You’re going to grind on me just like you would any other brother you’re dancing for, and when I order you to show me your cunt, you’re going to remove your panties and you’re going to do it.”
“What?” she whispers, her eyes showing concern as they bounce between me, Cyanide, and Malice.
I shake my head. “I can’t and won’t tell you why I’m asking you to do this, but I need you to know I’d never do it without a good fucking reason. Understood?” Her eyes tell me she does. “You have a choice to walk away right now, and I’ll find another girl to do the job, but I’m trusting you, Diamond, because you’re the one who has the most compassion out of them all.”
“Is this going to hurt?” she whispers, and I know she’s not just meaning herself.
“Oh, it’s going to fucking destroy, but I’ve been left with no choice.”
“Okay, I’ll do it.”
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry I’m putting you in this position.”
Diamond shakes her head sadly. “Don’t be. You’re my President, and she’s your old lady. I know how much you love her, we all do, and I know you wouldn’t be doing this without a good reason. She’s the reason you’re doing this, right?” I can give her this much, so I nod sharply. “You’re protecting her, and I’m honored, and sad, to be chosen to help you do that.” She blows out a breath, staring up at me with guileless eyes. “Can I make a request?”
I don’t say anything, giving her the all-clear to ask.
“When this is over, is it okay if I take a break? You know, fr-from it all?”
This is why I chose her, because Diamond is one of the few club whores who adores my Birdie, and this is going to devastate her as much as it’s going to wreck Birdie to witness.
“Whatever you need. If you want to get away, you just pick where and I’ll pay for it. If you don’t want to come back, figure out what you want to do and we’ll figure it out.”
“You all are my family, but she’s going to leave a hole in this club, and I’m just going to be a reminder of that,” she states quietly.
“Look, D, let me pick someone else to do this.”
She shakes her head, her face resolute. “No. Let me do this. I’m the only one with the acting skills to pull this off thanks to all those years in high school drama club. The other girls . . . it won’t have as much impact as it will from me and you, ya know?”
I search her face, looking for anything that would hint she’s expecting more out of this, but all I see is the same need to protect Birdie from whatever I’m trying to protect her from.
Diamond turns to seek out Cyanide. “I’m sorry you all are put in this position with whatever’s going on. I just want all of you to know,” her eyes find Malice to include him too, “you’re great men, and the women who get to be loved by you, well, they’re in for a pretty great ride. You set the bar high in my book, and I can only hope to find someone, someday, to love me that way.”
The three of us aren’t stupid. We’ve heard plenty of goodbye speeches in our lives, and when she ends it, Cyanide and Malice each give her a kiss worthy of that goodbye. I wrap her in my arms tightly, showing my appreciation for what she’s about to sacrifice in the only way I’m comfortable with.
War is ugly, and this one is already leaving scars on us all.
“It won’t be long and then we all have to pull off the biggest acting gig of our lives. Go have a few drinks. Devil fucking knows we’re gonna need them,” I order when I pull away.