Chapter 4
LORNA
I lie on the bed with my legs in stirrups just like the nurse told me to, and while I stare at the ceiling I try to breathe myself calm.
“I guess this is where we find out if you're really in there.” I stroke my hand over the gown I was given to wear and blow out a nervous breath. Madalina insisted that I use the same obstetrician she does. Apparently, he’s the best, and I’m assuming that the best comes at a high price.
Everything about bringing a child into the world comes at a high price which makes me more and more nervous. It doesn’t matter how many times Madalina told me not to worry about cost, I can’t expect her and Dario to take this on as their responsibility. I have to tell Nic, I almost did before I got here, but I bailed. I figure it’s best I check there's something to tell him about before I throw down the gauntlet.
The door clicks open, and I prepare to smile at Dr Walsh, but it isn’t Dr Walsh who steps inside the room.
“You were right, we do need to fucking talk.” Nic closes the door behind him, stepping up to the bed with a furious look on his face and I tug the patient gown, I’m wearing, down my thighs and cringe at the position I’m going to have this conversation in.
“Nic, I literally found out a few days ago. I was going to tell you when I called earlier and then when you didn’t answer, I…” I close my eyes and try to find the right way to explain.
“Lorna, are you pregnant?” He narrows his eyes on me.
“Yes…Well, I think so. The test said I am, and I’m like a week or so late. The nurse said they’re going to give me a sonogram to confirm and see how many weeks I am, but if I am, I know exactly when this happened.” I fidget uncomfortably because I really don’t want to do this here, with my legs suspended open.
“Fuck.” Nic reacts exactly how I expected him to, scratching the back of his neck as he paces the room.
“I swear, I was telling the truth about being on the pill. This is just as much a shock to me as it is to you.” I don’t want him to think for a second that I did this intentionally. I know from being friends with his sister that Nic gets a lot of female attention, women have a habit of getting desperate around him and he needs to know that I do not fall into that category.
“I read somewhere that if you're sick the pill can be ineffective. That night at the club–”
“Whoa, are you blaming me for this?” He looks at me coldly.
“Nic, I’m not blaming anyone, this is just one of those very unfortunate disasters, and…well, I’m keeping it.” I don’t know where that came from, and why it sounded so defensive, but all of a sudden I feel very protective over the tiny little being that may or may not be growing inside me.
“Damn right, you’re fucking keeping it.” He shocks the life out of me, especially when his expression suggests that to do otherwise would be insane.
“Well, I guess that's one thing we agree on.” I attempt a smile, but seeing that he still looks angry doesn’t give me much confidence.
“Your hands are filthy, where have you been?” I suddenly realize that he looks totally different from how he usually does. He’s wearing jeans and a hoodie instead of his usual shirt and slacks and his hands and clothes are covered in mud.
“Me and some of the boys were dirt bike riding.” he shakes it off as unimportant and I guess in the grand scheme of things it is.
“Did Madalina tell you I was here?” I sigh when I realize she must have been the one who told him, no one else knows. She’s been lecturing me about telling him ever since I told her and I guess this is her taking matters into her own hand.
“No.” Nic shakes his head and moves over to the basin in the corner of the room so he can wash his hands.
“So how did you know I was here?”
“That’s not important, what matters is that I am, especially since you clearly had no intention of telling me.” He looks down and focuses on scrubbing hard at his hands.
“I already explained, I wanted to get it confirmed before I told you.”
“Whatever. This is just typical of you.” He shakes his head as he rips a handful of paper towels from the dispenser and dries his hands.
“What do you mean, typical of me?” I sit up on my elbows in protest.
“Little Miss Stubborn. I bet you were thinking you could do this all by yourself, why would you think to notify the fucking father of the child?” He flings his arms in the air.
“I called you over an hour ago and you didn’t answer,” I point out.
“Yeah, because I was dealing with something, then I called you back and you lied to me. How long were you going to keep this from me, until my kid started shaving?”
“Now you're just being ridiculous.” I shake my head.
“Am I? Am I really? Because I’d say right now you're the one being ridiculous. Why didn't you just tell me?”
“Because I was scared!” I blurt out, hating myself for admitting it under pressure. The look on his face changes from anger to shock and before either of us gets the chance to say anything the door opens and Dr Walsh steps inside.
“Pleased to meet you both, I’m Dr Walsh.” He holds his hand out to Nic so he can shake it, then once he’s finished he does the same to me. “I understand you’ve had a positive pregnancy test?” He smiles, getting straight to work and snapping on some latex gloves.
“Yes.” I side-glance Nic as I answer his question.
“Okay, well, what we like to do first is have a look at things and see how far along you are.”
“Four weeks,” I tell him, starting to get nervous. Up until now, I could tell myself that a test was wrong but a sonogram is undeniable. “I know the exact date of conception,” I assure him, noting how Nic rolls his eyes like a delinquent child. Seriously, of all the people in the world this could have happened to me with. It had to be him!
“Maybe so, but the timeline of a pregnancy starts from the first day of your last period, so we’ll get some measurements and confirm everything’s as it should be.”
“Okay.” I nod my head and rest my head back.
“Whoa… what are you doing with that?” Nic asks when he sees the doctor slip a condom over the probe in his hand.
“This is the ultrasound probe, considering the pregnancy is in its early stages, it's the most efficient way to investigate.”
“And you’re going to put that…into her pu–”
“Vagina,” I quickly correct him. “He’s going to put it into my vagina, Nic.”
He crosses his arms and his face turns stern as he watches the doctor smother the end of it with gel, while I brace myself and wait for the intrusion.
“It shouldn't be too uncomfortable, Miss James,” Dr Walsh assures me when he notices how tense I am, “it’s best you relax.”
“Sorry, I’m just a little nervous.” I giggle awkwardly, and Nic catches me by complete surprise when he takes hold of my hand and squeezes it tight.
Dr Walsh focuses on the screen beside him for a long time, and I start to wonder if my body’s played a cruel trick on me until he uses his free hand to angle the screen around for us both to see.
“There you are.” He smiles as if we’re supposed to know what we’re looking at, and both myself and Nic lean our heads forward at the same time to try and make it out.
“See that flicker? That’s a heartbeat, you must be around the six-week mark for it to be detectable, and looking at these measurements, it coincides with the date you noted as your last period,” he tells me.
“So, I’m definitely pregnant?” I check, focusing on the screen and feeling Nic’s grip on my hand get tighter.
“Oh, without a doubt.” He leaves the image frozen on the screen and retracts the probe, placing it back on the stand and taking off his gloves.
“Everything’s looking as it should so I won’t need to see you again until your twelve-week appointment unless, of course, you have any queries or the blood work we took earlier comes back with any problems.” He washes his hands. “I’ll get you a prescription written up for some prenatal vitamins. You can pick it up from Wendy and make your follow-up appointment on your way out.” Moving back toward the machine, he tears off the three images that have come out of the printer and hands them to a still stunned-looking Nic.
“Congratulations,” he tells us both with a wide grin before leaving us alone.
Nic says nothing as I move behind the screen and get back into my clothes, he remains silent, clutching the photos of our baby in his hand as we walk out to reception, and I pick up my prescription and make a follow-up appointment for six weeks time. I notice the way he watches one of the men help his heavily pregnant partner onto her feet when they get called in by one of the nurses, and I wonder what's going through his head.
He quickly rushes to get the door for me when I start walking toward it and, as I take my keys out of my purse, I prepare to say an awkward goodbye.
“You can keep those if you want.” I point to the pictures in his hand and he shakes himself out of his daze.
“What are you doing?” he asks as I open my driver's side door.
“I’m getting in my car, I really do have a lecture this afternoon,” I point out awkwardly. The guy is clearly overwhelmed, we’re better off talking about this when he’s gotten over the initial shock.
“Oh no, you're not.” He snatches the keys from my hand and drags me away from it, kicking the door shut behind him.
“What?” I snatch my hand away.
“You can’t drive that thing, it’s a fucking death trap.” He looks at me as if I’m acting like a crazy person.
“I think you’ll find I can, and it’s a perfectly safe, reliable car. I’ve had it since I was sixteen.”
“Exactly, it’s a rust bucket and you are not driving my kid around in a rust bucket.” He retakes my hand and starts marching me toward a truck.
“Nic, I can’t just leave my car here,” I protest.
“Sure you can, I’ll have someone come pick it up, you can put it in a museum or something.” He continues to drag me further away from it.
“You're not being rational. My car is fine. I need it to get me to college and to work.”
“You still want to work?” He stops moving and turns back to look at me.
“Ummm, yeah, my college fees don’t pay themselves and neither does the rent.” This is a typical example of how different our worlds are. Nic and Madalina have had very privileged lives, they’ve never had to worry about money.
“Lorna, you’re pregnant.” He holds up the images in his hand, in case I’d forgotten. “You can’t finish college and keep your job, you have to take care of yourself.”
“I will take care of myself. I’ll be fine as I am, at least, until the last month or so.”
“No.” Nic shakes his head and opens the passenger side door of the truck he wants me to get into.
“What do you mean, no? You don’t get to tell me what to do.” I make that point very clear.
“Lorna.” He places one hand on the side of the truck and keeps his other hand on the door, caging me in. “You are pregnant with my kid.” His eyes stare deep into mine. “You’re my responsibility now, which means you do what I say. Now, get in the truck.”
“To go where?” I ask, feeling hopeless.
“It’s lunchtime, and you need to eat. I’m going to take you somewhere I can feed you and we can talk about how we're going to deal with this.” His tone sounds softer than usual and almost affectionate.
“Fine.” I find myself giving in to him because I can’t put it off any longer. We really do need to discuss how we’re going to handle this.