Chapter 22
LORNA
TWO WEEKS LATER
“ D o I really need a baby shower as well as an engagement party?” I question Madalina as we flick through the hangers at the adorable baby boutique she insisted we visit.
“Of course, you need a baby shower. Serena’s been working on plans since she found out you were pregnant. Will you look at this?” She holds the tiny sleepsuit up against my belly as if she’s checking it out for size.
“I’ve already spoken to Cass, she’s getting a list of your college friends and we’re all going to celebrate the impending arrival of my little niece or nephew, together.” She taps my bump proudly as she skips over to the counter and adds the sleepsuit to the heap of items already waiting to be put through the register.
“I think your sister is more excited about this baby than we are,” I tell Nic when he steps up beside me.
“Do you want to go with white or cream?” He compares the knitted sweater in his hand to my bump the same way his sister did and I shake my head and laugh.
“What?” He frowns when he notices my amusement.
“Nothing, I like them both, you choose.”
“Both, it is.” He kisses me before moving on to add them to the pile.
This is the first outing I’ve had since Dad died and I have to admit it feels good. I just don’t like the fact that we’re being followed around by a bodyguard. For Madalina it’s become normal, her guys are here too, and although Nic assures me that it’s just a precaution, I know that it’s far more than that. Nic is scared that whoever killed my dad might want to kill me too.
It’s not just grief that's kept me from venturing out, Nic’s been keeping me protected, but I’m done with wallowing around in self-pity. I have so much to be excited about, and my father would hate to see me sad at a time when I should be celebrating.
So, I push all dark thoughts to the back of my head and continue to look at all the cute, little outfits. I try not to choke when I notice the price tags. Nic is always telling me not to concern myself with money, but I can’t imagine ever getting used to that way of thinking.
“Lorna come check out this crib set.” Madalina shakes me from my thoughts when she calls me over to the other side of the room and as I move toward her, I see the concerned look that’s on Nic’s face while he speaks to the guard by the door. I manage to smile as I feel how soft the fabric of the crib set is but I can’t help wondering what’s got Nic so worried.
“Baby, I need to head off for a bit, can you get a ride back with Madalina and Vito?” he checks.
“Is everything okay?” I narrow my eyes, knowing that he’s keeping something from me.
“Everything’s fine, I’ll see you back at home.” He kisses me and his sister before he heads out the door, and nods his head at Vito.
True to his word, Nic arrives home a few hours later and when he loosens his tie and tosses his keys at the table, I can tell he’s had a rough time.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask, moving toward him and greeting him with a kiss.
“It’s fine.” His attempt to smile is a feeble one and it doesn’t sit right with me.
“You don’t have to hide things from me, you know. I’m tough. I can take it.” I try to coax a better smile out of him by trailing my fingernail across his waistband.
“I know you can, but I’d rather just move on from it.” He takes a seat at the table and sighs as if he’s got the weight of the world on his shoulders.
“Nic, don’t shut me out, whatever's going on, talking about it might help.”
“Talking isn’t going to help.” He shakes his head and focuses on a spot on the table.
“Is it something to do with work?”
“Lorna, just stop. I don’t want to talk about it. I’m going for a shower.” He stands back up and heads for the bathroom, while I sit on the couch and wait for him to come back out.
I know that Nic is in deep with Dario’s organization, and I’m certain that what he does for him can be brutal sometimes, but I've never seen him affected like this before. Dario must have asked something of him that's pushed him too far.
He eventually comes out of the shower, smelling all fresh and woodsy and when he takes the seat beside me and drags me onto his lap, I allow him to rest his head on my chest while his hand strokes circles over my tummy.
“I don’t think I’m going to get the district, Lorna.” He sounds defeated. “Despite all I’ve done, and all of my efforts.” He shakes his head.
“What are you talking about?” I shuffle back so I can look him in the eyes.
“Bruno Monti is failing, he has no sons. Dario thought his district would be a good fit for me,” he starts to explain. “But Bruno has a nephew and he’s made it clear to Dario that when the time comes, he intends to make a claim.”
“Well, it’s a good thing Dario is your brother-in-law as well as the boss,” I remind him cheerily and when Nic slowly shakes his head again, I stare back at him curiously.
“Bruno is backing Gio’s claim, he’s personally asked Dario to consider him. Leaders of the other districts have also voiced their support for Gio. Dario’s leadership would come under serious question if he wasn’t seen to be listening to them." His voice comes out weak, and I feel his sadness. Ever since I’ve known Nic he’s wanted to lead his own district. Of course, back when we were younger I thought he was a cocky prick that was full of shit, but I’ve come to learn differently.
“There will be other districts, Nic.” I try to make him feel positive.
“Unfortunately, not. All the other districts are secured with healthy bloodlines. This was my only chance.” He scrubs his hand over his face.
“A lot can happen, Nic, don’t give up on your dreams.”
“And what about your dreams, Lorna? I’ve never even asked you about them, and I'm pretty sure they didn’t include getting knocked up by a failure like me.” He laughs at himself, and I hate it.
“I never really had any. I guess I always wanted a family somewhere down the line, maybe not so soon, but life happens and dreams change with it.” I offer him a hopeful smile.
“Come on, there must have been something you wanted.” Nik isn’t letting up.
“I wanted my dad to care about me, I wanted that more than anything else in the world. I wanted to see him more than just twice a year, and not just on special occasions. But like I said, dreams change.”
“And what's your new dream?” He stares back at me looking almost scared.
“This…” I place my hand over his. “The unplanned, shocking, incredible little family we’re going to make, whether you run a district or not. Maybe one day I’d like to use that degree I worked so hard to get and start up my own business but, right now, I want to be an amazing mom to this little person.”
“You already are.” Nic must like what he’s hearing because he smiles and when a sharp, little nudge comes from under his palm, that smile grows even bigger.
“He clearly agrees too.” He smiles up at me, before slipping his hand up to my face and dragging me onto his lips.
“But I’m not giving up. I want the best for you. My father worked his ass off to become a leader, he spent my whole childhood preparing me to take over from him. I’m not going to roll over to this man, who thinks he can push me out by offering Dario a few rounds of golf and talking a good talk to the other leaders. I’ve worked too hard, and done too much.” There's something haunting in his eyes that makes me curious.
“And what is it exactly that you’ve done, Nic?” I ask, if I’m to be this man’s wife and the mother of his child, surely I deserve to know.
“Lor–”
“I know it’s bad and it doesn’t scare me. Just say it.” I take his face in my hands and plead with him with my eyes to trust me, then when he shakes his head I growl in frustration.
“If you know, then I don’t need to say it.” He swallows thickly.
“But I–”
“And if you never ask me again, then I’ll never have to tell you,” he interrupts me, and this time his eyes are pleading with me.
“Nothing would change the way I feel about you.” I know we have to leave the conversation here, but I need him to know that.
“And how do you feel about me?” His forehead creases, and I realize that I’ve never really told him. I’m having his baby, I agreed to marry him, does that not say enough?
“If you know, I don’t need to say it.” I use his words against him as I kiss his cheek and wrap my arms around his waist and when I hear him growl in frustration, I smile to myself but keep my guard firmly in place.