44. Posie
CHAPTER 44
Posie
I ’m making coffee because there’s no way either of us are going to sleep tonight.
“He’s asleep again,” Dutton says from behind me.
“Thank you.”
He’s cautious as he walks up behind me, wrapping his arms around me and just holding me. I sigh against him. I can’t even fight him anymore.
I don’t want to fight him anymore.
We remain there for a while, and I simply absorb his strength as he stands behind me like a pillar.
“Do you want me to stay?” he asks. And I know he’s asking whether I’ll let him stay in my home or if he’ll simply sleep in his car outside.
A part of me wants to tell him no, that I can do this myself. But when I turn to face him, I nod my head.
I don’t have anyone else, and Bobbi knows that. So he’ll use that against me now just as he did our whole relationship. Fucking asshole.
“I’m sorry for throwing a bat at your head,” I whisper as I wrap my arms around his neck. “Thank you for coming. I know this isn’t a situation you would have picked.”
“Picked?” he asks. “What does that even mean?”
“Well, you’re a man of power; you can literally have any woman or anything in the world, and instead, you’re caught up in the mess that I’ve been lugging around for years.”
“I don’t want to be anywhere else but here, Posie. I would never hurt you. You know that, right?” I nod, and his gaze narrows on the mark across my cheek. He cups it, a wild storm brewing in his eyes, but he handles me gently. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here.”
“This was never your fight, Dutton,” I remind him because he’s taking it on like the world’s on his shoulders, and he’s failed.
“Your fight is my fight.” He licks his lips. “I didn’t explain myself well enough tonight at dinner.”
“You don’t have to, Dutton.”
“Stop trying to push me away.” He inhales deeply, then continues, “If you don’t want me after what I have to say, then…” His throat bobs. “Then we’ll work on it again tomorrow.”
“You don’t handle rejection well, do you?” I jest, trying to lighten the mood.
“You’re the one woman I can’t have reject me, Posie,” he says. “This isn’t just sex, and you and I both know that.”
The coffee machine stops brewing, but we ignore it, not breaking eye contact. The truth sits between us.
“I want to be here to protect you and Bentley,” he tells me.
“And what past that, Dutton? I should be focusing on whatever is happening with Bobbi right now instead of this.” I point between us.
“Stop deflecting. Because you know the two go hand in hand. I can make Bobbi disappear.”
I push away from him, not because I don’t want to be touching him but because I need space. My mind is a clusterfuck of emotions right now. “I don’t want to take away Bentley’s choice.”
“I might not be a parent, Posie, but I know your son wouldn’t want a relationship with a man who would hurt his mother. Sometimes, we have to make hard decisions.”
I look at him. “That’s not fair.” But I know he’s speaking the truth. I’ve been thinking about it for some time now. But Dutton makes me accountable for my actions. It makes the option of running away impossible. He deals with everything head-on. And although I usually do the same thing, when it comes to matters of the heart, I always flee instead.
“And then after this? What happens in six months? A year? When you get sick of us? When the novelty of our happy little family is too much?” I question, throwing my hands in the air.
“I can’t promise I’ll be a good husband or father, but I’m willing to do everything I can to be that for the both of you.”
“How does your mind jump to marriage and parenting?”
His eyebrows dip. “Because shouldn’t it? It’s not just you I’m saying yes to. I’ve thought about what our future will look like. I travel a lot. I focus on my work and know I have undesirable methods of getting things done, but I can’t apologize for who I am or how deeply I feel for you.”
“I won’t marry a man who isn’t open-minded to change. In seven years, we might have to. Nothing is set in stone, Dutton. You can’t just say we’re this way and will never change. I won’t be a perfect little housewife, submitting to your every whim. In the bedroom, yes. In our relationship, no.”
“I know,” he insists. “Fuck, Posie, I know that more than anything over these last few months trying to get my way with you.” He encroaches on my space. “You’ve fought me at every point, and I don’t want to fight you anymore. I just want to be here, as best as I can, and in any capacity you’ll accept me.”
Tears spring in my eyes as I let myself follow his thought process, envisioning a future with him, because for so long, I told myself it couldn’t even be a possibility. “And where would we live, Dutton?”
“Wherever you want. We can live in one of my homes, buy a new one, or even live here in this rental.” Knowing he’s used to a particular lifestyle, I scoff at that last option. “The where doesn’t matter. Where you want to make memories is where we’ll be. Granted, most of my work is based here in Manhattan, but we can figure it out. If Bentley wants to go to the best school in Paris, we can do that. Although, personally, I’d rather go to Italy,” he says, and I realize he’s rambling. For the first time, the cool, collected man is at a loss, and it’s the rawest version I’ve seen of him. He looks younger at this moment, inexperienced even.
“It sounds like you’re trying to plan out our lives already,” I say, bringing him back to the moment.
“It’s not that. I want you to know that it’s not just you I’m saying yes to, Mostriciattola . I want to make sure I’m the best choice for Bentley, too.” My heart breaks a little more because I didn’t know Dutton had thought about that at all. I didn’t realize he’d taken us so seriously this whole time. “I know I come across as cold and, at times, strike up adult conversations with a child and seem awkward, but I promise you, I will give him just as much of my heart as I will you.
“I want to be his father, Posie, if he will accept me. And I want you to be my wife. Because I know without a doubt there is no one else for me. I didn’t even know someone so perfect could exist for me until you first said ‘no’ to me. I may not be able to teach him fishing, and I’m assuming you definitely don’t want me to teach him how to use knives?—”
“Out of the question,” I snap, interrupting him, and it brings him back to the room, back to me. He’s breathing heavily.
“I just want us to be a family, and I’ll do whatever I have to so I can keep you both. I just need you to be willing to take the first step with me, Mostriciattola . Please.” He gently clasps my hand.
My bottom lip trembles because I know that taking the first step with this man will be irrevocable. Men come and go, but someone like Dutton? I’m terrified because I now understand how much he wants to stay.
“I don’t want you to change, Dutton. I’m just… I’m scared,” I admit, and his gaze softens as he cups my cheek. And it’s so surreal to see this side of him. No one else sees this version of Dutton—only me.
“Let me protect you, Posie. I can make him go away.”
“Won’t it make it worse for you and your family?”
“You and Bentley are my family, Posie, and I’m trying my hardest to ask for permission before I kill the fucker who dared to hit my woman. But I need you to say yes. I don’t want you to hate me for taking away Bentley’s choice.”
I have a feeling that Dutton will do it anyway, but there’s no doubt in my mind the situation with Bobbi will only worsen. His fixation and demand to have control over me won’t stop. And he clearly has no intention of getting to know his son. He only wants to use him to get to me.
I nod quietly, and his expression relaxes as he presses his lips to mine. I never thought I’d feel such a wave of relief asking someone to kill for me. Maybe I really am, as Dutton calls me—a little monster. But I’m willing to do whatever I must to protect my son. To protect my family.