Protecting Her Secrets (Mountain Men of Culver Springs #1)

Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Skylar

God, I wish this was my life. I won’t pretend to think living here would solve all of life’s problems, but how bad can things be with this view? I’d even suffer the cold for it.

As I towel dry my hair since I can’t find a blow dryer, I stare out the window. Everything is so quiet and peaceful. I don’t think I’ve had a quiet or peaceful moment since. . . actually, since Vegas with Walker. He was the only calming figure in my life.

Growing up the way I did, chaos is all I’ve known. With Dad being the president of a 1%er MC, the Broken Rebels, there was always a time when someone was coming home bloody, or the cops were banging down the doors, or the club was mourning a life lost. I could throw a punch that could break a nose by twelve, shotgun a beer like a pro by fourteen, and by the time I was eighteen and of legal age for the cops to talk to without a guardian, Dad made sure I knew the importance of loyalty.

I guess that’s why I was drawn to Walker. He was introverted and even-tempered. He had a shit home life, so he put all his focus on me and building us our dream life. Even though I always knew it wouldn’t happen, it was easy to fall into the fantasy. And he might not have gotten here the way he thought, but he created the dream. Just without me.

Glancing in the mirror, I sigh. No products and no diffuser means my curls will look like a Brillo pad by the time they dry, and I look different after washing off all my makeup in the shower. I don’t know why I care. It’s not like I’m trying to impress anyone.

I drop the towel and sigh again. It’s good that the last time Walker saw me like this was at my prime. Over the years, I haven’t exercised enough and have eaten too many carbs, resulting in an extra layer of padding on my belly, hips, thighs, and ass. Gravity has even taken hold of my breasts, and while I still think I have a decent rack, they’re nothing like they used to be.

Leaning over the counter, I frown at the lines spanning my forehead and the crow’s feet around my eyes. Those definitely weren’t there when I was twenty-one. Walker’s probably glad he didn’t get stuck with a woman who never wears enough sunscreen and loves to tan too much.

I let out a sound of frustration. I’m here to get a divorce, not to try and win my man back. I need to remember that for everyone’s sake.

But as I moisturize my body with lotion that smells like pine and man, I can’t help but fantasize about us living together and getting ready in this bathroom every morning. He would strip to take a shower, pretending not to sneak a peek at me as I got dressed. Then, while I applied mascara in the mirror, he’d hug me from behind with just a towel around his waist. I’d wiggle my ass against his groin, and he’d take me right here on the bathroom counter.

I can see it all so clearly, as though it’s a premonition of things to come and not musings of a stupid woman.

“You need to knock it off. This isn’t a fairytale; it’s real life,” I say into the mirror as I put on another pair of Walker’s sweats. Even pulling the drawstring tight and rolling down the waistband twice, they’re still huge on me, but at least they won’t fall down. I don’t think so, anyway. The thought of putting dirty underwear on after taking a shower didn’t appeal, so I go without.

The T-shirt he gave me is from Bakersfield College, where he went to school. I remember how he begged me to take some classes, but Dad didn’t see the point, since I wouldn’t be working once I got married. An ol’ lady’s role is vital to the club, and with me being the princess, that’s even truer. I’ll be expected to set the tone with all the other wives and be somewhat of a leader. If shit goes down, they’ll look to me for guidance. There are other smaller responsibilities, like organizing family days and making sure the club families all have what they need, that go with my position too.

So, yeah. No college needed, even though my dream was to become an elementary school teacher and marry the mountain man downstairs waiting to have a talk neither of us wants to have.

Balling my panties in my fist, I leave the sanctuary of the bathroom and head downstairs. I tuck them into the pocket of my coat hanging by the door before searching for Walker.

“Hi,” I say awkwardly when I find him standing in front of the stove, his back to me.

He glances over his shoulder, a devastating smile on his face. “Hey. How was your bath?”

“The views were amazing, and I have feeling back in my toes, so I’d say it was a success.”

He turns back to the stove. “Hope you’re hungry. I made grilled cheese sandwiches to go with the soup.”

“That sounds good. I can’t remember the last time I had one of those.” Sprocket rushes over to greet me, and I crouch so I can give him a proper pet. I always wanted a dog, but Dad wouldn’t allow it while I was growing up, and now I live in an apartment that doesn’t allow pets.

“They’re part of my weekly rotation since I don’t like to cook all that much. But when I’m snowed in sometimes for weeks at a time, getting take-out isn’t an option.”

I sit on a stool, watching as he butters a piece of bread that looks homemade. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Why here?”

“You mean, why did I move here?”

“Yeah.”

He blows out a breath. “No real reason. I wanted to be alone, and the mountains felt like a place I could do that. When I researched mountain towns, I ran across Culver Springs. I obviously didn’t have the money to buy a place; I didn’t even have a job. But it felt right. So, I found a listing for a garage apartment and headed north.”

“I always wondered. You never even talked about moving away, so I was shocked when I ran into X, and he told me you left.”

“I’m sure he had some other choice things to say about it. I was a dick and left him with a month’s rent and no one to take over my half the lease. I’ve thought about calling to apologize, but I let too much time pass.”

“No, he didn’t say anything bad. He was worried about you and asked me if I knew where you went. I was embarrassed to have known you for so long and not have the slightest idea where you’d run to.”

He keeps his back to me, placing the buttered bread on a griddle before layering cheese on top. “Before Vegas, I had never thought about leaving. It was kind of a spur-of-the-moment thing.”

“What did you do after you got here?” I prop my chin up with my hands and hang on every word. He’ll never know how much time I’ve spent wondering where he was or what he was doing. It’s a relief to finally get answers.

“The man I rented the apartment from owned a trail guide business. He was getting up there in age and needed someone to help out with tours. I didn’t know anything about the outdoors, but he said he’d teach me. I’ve been doing that ever since.”

“It’s just so crazy to me. We were city kids and definitely didn’t spend much time in nature.”

He places a perfectly toasted sandwich in front of me then braces himself on the kitchen island across from me. “I needed a change. I wanted every single aspect of my life to be different so nothing would remind me of you.”

“Ouch.” His words feel like a punch to the gut, hitting me out of nowhere. He opens his mouth, probably to remind me it was all my fault, but I stop him by covering his hand with my own. “I get it, but it still hurts.”

His gaze locks on our hands. “I didn’t think I’d survive if I stayed.”

“I’m sorry, Walker,” I whisper.

Pulling his hand from under mine, he turns to ladle soup into a bowl. “It was a long time ago.”

We don’t speak as he makes himself a sandwich and serves me the soup. Without asking, he pulls two cans of flavored sparkling water out and sets one in front of me. Mine’s lime, my favorite, and I wonder if it’s a coincidence or if he hangs onto pieces of me like I do with him.

Would he think it’s creepy or weird that I keep a box of Slim Jims, his favorite snack, in my pantry? I think they’re disgusting, but whenever I’m missing him and wish things had gone down differently, I hide under the covers and eat one. Somehow, it makes me feel better.

“You make enough as a trail guide to buy this house?” Realizing how rude that was, I backpedal. “Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I just mean, I had no idea it was that lucrative of a profession. Wait. That’s not any better. Ignore me.”

“No, it’s a fair question. The man I told you about, his name was Simon?—”

“Was?”

“Yeah, he passed three years ago.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t be. He was a mean son of a bitch.” Walker chuckles. “But he was a good man. He taught me everything he knew about hiking, rappelling, plant recognition, animal recognition, and so much more. After two years of working with him during the fall, spring, and summer and then getting snowed in with him each winter, he let me take over all the hikes and just did the business side of things. I was actually shocked when he died and left everything to me. His house, the business, even his piece of shit truck.”

“He didn’t have any family?” I ask.

“Oh, he had family. His four kids all still live in town and hate me.”

“Did they contest the will?”

“Oh yeah. But Simon made sure they couldn’t take it away from me. His kids had no interest in the business, and they rarely came by to see him. It was still a shock, though. I honestly thought he didn’t like me and just tolerated me because he didn’t want to give up his business.”

“That’s crazy.” I spoon some soup into my mouth.

“It was, and I didn’t want to waste the amazing gift he gave me. I sold his house because it just didn’t feel like home, and I bought this place. But I still own the business and his truck that breaks down on me all the time.” He grins, telling me he doesn’t mind.

“And what exactly does a trail guide do?”

“I take people on excursions. It’s kind of like choose your own adventure type stuff. We offer a basic hike, and then guests can add on from there. They can choose to camp for up to three nights or add rappelling, more advanced hikes, mountain bike rides, or a whole host of other things. After we go over their medical and lifestyle information and deem them fit for what they signed up for, we take them on their excursion and provide all the gear.”

“That sounds like a fun job.”

“It is. I mean, there’s a lot that goes into it, and I have to keep up with a lot of different certifications every year, and not just to be a guide. There’s also food permits, since we provide meals, first aid classes so we can handle medical emergencies, things like that.”

“I didn’t even think about all those details. Do you have employees?”

“Yeah. I hired Corbin and Laken right after the business was handed down to me. It was getting to be too much for just me, and if I got sick or hurt, I had to cancel trips and lose out on money. With the three of us, there’s always backup, and we can take on more guests.”

“Smart, especially since we’re not getting any younger.”

He lifts his shirt to show me his eight-pack. “Speak for yourself. I’m fit as a fiddle.”

I nearly come undone right then and there. He has always been sexy to me, but I won’t deny this muscular mountain man version of him has ratcheted up that attraction.

“Don’t rub it in. Because while you were pumping iron, I was eating In-N-Out Double Doubles.”

“Fuck, I miss fast food. It’s been years since I’ve even had a hamburger from McDonalds, let alone In-N-Out.”

“I think I’d rather have this.” I use my spoon to motion to the nearly gone food in front of me. “Did you make all this?”

“I baked the bread, but?—”

“You bake?”

“Yeah, I decided each winter I’d teach myself how to do something that will help me be more self-sustainable. Last winter, it was bread. Want to see my sourdough starter? I named her Mardough.” He starts to stand, but I stop him.

“No, that’s okay. Maybe later.” I grin. “But Mardough? What is it with you and punny names?”

“Each time I say or think about them, it makes me smile. And after spending a few years without a reason to smile, I decided to start finding ways to make myself happy, and punny names make me happy.” Sprocket whines, as if his feelings are hurt at not being mentioned. He reaches down to the dog, who’s standing with his front paws on Walker’s thigh. “Yes, rescuing you went a long way to make me happy too.”

I ignore the comment and switch to safer waters. “What about the soup?”

“Miss Martha made that.”

“Miss Martha?

“She and her husband are my closest neighbors. They’re like grandparents to me now. Miss Martha makes sure she stocks my freezer full of soups, chili, and casseroles so I don’t eat sandwiches all winter, and in turn, I do some stuff around their house her husband, Luther, is too old to do anymore. All this snow is hard on a house, and there are certain things you have to do every year once it melts.”

“That’s sweet.”

“They’re my family, along with my friends.”

“The ones in the pictures?” I ask.

“Yeah. Wilder, Rowan, and Ridge took me under their wings when I moved here. We’re all around the same age and volunteer for Search and Rescue.”

“Search and Rescue?” This new life is fascinating to me. It’s so different than anything I thought his life would be like, so different from the life I live.

“Sometimes a kid will get separated from his parents while out hiking, or someone will go out there alone and not come out when they were supposed to, and we go in to find them.”

“Wow. That’s incredible. You’re a hero.”

I swear the man blushes, and it’s so cute. “Nah, just giving back to the town that took me in and cared for me when I needed them.”

My heart breaks a little more with each reminder of the hurt I caused. It doesn’t matter how good his life is here; the reason behind all of it is my fault, and that sucks.

I stand and pile our plates up before taking them to the sink. “You cooked, so I’ll clean.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to. Go sit down and relax. It’ll just take a minute.”

While I do want to contribute, since he didn’t kick my ass out into the cold earlier, I honestly just need a minute. Guilt is such an ugly emotion, and try as I might to take what I deserve, it’s weighing on me. So, as I do the dishes, I force myself to remember my reasons and why I’m here.

It’s up to me to keep Walker safe.