Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
Blink slept the sleep of the dead. He’d needed it. He hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since before he’d been awoken in the middle of the night and told he needed to get to the base to leave for a mission to Iran within the hour.
And having Josie at his side only made his sleep all the more healing.
Looking down at the woman still sound asleep on his chest had Blink taking a relieved breath. She smelled like him. Like his soap. Her hair was still a disaster; it would take more than a crappy naval carrier shower to address it. But seeing her skin scrubbed clean, seeing the flush on her cheeks last night as she ate and drank to her heart’s content…it had gone a long way toward making what he’d been through seem like small potatoes.
He still couldn’t believe this woman had been rotting away in an Iranian cell, and no one knew. If he hadn’t been captured, she’d still be there. It was unbelievable. Unacceptable.
He hadn’t missed the way she’d tensed after seeing him freshly showered. And he thought he knew why. She’d gotten used to seeing him in soldier mode, complete with a scruffy beard and covered in days’ worth of grime. But if she thought she was going to back away now, she was wrong.
She was the woman Blink had waited for his entire life, and he’d do whatever it took to prove it to her. Whatever insecurities she had about the two of them together were bullshit. He could tell by her sudden unwillingness to meet his gaze, the way her mouth had turned down last night, that she was suddenly uneasy around him.
And it cut deep. But he’d make her comfortable around him again. Somehow. He was the same man she’d gotten to know when they were fighting for their lives.
He hadn’t lied, today would be long and difficult. There would be more questions, doctors would need to examine them, and then the long flight back to California. But he’d be right there by Josie’s side. Whatever she needed, he’d make sure she had it, and that she was handling all the attention she’d be getting.
She stirred in his arms, and he felt the moment she became aware of her surroundings when she tensed against him.
“Shhhh,” he murmured quietly against her hair. “You’re good. We have a few more minutes before we have to get up. I’m sure Kevlar’s alarm is going to go off here any moment. Then we’ll have to deal with Flash and Smiley being bitchy, because they hate having their precious sleep interrupted. MacGyver will be up and ready to go in seconds, which is just annoying, and Safe will be a zombie until he gets coffee, although it’s not the fancy stuff he likes. Preacher will be dressed and packed and bugging us to hurry the hell up, and Kevlar will be the last one to leave, checking to make sure we didn’t leave anything behind, like someone always does.”
He felt Josie smile against his chest. Then she lifted her head and studied him with a quizzical look on her face.
“Me?” he asked.
She nodded.
Blink shrugged. “I go with the flow. Not bringing attention to myself, not getting in the way. Watching the others, observing. My brother is the outgoing one. I’m the kind of guy who stands back and gets the lay of the land before acting. I’ve learned a lot by watching.”
Josie rested her chin on her hand as she continued to look into his eyes.
“You want to know what I’ve learned by watching you?” he asked.
Josie’s brows furrowed, and she shook her head.
Blink chuckled softly. He was enjoying this moment in time. The intimacy of it. Even though they were in a room with all of his teammates, it felt as if they were in a bubble of their own. “I’m going to tell you anyway. You’re like me, Spirit. You watch others. Figure out what they’re all about before you interact. You did that with me. You weren’t sure you could trust me. Didn’t know what I might do when I found out you were there in that cell. And when you realized that I was on your side, that I wouldn’t hurt you, you acted. ”
Josie moved so her cheek was resting on his chest once more, breaking eye contact.
“You giving me that water…it changed my life, Josie,” Blink admitted in a whisper. “I know what that water meant. It was literally your lifeline. By all rights, you should’ve been dead. I don’t know how long you’d gone without food, but any idiot could see it was a very long time. It took over a day and a half for that cup to fill with water. And you gave it to me. Not half of it, the whole cup. My teammates would give their lives for me, and I’d do the same for them, but outside those men…no one has ever shown me the kind of courage and selflessness you did.
“I’m going to do everything in my power to return that kindness. Not because I have to. Not because I feel obligated in some way. But because if I can’t find a way to keep you in my life, I’m not sure I can even keep doing what I’m doing. I’ve seen too much hate. Too much death. I need you in my life to balance it. Not someone like you—but you.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, Blink suddenly wished he could take them all back. By the look on her face, he knew he was coming on too strong. Way too fucking strong. This woman had just been through hell. She had a life back in the States. And here he was, basically telling her he wasn’t going to let her go. Shit, like he was a stalker or something. The thought made him want to beat his own ass.
Josie picked up her head and looked at him once more. She had tears in her eyes, and Blink panicked, his own eyes going wide at the sight. He hadn’t meant to upset her! Hadn’t meant to make her cry.
“Fuck,” he swore .
To his great surprise, she gave him a watery smile. “You say fuck a lot.”
Blink gaped at her in total shock. Her voice was a low and raspy whisper, as if her vocal cords were rusty from not having been used for so long. And she seemed just as surprised to hear it as he was.
He wanted to leap up and let out a yell of triumph. She’d spoken! To him ! It felt like a huge victory.
He forced himself to keep his cool. “Yeah. I do. Should I apologize?” he asked.
She gave him a small shake of her head.
“It’s just that the word perfectly sums up how I feel when I use it. If I’m hurting, surprised, concerned, excited…it can convey all those feelings. It’s a multipurpose word that always fits the occasion.” Blink brought his hand to her face and wiped away the tears on her cheeks with his thumb. “Don’t cry, Josie. I can’t stand it when you cry.”
She gave him another wobbly smile.
Then Kevlar’s alarm started pealing in the quiet room.
There were moans and groans from the men around them. Kevlar barked, “Time to get up, boys! We’re going home!”
“The only reason you’re excited is because you get to see Remi,” Smiley bitched.
“Yup. And one day, you’ll have your own woman to go home to, then you’ll be the first one up. Getting on all of our nerves by trying to make us hurry.”
“Not likely,” he groaned.
“Told you,” Blink said quietly to Josie. “You ready for today?”
She shrugged .
“Well, whatever happens, I’ll be there. So you don’t need to worry. Okay?”
Okay , she mouthed.
Blink hadn’t expected her to start babbling away, now that she’d finally spoken, but he hoped she’d gain some confidence and would be able to use words more often than not. He smiled at the thought.
Josie poked his chest and tilted her head at him in question.
“I was just thinking about how I’m the verbose one in this relationship,” he admitted honestly. “Which is hilarious, because I’m anything but talkative…with anyone other than you.”
“He’s not lying,” Flash said from the bunk next to them. “Blink’s a seriously quiet guy. You know he’s thinking a mile a minute under that dead-eye stare he’s got, but he never opens his mouth unless he’s got something to say.”
Josie gave Blink a small smile. One that went straight to his heart.
“Get up, lazy bones,” Kevlar told them. “We have to grab breakfast and see the admiral, then I’m sure you want to say goodbye to your brother before we head out.”
“Let’s do this,” Blink told Josie.
“Let’s do this,” she whispered back.
“Wait—did she just talk?” Preacher asked.
Safe smacked the back of his head, but Blink didn’t take his gaze from Josie’s. Every word from her mouth felt like a huge win, though honestly, he didn’t care if she was mute or not. He seemed to be able to understand her just fine. They were connected by circumstance. They’d been through hell together and come out the other side.
Josie stood on the deck of the aircraft carrier and watched as Nate hugged his brother goodbye. He was there with five other Night Stalker pilots. She’d been introduced to the ones she hadn’t met yet—Chaos and Edge—and couldn’t help but smirk a little at all their call signs. Obi-Wan, Buck, Pyro, Casper…she wanted to ask how they got their nicknames. What they all meant. But she wasn’t going to get the chance. They had to get on the plane that was waiting to take them to Germany.
In the meeting with the admiral that morning, he told her that a replacement passport would be waiting for her in Germany. Something about how a man named Tex had arranged it. Josie didn’t know who Tex was, but she was grateful for his assistance. The thought of having to wait on the ship or in Germany while Nate and the others all went home scared the hell out of her. Not that anyone had been rude or mean to her, she just felt more comfortable around the men she already knew.
Who was she kidding? It was Nate she felt the most at ease around. He saw past the traumatized, grubby, smelly, skin-and-bones creature he’d first met to the woman underneath it all. She felt as if she was emerging from years of living in dark and dank sewers. Covered in filth, forgotten. And in a way, she was.
Technically, she was still Josie England, the same forgettable and uninteresting woman she’d been before. But Nate made her feel like…more.
His words from that morning echoed in her head.
I need you in my life…Not someone like you—but you.
They were life-changing words.
Ayden had told her early in their relationship how much he loved her. How beautiful she was. How smart. But in the end, they’d been nothing but pretty words to get her into bed. She understood that now, and he’d shown his true colors soon enough. He didn’t care about her , just about what he could get from her.
But Nate? He saw straight to her soul, and what he saw didn’t seem to turn him off. She certainly hadn’t been at her best since they’d met. Either physically or mentally. But it didn’t matter. That cup of water she’d given him? He might think it was a difficult decision for her to make. To give up the only thing keeping her alive. And with anyone else, it might’ve been. But the fact that Nate hadn’t demanded she share, hadn’t expected anything from her, as Ayden would have, made it all the more easy to offer it.
The truth was, she regretted not giving him the water earlier. She shouldn’t have waited so long. But thankfully they’d been rescued, and in the end it didn’t matter.
“He’s a good man,” Kevlar said to her, as they watched Nate and Tate say their goodbyes. “I owe him everything. He saved my Remi. Did what he does best, watch and observe, then acted when it was needed.”
Josie looked up at him. She remembered Nate telling her about what happened with Remi, being kidnapped and almost buried alive. He’d downplayed his role in the entire fiasco, obviously.
Kevlar turned to look at her. “He’s been through hell. And I’m not talking about this latest shitshow. He lost his former SEAL team. Some died. Some were hurt so bad they were medically retired. For weeks he did nothing but sit at the local bar we like to go to and stare into space. But he’s literally one of the strongest men I know. We’re lucky to have him, and when we heard what happened—that he was sent back into Iran where he’d lost his last team, and got himself captured so the men he was with could get away—there was no way we weren’t going to be the ones to come get him. You and him…you’re so much alike, it’s not even funny. You both have pain you’ve shoved deep down inside, but you don’t let it stop you from surviving. I think you’re perfect for each other.
“And I realize people will be skeptical. Hell, you probably are. But I knew the moment I saw Remi that she was it for me. I didn’t admit it to myself, but I knew all the same. He can heal you if you let him, just as you can do the same for him. Just don’t hurt him, Josie. I’m not sure he can take it. Not after everything else.”
Her heart broke for the man who’d quickly become everything to her. She wanted to tell Kevlar that she wasn’t going to hurt Nate. But the words wouldn’t come. All she could do was nod.
“Good. Glad we had this talk,” Kevlar said with a small chuckle. “I’ve already told you that Remi’s going to want to meet you, and I wasn’t lying. She’ll be chomping at the bit to meet Blink’s woman. They have a special bond. One that I am in no way jealous of. Without him, I wouldn’t have her. She might be a little protective of him, so I’m asking that you give her some grace. You two went through hell together, but so did she and Blink.”
Josie nodded again.
“Thank you. I swear, Remi will be as loyal a friend as you’ll ever have. She’s a cartoonist. Wait until you read some of her Pecky the Traveling Taco cartoons. They’re hilarious.”
“Lord, are you going on about Pecky again?” Flash asked from behind them.
Josie turned to see the SEAL smiling at them.
“Yup,” Kevlar said without turning around. “If I could get everyone I meet to read her stuff, I could retire from the Navy and be a house-husband.”
“You can already do that,” MacGyver said. “We all know she makes gads of money from that damn taco.”
“Whatever,” Kevlar mumbled.
Josie couldn’t help but giggle at them.
“Such a sweet sound,” Safe said, looking at her in surprise from the other side of Kevlar.
For some reason, Josie felt herself blushing. As Nate joined them after saying goodbye to his twin and the other Night Stalkers, she realized what a good group of men she’d ended up with. They were loyal, friendly, and kind of badass. No, not kind of—very badass. She hadn’t forgotten how they’d broken her and Nate out of their prison cells, and how they’d been all…soldier-y as they’d crept through the town before all hell broke loose and they’d had to split up.
“Sorry, that took longer than I thought it would. Tate and his crew are headed to the States. Back to Norfolk, Virginia, where they’re currently living. Since he lost his chopper, he’ll have to be issued a new one, then work with the mechanics to get it outfitted and running the way he likes it.”
“Lost it? Is that what they’re going with?” Preacher asked with a snort.
Nate smiled. “Uh-huh.”
He looked almost boyish when he smiled. Josie liked all his sides. Serious, intense, deadly, joking, sleepy, concerned about her…but especially this one. The teasing one.
“Let’s get off this hunk of junk. I’m ready to see Wren,” Safe said.
Everyone leaned down to pick up their duffle bags, and Josie felt weird that she didn’t have anything other than the clothes on her back…and her little metal cup that Nate had insisted on keeping in his pocket. He’d claimed it was good luck, and he promised not to let anything happen to it.
Since Josie trusted him, she hadn’t protested. It wasn’t as if she had a bag of her own to put it in. And no pockets in the sweatpants she was still wearing.
They walked across the deck toward a waiting plane. She wasn’t thrilled about the procedure for taking off from the moving ship, but she wasn’t about to complain. The thought of being back on solid ground in the States was enough motivation for her to do whatever was asked of her.
Twenty-four hours later, Josie was done. Done with traveling. Done with being polite. Done with being patient. Done with being social. It made no sense, when it wasn’t so long ago that she would’ve done anything to be around other people. But after the stressful trip to Germany, then being poked and prodded, and told she was malnourished and anemic—duh—by a doctor at the military hospital who’d had a tendency to talk about her as if she wasn’t right there in the room with him, simply because she wasn’t speaking, and then the long flight back to California with a plane full of other sailors and soldiers who were also on their way home, Josie longed for a bit of alone time.
She was also feeling…off. She hadn’t been part of regular society for so long, just being in Nate’s car as he drove them to his house was nerve-wracking. It was dark, she had no idea what time it was, but even the few cars on the road with them were freaking her out.
“Breathe, Josie. We’ll be at my place in a few minutes. Then you can relax.”
She wasn’t surprised Nate was so in tune with her. He’d stayed right by her side throughout their travels. He’d given her the window seat on the flight to Germany, sitting in the middle even though he’d looked completely cramped in the small seat. His hand stayed on the small of her back as they walked to and from planes, and through the military hospital in Germany. He’d hadn’t been allowed to stay in the room with her while she was examined, and just being away from him for that small period of time almost sent Josie over the edge.
She was tired, cranky, and almost sick with worry about what would happen next. Had she made the right decision to come to California? Maybe she should’ve gone back to her apartment in Vegas. Although she wasn’t even sure she still had a place to live there. She’d been gone long enough that her landlord probably thought she’d left him high and dry, and who knows what had happened to her stuff.
Panic was setting in. What if all her things were gone? Sold? Trashed? It wasn’t as if she had anything valuable, but the pictures, the sentimental doodads, the clothes she’d spent hours searching for that finally fit her perfectly after some alterations. She didn’t want to start over. Didn’t know how to even begin to do that. And she needed to contact her boss, make sure she still had a job.
“Josie, what’d I just say? Breathe ,” Nate ordered firmly.
Looking over at him, she could just make him out in the glow of passing cars and the streetlights they drove under.
“I know today has been trying, but we’re almost home.”
Josie wanted to snort. Trying. Right. That wasn’t the word she would’ve used. But…she really shouldn’t complain. No one had told her she had to fork over a credit card before she could get on any of the planes. She had a passport, and she was alive and free.
“I live in an apartment. It’s nothing fancy. I want to buy a house someday, but with my job, it doesn’t seem like a smart thing to do right now. Remi used to live in the same complex, but she moved in with Kevlar. When we get there, you don’t have to do anything. You can just sit and acclimate. Trust me when I say that I understand how you’re feeling. It’s noisy here, isn’t it? Cars honking, engines, thumping radios. Even though it sucked being in that cell, being around all these people seems…chaotic.”
Josie did as ordered and took a deep breath. He was right. It felt as if her entire life was spinning out of control, and she prided herself on always being in control. She hadn’t been able to control anything that happened to her for weeks, and even after she was free, she still felt as if she was being told what to do by everyone around her. She hadn’t had any choices…except to come to California with Nate. Which felt right.
And just like that, she relaxed a bit.
“Here we are,” he announced as he pulled into a parking lot. While the apartments seemed older, they didn’t look run down. And the lot was well lit. Not that it mattered.
Josie wasn’t afraid of the dark. She’d spent her time in captivity in almost total darkness, so her demons didn’t stem from a lack of light. Being on the water, yes. Not having access to food or something to drink, yes. The dark, no.
Nate pulled into a space and shut off the truck’s engine.
“I’ll come around,” he told her, opening his door.
She waited for Nate to walk around the truck without complaint. He opened her door, and a small chuckle escaped his lips. “I need to get a step stool for you so you don’t break your neck getting in and out,” he murmured. Looking down, Josie saw that she was pretty high off the ground. Being short had its drawbacks, and this was one of them.
The second she had the thought, she took it back when Nate’s arms closed around her and he lifted her off the seat and placed her feet on the ground. Being in his embrace didn’t suck.
Nate grabbed his duffle bag out of the bed of the truck and held out his hand.
Josie didn’t hesitate to take it as he led them toward one of the doors on the first floor of the complex. He pulled keys from his pocket, unlocked the door, then pushed it open for her. “After you,” he said .
Josie stepped inside and into the main living area while Nate flicked on a few lights. Looking around, she saw nothing out of place. The books in a bookcase against the wall were lined up perfectly. The few pictures on the walls were evenly spaced and not crooked even an inch. There was a blanket on the back of the couch that was folded perfectly. The pillows were placed just so in the two corners. The coffee table was clean, no magazines or knickknacks littering its surface.
Glancing into the kitchen, she didn’t see any dirty dishes in the sink, the countertops were spotless, and the few appliances on their surfaces were pushed back toward the wall and lined up precisely.
“I’m a bit of a neat freak,” Nate said from behind her. “It was drilled into us in boot camp.”
Josie turned toward him and knew she was smiling like an idiot, but she couldn’t help it. Her place in Vegas looked just like this. Orderly, not cluttered at all.
At seeing her expression, the worried look on Nate’s face disappeared. “I take it you aren’t going to run out the door complaining I’m a total anal freak?”
A sexually loaded inuendo immediately popped into Josie’s mind, but she simply shook her head.
“Good. What do you want to do? Shower? Watch TV? Sit and stare into space? Sleep?”
Her belly decided at that moment to growl, embarrassing the crap out of Josie. Nate had made sure she had plenty to eat during their trip. He was constantly pulling granola bars and dried fruit out of one of his many pockets. Not to mention making sure she had access to as much water as she wanted .
“Eat it is,” Blink said matter-of-factly as he dropped his bag and headed for the kitchen. It was small but had all the things a kitchen needed to be functional. He went to the pantry and looked inside for a long moment, then grabbed for something.
“I don’t have anything fresh, I need to go to the store, but I’ve got some au gratin potatoes in a box that I can make. And some canned green beans. Oh! And some tuna. I can put together a tuna salad. It’s really good with some mayo and pickled jalapenos. I usually make a sandwich out of it, but I don’t have any bread. I do have some crackers. We can crumble those in it, or treat it as a dip.”
He grabbed more things as he talked, and now he turned to her with his arms full…and for some reason, Josie wanted to cry again. They’d just gotten home, it was late, he had to be as tired as she was, and he had his own medical issues and probably psychological ones to deal with because of his time as a POW—and here he was, going out of his way to feed her.
“No, do not cry,” he ordered, obviously seeing her distress. “We can order a pizza if you want, just don’t cry.”
Josie couldn’t help but laugh through her tears. She was pretty sure he knew she wasn’t emotional over what he’d chosen for them to eat, but was attempting to make her laugh. He’d succeeded.
“Can I help?” she asked, once more surprised at the rasp of her voice. It sounded weird to her ears, and the words popped out without any real thought on her part. Other times, when she really wanted to say something, her vocal cords wouldn’t cooperate. But it seemed around Nate at least, when she felt the most comfortable, they came out without too much effort.
“Sure,” he said. “If you want to grab a couple of bowls from that cabinet, then open the cans, that would be a good start.”
She was glad he didn’t make a big deal out of her speaking. It would’ve felt weird and made her self-conscious.
They worked together to make the meal, and it was ready in no time. As the potatoes finished simmering on the stove, they ate the tuna and the green beans. And while Josie still didn’t eat as much as she usually did, she didn’t get full as fast as she had even the day before.
“Tonight and tomorrow, we rest. Recuperate. The day after that is soon enough for both of us to get back to the real world. I know you probably have some people you need to contact, I’ll need to go to the base, but we’ll have at least a day to do nothing. To reacclimate. Okay?” he said at one point.
Josie nodded. Doing nothing sounded really good. Even though she’d spent the last few weeks doing exactly that, it felt very different now that she was safe, her belly was full, and she wasn’t on edge, waiting for something bad to happen.
They ate the potatoes when they were finished, and to Josie, they were the best thing she’d ever had. Cheesy, creamy, and so damn good, she felt like crying again. But she didn’t get the chance. There were dishes to be done and put away, counters and a table to wipe down, and then it was time for bed.
Nate led her to his spare room. It was obvious he didn’t get many guests, as there were boxes, some weights, and a hodgepodge of furniture in the small space. It was the most cluttered space she’d seen in his apartment. A twin bed sat against a wall, and suddenly all Josie could think about was curling up and sleeping for hours.
“There’s a bathroom in the hall. I’ll put out a toothbrush you can use. Tomorrow, we’ll work on your hair. Do not touch it tonight. Hear me?”
Josie looked at him in surprise.
“I mean, I know it has to be bothering you. I just don’t want you reaching for a pair of scissors or doing anything drastic before you give me a chance to help you with it. I haven’t had any experience with getting snarls and mats out, but I’m willing to try if you are.”
She nodded shyly at him, wondering how in the world he knew she was thinking about chopping it all off and starting over. She’d always thought her long blonde hair was one of her best features, and she hated to cut it. Any help he wanted to give her, she’d gladly take.
“Good. I’m right next door. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to come get me. I’ll bring you some water you can keep next to the bed, and—oh! Your cup.” He pulled it out of his pocket and held it up.
Here in the real world, amongst the neat and clean atmosphere of his apartment, the thing looked pathetic. It probably had some nasty germs and parasites in it as well. But Nate didn’t seem turned off or haunted by seeing it. She couldn’t interpret the look he had on his face, but it wasn’t disgust.
“I’ll just leave this here,” he said quietly, placing the small cup on the table next to the bed. Then he stepped up to her and lightly brushed a finger over her cheek. “Thank you for fighting. For not giving up. For being here. For being you, Josie.” Then he leaned down, kissed her forehead, and left without another word.
If Josie was anyone else, she would’ve called him back. Told him how grateful she was for his hospitality. Thanked him for being with her in Germany after the examination was done, and the stupid doctor was going over everything he thought was wrong with her. For sitting next to her on the planes and keeping her calm. For feeding her tonight, for making her feel normal, even though she knew she could never return to the woman she used to be before making that fateful decision to go to Kuwait…and further, getting on that boat with Ayden.
But she didn’t. All she did was watch him walk away.
Instead of going to the bathroom to brush her teeth—she’d scrubbed them for fifteen minutes straight when she’d arrived in Germany—she simply turned and climbed under the covers on the small bed. She didn’t bother to remove the sweats or the shirt she wore. She was suddenly too exhausted to do anything other than lie down.
Within seconds of her eyes closing, she was asleep.