29. Letters of The Past
CHAPTER 29
letters of the past
Dear Carlos,
My beloved, the most important person in my life. I know I won’t be meeting you in heaven. There is not a place even worthy of your good heart. However, my broken heart is troubled by all the pain we went through. I love you. You gave me the best gift in the world. But I betrayed you in the worst ways. Please forgive me. I hope you find peace wherever you are.
Love, your Ciara.
Dear David,
A world without you isn’t one I could live in. This is the hardest letter for me to write because I know we’ll be stuck in these cells forever. If they find the evidence we left in the basement, we will be screwed. So just know I love you. You are my Ranch, and I am your Carrot. We might never have made sense to anyone else, but you always understood me. I hate that things didn’t work out with us, but that is how it played out. I will always be your Ciara desert and you’ll always be my Davido Mirage. I love you. I love you. Thank you for the time I had with you. I just wish we had done everything legally.
Love always,
Your Ciara Desert.
Dear Sebastian and Brooklyn,
I know you’ll never forgive me for what your father and I did, but please know that I never wanted anyone to get hurt. It’s hard to cover up evidence, but we had fun together and grew up together. You know your father isn’t always a horrible person. But we are where we are now, and it’s because of decisions we made out of stupidity and greed. Please forgive your father. And take care of my Maxine.
Ciara.
O ne last letter, I took a breath because this one was longer. “You ready, Max? This is your letter.” I exhaled as she nodded her head.
Maxine, my dragonfly,
Please know that when this letter reaches you, it means that I am no longer on this planet. I love you and would have done everything to make sure you knew that. From the moment you took your first breath, until the day you took your first steps, I worshipped everything about you. I may have seemed cold-hearted, but I love you, and there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t regret not being there for you when you needed me the most. There are days when I wanted to reach out to you and confess everything in hopes you would forgive me, but I was broken long before I met your father, even more lost when you were born, and when the tragedy with your father happened, I was devastated. There aren’t enough words for me to explain this on paper. You might think I took the easy way out by taking my life, but I couldn’t live in a world where I wouldn’t be a part of your wedding day, the birth of your first child and everything else that happens as you grow older. I couldn’t live without you.
Please forgive David and me for everything we did. I wish we lived in a world where I could give my life to bring your father back because I know you always preferred him over me. It wasn’t that I was cold toward you, I just didn’t know how to love you the way you deserved. You deserved the universe, and all I could give you was California and false hopes. And then I was part of the reason you lost your father. Nothing will ever mend the hole I placed in your world.
I love you more than anything and everything. With my death, take your part of the company and be the best wife, mother, and woman I know you can be. I am always proud of you. I will always love you, and I will always be looking out for you.
Your mother,
Ciara