Protecting the Boundary (LA Wolves #8)

Chapter 12

TWELVE

On my first day off, I decide to get away from Romel’s house for the day. Something has shifted between us, especially after last night under the stars. Unfortunately, that moment alone together did nothing to stymie my attraction to him. If anything, hearing how much he still loves his wife just made me realize what a loyal man he is. Three years he’s been alone, but he didn’t run off and try to drown himself in booze or women to forget his pain. I know how popular the Fierce Four are and have no doubts that he has women throw themselves at him on a regular basis, and yet he’s remained loyal to his wife. There’s something very admirable about that level of dedication and devotion.

But it also made it painfully obvious that this crush that has been growing for him will always be one-sided. I know from personal experience that a man in love with his wife that much will never let her go, even after death—my dad never did.

As soon as I pull up to my dad’s house, I let out a breath I wasn’t even aware I was holding. I get out of the car and head inside without knocking.

“That you, Meredith?” he calls out from the kitchen.

“Yeah, Dad,” I call back, dropping my purse on the table by the front door. I head back into the kitchen of my childhood home.

I asked him once why he didn’t move if it was so hard to think about Mom, but he said he wouldn’t lose the memories if that was all he had left. I compare my dad to Romel, and start to really see their similarities. Is that why Romel hasn’t moved out of his house? I’ve seen the pictures of Sydney on the wall. I know he tries to keep her memory alive for Kay, but how much of it is for himself too? After our conversation last night, I wonder if everything he does is for himself as much as he claims it’s for his daughter.

“Something smells good,” I say, walking into the kitchen.

Dad sticks his cheek out for a kiss, his hands busy jarring jam. “I went to the farmers’ market and couldn’t resist. The raspberries looked great, and I know how much you love raspberry jam.”

“Need any help?” I ask, already washing my hands, assuming his answer will be yes.

He puts the pot down now that the jar is full and looks at me, his brows furrowed. “Everything okay?”

I grab a spoon and take a scoop. “Yeah, can’t I just help my dad make my favorite jam?”

“Of course you can, but you look stressed.”

After blowing on it to cool it down, I stick the spoonful in my mouth. “Mmm, this is good.”

He shakes his head. “Fine, if you want to deflect, then sure, you can help. But remember, you’re going to tell me anyway; might as well just get it out of the way.”

“I don’t tell you everything, you know.” Even though it’s true I don’t tell him everything , I do usually tell him the big things. And he’s never failed to miss when something was on my mind.

But my dad’s greatest superpower is knowing when to let the silence linger—and that I’ll always fill it. “Hey, Dad?”

He smiles. “Yeah?”

Dammit. Swallowing my pride, I tell him what’s going on. “The family I’m nannying for is actually a single dad. Kaylee is three and her mom died just a week after she was born.”

Dad stops everything he’s doing and faces me, his brows slanted with pain. I can only imagine what this conversation is going to bring up for him, and maybe it’s not fair for me to ask, but we’ve always had a good relationship, and there’s no one else I would want to talk to about this.

“I love Kaylee already. She’s such a sweetheart and so incredibly smart, but I really don’t want to overstep. It’s clear having me there has been kind of hard on him. I guess I’m just wondering what kind of help you would’ve wanted when it was just you and me? I don’t want to step on his toes, and I feel like the situation is kind of…delicate.”

Dad stops what he’s doing and leans against the counter, facing me. “What have I always told you about conflict or what to do when you’re feeling uncertain in a situation, especially when it involves another person?”

“Talk it out,” I tell him. My dad has drilled the importance—and power—of communication into my head for as long as I’ve been alive.Though, that doesn’t mean I’ve always been able to follow his advice. Sometimes communicating is easier said than done.

He nods. “I’m not the person you should be asking this question. If you want to know what would help him without you stepping on his toes, you need to have that conversation with him.”

He steps forward, wrapping his strong arms around me, and I accept his hug. He steps back and squeezes my bicep once before he focuses on the jam again.

“Dad, can I ask you something?”

“Always.”

“Why didn’t you ever date again?”

He glances at me from the corner of his eye, and I’m worried he can read me too well and understands why I’m asking. If he does, he doesn’t say anything about it, but there is concern in his furrowed brow that gives away his worry for me. “I loved your mom more than I’d ever loved anyone. She was my whole world until you were born. That kind of love can’t be replaced.”

He says it like it’s a fact. I frown. “You wouldn’t have to replace her though. Couldn’t you love someone else, equal but different?”

He tilted his head back and forth, thinking about my question. “I suppose it’s possible, but when you’ve loved someone that deeply, it’s hard to open yourself up enough to hurt again.” Now it’s his turn to frown, and for a second I worry that I’ve opened a can of worms that maybe should’ve stayed closed. “Losing her nearly destroyed me, Meredith, and I couldn’t put myself in that position again, especially not when I had to take care of you. You were my priority after I lost her.”

“Do you think it’s possible to love someone again when you’ve had that kind of big love?”

He stares at me, and I know for certain he definitely knows why I’m asking. “I think any man would be lucky to find two big loves in his lifetime, but he has to be open to it. And when there’s a child involved, that child will always take priority over a relationship.”

My heart sinks, but his words aren’t any different from the conclusion I’ve already come to. My crush on Romel will never go anywhere, because his priority will always be Kaylee—as it should be.

Which means it’s time to bury this crush as far down as I can and focus on the reason I’m in their life at all—to take care of Kay.