Protector (Wolves of Winter Creek Book 4)

12. Tristan

The shower does wonders for me. I feel almost human—well, shifter—now that my hair is brushed, my ass isn’t hanging out, and I’ve lost the last of the chill. My biggest complaint is just how hungry I still am, and as I push the door to the kitchen open, seeing a PBJ with a side of potato chips sitting on a plate, I almost start to drool.

Fallon points at it. “I made that for you. Eat.”

No one ever makes food for me, and if they did? I’d refuse—except for Lorelei and that makes sense because, as my twin, we’ve always taken care of each other. But Fallon… that’s what she’s trying to do now. There’s no other ulterior motive, not like other shifters putting a plate in front of me, hoping it’ll get them laid.

It’s not the sort of meal a shifter usually eats—this definitely human fare—but right now? It’s not worms, and that’s all that counts.

I move toward the table as Fallon explains, “You haven’t eaten in five days. I’m not sure how it is for shifters, but humans need to start small after that long. Eat this. If you’re still hungry, I’ll make something else.”

Shifters can go longer than five days without it doing too much harm, just like I could probably eat half the pantry now and have no ill-effects. It’s the thought that counts, though, and I’d rather eat something quick to get it in my belly before I go searching for Tristan.

Or maybe?—

“Is there more bread? I can make a sandwich for Tristan, too. He didn’t eat, either.”

Except for that one worm, and I would’ve added just to get a shocked reaction out of Fallon if it wasn’t for the way she suddenly nibbled on her bottom lip like that.

Uh-oh.

“Fal?”

“Yeah, Jeannie?”

“Is something wrong?”

She laughs uneasily. “You mean apart from one of my best friends being missing for five days? Or how I sold my soul to the devil… well witches, but you know… to find her?”

Well, when she puts it like that… “Yes.” I wait a second, then say, “Let me guess. It’s about the Beta.”

I can’t even say his name. When he didn’t follow me right to the pack house, I instinctively knew that something was wrong. Add that to the way his face fell when I told him we were rescued… he wasn’t happy. I thought he would be, but he wasn’t.

And he’s not here.

Neither is Lucas, come to think of it. But Fallon doesn’t look nervous about her own mate. Oh, no. She looks sorry for me.

“Where is he, Fallon?”

“Jeannie—”

“You know where he is.” I could use my connection to the Luna to compel Fallon to tell me, but I don’t have to. For all the years we’ve been friends… Please works on me. I know it’ll work on her. “Tell me where he is. Please.”

She shudders out a breath. “Don’t get mad, okay?”

Anyone who says that is just priming me for my temper to go off. “I won’t,” I tell her. And it’s true. Whatever she says, I highly doubt ‘mad’ is the emotion that’s gonna control me.

“Okay. Um. You see, Lucas came back when you were in the shower. He wanted to grab a couple of things for Tris and let me know what was going on. Tristan… he decided he needed to head into the human part of the twon square for some reason. There’s something he needs to do and if it takes too long…”

I swallow my growl. “Yeah?”

Fallon winces. “He said he’ll spend the night at the Alpha cabin so he doesn’t disturb you.”

Translation: he’s avoiding me again.

Oh. Look at that. I’m not mad at all.

I’m embarrassed—and furious.

Fallon gasps. “Jeannie! Your eyes.”

I can only imagine. She’s used to the human brown. When the Luna makes me her avatar, they turn silver.

And when I’m on the edge of losing my control?

They’re black.

I turn around so that she doesn’t have to see them. Then, because I’m facing this way, I stalk toward the kitchen door.

“Jeannie, wait. Aren’t you going to eat?”

I shake my head roughly, letting the damp strands slap me in the face with the force of it without turning back to look at Fallon again. “Thanks for making it. Honest. But you know what? I’m just not hungry right now.”

The way my gut is twisting itself into knots? I might never be again.

It’shard to say goodbye—so I decide I won’t.

I’ll see Fallon again. I have no doubt about that. And the petty, bitter she-wolf that I am likes the idea of leaving Winter Creek without a word to Tristan. I won’t reject out bond, either. I’d rather we both live with a jagged, unfulfilled bond than admit that I misjudged him again.

I really thought he felt something for me. That he wanted to be my mate.

What was it? A pity fuck? He knew that it wouldn’t mean anything because a bond can only be finalized on the night of the full moon, so he slept with me because what… he didn’t want to die a virgin? He knew I was desperate enough that I’d fall for his words and let him take me in a dirty cave?

I initiated it, but if he really had no intention of making me his forever mate, he should’ve said no. If I’d known that he was already planning on disappearing on me, I never would’ve offered.

But I did, and I can’t take it back now.

I can’t stay, though. Going back to New Jersey is definitely out of the question, too. To return to Lorelei and Cal, seeing them happy and bonded and in love while my own mate takes every chance he can to run from me? That’ll be more tortuous than the glass digging into my skin sensation I have to look forward to.

I should’ve known. I should’ve guessed. I’ve never heard of a male shifter who can take his female for the first time and not have the urge to bite her, to mark her, to show the world that she was his, but the Beta? He didn’t even try.

If I could leave right now, though, I would. Just cross over the rope bridge and start walking along the train tracks if only to get away. But as much as I want to run away, that’s not my style. Plus, I think those five days have finally caught up to me.

I crash. Hard. Curling up on my borrowed bed, I dream of a fantasy world where my mate actually wants me instead of the reality that life isn’t always a fucking fairytale.

Hours pass. Whenever I do wake up, I remember how much this whole situation sucks, and I go back to sleep if only to avoid it a little longer. I don’t know how long I sleep for, but when the quick knock against my locked door brings me back around, I still don’t think it’s long enough.

Too bad the knocking just doesn’t stop.

Knock, knock, knock, knock…

“Jeannie? You sleeping?”

I was. And if Fallon goes away, I can do it again.

“Listen. I don’t know if you’re up, but you still haven’t eaten yet. You’re worrying me. I wouldn’t be pulling this Eleanor shit if it wasn’t important, but you gotta eat, babe. Yeah? Come on. Dinner’s ready and I need you to go down and have some.”

“Go away Fallon,” I mutter into my pillow.

“Heard that,” she calls through the door.

Crap. So she hasn’t learned how to use her sniffer to tell when someone nearby is sleeping or awake, but her shifter ears work well enough to pick up a muffled mutter.

Of course. Why not?

“I’m still not hungry,” I snap back.

“Try,” is her witty reply.

I roll my eyes. “Give me one reason why I should.”

“You owe me.”

True. “And? So?”

Fallon huffs. “Fine. You want to hear me say it? Please, Jeannie. Please come downstairs and have something to eat.”

Damn it.

She got me.

“Give me five. I’ll be right down.”

You would thinkthat the amount of different—and delicious—aromas coming out of the kitchen would be enough to overwhelm a shifter. Especially since I still haven’t eaten out of a combination of spite and nerves.

But no. I barely notice the food aromas because sea spray and sage is breaking my fucking heart.

Tristan.

I’m gonna kill Fallon. I should’ve known she was setting me up for something, but she pulled the ‘you owe me’ card and, well, I guess I did? The tacked on ‘please’ was just my kryptonite…

Why did I honestly think she’d go through the trouble of cooking me dinner when I refused the peanut butter and jelly sandwich earlier today? Probably because Lucas never would—not for a female who wasn’t his mate—and I never in a million years thought that Tristan would.

And yet, there he is. As I push the door to the kitchen in before I wimp out and don’t, I see him standing near the counter, ladling out scoops of mashed potatoes into a large bowl.

A dimple pops in his cheek when he sees me. His hands shake a little as he places the bowl on the counter, the wooden spoon back into the pot. Dipping them into the back pockets of his jeans as though eager to hide them, he nods a greeting at me.

“Jeannie.” His eyes flash—and I purposely darken mine. “You look amazing.”

Damn it. So does he.

His hair is back to its usual style, claw marks leaving tracks in the blond strands. He looks at home in a pair of low slung jeans and a worn grey t-shirt.

He looks amazing, but a part of me misses the mussed-up, wild, naked Beta I got to know…

I raise my eyebrows at him. “You came back to shower?”

He shakes his head. “No time. I took a run over to the Winter Creek and dunked myself in while Luc got me some clothes. I didn’t want to use the lake so soon after they fished that witch out of it, and I didn’t have any soap, but I didn’t really want to wash your scent off of me, either.”

His nostrils flare again and I know what he’s doing this time. He’s checking to see if I still smell like him, how brow furrowing when it’s obvious that I don’t.

It wasn’t on purpose, either. Figuring I would have the chance to get covered in his scent again ASAP, I used the body wash in the bathroom to scrub off all the cave dirt and gunk. After I figured out that Tristan didn’t think as fondly of our mating as I did, I was glad I swapped his scent for some watermelon fizz.

I wait for him to say something. Fuck. I want him to say something.

He exhales roughly. “So. You told me you were starving earlier. I hope you didn’t fill up too much while I was gone. I made dinner.”

My gaze darts over to the table full of at least six different dishes of food. Spaghetti and meatballs in one serving dish, a whole fish in another, a salad with strawberries and nuts on top that reminds me of this one I get from this little cafe in New Brunswick, and even popcorn. Freshly popped popcorn.

My favorites.

Interesting. It’s not like I told him about my tastes. I couldn’t. Talking about food in the cave was a major no-no because it just reminded us both how hungry we were. Maybe it’s one hell of a coincidence?—

“I hope it’s good. I, uh… I don’t usually cook much. Just during my rotation and it’s usually meat and potatoes.” He gestures behind him to the steak resting on a pan, plus the mashed potatoes I saw earlier. “I can fry up bacon. Do eggs. You want a sandwich, I’m your guy. But Fallon?—”

Fallon.

“What? Did Fallon put you up to this?”

He blinks at the venom in my tone. “Well, no. I mean, when I first started planning the first dinner I’d make for my mate, I asked her for some suggestions. She’s the one who insisted I find some popcorn kernels and learn how to cook ‘em just the way you like. But that was weeks ago. I did everything else myself. The only thing she helped with was getting you down here because I needed to finish up the potatoes.”

“Really?” I ask. “You expect me that this was planned. Like you miraculously knew we’d be rescued today and, after abandoning me again, you just happened to have all these ingredients on hand?”

“Wait—abandon you? I didn’t abandon you?—”

“Whatever.”

“No. Not whatever. You’re doing it again. Putting up this barrier… not this time. I’m not going to let you.”

I snort. “You think you can stop me?”

He shakes his head. “Okay. There’s a disconnect here somewhere.” Damn right. “Last time that happened, I made a mistake. I stayed away because I thought that’s what you wanted. Not this time. I didn’t abandon you?—”

“You didn’t? After they got us out of there, you didn’t disappear on me to go to the town square? And you didn’t tell the Alpha that you were planning on staying at his cabin.”

Tristan frowns. “Yeah. I did. And I guess Luc told Fallon, too, but that’s because I wasn’t sure I would have enough time to get everything I need from the grocers to make this dinner. I had to call in so many favors… you needed rest. You needed food immediately. Honestly? I thought you’d be kinda sick at me by this point and want a night to yourself. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t wait.” He gestures at the table with his still-shaky hand. Nervous, I wonder, or guilty? “I wanted to feed you, my mate.”

Shifters say ‘I love you’ with food. It means so many other things to our kind, but at its core, it’s a gesture of love.

And I just can’t believe that Tristan would do this for me.

“Tell the truth, Tristan,” I say, purposely leaving any and all of the Luna’s power out of my voice. “Did Fallon tell you to do this so maybe I’ll stay?”

Tristan freezes. His whole body goes stiff for a moment. “Stay?”

Fallon had to guess I was going. Like I said, my face gives everything away… “Yeah. I’m leaving. I can’t… I can’t stay.”

“Okay.” He relaxes, leaning his hip against the counter. “So… where are we going?”

Oh, boy.

“We are not going anyway. The next time the Arcane Express comes through, I am going home.”

Until then, I’ll go back to that Luna damn cave if I have to. Anywhere that I won’t have to look at Tristan and see the one thing I’ve ever wanted for me—and the only thing I can’t use my claws and fangs to take for myself.

“Right. And I’ll be going with you. It’s fine. I can leave now. The curse is broken… I’m not trapped in Winter Creek anymore.”

Is he… is he offering to leave the pack and go with me?

Why? Why would he do that? Why is he messing with me?

“Tristan, stop. You don’t have to do this anymore. Pretend like you’re interested in being my mate?—”

“There’s no pretending, and I am your mate?—”

I cross my arms over my chest. I spent five days naked with this male, but the way he’s looking at me right now? I’ve never felt more bare. “You didn’t bite me.”

His jaw drops for a second before he recovers. Standing straight, dropping the cavalier, charming act, he moves so that there are only a few separating us.

“What in the name of the Luna does that have to do with anything?”

“When we mated… you didn’t scratch me. Didn’t bite me. It’s like you didn’t want to give me a mating mark at all.”

Tristan’s frown from earlier returns with a vengeance. “Aren’t I supposed to save that for our mating ceremony? That’s what I was taught.”

Screw being taught. “I told you. Follow your instincts. What did they say? That I wasn’t worth it? That, if you got it out of your system, maybe you could shake this whole ‘mate’ thing?”

“What? No. Jeannie…” He stops. “Jean Louise?—”

Fuck no. Flexing my fingers, I show him my claws. “You want me to carve you up after all?”

Taking one step toward me, he shows me his elongated canines. “Do it. Mark me, and then I’ll bite you all you want. I didn’t think I needed to make my mate bleed to show the rest of the town that you’re mind, but if that’s what you want, I’ll do it. For you, Jeannie, I’ll do anything.”

I want so desperately to believe that. But because I want to, and I know that I could find out with one pointed question if he’s being honest, I refuse to.

Instead, I point at him. “Don’t you bare your fangs at me.”

Another step. “What did you say to me? It’s my smile.”

Oh, Luna. I’ve seen Trsitan’s smile. It takes his movie-star good looks to the next level. Those fangs belong to a monster—and, fuck it, now I find myself smiling.

You know why? It’s because he only parroted back what I said. He listened to me.

How often does someone actually listen to me unless I’m threatening to go all guardian on their ass?

I smile, and Tristan crosses the last of the space between us, wrapping me up in his arms.

“Listen to me. You are my mate. You always will be. I’ll do anything to prove it to you. Just give me a chance. Trust me. Believe me. Look. We can start over. Okay? Here.”

The Beta pulls back just enough that he can peer down into my face. “Welcome to Winter Creek. I’m the self-proclaimed welcoming committee. Name’s Tristan Crowder, but you can call me anything you want.” He waits a beat. “Except for maybe ‘hotshot’. Only my mate’s allowed to call me that.”

I can’t help but laugh. “Nice to meet you, Tristan.”

“Just be careful around my mate. She’s a feisty one.”

“She sounds amazing,” I tease.

“Oh, she is. And I can’t wait to spend forever making sure she knows it.”

We were teasing each other, I know we were, but when he says that…

My heart skips a beat.

He squeezes my elbows.

“What do you say?” Tristan murmurs softly, the dimple popping in his cheek again as he grins down at me. There’s hope in his pretty blue eyes and pleading in the curve of his smile as he holds me close. “Can we start over?”

I plant my hands on his chest, giving just enough of a push to get him to let me go.

He doesn’t hesitate. I can sense how much he doesn’t want to release me in the emotions filtering down through our bond, but he’ll never hold me against my will. That’s just not his style.

Tristan’s not an Alpha. He’s not a guardian, either. He’s a protector and a Beta, and he might drive me crazy

I’m a she-wolf. I think I was crazy to begin with.

And he still wants to start over with me? Give us a second try? Forget the past and have a future together?

You know what? Yeah. I can do that.

I offer him my hand. A shiver travels down my spine when he clasps his palm against mine, the heat of his skin warming me up from my fingers all the way to my toes.

“My name is Jeannie Lipton, but I’ve changed my mind again. You can call me Jean Louise if you want. No carving required.”

“What if I want your claws to carve me up, marking me as yours?”

I laugh. “I think that can be arranged.”

Using his grip on my hand to tug me back into him, Tristan catches the edge of my jaw with his free hand.

“To finally be considered one of the three most important people in my mate’s life,” he rumbles against my lips, “there isn’t anything I want more. Except, of course, for you forever.”

I pat his chest. “Remember that when the full moon is out, hotshot.”

He growls, and I laugh.

“Okay. Tristan.”