Chapter 35Nick
Chapter 35
Nick
JANUARY | Tarot: IX. The Lovers
Annie held my hand back to the car. Side by side, our longboards tucked under our outside arms.
“We had quite the southern California date, didn’t we? Look at us now,” Annie said, gesturing to our boards.
“It really could go on a postcard,” I said. “Though they usually don’t show bloodied people at the tourism board. It’s bad for business.”
Annie giggled. “You mean bloodied skater girl walking down the boardwalk isn’t going to draw in tourists? Why ever not?”
We were back at the truck, sliding our boards and helmets into the backseat. I spotted her volleyball. “We never played volleyball.”
“Yeah, well, bloody wrists and all,” she said, presenting the wrist in question. “I’ll have to teach you another time. After this heals up.”
She leaned against the car door. I reached to pull down her beanie a little and played with the hair around her face. “I’ll take that rain check.”
We stood, staring into each other’s eyes. My stomach felt like it was on fire, burning up with nerves, with everything I wanted to tell her.
“Wanna come to my house and take some Tylenol?”
She gave a low laugh. “Yeah. Do I get to stay?”
“I think you have to,” I said. “Greg wouldn’t have it any other way.”
She shook her head. “It’s always a joke about what your dog wants. But what do you want, Nick?”
I rolled my lips, swallowing hard. The feelings were real, but what if she didn’t feel the same way? What would it look like for us to cross from friends with benefits to something more? Could we even?
“You,” I croaked out.
I glanced up to find her staring, waiting for me to say more.
I sucked in a breath and went on. “I want you, Annie. It’s always you that I want. It’s you when you’re being a little rebellious to get under my skin. It’s you when you’re covered in a road rash. It’s you when you flip your hair in my face when we’re sleeping, or when you’re being all cute and roasting me a chicken or laughing at some stupid joke I made.” I touched a finger to the little line between her brows. “It’s you when you’re worried and this shows up. It’s always going to be you, Annabelle, because I don’t know any other way to be than completely captivated by you.”
With her good hand, she tugged my neck to bring her face to mine, kissing me so hard it almost hurt. She was everything. The light, the dark, the air, the ground. Tomorrow or Monday or bills or taxes or vacuum cleaners or any other monotonous thing didn’t matter because Annie was right now. She was everything and everywhere and everyone I’d ever wanted.
My Annie.
We held hands driving home, again quiet but somehow so full. Comfortable.
She was mine, and I was hers.
We took Greg out together, still joined at the hand. And when we got back, I didn’t feel like I needed candles, or music, or flowers.
I just needed her.
Our clothes were on the floor, and there were no nerves. There was our breath, and her skin dotted with freckles where the sun kisses it, and the beauty of uninterrupted Annie.
She asked if I was nervous, and I wasn’t. Because it was her. And me. She understood me, and I made her free.
My hands moved everywhere, and so did hers. Languid, fervent, gentle, bruising.
Because I think we both knew it was bigger than what we set out for it to be. This wasn’t an arrangement anymore.
My mouth, my tongue, anywhere I could go to make her feel as much as she made me feel. Her back, arching off the bed. My name, loud and warbled. Her thighs, warm and trembling against my ears.
Her hand, confidently stroking me. She tried to shift down to use her mouth on me, but I stopped her.
“I’m saving it all for you, Annabelle.”
On her back, under me, so beautiful and so ready. Her kisses, her eyes, blazing. It was just a matter of taking that final step and becoming one.
“Take your time, baby,” she hummed. “We don’t have to if you’re not ready.”
I shook my head, dipping to kiss her. I love you. It hung there, unsaid, but felt to my bones. I was deeply, wholly, and completely in love with Annabelle Markham. I was in love with her patience, and her kindness. Her wild side and her sense of responsibility. Her humor and her reverence. There was something to admire in every part of her.
“I’m ready. I want this with you.”
And with a push, I was surrounded by Annie. She squeezed, and I almost passed out.
“Okay to keep going?”
She gave me a wicked grin, those forest-green eyes glinting. “Oh yeah.”
Together, we moved. I’d heard guys talk about women “starfishing” or “laying like a log,” but that wasn’t Annie. It was a team effort. I underestimated just how magnificent she’d feel, how amazing it would be to gaze into her eyes as we worked together. It was like porn, and it wasn’t like it at all. Her breasts moved, her hips rocked, but she didn’t make any performative noises. Just noises of her pleasure. A breathed “baby,” a moan as I went harder, a sigh as I brushed her clit with my hand.
“Nick, I’m—”
“Me too, angel. You’re gonna come?”
Her eyes pinched shut as my hand worked harder on her. I lowered my mouth to suck her nipple, her hands squeezing my shoulders as her legs tightened around my hips.
“Deeper, baby, please. Hard, I’m almost . . .”
“Annie, I’ll—”
She cut me off with her own shout, her pussy contracting around my cock.
Then there was no stopping me. I buried myself as deep as I could go, releasing.
“Holy shit,” she breathed.
“We did it,” I laughed, hanging my head over hers.
She giggled into our kiss. “For a day of firsts, I think yours was better. I flew off a skateboard. You made us both come.”
“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like this first better. But yours was pretty good.”
We lay there, wrapped up in each other, snuggling and glowing. Eventually, she got up to use the bathroom, and when she returned, there was a hint of sadness in her demeanor.
“What’s wrong, baby?”
Her jaw clenched as she picked her underwear off the floor, tossing mine at me.
I sat up in bed, wrapping my forearms around my knees. “Annie, what is it?”
“Are we . . . is this . . .” she gestured between us with her finger.
“Come here,” I said. “Come sit with me.”
She flopped on the bed, having trouble bending her knee because of her fall. I turned to face her.
“It doesn’t have to be over.”
“How not? You achieved the goal. We’ve been kidding ourselves this whole time anyway.”
“Maybe at the beginning, but I’m not kidding now.”
“But my job. You deserve someone you can really be with.”
I shook my head. “I don’t need that. Just you, however I can have you.”
“You say that now, but you will. We’re sneaking around, Nick. It can’t go on forever. I’m tired of being a dirty secret.”
“You’re not a dirty secret, Annie. You’re the only one!”
“But when am I going to be with someone who can claim me in public? Why do I keep doing this? And you too! You were his secret, and I was his secret, and before that, I was her secret, and—” she cut off with a sucked-down cry. Being mindful of all her injuries, I pulled her tight to me.
“I know it hurts, angel. I know. It won’t be like this forever. It’s not like we’re somebody’s extra person. We’re just for each other, right?”
“Right,” she sniffled.
“Then it doesn’t matter who knows, does it? We know we have each other.”
“You could have someone you could really have. You did all your lessons. You could be out getting laid by whoever you want, and you’d be good at it now.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Annie, if I was interested in getting laid by just anyone, I could have been doing that. You know the last girl I tried with, I had to think about you to even get it up.”
She snapped to look at me. “What?”
“Yes. Not my finest moment. I’m not interested in other people.”
“It’s just because I’m your first,” she protested. “Everyone gets attached to their first.”
Okay, that kind of pissed me off. I ground my teeth. “I know you’re having trouble believing I’d choose you first because no one else has. But please don’t insult me because I’m younger and less experienced. I’m old enough to know what I want.”
“I’m five years older than you. What if . . . you know. People are going to say stuff.”
“Who cares what people say?”
“You might when it’s your name and my name getting dragged online.”
“Since when does the court of popular opinion matter?” I narrowed my eyes at her. “Are you ashamed of me?”
“What? No!”
“You are. You’re ashamed because I’m young and you shouldn’t be with me according to somebody.”
“Nick, that’s not fair.”
“Then tell me what is.”
She rubbed at her temple. “I’ve never been able to have a ‘normal’ relationship. I’ve always been half gay, or half secret, or having to settle for scraps of somebody. I’m always unconventional in some way or another.”
“Welcome to the world, Annie! People judge people! Do you think I like having everyone assume I’m straight because that’s safer when you play hockey? Do you think I like telling my friends I’m seeing someone mysterious? I hate it, but I do it because it’s worth it for this.”
“Well, maybe you can take it, but I’m so tired. I just want to be loved.”
It was a short statement, but so sad and vulnerable. I turned to her, making her meet my eyes. “You are, Annie.”
Her eyes went wide and she looked ready to cry, shaking her head. “I want to be loved for all my mistakes and for not doing everything for everyone. I want to be loved when I’m selfish and not a role model. I want it shouted from the fucking rooftops. I want to be able to go to goddamn brunch in public and not worry about someone figuring us out. I want to know that a plate of fucking eggs benedict isn’t going to be the end of my job. My financial security and my career shouldn’t be threatened by who I love.”
She gasped after she blurted it out, clapping her hand over her mouth. She scooted away from me, retreating from the bed and snatching her clothes off the floor.
“Annie.” I sprang from the bed. “Say it. If that’s what you feel, I feel it too. Because I want to be loved too. Why does it make a difference what other people think, or know?”
“Saying it’s not going to make this any easier, Nick.”
“Please, Annie. We can figure this out. It’s not over. I’m not letting you end this.”
“Fine. Then I’ll see you next week for our regularly scheduled fuck.” She shoved her shirt over her head.
I pointed to the bed. “Annie, tell me what we did was just sex.” Her watery eyes met mine, her jaw quivering.
“We are more than sex, and you damn well know that.”
She stood still, waiting for me to go on. I reached for my pants, pulling the pebble out of the pocket and holding it up.
“See this? This made you bust your damn face today. But you wanted to keep riding. You didn’t let a little bump in the road stop you. You were free before you fell. It was worth a fall.”
She sniffed. “What are you saying?”
“Shit’s gonna come up. People are going to say ignorant things. We’re going to have to do things we wish we didn’t have to. But isn’t this worth it?”
Her eyes cast downward. “I just want to be normal sometimes, Nick.”
I took her hand. “Maybe there’s no such thing as normal, Annie. Don’t let a stupid little pebble get in the way of your freedom.”
“But we’re not really free,” she said softly. “We have to hide.”
“Annabelle, I’d rather hide with you every day than be without you. You were always the plan. You weren’t a pitstop on the way to somewhere else. You’re the destination.”
Her tears fell and I stepped toward her, wiping them away.
“Stay, Annie. We’ll figure something out. It’ll be worth it. It’ll take time, but we’ll figure it out. Choose me, because I’m always going to choose you.”
Annie looked incredulous, and the thought that she was having trouble believing me was heartbreaking. How could any other person not fall completely in love with her? What monster could take her for granted?
She threw her arms around my neck, pressing herself into me.
“Go get me an ice pack and some medicine,” she whispered.
“Uh, okay?”
“I’m going to need it if I’m going to ride you like I want to right now.”
I laughed into her hair. “Yes, miss.”