CHAPTER FIVE
ANYA
I’d never been into woodcutting before but watching Hux handle that axe—the one he liberated from me after watching my self-confessed atrocious efforts with that still expression and silence that permeated everything —I could definitely be on team lumbersnack if this was to be an annual thing.
My heart gave a tug at the thought of not seeing Hux again for another year. I pushed the thought aside and focused on the physical man instead of the emotional part that always knotted me up inside.
Two months away from Peter, and I still struggled to sleep at night. My hands shook when I broke anything—or maybe I broke things because my hands shook—and I wasn’t supposed to be looking. Or at least, old me wasn’t supposed to look at another man.
New me could perv and flaunt myself all I liked. Hux should be the safer option. A man I had known for a long damn time, someone who had always been there, back when. Just…not for the last few years while he and my brother were off being fancy puckers that the entire country seemed to adore while they forgot about little old me. While my parents celebrated being empty nesters and went on a two year world cruise and I tried out this adulting thing.
And failed. Magnificently.
Score one for Team Anya. Said no one ever. A massive part of me wanted to go back to being the kid I was five years ago. Back when we were two huge families sharing the house together. Before tragedy hit us. Before I was alone, and tried to fill the space with a different sort of family.
Yeah, look how well that worked out.
Hence the return to perving on my brother’s best friend, the safe option.
Supposedly being the operable word because the moment Hux made any physical contact or watched me with those dark eyes that barely reflected any light at all, like twin black wells that led directly to his raw soul, I didn’t feel so safe after all. Or maybe I did, and that was even scarier.
Part of me didn’t feel like the girl who swore she grew up during those in between years that Hux wasn’t around to see. See? Adulting. Level Up. I understood why he hadn’t come back, why he kept himself so busy. Being drafted to the Jericho Chimeras was no small thing. Working his way up to a captaincy in three short years—he had already held the position for over twelve months—was unheard of from their stats. If I stalked him. Which of course, I had. Friendly, swoon worthy, crushlike and all.
Liar, liar, stalker vibes on fire.
So when Hux broke his pose and strode forward to liberate the ax from my fast blistering hands and shucked his jacket into my arms—the same jacket I’d been wearing during the in between years anyway—I didn’t object in the slightest.
“Hold onto that,” was all he said in that same quiet tone, before he lined up the first round and doubled the split log pile I had created in short order.
I hugged his jacket to my chest, leaning against the wood pile under the peaked roof our dads put up back when they first bought the place when we were all kids and began the age-old argument on how to store wood. The short version was that they decided to simply protect the stash. Last year Sol spent two days chopping wood on his own. Not that I blamed him. The place was quiet without Hux then.
With the amount of snow building up around the house— cabin wasn’t a word I would use for the multimillion dollar property, though the boys always did. Maybe it sounded more rustic to them—I doubted we would be seeing anyone else for at least another day or so. My reception was still shit, and the clouds overhead hadn’t thinned.
Not that I minded terribly, I just didn’t want to embarrass the crap out of myself a second time with Hux. Having Solace and Hallie around later would break up the chances of him seeing me fall apart and ruin my daydream that the perfect relationship actually could exist, even if I never could risk my heart on him.
Because, broken.
That was what Peter left behind. The girl he had molded me into, a fractured mess of who I thought I was versus who he needed a partner to be for him to suck the life away from me. The in between years that stole my confidence and remolded my hopes and dreams weren’t the ones I flourished in.
Hux never strayed far from my thoughts the moment I realised Peter wasn’t who I expected. This weekend had been the highlight of my last months and now…I was running mostly on caffeine and bravado at this point.
“Is this enough?” Hux yanked me out of my thoughts, pointing the ax to the pile of split wood that had tripled since I last paid much attention.
“That looks amazing. And it would have taken me all morning. Not that I mind the exercise, but you saved me a few calluses.” I waggled my free hand at him.
Hux sent me a grin. “Can’t have you ruining your hands. I remember the sort of art you made.”
My humor faded. “I haven’t painted in years.”
“Ah.” Hux set the ax by the pile and collected a stack of logs. “Pity. I always loved that one you did of the pond when it froze over. Where do you want these?”
My brain jammed. “I didn’t think you’d remember.” Anything good about this place. I kept my mouth shut and my eyes on the log pile, unable to face him. “Uh– near the downstairs fireplace, maybe? Please,” I added belatedly, but Hux had already turned away to head back inside.
“No problem.”
I collected my much smaller pile and made my way back into the house, setting the split logs beside the fireplace and lining the uneven rounds up neatly. By the time Hux transported the rest inside I had pulled at least three splinters out of my fingers and was ready for a coffee top up.
“How do you drink that much?” He was watching me again when I pivoted on my knees after placing the last log on my not so little pyramid with a small ta-daa flourish.
“It’s an acquired skill. My bladder is still in training.” I shrugged. “I don’t know. Coffee just never affected me the way it does other people. I like the heat, I guess. It stops my throat from getting sore.” The moment the words were out of my mouth, I knew I shouldn’t have said anything. I snapped my lips shut, but Hux registered my words, and his eyes narrowed.
“Show me.”
Before I could argue he knelt before me, his hands framing my throat gently, though he didn’t actually make contact. Just waited, and that kinda…hurt with the sweetness of the gesture. Because he was waiting for me to grant him permission, I was so used to the man I’d trusted—who I had given trust to in error—taking what he wanted regardless of my needs.
“Hux—” I whispered, but I couldn’t make anything else come out. The same thing that happened in the kitchen started again, only this time I was already on the floor and no sharp, broken edges surrounded me.
Only broken bits of myself.
“I want to know.” That quiet voice of his must be gold in the locker room, or wherever in the hell he employed it. Because it did strange things to my stomach and other places. I nodded my defeat, dropping my hands to my knees, and let him do whatever he wanted.
That didn’t prevent the tears from welling, though I was grateful when they didn’t immediately fall.
Rough fingertips brushed the side of my throat. “One, two, three–” That last came out on a growl, and his thumb and forefinger made a collar around my throat as Hux pulled me gently forward into the flickering light from the new fire he set.
I didn’t fight him. This was Hux. I knew him. He wouldn’t hurt me, and the only thing on display here was my shame. He seemed dead set on seeing what he wanted to see so…who was I to stop him? After this, the pipedream of that perfect relationship would puff into nothingness, anyway.
“Four— fuck me,” he muttered, his voice tight with barely restrained violence.
I knew that tone. It mirrored my brother’s when he was about to do something truly stupid. Hux’s thumb brushed over my pulse point as he stared at my skin, and I forgot how to breathe.
“What are you doing?”
Hux paused and raised his head to meet my eyes. His burned dark and furious. I rocked backward but he didn’t let me, pulling me into him until we were so close that when he spoke, his breath brushed my lips. “I’m counting how many marks are against Peter’s name so that when I meet him, I know exactly what to carve out of his flesh.”
My breath hitched. Nothing about what Hux said indicated he wouldn’t do exactly as he promised, and Hux’s promises were legendary. He’d just… never made one to me before.
“Hux,” I whispered. “I— No one has touched me since he…” I swallowed hard as Hux ran his fingers along the scars that ringed my neck.
Usually my hair hid everything, or I used makeup to cover them, like last night. But Hux saw everything right now, my scars bare and exposed as the rest of me. His touch trailed lower, tracing along the neckline of my jersey. His jersey, as it had his number on it. His name.
“You deserve to be touched, Anya. Fuck last night—” He swore softly, though his eyes never flickered, never left mine. “Damn, girl. I was so close to crawling back into my fucking bed and having you. So close.” He squeezed my shoulder in a hard grip, his breath coming a little faster.
My apology tripped off my tongue in my haste to avoid a fight. Any conflict that might ruin this. How my brain had been trained, even though I wanted so bad to flirt with him like I had before. But the me of last night wasn’t the me of today.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have?—”
“Yes, you damn well should have,” he said abruptly. “You’re fucking beautiful, and the moment I saw you, I wanted you. The only thing holding me back is that you’re Sol’s sister, and I want to do right by you. Both of you.”
My heart thumped painfully in my chest as I raised my hand to bring his fingers back to my throat. “And all of this.” I pressed our fingers over my scars, meant to encompass all the ruined parts of me he witnessed today.
“No.” Dark eyes blazed at me.
“What?” I frowned up at him.
“These,” —he squeezed my throat gently until I gasped, a shot of unexpected desire lancing vertically through me— “Simply prove how brave you are. Damnit, Annie. I should have been here for you,” Hux said in a low voice. The use of my nickname, the one he gave me years ago that only he used, left me shuddering. A soft gasp tore from my lips as he leaned in, hesitated, then rested his forehead against mine. “I should have been here,” he murmured. Then his mouth pressed over mine, and I forgot everything we had talked about.
Forgot everything except his hands on my skin as he kissed me, gentle at first, mouths grazing, tongue sweeping. Then he drew back a fraction of a breath while I struggled to open my eyes that had fallen shut, and his mouth crashed down over mine again. More urgent this time, his large hand cupped the back of my head, tongue thrusting deep into my mouth as I let out a soft whimper. Hands gathered me into him, pulling me closer and shifted us away from the woodpile to the centre of the room.
I frowned, realizing the fire wasn’t going to last without attention. Not that it should have taken up brain space at that moment. “Hux, maybe we should?—”
His mouth crushed mine again, stealing my ability to speak. All my stress fled to random corners of my brain as he pressed me back, tugging the jersey up at the same time. Calloused hands skated over bare flesh. I moaned into his mouth when he cupped my breast, tweaking the nipple as it hardened. My breasts tingled as I arched into his touch, panting a little when his kisses turned feverish.
The jersey landed somewhere on the floor behind us. My hands knotted into his shirt as Hux eased us back, his hands braced against the floor until his weight settled over me. I moaned at the pressure of him, and he pulled back.
“Am I hurting you?”
“Never,” I whispered back. “I like this.”
“Good,” he muttered. “‘Cause unless you tell me, I’m not stopping, Annie.”
This time it was me who lifted my head, offering my open lips. Hux’s darkened eyes hooded as he claimed my mouth again, plunging his tongue deep, over and over. His hands toured lower, pushing at the waistband of my sweats.
I wriggled a little to help him, arching as he glided his fingertips across my stomach. A groan left him as he met the top of my smooth public bone. I’d waxed on the hope I’d see him, but there was never a definitive answer on dreams.
Right now…none of this seemed real.
Growling, he pushed my legs apart with his knees and rubbed his fingers along my pulsing, slicked flesh. I closed my eyes as my head dropped back, sinking into his touch. Everything seemed so much more with him. His breaths deepened as he stroked me, rubbing his thumb over my clit before he plunged two fingers straight inside me. Sensation prickled me everywhere . I clung to his shoulders as he worked his hand fast between my legs until I arched up and screamed into his shoulder. Heat and slick gushed around his hand, coating my thighs. Heat flushed my cheeks even as I rubbed myself against him, riding out the wave that never seemed to end.
He eased me back on the living room floor, the rug soft beneath my bare back. Hux gazed down at me like he wanted to devour me, his thumb brushing lightly beneath my breast, the other stroking my over sensitized clit as I shivered for him.
I lay back, pressing my legs together around his wrist, still aching inside. “Let me touch you.”
He laughed, a rough sound I instantly loved. “Girl, if I let you touch me, I’m not going to last long enough to make you come like that again. And believe me, I intend for you to struggle to get up at the end of this.” The way he said that—Hux made it a promise, not a brag session. My pussy pulsed on command around his fingers still embedded deep inside me, and his laugh darkened impossibly. “Did you like that?” he asked in that same soft voice as his body stilled.
Waited for my answer.
I nodded, not trusting myself to say the right things back to him. “Yes,” I managed, tilting my hips up when he worked his fingers inside me again.
“Good girl.” He leaned down and stole a long kiss. Long enough that when he pulled back, his jeans were open, and he shucked his shirt over his head the moment he broke the kiss. “Spread those pretty legs for me, Annie.”
I whimpered as I let him tug the borrowed sweats down. They ended up somewhere on the floor with the rest of our things. We’d be picking up clothes for the next two days, not that I cared. I wiggled my naked body beneath him, my legs spread wide as he requested.
“Good girl,” he breathed, trailing wet fingers between my breasts, along my stomach and down over my clit where he rubbed gently. “Do you edge yourself?”
I let out a shuddering breath as my face heated. “Every night.”
The corner of his sensual lips crooked. “What do you use?”
Oh, God. “My fingers. Sometimes a toy. The image of–” I closed my eyes, unable to fess up to his face.
“Tell me.” His voice swept over me. Not a question. He’d made it an order again.
Please, I can’t ? —
“Anya. Tell me.”
“It’s you.” I blurted, as the confession tumbled out of me in a rush. “That’s what I’ve been edging myself to or coming to for the last months since I broke up with— since my relationship ended. That’s who I imagine. It’s you.”
His fingers slammed knuckle deep again and again, ripping my next orgasm forward too fast. My nails dug into his biceps. I threw my head back, crying out as the pleasure begins to crest?—
Hux ripped his fingers away, raking his nails along the inside of my thighs. “We’re gonna make this incredible, Annie. But first, you’re gonna writhe and scream and beg before I make you come again. Can you do that for me?” He kissed me gently as something blunt and thick probed my entrance.
My eyes flared wide. “Yes. Please,” I begged.
“Like that?” He pressed the tip of his cock against the edge of my hole, rubbing himself in the fresh slick he had created there. “You like being spread open like that?”
“Yes, please. Please .” I rolled my hips toward him, aching for his cock to fill me. He was thick, thicker than I was used to, but I needed him inside me. Now .
Hux pulled back, that same dark laugh rolling around us. One hand caught my nape and he pulled me upward. “Let’s see what that pretty mouth can do.” My knees hit the carpet as he kissed me long and hard, stealing my breath. Need sang through me as my hands landed on his muscular thighs. I traced the lines of him there and ventured upward. Hux hummed his approval against my mouth. “That’s good, Annie. I knew you’d be perfect.”
I twisted in his grip, ready to tell him I was far from perfect, but he pushed my head down until my mouth pressed to the tip of his cock. I opened my lips, flicking my tongue against his velvety skin and was rewarded with a salty bead and a moan.
Hands tangled in my hair as I mouthed the tip of him, tasting myself, sucking gently and discovering the shape of him with my eyes closed. It might be daylight outside, though the filtered light was muted from the snowstorm, but I wanted to memorize the feel and taste of him.
Hux pressed down on the back of my head until I swallowed nearly all of him, then he brought me back up. An approving sound emanated from him as I repeated the process, hollowing my cheeks and flicking my tongue out to curl as far around his girth as I could. His groans were my music, the rhythm I worked to pleasure him.
When his cock thickened in my mouth I found his balls, traced my nails lightly across their shaved surface. Hux swore liberally above me, tangling his fingers in my hair to draw me upward until his cock left my mouth with a pop.
“I wasn’t done–” I protested.
“You’re on birth control?” He massaged my nape in sensual circles with one hand, the other trailing along my spine as he arched over me. A question burned behind his eyes as he held my legs apart with his knees.
“The shot. It lasts years,” I whispered back. “And I’m clean.”
“Good. Then I can fuck you raw and mark you as mine.”
Before I could process his words, Hux pushed me back and drove his cock to the hilt inside me. I screamed at the intrusion, his girth far thicker than any I’d ever had. My legs trembled as he locked them around his waist and stared down at me with those fathomless, soul filled eyes.
“Hold onto me, Annie. I made you a promise.”
I had a second to soak in his meaning while I fought for breath before he withdrew and slammed back home at a brutal pace that set me afire from the inside. His hand cupped the back of my head and I screamed my next climax into his mouth, his tongue muffling the sounds, though we were the only ones around to hear the pleasure he ripped from me so deep inside me I knew I wouldn’t be the same after this. After him .
I shuddered, my body liquid as he pummelled me, fucking us both into the floor in an ever increasing pace. My body reacted to him, over sensitized from his teasing, desperate for more of him. The thought of him marking me—I moaned though a smaller orgasm as he watched me with those eyes I couldn’t shake, knowing he saw everything .
One hand slammed onto my hip, his thumb digging into the sensitive nerve there. My next orgasm built and built, and I knew this would hurt. My body screamed with the additional sensation, and I clawed at his back, raising my hips to meet his because I couldn’t not. He was everything. My oldest and newest addiction at once. Hux’s fingers found my throat in a gentle grip, and he squeezed.
“Want to try this with me, Annie?” he murmured, kissing me deep and slow as he fucked me hard and fast.
I couldn’t manage to form words, so I nodded instead, tilting my head back to give him all the access he needed.
A growl released from his chest as his pace increased impossibly. The hand at my throat closed a little tighter, then some more. My air restricted as my orgasm rushed over me. The scream ready to tear from my throat never made it. I moaned silently, arching against his hand as Hux roared my name, seating himself violently deep inside me.
I sobbed gently in the aftermath as our bodies settled together. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I arched for his kisses long after he released my throat and locked his hips where they were with my ankles behind his back.
I had no idea how this would work, but Hux wasn’t just claiming me as his?—
I claimed him right back.