CHAPTER EIGHT
ANYA
I stormed through the snow, past the girl I hoped was Hallie, otherwise more than one man would be explaining himself to me later, and ignored my brother’s greetings. The boots I grabbed weren’t the best for these conditions, and halfway between the forest and the pond beyond the house I changed my mind when the damn things began to leak.
Pivoting, I headed for the garage. At least there I’d be dry, if not a little warm. Leaving the house suddenly seemed like a stupid decision but I couldn't stay there with Huxley any longer when he lied about us to my brother’s face the moment he turned up.
So much for ‘I’ve waited years for you’.
Or whatever bullshit line I bought into sometime in the last hours with him. Apparently men really did negotiate with their cocks in their hands, and thought with them too. If I took that away from him, what was there left?
Hux was just a really hot hockey player, not the boy I grew up with who I thought was a whole lot more off the ice.
I shoved in the tiny side door to the garage on the other side of the house, and sank ankle deep in half a foot of fresh snow. Apparently my brother and his girlfriend had used the path like any sensible person. Which right now was not me. But I was intent on being stubborn and not going back inside just because I got cold. I barged at the door a second time, rewarded when it opened and pushed it wider, slipping through the gap. My butt pushed it shut.
Post the day long fuck session with Hux, my legs barely worked, but I pushed forward, walking around Solace’s SUV that looked like a black tank, an upgrade from his usual sports car, and headed around to my white city car. It hadn’t been snowing when I arrived a few days earlier, and I hadn't needed snow chains. I also had no idea how on earth I’d get home because my city car wasn’t made to deal with this sort of weather, but I’d deal with that later, too.
Right now all I needed was to get my wet shoes off before I lost a toe, and warm the fuck up. Maybe find some tape to wrap around my heart before that fell into pieces I’d already picked up a few months ago.
Hux was supposed to be the safer option.
I kicked my boots off, left the soggy fabric beside the driver's door and pulled it open, sliding inside. My spare key sat in the glove compartment. I flicked the ignition on and the door up, backing the car out of the garage without running over my boots while I seethed. I might be stubborn, but I wasn’t stupid enough to gas myself.
And ran bang into a hard body with a dark head of hair I’d just spent the last hours wrapped around.
In a second all my anger dissipated.
Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. I just backed over the captain of the Jericho Chimeras.
Ten bucks insurance wouldn’t cover that.
“Hux!” I yelped, scooting across to the passenger side. Kicking the door open I peered out, unwilling to put my bare feet in the snow. Hux straightened, rubbing the back of his neck and stared straight at me.
Words tumbled from my mouth as panic flowed fresh. “Oh my God. I hit you! I have to get you to a hospital.”
“You crazy fucking girl,” he growled. His face was a mask of pure rage, his eyes focused before he launched at me.
A squeal left my lips as I scooted backward into the seat I just vacated. Hux climbed right into my car, which, while it seemed to be the perfect size for just me, was dwarfed with his tall frame stuffed inside it. He closed the door behind himself, and faced me.
“The hell were you doing?” he raged, reaching across the centre console.
One hand shot out to latch behind my neck as I attempted to crabwalk backward, all thought of taking him to the hospital dissipating in the need to get away . Hux was angry. Seriously angry and all that fury was aimed at one person—me. His intensity had been sexy as all fuck when he was aroused and we were together earlier but right now his attention was overwhelming and seriously scary.
“I’m sorry,” I gasped, yanking away and slapping at him as the tears that horrified me blurred my vision and fell without my permission. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry—” I chanted without any thought of what I was actually apologising for. Storming out of the house after he lied to me, gave up on me, left me just like everyone else? Because I hit him with my car? Even in my panicked state I knew that was my fault. But he didn’t seem to be damaged, even though the logical part of my head told me that I couldn’t possibly afford the insurance on damaging the captain of the Jericho Chimeras.
Hux stilled, though his hands didn’t drop. “Breathe, Annie,” he murmured, his soft voice at complete odds to his terrifying expression.
I choked on an utterly inappropriate giggle. “It’s you that’s causing the panic,” I managed, sucking in precious air. His fingers massaged the back of my neck in sensual circles I remembered from last night, and clarity resumed in my panic fogged bran. He’d always been able to do that, back when. Before I fell apart and was ruined. Before yesterday. “I’m sorry I hit you.”
He eased a little closer, pressing me into the driver’s seat. I should have been scared of him this close but—this was Hux. The switch confused me but I knew this man I thought I knew this man. He stroked my cheek and my fear dropped away with the familiar gesture as I recalled him picking glass out of my feet yesterday. At the same time, I cursed myself for not being able to hold to the stubborn resolve that brought me outside in the first place.
A pretty face and I fold? Great instincts, Anya.
I snarked at myself internally. Wasn’t this how I fell into a trap with Peter, after all?
“Don’t do that. Don’t compare what we have to him,” Hux murmured, winding his arms around me. “You scared me.”
And add gaslighting to that little episode.
I scared myself.
I slapped his chest as hard as I could at close range, which was to say that my efforts did fuck all damage. “You lied to my brother. To his face, Hux. About us. After I told you–” My throat closed up as his face blurred. I dropped my head, hiding in his chest behind my hair with nowhere to go. Not really wanting to go anywhere else, only stay with him. “Reality sucks. You were better as a daydream.”
“Only a daydream, huh? I hoped I ranked better.” His knuckle brushed beneath my chin, but he didn’t force my face up. Slowly his fingers uncurled, cupping my cheeks. Roughened thumbs stroked my skin in slow, measured caresses I liked way too much.
“Stop that. You’re making it too hard to concentrate.” I banged my forehead against his breastbone and refused to look up.
He sighed and dropped his hand. “You’re right. I lied to your brother. I got scared. And then…you scared me.” His voice tightened, and this time I did look up.
“Bullshit.” But my words had no emphasis in them. “Talk to me, Hux.” I threw his words at him, more than a little desperate to understand.
What we had this morning felt like it encompassed the years, the giant abyss where I’d be so freaking alone all that time. But now we also stood on a tightrope right over the centre of that void. If we fucked up this chance to bring it all together and cross that divide hand in hand then…
We fell. Apart.
Away from each other.
I wasn’t sure we’d be able to come back from that. If I could. Once my trust was broken, truly ruined…tears didn’t prick my eyes; they cascaded straight over my lashes at the thought of losing Hux when I’d just found him again.
Maybe. Depending on what fell out of his mouth next.
That sexy mouth that could kiss with godlike qualities… damnit.
Hux’s arms tightened on me, hard and unbreakable. Like a possession. No, like he…cared.
“I thought you were running away. I thought you were driving back out in the snow,” he said, his voice hoarse. “And I was scared out of my mind that you would— would?—”
Suddenly it all clicked, and I cursed myself as the biggest bitch on the planet.
“You thought I’d end up in a wreck like your parents and your brother,” I said softly, staring up at him with wide eyes. “Oh fuck, Hux. I’m sorry. I didn’t think. And then I hit you. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” He crushed me against his chest, a ragged breath rattling there from somewhere deep within. His mouth pressed to the top of my head. “You’re safe. And you didn’t hit me.”
“I– what?” I tipped my head back and peered up at him. “I hit something.”
“Yeah.” He squeezed me gently. “You hit my truck, Annie. But I'll get over it. It’s only paint. I’m just glad you're safe.”
“Okay.”
“No, it’s not.” He huffed out a breath. “You just gave me a free pass for fucking up in the house with your brother. I shouldn’t have done that.”
I nibbled my lip. “So…make it good?” I looked at him hopefully, some of the tension in my chest dissipating when he didn’t let me go.
Hope . Such a dangerous damn emotion.
Hux let me go. “I’ll—” He swallowed and backed up. The door opened and closed, and suddenly I was sitting in my car, alone.
Cold, and alone.
Hux was gone. Right when I needed him to stay.
Fuck.
More tears should have appeared but I’d already cried myself dry. If he wasn’t careful, Sol would be out here ripping him a new one and that hurt. I knew from personal experience that no one wanted my brother coming down on them. Nor did I want to be in the vicinity when Hux and Sol went at it on a seriously personal level.
Instead of climbing out of my car barefoot and trudging back to the house on the walk of shame, or ramming my car into Hux’s truck half a dozen times, I sat frozen in the driver’s seat, the warmth of his last embrace fading with every passing second. My heart, that shattered mess I stuck back together with glue dots after I walked away from my last fucked up relationship, splintered. The cracks I thought I held onto—just—split apart as I curled in on myself in the seat, and just sat there.
Not another single tear fell. I stayed in the overheating car, my cheek resting on the leather driver’s seat, and went numb. Snow drifted around my windscreen in tiny eddies that grew steadily heavier. So much for the weather clearing up. Not that I’d checked before I ran out here. The idea of being buried in a snow drift suited my mood.
I closed my eyes, blocked out the world and tried my hardest to forget.
It would never be enough.