21. Blair
Blair
I’ve been sick for the past few days, and trying to process all the information that Quasim had told me. Elijah being Rich’s son wasn’t something that I thought we would find out. Despite me seeing her with that cocktail in her hand and witnessing her tossing it after she heard me scream for help, I still didn’t want to believe a mother would try to kill her own son.
What possessed you as a mother to set a home you knew your child was in on fire? The curtains in the room that Elijah was in were opened, she saw him in that room and still tossed a cocktail in there.
It was no wonder that Elijah didn’t think of her as his mother. She was supposed to protect him, and she had never protected him. Having to sit and listen to that little boy describe the things done to him put things in perspective.
The reason he went to bed and always wanted to know if Sim was coming back to him made perfect sense. Quasim was his safe space, and he knew the minute he was gone, he may have to go back with his mother.
I would beat Thea with every belt that God created on this earth before I allowed her to take that boy from us. As I nursed a ginger tea that Gams made me, I watched as Synthia came down the hall.
“We don’t have to go out tonight if you don’t feel good.” Synthia said, as she looked over at me holding my thermos with ginger tea, my eyes closed shut.
The second that test told me that I was pregnant, I started to feel sick, and I was emptying my stomach every morning, noon, and night. Capri couldn’t relate because she didn’t struggle with morning sickness. She said she had about a week when she struggled, and then after that, she was fine.
Alaia came over with everything she used when she had morning sickness with Promise. She said it was so bad that she had started to lose weight in the beginning of her pregnancy. I prayed that this was something that stopped because I couldn’t imagine going through my entire pregnancy like this.
When I was pregnant with my son, I had slight morning sickness. If I smelled something, then I felt like I had to throw up, but I didn’t wake up puking like I did now.
“I need to get out the house and get some fresh air… plus, you want to see what Fern is about.”
The Inferno Gods was Synthia’s newest obsession. I don’t think it was the Inferno Gods, it was Havoc particularly, that had all her attention. That weekend she stayed up at the lake house, Havoc had slept on the couch because they were in the backyard talking all night.
Their conversations were a mix of talking and sign language. When I went out there to grab Elijah for bath time, I saw Havoc had taken his ears off, and they were holding a conversation. I loved the way that Havoc looked at Synthia. She was the silly to his serious, and he needed that.
“We can have a few drinks and have a chill night… well, you can have juice.” We exited the garage with Syn driving. I couldn’t even think of driving right now.
I looked out the window and saw Kincaid riding beside us. It never mattered where I was going, Quasim was going to make sure the Gods went with me everywhere. “Or, do you wanna see if Havoc is at Fern tonight?”
“Maybe.”
I loved that Synthia didn’t deny that she was checking for Havoc. She was straight forward that she was interested in him. “Synthia has a crush.”
“Does he have a girlfriend or someone? I asked and he said he has a friend… what does that even mean?”
“Means he’s fucking her, but there’s no relationship there.”
“That is never the case. Someone always catches feelings, and the dynamic never works.” She ran her hand through her freshly curled hair.
“What about you? You all in his business, do you have anybody?”
She smiled. “For the first time in my life, I don’t have anybody. I’ve always put a man before me… always worried about who I was with him. Always changing myself to fit the aesthetic of whatever man I was with. My ex-boyfriend was a cop, so he always turned his nose up at the fact that I have tattoos. Any little dinner we had to attend, he would make me wear a long sleeve dress to try and hide them. B, he even made a consultation appointment for me to have laser done.”
“Oh hell.”
“Every boyfriend wasn’t the same, not in the sense of wanting me to remove my tattoos. They all wanted to change me into what they wanted me to be, and I did what they wanted. I forgot who I was and lost myself in relationships.”
“I know exactly what you mean.” I could agree with Synthia so much when it came to that. When you thought you found your person, you wanted to be everything they wanted you to be. Before losing my hair to chemo, I remember Tyshawn mentioned he liked women with sandy brown hair. I went and dyed my hair and came home looking like a damn acorn, just to please him.
“Every time I break up with someone, I always end up in another relationship without taking time for myself. This time, I decided that I was going to date me and fall back in love with myself. No sex, no useless conversations unless it’s about a future. Me and my son deserve to have a man love us both.”
“You have a kid, Syn?”
“Beaky Smalls… hello?”
“Girl!” I fell out laughing because she had never mentioned kids, but you never knew. “I love that you are taking the time to fall back in love with you.”
“Girl, I already fell back in love with myself and have touched myself enough. I’m ready for a man now… my last relationship was almost two years ago. I’m ready to be flipped around and choked the fuck up.”
“Synthia!” I choked.
“What? First step of falling back in love with yourself and going on a self-journey is to be honest.”
I heaved as I laughed because she was so serious. “Baby, you are tiny compared to Havoc… he literally swallows you.”
“And I can swallow, too.”
“Synthia!” I shoved her as we both laughed while pulling up to Fern .
Synthia wanting to come to Fern and getting out the house was a good idea. Capri and Zoya were both busy, so having someone to hang with to get my mind off everything was needed. Quasim had something to handle, and Elijah was having a sleepover with Capone and CJ. They were camping in the backyard since this was their last weekend at the lake house before going back to the compound.
After his seizure, Erin wasn’t playing around with him. He was supposed to take them to a camp site, and she shut that idea down and planned this entire backyard camping site for the boys back there.
I couldn’t believe summer was gone and fall was coming in already. When the summer started, I didn’t think that me and Quasim would ever end up together. I figured he would continue to play games, and then eventually, I would continue with whoever wasn’t playing games.
As I stared at my engagement ring, carrying a gut full of his baby, things turned out differently than I imagined. Soon as we entered, I saw Havoc behind the bar, pouring a drink while having a conversation.
When he looked up, he didn’t see me. He was focused on Synthia, who was waving to another man in the bar. He kept waving her over there, and she was politely declining while holding onto my arm.
Havoc was a gentle giant and I never truly saw him get out of character unless he was handling business. The way this man’s face looked as he waited for homie’s eyes to lock with him, told me that he didn’t want smoke with him.
The man quickly dropped the cat call, and we made our way over toward the bar. “Hey Hav… where’s Simmy?” I asked.
Everyone was home, so I was wondering what business he was handling that didn’t involve any of the Gods to be with him.
He nodded. “What up, Queen? He had to handle something… he’ll be back soon.”
You trust him, Blair. You trust him . I had to continue to tell myself, as I looked at Havoc who knew I was silently crashing out already.
“Hey beauties… I’m Kobe, nice to meet you.” He shot a stank eye at Havoc. “That is how you introduce people.”
The tanned, light-skin man had beautiful curly hair pulled up into a bun, and he wore a silky tank top with a pair of ripped jeans and cowboy boots. His body was covered in tattoos, and his eyebrows were perfectly arched.
Everything about him, from the way he spoke to how he nonchalantly moved his hands as he spoke, told me that he was undeniably gay. “Blair and Syn, this is my best friend, Kobe.” Havoc finally introduced us.
“Aren’t you both so beautiful… sit down.” He encouraged us to sit in the two empty stools next to him. “Syn, what is that short for?”
“Synthia.”
His eyes widened along with his eyebrows. “Synthiaaa,” it rolled off his tongue like a favorite salsa song.
“What you drinking, Syn?” Havoc asked, ignoring his extra best friend.
“Best friend? You have a gay best friend… you are interesting.” Synthia said exactly what I was thinking.
Havoc didn’t speak too much on his personal life outside of being an Inferno God. To find out that his best friend was gay was shocking to me. “We’ve been friends since the third grade… he beat up the boys that used to call me little Richard, and I used to talk slow so he could read my lips, so he knew what they were saying… been locked in ever since, right Hams.”
“Hams?” I asked.
“His name is Hamza… so I call him Hams.”
I smiled at him. “I’m learning so much about you.”
Kobe extended his hand, and he and Havoc did a handshake as he poured another drink. “I love that for you both… I’m learning a lot about you. So, I figured out a space you can do my tattoo.”
Kobe looked from me to Havoc and then smiled before he started signing to Havoc excitedly.
“You be talking about me, Hamza?” Syn smirked as she leaned forward on the bar staring up at him.
I could have sworn I saw this man blush. “Bitchhh, you know sign language?”
Syn laughed. “Yes. Both me and my sister know it because our aunt was born deaf.”
“Havoc, you left that part out.”
“Should have left a lot more out with your big ass mouth.” He pushed two drinks toward me and Synthia.
I waved for Havoc to lean forward. “I’m pregnant… can’t drink.”
Havoc pulled back and smiled, holding his hand out. “Congratulations… damn, I’m happy as fuck for you both.”
“Thanks, Havoc… can you do me a favor?”
“Anything.”
“Tell me where my man is and don’t lie to me.” I leaned back on my stool and crossed my arms, as Synthia and Kobe both looked at him.
“We don’t like liars, Hamza.” Synthia added.
“What Syn-Syn said… tell her where her man is, Hams.” Kobe continued, and he and Synthia both slapped hands.
Havoc looked stressed while looking between me and them. “He had to handle something… you already know Sim keeps shit to himself at times.”
“Not with you, though… you know.” I continued to push because I knew that he knew exactly where Quasim was.
“Fuck, Blair… why you getting me involved in your shit?”
Synthia looked up at Havoc. “I want a tattoo right between my breasts… I want you to do it, too.” She batted her eyelashes.
Havoc was about to bite his damn lip off while staring into her eyes. He signed something to her, and Kobe put his hands over his eyes. “Warn me before you say some shit like that.”
I didn’t care what the hell he was signing to her. “Either you tell me or I’m going to ride around alone until you do.”
“He went to meet with Berkeley about some business.”
I gasped. “I knew this bitch was going to be a problem and he swore that she wouldn’t… I could tell she would.” I ranted to myself.
“I swear he went on business… she had something important to tell him.” He tried to defend Quasim.
“Take me to where they are.”
“Come on, B.”
I paused, remembering that I had his location. “I have his location… don’t need you.”
Me and Syn got down from our stools and got ready to leave. “Oh, hell no, you think I’m not going on a stakeout you’re wrong… I’m coming, beauties,” Kobe followed behind us as we left the bar.
We got into my truck and were preparing to leave when Havoc came out the bar. “Get out the car.” He told Synthia, and she remained.
“Yeah, I don’t listen to you.”
He opened the door, picked her little ass up, opened the back door, and put her in the back. “Don’t have a choice.”
Synthia couldn’t protest because her nasty ass was having other thoughts. “Girl, you’re drooling.” Kobe called her out.
“Shut up.” She fixed her face as Havoc stared at her before closing the door.
He adjusted the seat so much that Synthia had to move toward the middle. “He not doing what you think he doing.”
“Let me go on and decide for myself. Why didn’t he tell me he was going to meet up with her then?” Havoc blankly stared at me as I snatched the gummy bears out my glove compartment. “I’m only acting like this because he didn’t tell me.”
He pulled away and we drove for a bit before we came to a small city center in a neighboring town. There were small shops and restaurants scattered throughout. Everyone was out enjoying the night, grabbing ice cream from the local shop and enjoying the breeze that tonight provided.
“This reminds me of the time I was messing with this down low nigga… he didn’t tell me he had a baby mama. I pulled up on him and his baby mama getting the baby’s ears pierced, and told her how he be letting me?—”
“Kobe, you could omit some fucking things.” Havoc said.
“Well, he couldn’t jump up cause his baby was in his lap… the way the lady in the shop took the baby while we jumped his ass.”
I turned to look at him. “You both jumped him?”
“Yes, and now that’s my girl… she gets these brows right every time.” He picked in his nails, and Synthia laughed.
“Can you take me to her? Cause my lady don’t like me much… look, they not even.”
“You both don’t need to be hanging out.” Havoc said, staring at Syn in the mirror.
Kobe and Syn both folded their arms. It was like these two had known each other forever with the way their energies bounced off each other. “Is it because he’s gay, Hamza?”
“Chill… it’s Havoc.”
“Girl, he told you to chill.” Kobe continued to instigate while both of them kept their arms folded.
“That’s fair… my other nigga lets me call him by his real name. My bad, won’t happen again.”
He turned all the way in his seat and looked at her. “Beloved, you don’t wanna get an innocent nigga killed because you trying to make me jealous.”
Syn had this smirk on her face as she leaned forward, her lips were inches from his. “Sounds like I don’t have to try anything… you sound jealous to me.”
“Oh, she is hell… I am here for this!” Kobe cheered, while Havoc turned back around, and she continued to smirk.
“Pull over there… his bike is right there, and her car is there.”
“Hold on Mamas, why do you know what she drives?” Kobe questioned as Havoc pulled over, and I took my seatbelt off.
“Not important.”
Havoc put the car in park and got out with me because he knew he had to stay with me. He was dragging his feet because I had convinced him to take me and give up what Quasim was doing. I trusted Quasim, but I didn’t trust that damn Blizzard.