12. Quasim
Quasim
She was right and I knew she was right.
Still, it didn’t hurt any less to hear the pain in her voice, knowing that my back and forth with her put it there. I hurt her when all I had been trying to do is not hurt her. I didn’t want to be the reason she was uncertain and doubted what her heart wanted.
Blair knew she loved me and wanted me to know it. I was the ass hat that couldn’t say it back because I was afraid. Not because I didn’t know how she felt, but because I knew the minute I admitted that shit out loud, it became real.
In my stupid ass mind, I figured if I kept my distance from her that it would hurt less if something happened to her. I wouldn’t be fucked up behind it, and even I knew that was some bullshit.
If something was to happen to that woman, I would torch this city to the ground before taking my own life. That was how strongly I felt about the woman that I wanted to be my everything. She deserved more from me and being that my ass couldn’t step up and give that to her, I had to let her be happy.
Fuck that.
She couldn’t be happy without me, and the same applied to me. I couldn’t get with anybody else and ever be happy. Blair made me happy; she sparked that part of my heart with her corky ass personality.
“Damn, you damn near eating the spliff. Matter fact, keep that shit for yourself,” Capone brought me from my thoughts as he ate a cookie, one that I could only assume came from Gams.
“Fuck up,” I snorted and took another pull as I leaned against my truck while we waited for the women to finish getting ready.
Since we’ve been here, I hadn’t seen much of Elijah because Ry and CJ had his ass busy. They rode bikes and swam all damn day. Gams made sure he was taken care of right along with Ryder. He made sure before he went to bed, he came to wherever I was to pray with me before laying down.
That was something I had become used to since I had him full time. It made me feel good as shit to know that he wanted to pray with me before he closed his eyes. The party bus was already waiting to take us to the city, if the women would hurry and bring they asses on.
“On the real, you straight? You seem like you got a lot of shit on your mental.”
“I always have a lot of shit on my mental, Capo… trying to figure out shit in my head.” He leaned on my truck next to me.
“Blair.”
“Why you going there?”
He laughed. “Cause you not going there, knowing you love that damn girl. I get you lost your girl, and that shit gonna follow you through life. I also know that she wouldn’t want you out here punishing yourself because of it. Allow yourself to love, and be loved, bro… shit feels amazing… ain’t that right, Gorgeous,” he looked over as his wife came walking down the driveway.
“What you talking about, Winnie?” She reached up and kissed him on the cheek, as he took in her outfit.
She wore a pair of high-rise wide legged jeans, crop top, and a pair of heels. Capone spun her around and then pulled her back into his arms. “How I’m the luckiest nigga in this world, Mrs. Delgato.”
“I know that’s right. Now, don’t get all mad when I act a fool at this concert.”
“Nah, Gorgeous, act like you got some damn sense… especially if he comes to our suite.”
She laughed. “Alright.”
I could tell from the way she laughed and waved him off that she was going to act a fool. Cappadonna and Alaia came walking from a few streets over, and he was singing something to her as they stopped to two-step in the middle of the street. As they got closer, I could hear the words to
A Jaheim song.
When they got closer, Alaia and Erin went to talk while Cappadonna dapped us up. “Ready to see the nigga that you letting take your woman?”
“Fuck you, Capp.” I laughed.
He looked back at his wife before turning back to Capone. “Chill on those cookies, too.”
“Yerrr,” We turned and saw Capella and Aimee coming down the street, Aimee on his back as he ran over toward us with ease.
“You turned your son into a muscle-bound dick head… who the fuck runs down the block with someone on their back.” Capone watched his nephew bolt down the street.
“He needed that direction… be out there putting me to shame on our runs,” Cappadonna looked at his son with pride. “Wasn’t about to let my seed crash out bad… he got that shit in him, he just needed to realize that shit.”
Capella put a giggling Aimee down, as she fixed her skirt. “Thank you for the ride, Jerk.”
“I’m a jerk because I made you change that outfit… I’ll be that.”
Aimee laughed and went to hug Cappadonna, Capone, and then me. “You straight?” I asked her, always feeling like I needed to ask her that whenever I saw her.
“Perfect… are you?” She teased, and I already knew where she was going with this, and I blew smoke in her face.
“Asshole,” she screeched, and headed toward the house while I laughed.
Quameer came out the house fixing his belt while smirking to himself. When he looked up, he fixed his face. “They coming now.”
“Don’t fucking care, Pissy.” Capone replied, already knowing why he was fixing his belt while smirking.
“I’m gonna let that slide because my wife just made me a very happy man… if you know what I mean, Capo,” He continued to fuck with him because he knew it bothered him.
Capp shook his head. “We need to get on this damn road before we end up being late to the concert.”
“Baby, nobody shows up to a concert on time. He’s gonna have people come on before he even hits the stage.” Alaia laughed while she looked up at her husband.
Capp looked down at her. “How many damn concerts you been to that you know all of this?”
“Everybody knows this… have you never been to one before you went to prison?”
“Joy, I barely was eating, so I damn sure wasn’t paying to see a nigga gyrate on stage.” He said with a serious expression, and we all started laughing.
We heard a clap and turned to see Capri and Blair coming out the house. Capri had a bottle in her hand as she danced to imaginary music. “Ready to turn the fuck up?”
My eyes were on Blair as she laughed and followed her friend’s lead. The ripped jean shorts that she wore should have just been panties with how tight and short they wore. The racer back tank top had her breasts sitting fucking nice, and seeing as how I knew what they looked like without her clothes, I knew they were nice. She wore a pair of thigh high boots, aviator sunglasses with orange lenses, and had one of those mini ass purses women loved to wear.
Her short hair was curled, and I loved when she curled it because she always looked so beautiful. I wasn’t focused on finishing this spliff anymore because I was too drawn to her.
“Baby Doll, those shorts… the fuck?” Capp couldn’t believe what was going on out here tonight and the shit was funny.
“I’m somebody’s mama… so, you not about to be my daddy. I’m grown, Cappy.” Capri shut it down, as she looked at her phone.
“You right. If this crazy nigga is good, then it ain’t my place.” Capp corrected himself, and realized that his sister was not only married, but she was a mother and grown ass fuck, too.
Capri wore short leather black shorts with a black tank top and thigh high boots, too. “Rayce made her mama thick as fuck,” Blaze licked his lips as he took his wife in.
I put the spliff out as we loaded the party bus, and the women decided on the music for the ride. When Lil Kim came on, I knew we were in for a long fucking ride as Capri poured shorts for everyone except Cappadonna, Alaia, Capella, and Aimee. Shit, Aimee was too lit on vibes anyway.
“Sorry, Meer.” Capri apologized, before she blurted out the words to ‘Get Money’ by Junior M.A.F.I.A.
Blaze sparked his blunt, and was chilling while watching his wife rap the words to Biggie’s part while Blair, Erin, and Alaia chimed in. I kept trying to see if she would look at me, and she avoided eye contact with me.
“I’ll tell you niggas,” Blair started rapping like she was channeling Lil Kim herself. The shit had me turned on as I watched her, never taking my eyes away from her. At one point, she was staring right into my eyes. “Things to make up for all the games and the lies.”
She took another shot while the women continued to hype her up. I had watched her during dinner, and she had more than a few drinks, while enjoying her meal. Added with the shots that she and Pri were taking, I knew she was feeling more than nice.
I continued to watch her, tasting her on my tongue hours later. Even after eating, having a few drinks of my own and smoking, her taste was the strongest. Shit had me feeling like Thea’s junkie ass, craving another taste of her.
When we arrived at the arena, we went through the back and security before we were taken up to our private box to watch the concert from above. The suite we were put in had food, drinks, and everything you could need to watch a concert or a basketball game.
A small-time rapper was performing when we arrived, and we all got our drinks or food before we went to sit in the seats in the suite. I was next to Blair as she sat with her legs crossed, bobbing her head to the music.
When she noticed that I had sat next to her, her breath was caught in her chest, though she tried to play it cool. I did that to her, and now I understood why she wanted me to leave her alone. The lights went down, and Zay was about to come out, so Blair stood up clapping her hands. I remained seated as all the women went crazy clapping and screaming.
Each time she clapped her ass jiggled a little bit. While she was locked in on whatever was happening on the stage, I was resisting taking a bite out her ass cheek, since she wanted to be showing it off.
The beat dropped and then Zay appeared on the stage with a leather jacket on in the fucking summertime.
Fucking weirdo.
He had damn near all his chains on as he bopped his head to the beat and the crowd went crazy for him. It wasn’t that I didn’t like his music, I was more of a Maliek Dubrow fan, because he rapped about his struggle, but other shit, too.
While Blaze was a fan, I was tired of hearing about his ass rap about his mama working hard and him eating ramen noodles.
Nigga…
We all fucking ate ramen noodles, he wasn’t special because he did, and I was tired of hearing it. The only reason I came was because of Anjo, and I wanted to be near her. My half backwards ass wanted to be near her, but couldn’t open my mouth and tell her that I loved her and wanted to give her my babies.
That when she was near me, I finally felt like I could breathe and that the world was at peace. How she was the face I dreamed about when I closed my eyes, and how I planned our wedding in my head while envisioning her walking down the aisle to become my wife.
“Started out with nothing but a dream and a plan, hustling every corner just to make some bread. From ramen in the kitchen to steak on my plate.”
“There we go,” I mumbled.
Blair was eating it up as she bopped her head and rapped word for word with Aimee. I took back my drink before going to get another one. Instead of a shot, I grabbed the bourbon and filled my cup and leaned against the bar in the suite.
“What are you doing here?” I heard a familiar voice and saw Berkeley pop her head into the suite.
“Apparently, being a Zay fan,” I replied.
I still hadn’t responded to her text message, and didn’t return her call. “What you doing here? Writing about the great Zay?”
“Why does your tone tell me that you’re not impressed with him?” She nudged, as she stared up at me. “And no, I’m here with a few girlfriends. We put in to get a suite for this show… I was going to get my friend from security when I walked past and thought I saw you.”
“How you been?” At this point I was making small talk with her, knowing that I was probably feeding her need to reconnect with me.
It wasn’t because I wasn’t attracted to her, because as she stood in front of me, I was attracted to her. She had brown skin, almond shaped eyes, pouty, heart-shaped lips, and her curly hair pulled into a fancy messy bun.
Flashes of seeing her lips wrapped around my dick had me shifting my shit because it was a beautiful sight to witness. Berks ain’t never have much body growing up, but her grown woman curves subscription had kicked in, because she was filling out that long black maxi dress she wore tonight.
“I’ve been good. Work has me busy, but other than that, I can’t complain. I would ask you how you’re doing, but I never get a response.” She smirked.
I laughed and adjusted my stance. “I deserve that. I’ve been busy, though… I’m gonna do better.”
Berkeley crossed her arms and playfully rolled her eyes. “Yeah, whatever… whenever Quasim Inferno is ready to talk, he’ll talk. Enjoy the show, though… talk to you soon.”
“I’m gonna hit you up this week.”
I extended my arms, and she fell into them, hugging me tight. “It’s really good to see you out and about Sim.”
“Yeah, you too, Berks.”
She laughed as we disconnected from our hug, and she rushed behind her friend who had popped her head into our suite. I watched the door long after she left and felt someone watching me. When I turned around, Blair was watching me like a hawk, and turned to finish watching homie do his thing.
Grabbing my drink, I went back and sat down. “Yo, I want to give a shout out to my baby. B, you got the coldest nigga heart beating.” Blair blushed as she kissed her hands and clapped. “She was fronting on coming up here, but you saw my baby. You gonna see her in Chicago, too.”
“Oh shit… you going to Chicago with your boy.”
“Quasim, don’t start.” She shot at me, then returned her attention back to homie, while I sipped my drink slowly.
All I could think about was how I was playing with her pussy while she was over here clapping for this nigga. As much as she talked that shit in the car earlier, I knew if I wanted Blair, I could have her with the snap of my finger.
I was man enough to know that wasn’t fair, and not to allow my ego to get in the way. Watching her become hype about what he said had my blood boiling. Who else could I blame except for me. She wanted me and I was giving her to Zay on a silver platter because of fear. I chilled back, watching the show, while thinking of all the ways I could have her and be who I had to be.
Shit felt impossible.
I slept like shit last night.
Even when I thought having a drink and sitting on the balcony outside my bedroom would help, I found myself staring at the ceiling until the sun started to rise over the lake. Even the ten-minute cat nap I took once the sun was up didn’t help me.
Pulling myself out the bed, I got down on my knees to say my prayers so I could get ready for the day. After brushing my teeth and shit, I walked down the hall to one of the guest rooms that had built-in bunk beds in them.
“My daddy and Uncle Simmy don’t get mad about stuff like that… and Gams will help us clean it. I had a stomach bug before and pooped the bed, and Daddy made me feel better and cleaned it up.” I could hear blankets shuffling while Ry spoke. “He gagged a lot, though, and we laughed over soup.”
“Sorry, Ry.” Elijah profusely apologized for wetting the bed.
“For what? CJ is coming to pick us up so we can ride bikes down to the lake with Uncle Capo. Then, we can swim and end the day watching John Wick.”
“Okay.” I could hear the sadness in my boy’s voice as he listened to Ry go on about the perfect day they would have.
I heard Ry sigh. “Don’t be sad, Eli. It happens to everyone… CJ wet the bed once because he dreamed he was on the toilet. Our little secret… okay?”
I slowly rounded the corner and they both jumped, and I pretended I didn’t notice. “Good morning… everything good in here?”
Ry smiled as she balled up the soiled sheets. “Yup. Just showing Eli how to clean up the beds… Gams is washing sheets today, right Eli?”
He looked at me, knowing that I knew he wet the bed, so I winked for him to go along. “Yup. Thanks, Ry.”
I turned to my niece and was so fucking proud of the little person she was becoming. Blaze was often hard on himself about not being there when she was born and missing a few months in her life. He didn’t need to stress or be hard on himself, because he was raising the perfect little human. She could have been disgusted or came to tell me, instead, she didn’t want Elijah to be embarrassed and assured him at the same time.
“Ry, you can put it in the washer and go get ready… Capone said he’s gonna be over here soon with CJ.”
“On it, Uncle Simmy.” She saluted and marched down the hall with the sheets in her hands, as I looked down at Elijah.
“What’s the matter, Eli?”
His shoulders slumped down. “I had a nightmare that my mother died, Sim.”
I squeezed his shoulder and kneeled down. “Is that why you wet the bed?”
He nodded his head. “I don’t want to mess up your nice house… maybe you should take me home.”
I laughed. “Dang, I thought we were locked in, and you want to leave me.”
“I don’t want to leave you… I…I just don’t want to mess anything up and you send me back with my mom… I like Gams’ hugs and playing with Ry.”
Rubbing his curls, I pulled him into my arms. “There is nothing that you can do that will make me send you back to your mom. Accidents happen, and we’re working on it.”
“Will you come back when you leave?” He referred to me leaving to Bali.
I was going to stay back, but Gams told me not to piss her off. She said that she would keep an eye on him along with Ryder. “I’m always going to come back… can’t get rid of me.”
“Promise?”
“Promise. Go take a shower so you can eat breakfast and then go enjoy the day.”
He hugged me even tighter, before running off to the bathroom. “Okay, Sim.”
I stood up and went to go kiss my niece. “Use deodorant too, Eli… damn pits stronger than mine,” I laughed, and shook my head.
Ryder was coming out of Gam’s room and jumped when she saw me. “I’m going to let you off the hook because you told a good lie.”
She smiled up at me. “I don’t want him to feel bad.”
“You did good, Ry… I’m proud of you.”
I held my arms out and she rushed into them, as I picked her up and kissed her cheeks. “Love you, Uncle Simmy.”
“Love you so much more, baby. Now, go and take Beretta out before she shit on my floor again.”
Ryder laughed as I placed her back on the floor. “It was one time… sheesh.”
I knocked on the door and Gams was coming out of the closet. “Hey baby… have you come to yell at me for covering for Eli.”
“Nah.”
I took a seat on the bench in front of her bed while I watched her fold my mother’s clothes. “I know that look… full of love and nowhere to put it.”
“Gams, I’m starting to see where Blaze be getting his mess from.”
She leaned up. “What?”
“Just be saying anything.”
“Is it really anything, though? I can tell you are in love and don’t know what to do… it’s been a long time for you.”
I listened as I looked at the pictures on her night table. The picture of Harley made me smile. It was one of her getting her first bath, and she had this silly little grin on her face. Me and Cherie spent an hour laughing because the grin remained the whole bath.
“I fucked up this time, Gams.”
“Did you sleep with her mother?”
“What?”
“Or did you burn her home down and get her mother pregnant?”
I turned to look at my grandmother while trying to remember the signs of a stroke. “Gams, are you good?”
“Perfectly well. You didn’t do any of the things I mentioned, so there’s always room to fix whatever fuck up you made. I know you hear from everybody how you need to move on and open your heart again, so you won’t hear that from me.”
“Why?”
“Because you know that you need to do both of those things. What you will hear from me is that it’s not your fault, Quasim Israel Inferno. You would have protected Cherie, and you even warned her. You did everything you could, so you need to allow her to rest while also allowing you to rest. All these years, and I know you haven’t had a good night’s rest.”
“I get sleep.”
“Everyone gets sleep… when’s the last time that you had rest?” I thought about the night that Blair climbed on top of me, and we slept on the couch in Monaco.
That was the last time that I had properly slept. My mind turned off and I was able to sleep peacefully. “I rest when I’m with her.”
“Then you know what you need to do, baby. I know that you will do everything to protect that girl. Quasim, you had to step into this life earlier than you should have, and you carry a lot on your back. You’ve also lost a lot, too,” She said down beside me and took my hands into hers.
I lifted them and kissed her hands. “Thank you, Gams.”
She smiled. “I want to live long enough to see both my boys get married. One down, and now one to go. Blair would make a lovely Queen Inferno, don’t you think?”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself, now.” I smirked, as I kissed the back of her hands, and she hugged me, kissing the side of my temple a bunch of times, just like when I was a child.
I walked outside with a cup of coffee in my hand and my phone in the other as Capone rode up on his bike with a little trolley attached to the back with CeeCee and Cooper in the back.
“Hi Quazy!” CeeCee hollered, looking up from her iPad, and I laughed because she was the only one that called me that.
“Hey CeeCee and Cooper.”
Cooper was too into whatever his sister had on her iPad to pay attention to anything else. Capone put the kickstand down and walked over toward me, dapping me up. “Daddy daycare out this bitch, huh?”
“My wife on her everything needs to go phase, so we giving her ass some space.” He took a seat on the porch with me.
“You live for that shit, though… Erin is your world.”
“Hell yeah. Can’t really imagine my life before she came into it. Excited to make her dream trip a reality. She’s so hands on when it comes to the kids and the house, she need to chill sometimes.”
“I feel you.”
“What’s up with you and Elijah? You gonna really hand him back to his moms after the summer is over?”
I shrugged. “Not like I can kidnap her kid. If she wants him back, I have no choice but to give him back.”
Capone laughed. “Rules don’t exist for niggas like us… I know that little boy went through something, Sim.”
My chest tightened because he had been through something, a whole lot of shit. Some shit that he didn’t speak about, and some shit that I witnessed myself. “I just want him to feel safe.”
“Dad, they fighting over the iPad.” CJ pulled up on his bike and nodded toward his siblings having a shoving match for the iPad.
“Aye… I’ll take that from you both.” Capone hollered and they both straightened up. “And you… It’s Daddy… I don’t know where you got this dad mess from.”
CJ had this silly grin on the same face he shared with his father, and shrugged. “I’m not a baby anymore.”
“Yeah, I’m knowing it… you know he into John Wick now?”
I chuckled. “If he only knew how his uncles, aunt, and father was coming, he would really be interested. He’s growing up, Capo. As much as the shit is scary, there’s a blessing in that.”
Capone looked over at me. “Shit, my bad, Sim. I’m over here complaining and shit.”
I sipped my coffee. “You straight… bittersweet seeing them come into their own as people. You raising him to be better than we were and do the shit we never got the chance to.”
Elijah and Ryder came out the garage with their bikes. Ry now had two braids in her hair, which meant she was about to give CJ and Elijah both hell. “Bye, Uncle Simmy… Daddy wants me to stop by the house because he says he needs a hug and can’t get out the bed without one from me.”
I chuckled. “Guess you need to go help yo daddy out, Ry. Be careful and stay together.” The lake community was safe, and nobody was getting in this bitch unless they were invited or lived here.
“Later, Sim.”
“Have fun… don’t let her give you too much hell.”
Elijah smiled as he took off behind CJ and Ryder, who were already heading down the block. “Well damn, they not even waiting for me.” Capone realized they had left his ass.
“CeeCee and Coop, you ready?”
“Yesss!” They both screamed, no longer interested in the iPad they had been fighting over. “Start the daddy express!” CeeCee screamed.
Capone laughed as he got on the bike. “Chugga chugga choo choo,” he sounded as he saluted, and rode down the driveway with both his kids cheerfully screaming.
To see this man acting like a conductor for his kids and knowing the havoc he had caused in the streets to keep them protected was always something crazy to witness. With both him and Cappadonna, and then Blaze.
Shit was beautiful to witness, and I could only hope I got my shit right to be able to have the same. I never thought about having any more kids after I lost Harley. Felt like it was wrong, and I didn’t want to replace her.
It damn sure felt like everything I did after she and Cherie passed was betrayal. When life was good, you never realized certain shit. After Harley passed, her favorite cartoons still continued on with new seasons, and she couldn’t watch them. I recorded every new season, knowing she would never watch them, and I felt wrong watching them without her.
Shit was silly and something that I had kept to myself, because it sounded crazy admitting it to anyone who hadn’t gone through what I was currently going through. Marriage and kids were always shit I stayed away from and never wanted after losing my family.
Then I met Blair, and all of that went out the window, and suddenly having a wife and kids wasn’t so bad. The shit scared the fuck out of me whenever I thought too long on it, but if any woman would carry my last name and future Infernos, it would have been Blair.
When she told me over dinner in Italy that she wanted to have my babies and marry me, the shit caused my heart to shut down. Mostly because I could look in her eyes and tell she meant every word that she told me.
My baby stabbed a bitch in the head because she mentioned my name. When all I wanted to do was protect her, there she was, protecting me. Aside from the Gods and my family, I never had a woman want to protect me so bad.
I could tell that if it came down to it, she would ride and protect me as much as I would protect her.
My love.