Quiet Burn (Discordia University #2)

Distractions

Kit/Kat

S ince the other night, I’ve felt all the guys’ eyes on me constantly. They were watching me before, but something about Oriel and Salem showing me their animals has intensified that. I get the distinct feeling more than just Jasper is grumpy about it, but I’m not sure how to deal with that. I’m fake dating them all, of course, but letting them show that side to me felt very intimate. I’m sure a bazillion people have seen all their animals and demons because it’s normal down here. So I’m probably being super weird in holding off; I just can’t help the niggling sensation that I have to be ready for it somehow.

Salem and Oriel have been nice to me from day one and it made sense to me that they went first.

Frowning at my notes for Human History, I doodle a little panda and a crow. Should I ask those two about the demon side before I move on? Is there some sort of protocol for this I don’t know? It’s infuriating to be immersed in this culture with only a basic understanding of how shit works. I feel like Jane fucking Goodall in the middle of the apes. Not that the guys are apes or maybe there aren’t ape shifters here, but…

A low, frustrated sound escapes me and I press my lips together quickly. Hopefully, Professor Alabaster didn’t hear that. I’m on my own today because Slash had some random task he had to do for the Prince and I don’t want to draw any attention to my distracted state. Alabaster loves all the eyes to stay on him; it’s the demi in him, I’m told. He wants people to bask in his slightly gold glow as he expounds on how supernaturals, including demons, affected human history without them realizing it. The topic is fascinating, so usually it’s not hard to focus.

But today, I’m struggling with wondering about my caliphate—especially the things Dank gave me.

I think Salem knows why I’m taking my potion medicine thingy, too. He’s watched me add it to my morning drink without questioning it, but the careful avoidance of why tells me he has an idea. Luckily, I get that done before I run the terrifying shower gauntlet or get dressed in my room. No one else has witnessed me taking the draught and that keeps the curiosity down. I don’t want to explain my visit to the damn doc more than what they’ve all assumed.

The demon anatomy pamphlet he gave me is more than a little scary, to be honest. There are variations by species, and they have… extras. I barely saw the one human dick before my incident and I certainly haven’t sought out more examples so I have the internet to back up my knowledge. I’m not uneducated obviously, but there’s always a difference between ‘book learning’ and practical experience. If I choose to… do anything… I’d be just as useless with one of those as I am with this shit.

It’d be more predictable, though; no knots, bumps, hooks, or odd variations to confuse the fuck out of me.

Putting my fingers on my temples, I rub lightly as I try to push demon cock out of my head to rejoin the lecture on Roman times. I’m interested in the fact that Hannibal’s army had shifter elephants in it which explains their abilities that seemed out of the norm for the time; however, I can’t stop the light panicking inside of me about this whole ‘sex’ issue. I know Dank said it will become more insistent when my powers do whatever, and that’s frightening as well.

I haven’t given a single shit about hot guys or girls or anything in that realm since the incident. It’s like that part of me shriveled up and died. But… Being here, I noticed how gorgeous my new floormates were immediately. My eyes find them to look even when I’m pissed and want to avoid them. I have odd physical reactions when they get close and for the first time in years, I’m not completely losing my shit when people touch me.

When some of them touch me, at least.

Maybe I’m healing? I don’t know and I definitely do not have access to a professional to work that shit out so I have to do it myself. That’s why I’m so obsessed right now; I don’t have anyone to untangle this web with. Dank is a good doctor, but I’m not sure he’s able to do the shrink thing. I suppose I can ask when I visit this Friday. He has something about avian and bear shifters for me, which is another pressure point. Demon dicks were enough for one week—though, I don’t want to turn away his help.

“Mr. Camponella.”

I look up, praying to whatever the fuck you pray to if you’re a demon-possibly-something-else-hybrid to spare me. “Yes, Professor Alabaster?”

“Can you speak to what you learned about this period in your actual human school? I think it would be amusing to compare it with reality.”

Oh, gross. I know why he’s asking this; he wants to make me look stupid.

“Um, humans love to talk about the Greeks and Romans because it intertwines with their Judeo-Christian mythos in some ways. Schools teach mythology, but compared to what I’m learning in Headmaster Darkstar’s class, it’s very watered down due to their lack of knowledge about us. They attribute polytheistic cultures as lower intelligence in a sideways fashion, and it’s always through assuming people in the past were ignorant of things we know now.”

Man, I hope to hell that’s enough for him. I really don’t want to become some sort of ‘human expert’ for shitty demons who hate us—and most of them do. Their bias makes sense when you realize they’ve been relegated to one specific view by the majority of humans due to organized religion, but it’s a pain in the ass to fight off. Having to justify our species dumbassery is simply not my idea of a good time.

“Very true, Mr. Camponella. As you all heard, they’re working with very slim information on the world and its development up there, which is why they are so easy to fool and manipulate.”

Awesome. Thanks for putting that in their heads, teach.

The rest of the day goes fairly smoothly as Jasper doesn’t join us for lunch, and I have X, Oriel, and Salem to contend with. X is a bit less sparkly at lunch and I curse internally because I don’t know if it’s this damn ‘show me your animal’ thing or just an off day. None of them have said anything to me which I appreciate—it would feel a lot like pressure even if it wasn’t intended to be. I’ve gotten a lot better at reading body language and emotional cues during the past few weeks, so I’m seeing things they don’t expect me to.

Not that I’m an expert by any stretch; I still struggle with being confident about what I see.

After Dark Lit is over, Dottie and I follow Salem and O toward our dorm. It’s comfortably quiet when I can’t stand it anymore. Taking a deep breath, I look at Oriel seriously. “Are the others jealous about me seeing your animals? I think it’s making things weird and I don’t want that. But also… I don’t know if just getting it out of the way is the best idea ever. I don’t know what I want to do, but I know it’s not hurt or upset anyone so… Give it up.”

The crow shifter looks startled, then smiles at me wryly. “It’s about time you asked, KK.”

“Yeah, I’ve been waiting for this,” Salem adds.

“Damn you both,” I grumble irritably. “The tension is killing me. Tell me what to do to fix this.”

A short bark of laughter escapes my roommate. “You can’t fix it, Kit Kat. The animal parts of us behave like… well, like you’d expect. They’re often possessive and snarly, especially when paired with our demon half. It makes us competitive, growly, and now, pouty because the animalistic parts believe you’re showing favor. It’ll lessen once you move on to the next person.”

“What if I’m not ready to… move on to the next person quite yet?” I duck my head, feeling embarrassed that I have to be accommodated so much for such simple things. “I’m not, like, scared of anyone, but it feels really personal. So I want to be comfortable when I do it.”

That statement earns me a bright grin from the gloomy bird. “Personal? Does that mean that Sleepytime and I make you comfortable enough that you were okay with seeing our inner bits?”

“More importantly, does it mean you’ll give the demon halves a look-see soon?” Salem tilts his head, his eyes dark and intense as he waits. “Cause I’m gonna be honest, the dude is pretty excited about that for some reason.”

Oriel glares at him, and I frown. “It’s a legit question. Why are you giving him the death stare?”

“Because, Kit Kat, we shouldn’t pressure you,” the crow shifter says as we climb the stairs to Canto IV. “Telling you all the weird shit that goes through our brains might make you feel obligated.”

He’s right, but I’m not going to admit that.

“I can decide for myself regardless of emotions, you know.” I lick my lips, not sure if I’m ready for the demon stuff yet. But if I’m honest, I definitely know I’m closest to these two guys. “I think… I can deal with the demons next. But I don’t want anyone else to get upset.”

Salem looks so excited that I won’t even have to keep him awake. “My favorite form, KK, is half-way between panda and demon. It's sort of… in the middle. Like a combo platter.”

“There’s a… middle ground?” My hand flies to my chest as Oriel holds the door open and we walk into the dorm. “Jesus fucking Christ on a tricycle, how many things am I going to have to see for you jackasses?”

“He’s being an idiot,” Oriel says, then pushes the elevator button. “The halfway thing he’s talking about is really the half shift form of the demon with a few additions. Demon hybrids are really weird, especially shifter hybrids. Something about how we’re constructed makes it easy for us to fluidly change forms.”

“Oookay,” I say as I reach up to stroke Dottie’s head. The action calms me a little and I breathe slowly for a moment, then nod. “Alright. This is just a quirk of who you all are. It’s no different, in theory, than being double jointed or having a sixth toe. Right?”

The panda shifter looks at me doubtfully. “I’m not sure having an extra toe is the same as being able to change into an animal and it’s definitely not as drastic. But…. one thing that doesn’t change when our bodies do, Kit Kat, is who we are.”

I look at him, my expression softening a little. “I know that, man. You’re a good dude—all of you are, except for Prince Assface. Though, I suspect he’s just… his own worst enemy more than anything.”

“Truer words,” Oriel says with a rueful head shake. He reaches for my hand, waiting for me to protest before placing it on his chest. “However, you’re right. Nothing here is different when I have wings. I just look different.”

“Your feathers are super cool,” I admit. “And Salem is very cuddly looking when he’s a bear.”

“Pandas aren’t..”

“I know, I know. But you know what I mean.”

The bell dings, and the thieving shifter gives me a smug smile as he holds the doors open. “If you think we’re cool in that guise, you really need to see us in demon form. It’s much more impressive, I promise.”

I know I’m being sold right now, but I can’t find it in me to care.

“Okay. Let’s do this.”