Somebody Told Me
Salem
K it Kat looks much better when he strolls in with Oriel, and my panda calms down significantly. It’s fucking weird that he was completely wired while they were gone; given our nature, that kind of hyperactivity is totally not a normal state. Slow and languid, that’s my speed and until my brother came back with that quirky little dude, I was the farthest thing from it.
And I only barely kissed him for like, a second.
I watch as he plops down on the floor, pulling Dottie out of his bag to let the tiny animal rest in his lap. Oriel calmed him down completely and it made me feel even better, so I dropped to my knees and crawled over so I could sit with him. It draws a scoff from Jasper-I assume—but I don’t give a hairy rat’s ass what that uptight dicklicker thinks. Right now, I’m happy to scoot over next to KK and pet the kinkajou until our hosts bring out the clothes.
“Did you get some food?” I ask with a grin. “You look less hangry, so I assume you did.”
Kit nods, his face bright with amusement as he cuts his eyes to the crow. “Oriel had a meat feast pizza with me and he was totally weirded out by human toppings. It was fun to see someone besides me experience odd food and make faces.”
Oriel glowers a little as he comes over to join us. “These fuckers are so damn strange. It had this… spicy yet processed taste that made me wonder if the beast was made of chemicals.”
“Well, there’s definitely a lot of those in food up here,” KK says with a shrug. “I noticed that stuff in Hell doesn’t, but since you guys didn’t have a frame of reference, I didn’t mention it. There’s more natural stuff, of course, but we didn’t have time to find a non-chain spot to eat.”
Jasper arches his brow as he looks at us. “Be careful, O. We have no idea what effect putting their garbage into our systems will have. If you did it all the time, it might not be a big deal, but we’re not used to the poison the demons who live up here are. It could make you sick as a hellhound.”
“Nice to see you worried about me getting sick on your food, knobhead,” my roomie mutters as he plays with his familiar. “And now I’m paranoid about every new thing you give me… great.”
“KK, calm down,” X says as they get up from their perch on the arm of Anton’s chair to come over and sit on the floor with the four of us. They smooth their palms over themselves automatically, then curse the disguise clothes. “I’m not a fan of this realm so far except for our new friends. But once we run around this party, we can head home and make a big cozy movie pile tomorrow. Sound good?”
“Ooh, I like that idea!” Kit bumps my shoulder, then Oriel’s as he grins. “We can make some tasty food, too, right, Salem?”
Be still my heart.
I love that he wants to cook with me—like for real, not just because Jasper assigned it to him. Nodding, I reach down and squeeze his knee gently. “But you’ll want to do your reading first, I bet. Annie brought those books…”
His eyes pop open and he claps his hand over his mouth for a second. The peacock winks at him from his chair, too fancy pants to come sit with us in his humanoid form. Jasper’s frown deepens as he watches us, tilting his head curiously.
“What books?”
“Study materials,” X says breezily. “You know Kit Kat is trying to catch up as fast as he can. He finishes stuff so quickly that we switch things out for him if we’re closer to the library or you know… confined to the damn dorms because we got hurt in a battle.”
“Ah. Well, that’s helpful, Anton. Good job,” the Prince says as he settles back in his seat. He looks at the shark shifter, arching his brow. “And you’re going to continue working with him on training and diet? He doesn’t look much bigger than before, Scrum.”
Slash glares at his best friend in a way I’ve not seen before—ever. “Bulking up is not a rapid thing for new demons, Prince. I cannot simply dump food into his mouth until he’s an appropriate weight. That is neither safe nor efficient if you want him to be like us.”
Holy shit, the big guy just told Jasper to fuck all the way off in the most Slash-like way possible.
Everyone is silent, even KK, as our leader’s face contorts through a range of emotions. Zav’s tails pop out, making him blush and press against the prince’s leg. Thank fuck, that gets Jas’ attention and he looks down at the kitsune with a sigh. “Sorry, Zav. I didn’t mean to make you panic. Put them away for me, mmm?”
Zavida nods, and the tails disappear as his posture calms. “I didn’t mean to. Having to be careful up here is a pain in the ass.”
“I can’t imagine how hard it is for all the different supernaturals who live up here all the time,” Kit says as he gives Zav a sympathetic look. “They’re hiding such big parts of themselves all the time. It has to be exhausting as fuck.”
Xerxes arches their brow and gives the dude a smirk. “Yeah, that’s gotta be really tiring. Having to pretend to be something I’m not for this short time is wearing me out, especially around the people I care about.”
What the hell does that even mean? X is even weirder than usual on the surface.
Kit opens his mouth, but right as he’s going to speak, the raccoon lady and the giant spider come out of the back room. Laurel is pulling a tall rack with eight garment bags on it, her small features bright as she moves towards us.
“Signore Rigoletto has outdone himself,” she crows. “Even some of his bespoke designs would pale in comparison to the work he has done for the royal caliphate of Hell today.”
Jasper rises from his seat, responding to the decree as you’d expect a prince to do. “We are very grateful for your speed and grace, Signore.”
The giant spider scurries over, his face smug as he looks down at all of us. “My gifts are many, young royal, and I am always happy to share them with those who have great destinies in the making.”
I frown when X bobs their brows at KK and the guy pales a bit more than usual. They seem to be having some sort of confusing wordless conversation as my roommate hunches into himself. It makes my panda unsettled, so I scoot a little closer and drape my arm around his shoulders. “That’s pretty vague yet oddly specific, man.”
“As most prophecies are, heir to the Stryker line.” Guillermo chuckles, gesturing for Jasper to head for the rack and take his bag. “But you are all quite important for many reasons, and I cannot divulge all of them. I can, however, say that your differences make you strong. Do not allow your lineage weaknesses to keep you from the roles you are destined to play.”
“Stubbornness is not a virtue,” the raccoon says as she hands the Prince his bag and points to a dressing room. “Nor is obliviousness.”
Jasper gives her a surly expression he wouldn’t dare shoot at the giant spider, then stomps to the door she indicated. Slash sighs heavily, shrugging at us, then gets up. “He does not mean to be offensive, Signore. The Prince has strong ties to his family line as you can tell.”
“Yes, he does take after his father in ways that are less than helpful,” Guillermo replies in a matter-of-fact tone. “However, I sense much diversion from the natural inclinations of his kind and his family. As his caliphate, you balance the urges quite well, I believe. Some more than others, and some less, but that is the challenge of achieving true equilibrium.”
This dude speaks in riddles and I’m ready to say something dumb, I just know it.
Before I can, KK digs around in his bag, pulling out one of my snack bars with a grin. “You seem like you need a ‘pick me up’. Want your Scooby snack, Salem?”
“Thanks, man,” I murmur as he smiles shyly. It sort of makes my chest tighten and I have to look away as I unwrap the bar. This thing with Kit is throwing me off and I have to make sure we don’t draw any attention to it until we’ve had time to explore it more. “You’re probably right; I’m fading a bit.”
“Toss those around, Kit Kat. I think we should all recharge before we call a car and head to this thing. Who knows how safe anything they serve will be?” Anton’s suggestion makes everyone but Kit and Oriel mutter in agreement and I breathe an internal sigh of relief.
“Good idea, Annie,” Kit says as he plucks each ribbon color out one by one and tosses them to X, Anton, and Zavida. “I’ll give the grump and his BFF theirs when they come out.”
“Give us what?”
We all turn to look at the growly voice behind us and within seconds, I can feel the heat traveling up KK’s body. My lips twist as I hold back a chuckle; Jasper definitely looks hot as fuck doing the bad boy rebel thing. I suddenly understand the spider’s mysterious bullshit from a minute ago as Kit pretends not to wiggle a bit next to me. He was trying to say that Kit’s the scale balancer in the group and that means this whole fake dating thing was almost prophetic.
Kit’s definitely meant for all of us and there’s something bigger than that going on.
“Why are you all staring?” the Prince growls as he tugs the collar of his shirt a little. The spider shifter sighs, obviously annoyed with the dragon futzing with his precise measurements. “It’s just dress clothes. Stop being ridiculous.”
“Jasper, you look fabulous ,” X says as they pop to their feet. “That open mandarin collar and basic black and white motif in silk is divine. Very bad boy forced to clean-up, especially with the tattoos.”
“Oh, no,” Oriel groans as he stands as well. “We’d better take our bags once Slash comes out. Xerxes is going to narrate the runway out here.”
Kit is still silent and it’s getting very hard not to laugh. The poor kid is going to be mute by the time this fashion show ends, if I’m right about what Guillermo meant when he was riddling us.
The shark in question comes out dressed in black from head to foot, buttoned up and wearing a tie compared to Jasper’s more casual, ‘rumpled on purpose’ look. It makes him look exactly like the enforcer he is and it’s perfect. “I am pleased with my garment. Thank you.”
Never one to get mushy, that’s Slash.
“Damn, man. You look dangerous as hell,” O says as he grabs his garment bag and hands X theirs, too. “I guess it’s our turn to get pretty, mmm? KK, you and the lazy bear can go last. That seems fair since you got to go first.”
“But X?—”
I cut a look to Anton, glaring. “Oh, hush. You and Zav are next. Get over it.”
Jasper rolls his eyes, looking at his second-in-command. “Slash, give this lovely assistant our information so she can forward the clothes we’re leaving with her to inter-realm mail. She will make certain our things get back to Discordia.”
“I’m not letting go of my bag or Dottie,” Kit says, finally breaking the sexy demon spell he’s been under. “You can forget it.”
“Do not worry, little demon. You don’t have to; I promise.” Slash crosses his arms over his chest, looking a shit ton like a big bad mob guy now. “I’m certain they have something appropriate for the venue you can use.”
Laurel beams as she nods. “We do. Xerxes asked while we were measuring. It’s in Kit’s bag. He can stock it all up and we will include the original in the package back to your realm.”
Whew. Dodged a bullet there.
“Then why the fuck?—”
“Shut up, Jasper,” I say as he starts to growl something shitty. His expression is priceless, as I don’t usually make waves, but I feel like I’ve been shown the ending of the play before intermission. I get why they keep smacking into one another and I know why it feels like they take one step forward, then fourteen backward.
The problem is getting our pissy Prince and the broken ex-human to realize it before they kill one another.