Quiet Burn (Discordia University #2)

Hey Good Lookin’

Kit/Kat

My gut drops to the floor when he stares at me open-mouthed with wide eyes. I knew that revealing my secret would affect things in ways I couldn’t anticipate—X’s acceptance was a gift that might not be repeated. But I also couldn’t bring myself to expose this vulnerability with anyone I didn’t trust completely yet. This situation is sort of a mish-mash between knowing I trust him and discovering on his own, but…

Letting him kiss me again, especially like we were just doing, was probably a mistake.

But then Salem closes his mouth, furrows his brow and says, “Where are your boobs?”

“Um…” The question takes me off guard for a second, as it’s not what I expected. “They’re not huge or anything and I… I had a binder I bought before I came here that got destroyed. I’m using gauze until I get a new one which isn’t really comfortable, but it keeps them in place.”

Tilting his head, the panda demon nods as if considering that. “So the bathroom weirdness is because you don’t want anyone to see.”

“Yes.”

“Hmmm.” His hand comes up to ruffle his hair as he continues to freak me out with his mini-interrogation. “How did you get into Discordia? It’s invite-only, and they should have put you in Brimstone.”

I lick my lips nervously, fighting off the anxiety to answer him. “My letter came just like I said—out of nowhere and in place of any other offers from the places I did apply. But it said Kit Camponella, not… Kat, which is what I went by. By the time I figured out that it wasn’t just a typo—that Discordia was an all-boys college—I didn’t have any other options. I wanted out of that town and away from the people there, especially the Jamesons.”

“But they didn’t hit you? Or hurt you?” Salem’s voice is soft, but not angry. Whatever he’s doing is helping him process the bomb I dropped, and I can’t ignore the fact that he isn’t reaming me out.

“No, but they made it clear I was lacking, and they hated everything about my conditions. The twins were their golden boys and I worried they would kick me to the curb all the time, but I think I was a… charity case they could crow about to their friends.” I sigh, dipping my head to look down as I shrug. “Emotional abuse doesn’t have to be violent to be damaging and people don’t have to starve you to be neglectful. It’s hard for a lot of people to understand that.”

“It was bad in past houses?”

I don’t want to talk about this, especially not here, but I owe him honesty now.

“Some houses were dangerous and being smart kept me from being the target. I did what I could to protect younger kids who were in the crosshairs in those places. That meant occasional rough times, but nothing worse than a lot of foster kids go through. The, um… incident was the worst of it and it happened when I was a freshman. Everything that damaged me before that got worse, and it started the revolving door of homes because the fosters couldn’t deal with my problems.”

His hands cover mine and I look up to a serious expression on Salem’s face. “Which broke the trust you barely had to give after that terrible thing, right?”

“Yes,” I murmur.

“Until you stopped trusting anyone at all, built up a bunch of walls, and started looking at the world as a hostile place designed to set off your emotional hair trigger at every turn.”

Well, fuck. Of all the guys, I didn’t expect this level of understanding from Salem.

“That’s what the shrinks said.” I shrug and let out a long, slow breath to calm the things jumping around inside my body and mind. “I call it survival skills, but they said shit like you. The last one would be pretty shocked to see what I’ve been doing the past couple months.”

“Why?”

“Because the last time someone touched me without express permission up there, I had to attend three days a week mandatory therapy for six months so I wouldn’t get suspended. That was sophomore year and after my ‘sentence’, they sent me packing. I had to finish up that school year from a group home.”

“That will never happen again.”

I blink, unsure what he means, and I have to tear my eyes away from my roommate’s to steady myself. “What—what do you mean by that? You don’t have… therapists… down there.”

His laugh is low and husky, making me bristle as the anxiety rises to an unignorable level. Salem lets go of my hands, then tips my chin up to look at me again. “Kit Kat, I promise you, if someone so much as breathes on you without your say-so, the line to shred the motherfucker will start with me and end with a painful death by shark consumption.”

Oh.

“R-Really? I mean, I lied. I am lying. To everyone, including you.” The intensity of his gaze is making me squirm, but I can’t force myself to look away. “You’re all going to hate me. You probably hate me. And now that ceremony thing has you stuck with me unless you tell the dickhead Headmaster and he’ll… I don’t know what he’ll do, but it’ll probably suck.”

Salem shakes his head slowly as he makes a tsking sound. “That’s the anxiety talking. Try again.”

“What? You guys were stuck with me by Darkstar, then had to pretend to date me to protect me, and even induct me. It’s a lot of bullshit for someone who was definitely deceiving you and also let you?—”

“Let me what?”

My voice is barely a whoosh of breath as I say, “Kiss me.”

“Did I seem like I’d been coerced to do that, KK?” The heat from his proximity makes me flush and I have no idea how to discuss this, much less do it with Salem inches from my face when I just want to crawl into a hole and hide. “I mean, demons are pretty fluid in terms of who they fuck, but ask yourself this… has anyone mentioned me dating guys before?”

I blink, thinking about it for a moment. Jasper and Slash had rich girls fawning over them at the dance, but they didn’t seem very interested in the rest of the guys. It made me mad at the time, but I thought they ignored Annie and X for a different, more irritating reason than just bitchiness. However, if they were known to only date one another, that makes more sense. I figured Zavida was getting the same treatment for being Jasper’s pet. But dissing Oriel and Salem was very odd to me because they weren’t known for preferring guys.

It was really fucking odd; he’s right.

“I see the wheels turning, KK, but you’re not there yet.” Salem grins and my chest aches with how handsome he is when he does that. “Neither Oriel nor I are known for dabbling around period, much less with guys. We get ignored because I’m snoozy and he’s… Oriel. I’m not saying either of us is inexperienced, per se, but we’re also not, you know, fuck bois.”

Frowning, I try to comprehend what he’s telling me. “You’re saying that you and O aren’t virgins, but you don’t see men? Is that it?”

His finger taps my nose. “On the spot, dumpling. But you came along and stormed the fucking gates like a warrior. You fought Jasper, took care of us, joined in on our activities, and despite all the obstacles thrown at you, never once stopped getting up from the shit knocking you down. So yeah, the more time I spent with you, the more fond of you I got—especially because you’re so spunky yet ridiculously awkward and cute.”

“What does that mean, Salem? You know I do better with… direct words.”

“It means….” His hands come up to cup my face as he grins broadly at me. “…that I don’t give a shit if you reach down and unzip your Kit Kat suit to reveal a fucking alien… I like you.”

Holy hell and hand grenades, what do I do now?

Apparently, I vomit words because my mouth opens and I blurt, “Xerxes knows. They… They figured it out after the infirmary. Um… they just thought I was maybe pre-transition? I didn’t mean for that to be what someone would think, of course, and I would never?—”

“Shhh, Kit Kat. I’m well aware you’re just playing like that human movie with the soccer girl.” I blink at him in surprise and Salem actually blushes. “You got us all hooked on human movies and when I can’t sleep at night because of a big nap, I watch the pirated stuff on my laptop in my room. Zav fixed it for me.”

My eyes narrow at him. “Pirating is bad, Salem Stryker. I know it doesn’t seem like a bad thing when it hurts big corporations, but the attitude that it’s okay makes people do it to smaller creators who depend on their art forms to support their famil?—”

“Kit Kat, have I mentioned that it’s weirdly hot when you’re lecturing us about shit like that as if we’re not demons?”

I know I have to look like a fucking tomato when his words make me realize who I’ve been moralizing to for months. It never crossed my mind until he said that and I feel pretty fucking dumb. In fact, I’d like to crawl in a hole deep enough to reach the damn center of the Earth, if possible. “I… I mean, I’m not wrong!”

Salem chuckles. “You aren’t, but it’s cute as fuck that you never once thought about being in Hell and giving mini-sermons on morals.”

I wrinkle my nose, swatting his shoulder as I frown. “Stop teasing me and being so nice. I’m scolding you and I’m the one who lied. How did we get here?”

The panda tugs me into his arms, hugging me close to his chest and yet again, my alarms don’t trip. We stay like that for a moment, the quiet providing a calming effect until he finally says, “X is probably the best person to find out first. They can help you with a lot of things you’ll need to keep up the charade in public. I don’t mind that; X and Anton were cool when we had the animalpalooza the other day. I like that having us all there like that made you so comfy that you napped.”

Fear and worry seem to melt away at his words, and I murmur softly, “I want to tell the rest, but I have to do it on my terms unless they figure it out. Admitting that to you took a lot, and it didn’t send me over the edge because I… trust you. I knew you wouldn’t lash out in bad ways even if you were furious with me.”

“KK, none of them would ever do something like that to you.”

“You know it doesn’t work like that for me. My stupid trauma makes giving people the ability to hurt me almost impossible. I work hard on getting better, but I need the trust to be able to be vulnerable. Otherwise, my PTSD and my anxiety take over; you don’t want that to be my constant state, I promise.”

Pulling back, he looks at me with an unsure expression. “So you want me to keep my muzzle shut? Did X agree to that?”

I nod, feeling bad despite knowing it has to be this way. “Yeah. They said Anton won’t be mad, and I protested but they were sure. I just… I can’t have someone lose their shit and report me, Salem. I don’t want to go home and you know I won’t survive over at Mean Girl Academy. I’ll either have a breakdown or strangle someone—there’s not a lot in between, and I don’t look good in orange.”

Laughing softly, Salem brushes my hair away from my eyes. “Everything about that statement is intriguing, even the thought of you strangling one of those snooty witches. But I’ll play your game your way until I can’t, okay?”

“Thanks,” I murmur, relieved beyond measure. “I really appreciate it.”

“With one caveat?”

Squinting at him, I ask, “What’s that?”

“Can we revisit that ‘yes, chef’ thing someday?”

The look in his eyes tells me I should say ‘no’ but I’m feeling grateful and a tiny bit excited.“Only in the kitchen.”

And now he looks like he’s going to fucking combust—guess that was the right answer.