38. Kennedy
38
KENNEDY
I n the aftermath of the blow-up with Cade, I’ve been crafting a solid plan for my future. Staying at my parents’ place doesn’t thrill me, but I need to save every penny I can. When I first barged in with my bags, Dad was already off on his two-week fishing trip with the next-door neighbor, so we haven’t had the big chat yet.
It’s odd being back in my childhood room. The posters I put up in high school are still on my wall. There’s a bulletin board with photos of me and my friends: prom, graduation, and all my happy memories. The bright, promising years when the world felt wide open and anything was possible. Before a streak of dumb decisions clouded my perspective. I hug my stuffed animals, giving extra love to Mr. Knister, the black pup with two floppy ears, a huge nose, and a permanent goofy expression, then tuck a few of them away.
As I tidy up, I notice two Polaroids peeking out from behind the dresser, half-hidden beneath a pile of clothes.
One is of me, Aunt Bertha, and puppy Hansi, all smiles and joy. Even Hansi seems to be grinning cheek to cheek. In the photo, we’re sitting on the big yellow porch swing. Aunt Bertha is in a green summer dress and has her arm around my shoulder, while I cradle little Hansi in my lap, both of us covered in flour with bits of cookie dough stuck to our cheeks. How wonderful the smell was that wafted from the kitchen! Mouthwatering! I have never forgotten it. My heart aches, seeing how young and happy we look.
The other one is a picture of us . We’re face-to-face and hugging in front of a rustic cabin in the woods. We’d made a secret trip on his bike to Emery Pines to stay at that place that one of his buddies owns. In shaky handwriting (due to the injury sustained while rescuing Hansi), he’d scrawled across the bottom, “Together forever.”
It was the moment he finally confessed his love for me. It was the first time he ever said “I love you.”
I snatch up the Polaroid and tuck it away in the bottom dresser drawer beneath the clutter.
Together forever, sure .
Other than finding “surprise memories,” I enjoy having the space to clear my head and get used to the idea of staying at my parents’ for a while longer.
It’s something I know I need to discuss with Harper. Very soon. Like, now. I lie back on my bed, phone in one hand, a jar of Mom’s cookies in the other.
The phone only rings once before she answers.
“How much sugar will I need for this?” she asks before I even get a chance to say hello.
“Get ready to empty the entire sugar aisle.”
“Oh-oh.” There’s some shuffling. “I’ve got my chocolate stash at the ready. What’s up?”
“Well, for starters…” I know I need to get it out quickly before I lose my nerve. “I’m moving out.”
“What? No! No, Kennedy. You can’t!”
“I’ve decided to move back in with my parents.”
“Seriously, K? Choosing your folks over me? Ouch, that stings!”
“It’s not like I’d rather live with them. Obviously, living with you is way better.”
“I’ll learn to be real quiet when I’m getting home after a late shift. We can learn together.”
I start to tear up, hearing proof of just how much Harper cares for me, and how far she would go to help me. I feel foolish for being such a hot mess all the time.
“I know it would be great to have you around to help me through this. But I’ve got a plan.”
I proceed to tell Harper all about it.
If I learned anything from my most recent experience with Cade, it’s that it really is time for me to start being bold enough to chase my dreams. I tell Harper how I’m going to work my ass off to get into law school, and then become a great student and graduate with flying colors.
“Fucking finally ,” she mutters dryly, punctuated by the unmistakable sound of her biting into her cashew crunch bar (I know that sound all too well.)
I also know that under other circumstances she’d squeal and laugh and celebrate, but we’re both too down. “Without a job, I won’t have the money for rent. And honestly, trying to juggle job hunting, then a full-time position, bills, and studying all at once? I’d rather wrestle a bear.”
I open Mom’s cookie jar.
“How will you afford tuition, then?” she asks.
“I’ve got a bit saved up. Mom said she could loan me the rest from Aunt Bertha’s inheritance. I’ll make it work. I already started my applications. I even signed up to take the LSAT.”
“Damn, girl, you weren’t kidding when you said you had a plan. You know, I’m sad you’re moving out.”
“I know,” I whisper. “I’m sad too.”
“But I’m happy for you. And proud of you.”
“Thank you. I promise I’ll help you find another roommate and pay rent until you do. I won’t leave you hanging.” I bite into one of the big pistachio and cardamom cookies.
“You save all that money for school,” she says. “A girl at work was just talking about looking for a place the other day. I’ll hit her up. If she’s not into yoga, at least she better know how to whip up a mean pizza. We’ve got priorities, you know?”
“Yoga and pizza are non-negotiables.”
“Exactly. If she can’t downward dog her way to a perfect crust, is she even living?”
It’s strange to think of not living with Harper anymore. It’s the end of an era, and one of the best ones of my life, too.
“I never could have survived round two with him without you,” I tell her, shoveling the rest of the cookie into my mouth. I can’t even say his name.
She’s quiet for a moment, like she knows something that I don’t.
“What?” I ask, once I swallow the cookie.
“He came by a couple of days after you moved out.”
My stomach sinks. “He’s been blowing up my phone too. I’m not going down that road again. Especially when I feel like I’m thinking straight for the first time in years.”
“I don’t think you wanna hear this, but… damn, girl. Lawzilla? Even hotter in person. I mean, I nearly dropped dead when I opened the door. No wonder you’ve been acting cray-cray!” She pauses for effect. “So, you’re really done with him?”
I flop onto a pillow, staring at the ceiling. “I sure hope so.”
“Hope so?”
“Uh-huh.” I can’t honestly say I don’t miss him. And Harper knows it.
“You know,” she says, “I’ll always say you’re better off without a man. Not everything is about sex! Right?”