Quitting the Quarterback (The Nash Brothers #4)

CHAPTER 25 Cassie Fields

Going Deep

Friday is much the same, and this is my weekend with the kids, but I’m going to have to miss time with them to tend to the cranky football star on both Saturday and Sunday.

This wasn’t what I signed up for when I got a job that allowed me to work during school hours.

I’m not happy about it, but I’m thankful for my supportive and helpful parents who live close by. They agreed to come over in the morning so the kids can lay around the house in their pajamas, and my mom even said she’d make Mickey Mouse waffles for the kids.

Luca pretends like he’s too old for them, but he secretly loves them.

I haven’t told my parents anything specific about this patient. They both like football but prefer baseball, and that’s how I was raised, too.

But they’re proud of me for rebuilding my life post-divorce, and I know they want to do what they can to help me out when I need it. My mom also knows that I’m incredibly hesitant to call Alex for help. I’m hesitant to call anybody for help. I’ve always been that way. But my ex-husband falls somewhere near the bottom of my list when the time comes that I do need to ask.

Bedtime rolls around, and I tuck Lily in with our normal bedtime routine that includes four different versions of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” But as I stand to leave, she starts to cry.

“Mama, don’t go!” she wails.

“Honey, I have to get Lukey down to sleep,” I say, using his nickname as I stand by her door, ready to walk out.

“I don’t ever want you to leave. I want to be with you all the time.” She’s sobbing, and I walk back over to her and sit on the side of the bed.

I get it. She’s having attachment issues. Of course she is. I can’t really blame her since first her parents got divorced, and then she was sent off to school full time. It’s a lot of big changes for a little one, and I know I need to do my best to be understanding and patient as I help her the best way I know how.

But I’m coming up empty. I need to get her down, then I need to get Luca down, and finally, I need to get myself down. It’s our routine.

I can’t just leave when she’s so upset, though. She probably already feels like I’ve abandoned her since she just started kindergarten, and I push her off to her dad’s every other weekend.

I sing her another song. It’s not enough.

“How about this,” I say, moving straight into the bargaining phase. “Let me go get Luca down, and then I’ll come back in and check on you. While I’m gone, you try your very hardest to fall asleep. Okay?”

She sniffles and nods, and I kiss her forehead and leave. I get Luca down, and then I head back into Lily’s room.

She’s still wide awake .

It’s going to be a hell of a long night.

My parents arrive a little before nine on Saturday morning, and I head over to Tanner’s place after a tearful goodbye with Lily. Miller’s already out the door by the time I arrive, and Tanner opens the door to me as I fret over what sort of mood I’ll find him in today. I’m not sure I have the patience for cranky Tanner after the shit night of sleep I had.

His beard is starting to grow in, and his hair is a mess. He still looks like he hasn’t slept in a while, but I think I see a tiny bit of life back in those eyes.

“I iced a half hour earlier today,” he grunts.

“Great. Let’s go for a walk,” I suggest. “Go get your shoes.”

“A walk?” he asks. “Don’t I need to rest it?”

“We can move slow, and I want you to use crutches, but I think a little fresh air would do you some good.” I nod toward the hallway. “Shoes. Go.”

He flattens his lips for a beat before he moves slowly to respond to my request, and I head into the family room to set down my bag while I wait. He returns a minute later, and I draw in a deep breath as I remind myself that this is a patient. I can’t be thinking the thoughts I’m thinking.

I can’t let the memories of that night plow into me unexpectedly.

I can’t remember his strong hands as they moved along my body.

I can’t think about how he made me feel more valued and cherished in one night than my ex did in eighteen years.

I can’t think about how hot he is every time he walks into a room.

And I certainly can’t stare into his blue eyes and hope for a repeat of that night.

“Let’s go,” I say .

He nods, and he grabs the set of crutches leaning up by the door as he flips on some sunglasses. We head out front, and he taps a button to lock the door.

We’re quiet as we make our way along the sidewalk. I watch his gait as he moves, and I think he’d probably be okay without the crutches. One of his goals before surgery is to restore his normal walking, but we’re only six days out, and I’m being cautious with him.

He’s quiet for the first minute or two, and then he glances in my direction and says, “I hate silence. Tell me about your kids or something.”

“My kids?” I repeat. And then I shrug. We’re going to be spending a lot of time together, so I guess I can talk about my kids since it’s one of those subjects I could talk about for hours. “Luca’s seven. He loves baseball. Lily’s five, and she just started kindergarten. She’s really into gymnastics.”

“Luca and Lily,” he repeats, and hearing their names out of his mouth feels oddly personal. “We’ll get him on the right path, don’t worry.”

My brows quirk at his words.

“Baseball? Pfft.”

I laugh. “He’s the one who convinced me to go to the training camp thing, so I don’t think we’re too far off. But the idea of him playing football scares me.”

“It scares you? Why?”

I gesture toward his knee. “It’s a contact sport. I’m nervous he’ll get hurt.”

“He could get hurt walking to the bus stop, Cass. Hell, this is a noncontact injury,” he says, nodding down toward his knee. “Is that really a reason to keep him from playing?”

I sigh. “No, it’s not. And I wouldn’t stop him if it’s what he wanted. But I’m a mom. It’s my job to worry.”

“Yeah. My mom is a worrier, too. ”

“Is she close?” I ask absently.

“No. She’s in Arizona.” He’s clipped in his answer, and I vividly remember him mentioning some family issues he’s been going through when we spoke the other night.

“Have you spoken to her much since you moved here?” I ask.

“She texts me almost daily. I reply almost weekly,” he admits.

“Tanner,” I admonish.

“She lied to my brother and me our entire lives. I need a little time to get past that.”

I’m about to say something snide about how it runs in the family when I stop myself.

He’s right. He really didn’t lie to me. He didn’t correct me, either, but he didn’t realize I mistook him for someone else that night. Maybe it’s time for me to bury that in the past.

“So how’d you find out about your mom’s lies?” I ask instead.

He smirks at me, and it’s hot as hell even though I can’t see his eyes. “Going deep already, huh?” he asks, and then he twists his lips. “I suppose turnabout is only fair.”

I choke on something in the back of my throat. Yeah, he went deep all right…

I clear out the blocked passage, and he chuckles.

“Do you know who Asher is?” he asks.

I nod. “Well, I mean…I do now. I looked up the Nash brothers when I found out you weren’t Grayson, and I had no idea who you actually were.”

He clears his throat. “I’m sorry about that, Cass. It must have felt like a huge betrayal to leave that night only to realize I wasn’t who you thought I was.”

“It did,” I admit. “It hurt. It made me not want to do that one-night stand thing again.”

“Good,” he mutters, and I let that go .

“So…yes. I do know who Asher is. Now,” I say.

“He found out his girlfriend was pregnant. He called his dad to tell him and, I don’t know, ask for advice or whatever. His dad told him to do what he does with the twins, which was to say he sent our mom a check every month to keep her mouth shut about who our father truly was. And she did.”

I gasp a little at that. “Oh my God. Then what?”

“Asher called his brothers and told them what he’d learned, and they all flew to Arizona to find us and tell us the truth.”

“Are you close with the Nash brothers?” I ask.

“Yeah. I mean, sort of. We’re getting there. Spencer is on the Storm, so Miller and I are closest to him just because we see him every day. Or I did, anyway, until this happened.” He nods down to his knee. “And I guess if you have to go through something like this, it doesn’t hurt to have a twin brother who can be there with you every step of the way.” He stares straight ahead while he talks.

“What about your biological dad? Have you talked to him?”

“Not really. Sort of. We’ve been in the same room. We’ve met. That’s about the extent of it. We didn’t ask why. We haven’t had the deep discussions, and I’m not sure we need to. He had an entire other family with four boys, and he didn’t want to fuck up what he had with his indiscretions.” He shrugs.

“But he’s your father. Doesn’t that mean something?” I ask.

“I don’t know if it does, to be honest. He made it clear he didn’t want the world to know about us. We went nearly thirty years not knowing, and I’m not sure what the hell good it does knowing now.”

“I mean, from a health standpoint, since I’m in the medical field, it’s important to know about your family history to be proactive in your own healthcare,” I point out .

“I guess.” He sighs. “Everything I know about the man is that he’s a greedy, selfish son of a bitch. Just because we know now, it doesn’t change anything.”

“Does your brother feel the same way?”

He nods. “We’ve spoken at length about it. It was always just the two of us, and then out of the blue, we come to find out that there are four more. It’s just…weird.”

“But at least you don’t have to go through it alone.”

“How’d we end up talking about this shit when I started by asking about your kids?” he asks.

I laugh. “No idea. The progression of conversation, I guess. So you’re thirty?”

“Twenty-nine.”

“God, you’re young,” I murmur, the words slipping out without much thought going into them.

“How old are you?”

“You’re not supposed to ask a lady her age,” I scold, but then I laugh. “I’m thirty-six.”

His brows rise. “So you’re a cougar?”

“Tanner!” I say, smacking him in the shoulder, and he laughs.

“Hottest cougar I’ve ever been with,” he mutters, pushing the joke a little further.

“I’m not a cougar. I’ve been with exactly two people in my life, and you were the second.” I slap a hand over my mouth as soon as the words are out. What the hell is with my malfunctioning filter today?

He stops walking, therapy be damned, and he faces me. “I was your second ?” he repeats. I wish I could see his eyes, but they’re hidden behind those sunglasses.

My cheeks burn with embarrassment, and I avert my eyes to the ground. “I met my ex-husband when I was young, and he was my first—and only—for eighteen years. I was not his first—nor only—during that time.”

“Jesus, Cass,” he says, and he reaches over and grabs my hand—an interesting feat as he leans on his crutches. “I’m sorry. And then you ended up with me and didn’t even know who I was. Fuck, I feel like such an asshole.”

I know I need to push him back to walking, but I can’t seem to force myself when I need to know the answer to one thing. “Why me?”

His brows quirk. “Huh?”

“What was it about me that made you take me back to your hotel when you could’ve had any woman you wanted in that bar that night? I’m just a mom. A former PTO board member who took back her career in physical therapy after a divorce.”

“You’re more than that. And I wish I knew the answer to that.” He tugs on the ends of his hair with a bit of frustration. “It’s not as simple as how gorgeous you are. I don’t know. You’re not a football fan. Hell, you had no clue who I was, which I know now. I’ve said it before, but you were genuine. You were easy to talk to. The last few women I’ve been with…” He trails off.

“The last few women?” I prompt, bracing myself to hear some hard words.

“They didn’t have much going on. That’s all.”

“Let’s keep walking,” I say gently, and he listens. “Were any of them serious?”

“No. I don’t really do serious. At least not anymore.” He’s staring straight ahead again, and somehow that’s easier than having him looking at me. Even behind sunglasses, his gaze seems to pin me to my place.

“Why not?” I ask. We get to the end of the block, and we turn around and start heading back to his house .

“I was with someone I thought I was going to marry, and she broke my heart.”

“Oh,” I say softly, and I want to reach over and ruffle my fingers through his hair, but I refrain. “I’m so sorry. Can I ask what happened?”

“Eventually I caught onto the fact that she was only with me because of what I do, not because of who I was.” He presses his lips together as if it’s painful to talk about it.

“How long ago was that?”

“We ended things three years ago,” he says. “It’s dead and buried, but she broke my trust in women, so I decided I wasn’t going to give another woman that sort of power again.”

We’re both quiet after those words, but the walk is coming to an end anyway. We head up the driveway and to the front door, and he taps in the keycode.

My phone starts to ring, and I glance at the screen to see Lily is FaceTiming me from her iPad.

“Sorry,” I say, and I slip my phone back into my pocket with a heavy dose of guilt along with a bit of irritation that my mother let her call me on the iPad when she knows I’m working.

“Go ahead and answer,” he says as he leans his crutches on the wall by the door. “I know I took you away from your family on a weekend, and I’m sorry about that.”

My chest tightens a little at his words. “Are you sure?”

He nods, and I pick up the call as he heads toward the family room to give me privacy.

I see my baby girl’s face fill the screen as I answer, and she’s definitely crying…and wearing green eye shadow that I didn’t approve before I left the house this morning.

“Hey, Lilypad. What’s going on?” I ask, ignoring the makeup.

“Mama, I miss you.” Her little voice shakes as she says the words through her tears .

“I’ll be home in a few hours, baby girl. What did Grams make you and Lukey for breakfast?”

“Mickey waffles,” she sniffles.

I give her my most serious look. “Were they the magical ones?”

Her little brows crash together. “I don’t know. She made a bow on mine and said it was Minnie, but it still looked like Mickey to me.”

I hear a bark of laughter coming from the next room.

“When are you coming home, Mama?”

“A couple hours, baby. Have fun with Grams and Gramps, ‘kay? Ask Grams for a Fruit by the Foot.” I suggest it because I know that’ll keep her occupied for at least twenty minutes—and also because I know her grandmother can’t say no to her.

“’Kay. Where are you?”

“I’m working with a patient to help make his knee better.”

“You look like you’re at a house,” she says.

I nod. “He’s a very important patient, and he’s so hurt that I had to come to his house to help him get better.”

“You’re good at making boo-boos feel better. Make sure you give it a kiss because that always makes my boo-boos better.” She pauses, and her eyes light up. “Oh! Can I come with you one time?”

“I don’t think so, honey.”

She frowns with disappointment, and then I hear my mom in the background. “Lily? Where are you?”

Of course. My mother doesn’t even know where Lily is. That’s comforting.

“You better go see what Grams wants,” I say, and I make a silly face at her.

“Okay, Mama. Love you!” She ends the call before I can say it back. I slide my phone back into my pocket and head back to my patient in the family room.